A New School Year Begins

Children are mentioned in this post; I feel I've been slack about noting that. So I'm going to try to be more diligent about mentioning it.

School started yesterday for the 2011–12 year. I'll be honest, I've rarely paid attention to the new school year starting. I mean seriously, when would an infertile take time to focus on an activity/event that is specifically for or about children? Once in awhile, I'd go shopping with my girlfriend's daughter for new school clothes. But other than that, I've largely ignored school schedules, bussing information, registration, dates, etc. However, all that has changed.

My stepdaughter, LaGrande, moved in with her dad and me over the summer. She is in her senior year of high school and she changed schools (and school boards) for her final year. This was at her impetus; her dad and I made sure she was aware that she could stay at her old school if she wanted to. She was anxious and excited about a new start and I hope she makes the most of the opportunity. Both her dad and I (and her mom too) are trying to give her what she needs to move forward and do great things with her life. Now if I could just get her to tidy her room!

Another great thing: she's been looking for a job over the summer and yesterday, a local party store called to speak to her about a possibility. She hopes to connect with them today. I am keeping my fingers crossed for her. Think good thoughts for her please!

Because of Hubby's current schedule (he works 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. every day) I fear I'm not going to be able to rejoin the church choir this fall. I wish I could. LaGrande offered to babysit on Thursday evenings while I'm at choir, but that means I'd be taking her away from her studies. And frankly, in her senior year, I want to give her the absolute BEST chance at getting good marks. So I don't want to take advantage of her like that or put her in a tough position right off the bat. If perchance it works out that Thursday evenings she's a little more free, then I may take her up on it. But for now, I fear I'm going to have to keep to the strict routine I have going for myself and Petite so we can make this work for everyone and help LaGrande get great marks too. As well, with some luck, she will have a job for the fall and winter, I need to give her time and space to apply herself to that responsibility and learn to earn her way in life. So it was with regret that I sent an e-mail to the choir director and apologized profusely for not being able to attend at the moment. I will miss it; I really enjoyed it very much. I'm not giving it up entirely as I hope to join along later in the year. But for now, it just won't work. Maybe Hubby's schedule will change later on and that might let me attend. To be continued, I'm sure.

Petite returned to daycare yesterday after it was closed for vacation last week. This week, a new little girl has joined the daycare. Things are changing there and the coming months will see Petite losing a friend or two at daycare and gaining two more. You see, here's who the daycare provider had last year:

All Day

1. Petite (1 year)


2. N (boy; 2 years)


3. O (boy; 3 years)


4. K (boy; 4 years... daycare provider's son who went to school for half a day)

Before and After School

1. R (girl; 6 years)


2. C (boy; 8 years and R's brother)


3. N (boy: 7 years, daycare provider's middle son)


4. M (boy; 11 years, daycare provider's oldest son)

So Petite had three little boys around her all day long. This summer, O was switched to another daycare that had hours which coincide with the school he'll be attending. Now, in the fall, the youngest boy, N, is going to change providers too as he's almost three and able to go to some structured classes at the private school where he'll be going. And K, the daycare provider's youngest son is now in school full time. Poor Petite is going to be all alone!

But over the summer, two more little girls joined the flock! M started at the daycare yesterday; she's about 20 months so very close in age to Petite. Petite already wanted to share her sleep stuffie Pooh Bear with M at nap time yesterday. I expect they'll be close as they get to know each other better. And in about a month's time, another little girl, A, will join the crew. She's only one year old though... so Petite goes from being the youngest to the oldest in one fell swoop! I trust she will be good and caring with the smaller ones. She shows so much concern for others and is genuinely touched by their emotions. It's sweet.

A HUGE development yesterday:
Petite did Number 2 in the toilet! She went with LaGrande to go to the potty when prompted (she's still in diapers, but learning how to read the cues and express her needs) and when she sat down, she said, "Poo poo" and she held LaGrande's hand and did a poop in the toilet! I was so happy for her! She knows she gets smarties when uses the toilet and I obliged quite happily. I gave her a huge hug, picked her up and hugged her tight, kissing her. I told her, "We're going to have to go shopping for panties soon!" She repeated with a grin, "Panties!" and clapped her hands. My gosh. I can't believe it. I,m so thrilled that she's getting it! Good for her!

Halloween is fast approaching. Petite has already expressed a desire to be either a ghost or a monkey. Both of which she can certainly do well, as her "Boo" and "Ee ee, ooooh, ooooh" are perfected. I mentioned it to my sister and bless her, she found a great monkey costume for a wonderful price and picked it up for us! YAY! A monkey it is! When I get the costume, I'll dress Petite in it and have her practice! It should be cute! We'll have to visit some friends and certainly the daycare. We'll pop around to a few houses too. I love to decorate for Halloween. It's been hard though; we live on a dead-end street (a cul-de-sac). And many people around us are older or retired and they don't celebrate. So we've had NO kids visit our house for Halloween in recent years. It just isn't a good area for Trick-or-Treating. But we have Petite now. So even if no one comes to our house, we'll have to make a point of decorating anyway and we'll make sure she gets to go Trick-or-Treating. I remember enjoying Halloween so much as a child. I want to make it special for her too.

The weather is changing. We're thinking about closing our pool. Our windows get closed at night these days. I've had to wear a light jacket to work in the mornings. I'm rummaging for shoes that are not sandals! And the provincial election is on the horizon. More about that to come. I saw the first signs posted in my neighborhood on the way to work this morning. I'll muse on the election in the coming days and the hopes that I have for the radio contest mentioned in the last post, as I expect the topic of infertility to be raised this time around.

I hope everyone out in Blogland has had a good summer. Mine was tough and not that great. But we move on and we get ready for fall activities and events and the coming hibernation of winter. May it bring better things for everyone. Love to all.

Funding IVF in Ontario; The Time is Now

It was with pleasure that I read Loribeth's post the other day. She discussed Canada's Governor General, Mr. David Johnston, in her post "Hey, the GG has a clue!" and referenced an article that recently appeared in the Star. In his first official visit to Queen's Park, our GG urged Ontario to act on adoption and infertility, "imploring MPPs to make it easier for women to get pregnant and for families to adopt children."

In 2008, Dalton McGuinty's Liberals asked Mr. Johnston to head up the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. For those who may not know, I was one of the hundreds of people interviewed by the panel. I told my story, in detail. At the time, I was about 10 weeks pregnant after our only IVF cycle at McGill in Montreal. And yes, I told them that the reason I chose to go to Montreal and not the Ottawa Fertility Centre, was, at that time, mainly financial.

The panel's report is Raising Expectations, and among its recommendations are the following:

Adoption

• Create a provincial adoption agency.
• Develop tools to manage the adoption system.
• Provide adequate funding that supports the realities of adoption.

Assisted Reproduction

• All Ontarians should know how to protect their fertility. (discusses education, counselling, fertility testing and monitoring)
• Assisted reproduction services should be safe and meet the highest, evidence-based standards. (discusses accreditation, multiple births, safety, timeliness)
• Ontario cannot afford not to fund assisted reproduction (discusses what should be funded, including fertility medication and counselling)
• Ontarians who could benefit should have access to assisted reproduction services. (discusses work life, geographic access, legal and social barriers, fertility preservation, and HIV discordant couples)

And it recommends that there is a need to raise awareness about family building options in Ontario.

(Read the executive summary. // Read the full report [index]).

As the head of that Expert Panel, it is David Johnston's signature on the documentation submitted to the Ontario Health Minister, Deb Matthews, for further review... and hopefully, action. However, as of yet, we've seen none.

In the 15 months since that report was submitted, there's been very little in the media, in the way of discussion, and certainly, there's been even less action. As Loribeth said, David Johnston's discussion at Queen's Park "is a welcome reminder and endorsement from a high-profile Canadian."

A few months ago, in the Ottawa Citizen, there was an article entitled "High Cost of IVF stalls funding in Ontario." It cited Ontario's Health Minister, Deb Matthews, in that article as the person making that statement. In response, I wrote to Minister Matthews. Yet again, I told my story. I reminded her that without the finances behind us, I would be in the position of never having a child and never being able to carry on my family's name. Never giving my parents a grandchild to love and hold and dote upon. And I urged her to move forward with the recommendations.

I actually got a letter back from Ms. Matthews last week. In it, she thanked me kindly for contacting her. She congratulated me on the birth of Petite. But the majority of her letter focused on the fact that much study and review still needs to be done.

You know something? The studies have been done. Governments at various levels have already put a ton of money into ensuring that studies were done, and done correctly, and that due consideration was given to their recommendations. Those recommendations have now been put forth and let me be clear: they are unanimous.

FUND ASSISTED REPRODUCTION.

MAKE ADOPTION EASIER.

There's always going to be a desire to do 'more studies' and 'more reflection'. That's the nature of the beast with such a complex decision. However, while the recommendations of the Expert Panel languish on some bureaucrat's desk, people like me are desperately searching for ways to fund their family-building methods, or frantically trying to find their way around the adoption-go-round.

It's long past time that our government helped us. It's long past time to change the fact that residents of other provinces get preferential treatment and access to help not afforded to the province that I choose to live in. (Make no mistake, it is a choice that can be revoked.)

This year, Quebec saw the light and now funds up to three cycles of IVF treatments. I hear that the increase in clients at McGill is exponential. I expect to be met with a sea of faces when I go back next week to talk to our doctor about trying to have a second child. In addition to Quebec's decision, Manitoba took action as well. That province stepped up, offering maximum amount for those undergoing treatments.

So do I need to move to another province to get treatment? Do people in one or two provinces merit assistance and none of the rest of us do? Right across the river from where I live is Gatineau. It's in Quebec. Do I need to move less than five kilometres in order to have my next IVF funded? Believe me, Gatineau is very close to my home. I can, literally, see the province of Quebec from my doorstep. I've seriously considered making that move.

In 2009 (on the day Petite was born in fact, August 27, 2009), Premier Dalton McGuinty said that he believes the Ontario government should be in the baby-making business. Understandably, he indicated that there must be consideration for assistance, and that maybe the government would first have to move on low-cost recommendations or phase in changes over time. At that time, NDP Leader, Andrea Horwatch urged the government to implement the Expert Panel's recommendations, reminding us that "Infertility is often an embarrassing and painful issue for thousands of women, while adoption is costly and takes years to go through the process. We need bold action from the McGuinty government to help these women and families across Ontario become parents."

And then, a couple of days ago, the whole issue was brought to the forefront again. A federal Liberal candidate, Mr. David Bertschi, knocked on my door. When he did, Hubby answered. Hubby said, "I have no questions, but I'm sure my wife has something to ask you." I picked up Petite, carried her to the front door, and said to him, "Do you see this little girl?" He nodded and smiled at her (seriously, she's so cute, how could he not?). I stated, "She is the direct result of six years of infertility treatments, more than $30,000 and one IVF cycle that gave us a miracle. While I was pregnant, I was part of the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. The recommendations have been presented to the government. It's time to act. And I really don't think I should have to take out a second mortgage to do it." We chatted for a few moments, and I gave him the address to this blog.

Let's hope Mr. Bertschi sees this blog. Let's hope he sees and maybe gets to meet some of you, my sisters and brothers in infertility, who fight alongside me day after day, year after year, hoping that things will change. We want change for us, yes. That's true. But also for the many that come behind us.

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not waiting around for any government to help me. If I wait for someone in Queen's Park to make a move on this, I'll be well over the age limit by the time they get around to me. And if that's the way that governments assist their constituents, we certainly have a long way to go.