Tomorrow is Pancake Day!

Pancake Day is tomorrow. I cannot wait!




It's the Tuesday before the beginning of Lent in the Christian calendar, and while people give up many things for Lent, many would have pancakes the day before Ash Wednesday in order to use up things like butter, eggs and sugar before those things were banned from their diet for Lent. For those who may be interested, Pancake Day is Shrove Tuesday in the calendar, and it is also known as Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday).

In the tradition of my home province (and nowhere else apparently!), I'll be doing pancakes and putting the variety of trinkets inside them for us to find. Hubby is working, but I invited my girlfriend K and her daughter K to join Petite and me for our Pancake Day Tradition.

So I'll do up a batter from scratch, and while the pancakes are on the stove, I'll put in the money, a ring, maybe a thimble, a button and maybe a bit of string. We'll see.

I usually leave out the more morbid and dangerous items, like the nail or a sewing needle. Traditionally, the pancakes in days of yore would have
-- a penny, to symbolize poverty
-- a nickel, to symbolize wealth
-- a string, to symbolize a fisherman (if a boy got the string, he would be a fisherman, if a girl did, she would marry one)
-- a wedding ring, to symbolize that you would marry soon
-- a button, to symbolize that you would never marry
-- a nail or a sewing needle to symbolize that you would soon pass away
-- a thimble, to symbolize that you would be a seamstress (a girl) or a tailor (a boy)

I'm really looking forward to my pancakes tomorrow night. YUM! If you're having pancakes, tell me. I'd love to know who else eats pancakes on Pancake Day.




What I'm not looking forward to is having my blood drawn.

Today is CD1 and after a consultation last week at the Ottawa Fertility Centre, I'm having baseline blood work done and a baseline ultrasound done to check antral follicle count. I'm not sure yet how I feel about this; time will tell and we'll figure out if we move forward or not. For the moment, we're just checking the data and info and we'll see where that leads us.

So why the hell am I so nervous?!

Did you know...

Well colour me shocked!

I was surprised yesterday when we went to the doctor's office for Petite's 15-month innoculations. She got two shots. One was the standard MMR stuff. But the other?

Chicken pox.

Did you even know that there is a vaccine for that now? I guarantee you, I had NO idea. I looked at the doc like she had ten heads, I'm sure! I said, "Chicken pox? You're kidding." She said, "No. Not at all. We've had a vaccine for chicken pox since about 2004."

YAY! With a little luck, Petite will never have to deal with chicken pox! How wonderful is that?! I'm pleased.

One more childhood illness that I can cross off the list. Whew.

As for her stats, she's not quite 25 lbs, she's 33 inches and in perfect health, developing normally. Her morning naps are pretty much done with, and thus so is that mid-morning bottle. She isn't eating as much when she gets up in the morning either, so we're able to cut down on the milk consumption and bump up her water intake a little. She still isn't all that keen on juices. Now and then she'll have a taste, but it doesn't thrill her. She's eating everything that we are and really enjoying trying new foods. I'm sure there'll be more of that during the holidays.

This past weekend, we took her to the Santa Claus Parade and I decorated the exterior of the house with the Christmas lights and garlands and things. One or two finishing touches to put on all that before we flip the switch. And this coming weekend, we are putting up the tree and decorating the interior of the house, making room for my parents to come visit in about two weeks and rearranging furniture to accommodate. Wish us luck; I expect I'm going to have to tie on the Christmas tree so Petite doesn't pull it over on herself!

14 Months

I've been laid up for a little while with what started as a cold, and has developed into pneumonia. Oh joy. I sorta feel like I've been run over by a truck, but I really hope the antibiotics I was prescribed are doing their thing. I hope to be back at the office tomorrow.

It's been a busy few weeks. My mom and aunt visited for five days, enjoying their time with Petite immensely. They just can't get enough of her and they love to dote on her. It's wonderful to see. They also were very generous with their time and filled our freezer to the brim with meals that ought to let us have one or two pre-prepped dishes per week until at least Christmas. So yummy!

We're in the middle of planning my stepdaughter's Sweet 16 party too. I cannot believe that she's going to be 16 years old! She was such a little tyke at barely 6 years old when I met Hubby, and here she is excited to be on the verge of getting her first paying job, and obtaining her driver's licence! WOW! Where did that time go? It's incredible. Anyway, she selected a Red Carpet themed party so we're working to get it all together before next weekend. I spent all of last Sunday helping her do the invitations. Cross your fingers that it all gets finished in time!

Add in extra choir practices for me for the upcoming holiday season, stepson wanting to join next week at "Take Our Kids to Work" day, and the fact that Hubby is up to his armpits in mid-term exams, and you have a crazy household.

Anyway, that's what we've been up to of late. And Petite? She's doing amazingly well.

She's a little parrot, repeating (or trying to repeat) any single syllable word we say to her. She's mastered a lot of them and is attempting multi-syllabic words like blueberry, doggie, chaussette (sock in French) and a few others. It's wonderful to hear her little voice. She's enjoying the feeling of spinning round and round and will stand and spin for fun in our living room. It's cute to watch! Not so cute when she falls over and hits her nose on a toy (resulting in a bruise by her nose, on her right cheek) though. She is beginning to try to walk backwards and is sitting down on the hearth and getting up again repeatedly. She can climb onto the couch in the blink of an eye and walk the length of it. She loves to climb up and down on us if we're sitting down somewhere. She has done a few pieces of artwork for us at daycare; including a little Thanksgiving Turkey (the outline of her foot is the body, the outline of her hands cut in different colours of construction paper makes up the wings). Those are items I'll save for when she is older. And for when I'm older too. :)

For your viewing pleasure, a photo or two taken at Saunders Farm when we went out in mid-October for our annual jaunt with the kids and our friends. Enjoy.

Quick shout out to Mo and Will, who are seeing a doubling beta and with luck, all will continue to go well. Also, watching Baby Interrupted as she is hitting her EDD this week. And the same goes for I Can't Whistle. I am crossing my fingers that their next days are peaceful, joyous and wonderful.

Giving Thanks: An Idea

Writing.



It's in my veins. It's who I am. It's how I make a living for heaven's sake.



It's what I've always done, and what I hope I can continue to do.



I write.



I write here in this blog. I write a blog for my gaming character in EverQuest II. I write technical documents and manuals, installation guides and FAQ-style documentation for the clients at the office. I write letters to friends. I write thank-you cards (a lost art, I'm told). I write with the hope of effecting change. I write lists of things to do. I write in Petite's baby book so she will have something very tangible from her childhood when she gets older. I write e-mails to friends. I write Christmas cards every year. I write down my thoughts and impressions of the world around me, for my own benefit... and if others so desire, for their enjoyment.



I love to write. I love the feeling of holding a pen in my hand and having a blank sheet before me, ready to retain my words. I love walking into a store filled to the ceiling with types of paper, designs, styles, sizes, colours, textures and sensations. For me, a stationery shop (aka papeterie) holds mystery and a feeling of incomparable possiblity. I could lose myself for hours on end, just exploring all the facets of the paper therein. And all the better if the store carries high-end pens, à la Mont-Blanc's $10,000 works of art! Get me in a store like that and you can leave me for a few hours. I'd be quite content.



I started writing this blog with the intent of venting my emotions and recording our process as we moved forward on the infertility journey. In so doing, I have 'met' a wonderful group of people. Some of you I have met in person. Others, only virtually. But many of you have affected my life.



I read Mel's post about how her kids received a letter from someone with my first name and Mel initially thought it was a letter from me. And that got me thinking: why not? Why wouldn't I write Mel a note, or a letter, or a thank-you card to express to her how much she and her blog have meant to me? Why wouldn't any of us do that? I mean, we write here all the time. We connect online every day. While I understand that some people wish to remain anonymous behind the monikers on their blogs, I also know that many people might appreciate a hand-written card to let them know just how much they mean to us.



I need to pay it forward. I need to try to get in touch with some of you who do mean a lot to me. And I challenge you to do the same. I challenge you to at least make the offer to three bloggers who have touched your life in some way. Make the offer to write a personal note to them (if they're willing to give you a snail-mail address) and let them know how or why they have affected you.



This weekend is our Thanksgiving Holiday. Like last year, I have much to give thanks for. As I'm sure you know, this community is most cerrtainly very high on my list.



And you don't need me to tell you what else I'm thankful for, now do you?




Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians! Enjoy the holiday. Spend it with family and friends and take care of each other.

A Mile a Minute!

Sort of like last week, these are just a few things I'm mulling over in my brain at the moment. Some nights it would be nice to just settle down to go to sleep and actually GO TO SLEEP rather than having all of this running at top speed through my brain! It's nights like that when I start babbling to Hubby about a hundred and one things and he turns to me, saying, "You're too wound up to sleep aren't you?" Bless his soul. Then he curls his arm around my hip and pulls me close. I get to snuggle beneath the covers and just let all the worries evaporate. Alas... in the morning, the racing thoughts return. Here's a sampling:

ARGH... finances. It's a juggling act isn't it? Seriously? I'm pretty good with finances and managing it all but yikes, it'd be nice to have some of the money that we're due, that's for sure. I'm trying to budget in all the special extras that we like to do, like support the local children's hospital by buying a ticket on the dream home for this year. Or the extras that we need to do, like make sure the snow tires get put on the vehicles before the end of October. Those sorts of things. It all costs money. Would you believe I haven't even done my taxes yet this year? I am sure we'd receive a chunk of change back but I need to actually purchase the software to help me do the taxes and thus, budget in that purchase! It'll all get done, eventually. I need to work it all in though before the end of the year!

Guess what?!!! Petite is going to have a cousin! I've known about this for a little while, but my sister asked that I keep it to myself until she was ready to tell everyone in the family. Anyway, she took that plunge last week, telling our aunts and uncles, and I am really happy for her and my BIL. Assuming all goes well (and I will definitely be keeping my fingers crossed on that count), they'll have their own little one at the end of May. Please God, may everything go smoothly. When we realized that her latest IUI had 'stuck,' I quickly calculated her EDD and the number of weeks she would be when we go on a cruise in the new year. She's cutting it close, but she'll be able to go on the cruise; the company policy is that if you are 24 weeks along or more, no cruise for you! However, she'll be 22 weeks so she just makes the cut-off! Whew! Unfortunately though, her EDD falls about two weeks before my cousin's wedding out west. So she won't be able to attend. That's a shame, but honestly, she's got one of the BEST REASONS EVER for not being able to go!

For almost a year now, Hubby and I have been fairly regular members of a church near our home. We went to a Meet and Greet the other afternoon and I was lucky enough to be able to chat with one of the choir members. When I was younger, I used to sing in both church and school choirs; I love to sing and I sing to Petite all the time. She grins and bounces along, or claps her hands. It's so cute! Since I moved to this province, I have missed out on that and I've frequently longed to find a choir to sing with or some sort of choral activity to participate in. After discussing the church choir with her the other day, I think I'm going to try to make it to their rehearsals. That would be so much fun for me. And it's a wonderful way to get to meet others in the church as well.

Our dear friend Pam over at Baby Wanted: Apply Within just celebrated a milestone birthday... 50 years old! Congratulations sweetie! Pam and her husband V have become good friends of ours and although we will miss next weekend's celebrations for the event, our thoughts will be right there with them. So instead, I'm sending wishes for lots of love and happiness for your birthday and always! Enjoy the festivities and yes, show us the cake when you can please. (Her cakes are just amazing!)

I am thrilled beyond belief for Sandra and Edward over at Alphabet Soup. I've blogged alongside Sandra for a few years now (she just migrated to her current blog awhile ago) and they don't live too far from me. Anyway, after a few years of attempting various procedures -- some here and some at the clinic where we got our own BFP -- she and Edward got very, very lucky. She got pregnant with triplets! A C-section date was set for mid-October, but her water broke last Friday night and the babies have arrived! Congratulations to them on their instant family! I'm so happy for them both. It looks like all three are doing well as they were delivered at 31 weeks gestation. Go say hi if you are so inclined and welcome their triplets to the world!

Yesterday, Petite turned 13 months old. I love to hear her laughter. She is babbling up a storm, and trying to talk on a daily basis. She is quick to reach for her sippy cup when she wants a drink. She definitely knows what she likes and doesn't in the way of food! She still only has three teeth (though the fourth has been bothering her for a bit; I expect it won't be long now). She and I went to her swimming class last Saturday morning and we had a lot of fun. She runs around the living room and down the hallway like she's been doing it forever! She squeals in delight at the cats. She ADORES music of all kinds and usually tries to hum when she hears music being played. She loves going to daycare; in fact, the past day or two have been tough for me to pull her away because she is having so much fun there! She can be gentle and cuddly, or destructive and rough 'n tumble. And she curls into me when she's sleepy and I rub her back, singing softly to her. I'm so in love with this sweet little girl. She just melts my heart.

Also yesterday, on the way home, I heard a song on the radio. It was the #1 hit on Petite's birthday in fact: I Gotta Feelin' by the Black Eyed Peas with will. i. am. I remember hearing that song frequently in the days leading up to her birth, and on her birthday as well. And every time I hear it, I get teary-eyed. I get swept right back to the night of her birth by the memory of our quiet time together on that first night alone in the hospital. The quiet time, after everyone had gone home, lights were dimmed and we could get some shuteye. She lay in her bassinet, sighing and gurgling now and then. I listened to her breathe. I watched her tiny fingers curl. I touched her round cheeks. I sat on my hospital bed and gazed in wonder at her darling little face, enthralled and amazed at the whole experience. I remember singing to myself, "I gotta feelin'... that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight's gonna be a good good night... I gotta feelin'." When I hear that song now, it takes me right back there. And I lose myself in the moment that was the night of her birth. It's wonderful. No one has that memory but me. And I cherish it deeply.

I'm getting together the paperwork and organizing dates for various tests/procedures leading up to our appointment in mid-December. One day at a time, and it too will all get done. At least... I have to hope so.

Keiko!!! Oh you done good girl! WOOT! Congratulations to Keiko over at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. Keiko has won RESOLVE's Hope Award this year for best viral video. Earlier this year, for RESOLVE's Project IF (our own Stirrup Queen wrote extensively on Project IF), Keiko and her husband Larry, produced a wonderful video about infertility and their own story. It made the rounds of the blogosphere and tonight, she receives the award in New York. Congratulations Keiko (and Larry too!) Well deserved. You are a wonderful advocate and I applaud your courage to stand up and put yourselves out there. Well done! If you would like to see Keiko's video, click over to her blog and check out the right sidebar. It's right there on top.

One other thing niggling at my brain this week: where on earth are we going to put the Christmas tree this year?! Our house isn't huge; the living room is Petite's playroom. And while I could put the tree in the dining room (at the front of the house), it's not really conducive for opening gifts on Christmas morning or letting Petite play with toys!! Argh! What to do?! Must figure this out before December 1st.

A Post in Points

My brain is scattered this week. So I guess this post will be pretty scattered too. No, I won't apologize for that; it is my blog after all and as such, I get to say what I want here. Deal.

• I'm frustrated with the program that Hubby is doing at school. Well, not with that program specifically, but with the lack of information from Service Canada about Hubby's Employment Insurance claims. Every time he calls for info (and that's been repeatedly during the summer!) he gets a different story. It's maddening. And right now, they've stopped all payments to his account, hus I'm budgeting extremely carefully. Right down to the dollar in fact. And remember, Petite's in daycare so we have to make sure that gets paid of course! That's a must!
  
  
• My right foot is in an aircast. On June 12, I injured my right heel; it was swollen and painful and there was a bump at the back of my heel. After a week, I went to see my GP. She diagnosed bursitis and told me that wearing open-backed shoes would help, physio would help, ice and rest would help and here... take these anti-inflammatory meds for 10 days. A month later, still in pain, I returned to her. She examined me again and said that now, there's an Achilles tendon problem as well. This time, she told me to wear shoes with heels. And here's a different anti-inflammatory but it probably won't do anything if the first one didn't. More rest, get that physio, etc. I sorta shook my head in disbelief. All along, I'm trying to walk and stretch it out, give it some rest (when I can; remember I drive 1 hour to work each way, and need that foot to drive) but the pain is still ever-present. Fast forward: Tuesday past. I went to a walk hobble-in clinic and talked to another doctor. I wanted X-rays to make sure the bone wasn't chipped or fractured. X-rays done the doc beckons me back to a room. "This is a chronic injury. You have a severely compromised and fragile Achilles tendon and now a bone spur." Ugh. He recommended physio, rest, ice, crutches and/or a walking air cast. Rest and ice I can do in spurts at home. Crutches... no. I have a one-year old. Physio... no. (See the above paragraph about my careful budgeting.) An air cast it is. He figures I'll need at least 3 weeks in it to properly rest the tendo and give it the healing time it needs. Not fun.
  
  
• Tomorrow, September 18, 2010 is one to be marked in my family. My sister turns 39 (whoop it up now sis, your time is coming too!) and my parents will celebrate 45 years together. They didn't want to do anything special to celebrate really. I figure my sis and I have five years to plan for the big celebration! Regardless, it's wonderful that they're able to celebrate so many years together. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! And Happy 39th Little Sis! I love you all so very much and I wish I could be closer to celebrate with you in person.
  
  
• This morning, on my way to work, a wolf ran across the road in front of me. I don't think it was a coyote; I'm not entirely sure though. I suppose it could have been. I saw it at a point along the backroads that I drive, where the leaves have begun to fall from the trees and the brush isn't quite as thick. The weather has certainly turned colder in the last week or two. We roasted all summer long and now with the change of seasons, my thoughts turn to other things. Cozy sweaters and warm, wool scarves. Thick stews and homemade soups. Thanksgiving on the horizon on October 11 (it's earlier in Canada, because obviously our harvest season is earlier, being further north). Our tradition of going to Saunders Farm with the kids and friends for Halloween. Preparing for my mom and aunt's arrival mid-October. Closing up the pool, which we definitely need to do ASAP. Covering our shrubs and taking in the patio furniture. Getting ready for when the snow flies all around. And then Christmas, and where, oh where are we going to put the Christmas tree this year!!?? Eeek! Petite will have it torn apart! I think I'm going to have to rearrange the living room for the holidays.
  
  
• My thoughts are also with Vee as the thinks about whether she ought to downsize and move to be closer to her family. Given my last post, obviously I understand where she's coming from. As Bea said in Vee's comments, there are lots of types of support, emotional and practical. And sometimes we just need to have physical closeness to the important people in our lives. Oh I hear that loud and clear! I can relate. I hope whatever decision Vee makes, she gets the support that she needs. Obviously she's far from me so I can't help her with that type of support either. But I am definitely thinking of her and I know she'll do whatever is right for her and Bubbaboo.
  
  
• Also thinking of Holly who contacted me by e-mail. She's about 15 weeks along and dealing with a subchorionic bleed and a high risk for Down Syndrome (1:155 I think. Don't quote me.) She was asking me about how I determined I wanted the amniocentesis (my ratio was 1:75 if you remember) and what ratio I, personally, would have been comfortable with. She and her husband are grappling with that question right now and she, like me, is terrified of having the amnio and losing her baby in the process. I can certainly relate. I hope she and her husband make the right decision for them, whatever it might be. And something that helped me is... will knowing the result determine your course of action? That's the one question that kept me going. And holding the pic of Petite in my hand as the procedure was done. Sure I cried all the way through it. But we made it. And I am sure Holly could get through it too. Sending hugs Holly; I'll reply to your last e-mail in a day or so. Promise.
  
  
• And my heart aches for Sprogblogger. Oh, how I cried this morning as I read her post. She is due to have her baby on September 18. And her due date is the same day that her brother will bury his son, her nephew. And she is heartbroken that she cannot be there for her family on the other side of the country right now as they mourn such a terrible loss. The sweet little boy, a mere four years old (and autistic) climbed over a supposedly childproof fence and fell into the backyard swimming pool. Sprogblogger's brother gave his son CPR until paramedics arrived, and the doctors thought he might pull through. Alas... as she writes, "in the end, his little body had just been through too much. They let him go yesterday, surrounded by family and friends, held tight in the arms of his father and mother." I cried and cried. And I am reminded of my own mother's intense fears surrounding the fact that we too have a pool in our backyard. While I do my utmost to protect Petite (obviously), accidents CAN happen. Honestly, I couldn't fathom something like that happening; I don't know if I would get through it. Please God, I'll never have to find out if I would. It does scare me. But I can only do my absolute best to ensure that Petite is safe. Sure it worries me. Maybe after Hubby finishes his education, we'll be living elsewhere anyway. Regardless, today Sprogblogger is mourning the senseless loss of her little nephew. Go show her some love and let her know you care.
  
  
• Irritation is at an all-time high at my office. I won't get into details. Suffice it to say, some people are incompetent. Others are downright rude. And I have to say, some others are engaging in what I would term as harrassment (but you might not). Not cool. Not cool at all. I continue to keep my eyes open for other opportunities, specifically at home. Wouldn't that be nice? Ah, pipe dreams my friends. However, I get my work done and do my day and try to stay away from the D.R.A.M.A. And when needed, I point to the trusty sign on my wall to remind people that "A lack of preparation on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on mine."
  
  
• Early in December, I'd like to go see Great Big Sea. They're coming as part of the tour to promote "Safe Upon The Shore" (thank you to my Aunt B who bought it for us while I was home this summer). Must try to find a babysitter for that if we can swing it to budget in the cost of the tickets.
  
  
• Petite is still loving daycare. We're lucky she enjoys it so much! I need to try to find some waterproof splash pants and such for her. Her jeans and pants are getting damp with the cooler weather because she frequently ends up on her bum! On October 8, our caregiver would like to extend her Thanksgiving weekend and go out of town to watch her older son play hockey. I'll probably take a day off and extend my Thanksgiving weekend too so I can spend it with Petite.
  
  
• And would you believe that my Blogoversary is coming up next week on the 23rd? Four years. For four years I've been blogging about infertility and our personal journey. How things have changed. And yet they stay the same; now I'm wondering if we ought to try for a sibling for Petite. Do we dare?! Eeek. Time will tell.
  

Scattered much? You bet. That's life at the moment I'm afraid. I hope you and yours have a wonderful weekend. Signing off for now.

Of Dreamland and Dreams

We have a growing baby girl in our house, and it never ceases to amaze me. I continue to thank, the powers that be (and all the REs, testing, urologists, and you other IFers and friends, etc.) for such a blessing in our lives. Though I confess, not every day is full of "happy happy, joy joy," it is all definitely worth it.



One of the things that is making our days difficult (and our nights too really) is Petite's lack of a schedule. Yes my dear Internet friends, Petite STILL doesn't sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time on a regular basis. There's the odd night when she's down for 6 hours or so, but they're few and far between, making Mommy and Daddy very tired indeed. And really, by now, most babies are on some sort of a schedule, right? So I've taken matters in hand and we're starting a new routine. We tried it for the first time last night, and it worked relatively well.

The whole crux of our problem is this: Petite still doesn't drink more than 4.5 oz per feeding. She refuses to eat more and of course, you can't force children to eat (nor do I ever want to). So naturally, she wakes up partway through the night with an empty, growling belly, wanting to be fed. And we oblige her.

Last night, the schedule looked a bit like this:
5:45 p.m. cereal in her high chair, followed by playtime while Mommy and Daddy ate, etc.
6:45 bath time, put on jammies, quiet time, playtime on her playmat with quiet toys
7:30 storytime with Mommy (I'm a big believer in reading to children)
7:45 bottle & burp

Just before 8 p.m., she started to doze off in my arms and I put her down in her crib, sleepy yet still semi-awake. She hated that, lemme tell you! She woke and started to screech. I went to her every 5 minutes, talking lowly but not engaging her, putting her soother in her mouth, gently touching her tummy or her head, and letting her know I was there. She would settle, I'd creep out and before I was back to the kitchen, the howl would go out again. She kept that up for about 20 minutes (I went in three times, the last time I sat on the bed til I knew she was settled for good) and by 8:30, she was asleep. However, she only had 4.5 oz as usual. So I knew she would wake for food somewhere along the way.

To circumvent that, at 11:45, I prepared another bottle and gently lifted her out of her crib, and tried to feed her. She took about 2 oz before refusing any more and she turned into my arm, snuggling down again. I laid her back in bed, hoping to get through the rest of the night and I put the rest of the bottle in the fridge.

Alas... 1:45 a.m. and I heard her stirring. I got up before she was fully awake, grabbed the remainder of the bottle in the fridge (about 2.5 oz), heated it and fed her while she stayed in her crib. She polished it off, turned over and drifted back to the Land of Nod. And that was that. I climbed back into bed, happy to not need an hour or more to get her back to sleep.

This morning, she stirred once at 6:45 (when Hubby left for school), but she never really woke til 7:50 a.m. Fair enough. I can handle that I think. With time and practise, I expect she'll get the hang of it. But it was certainly a whole lot better than being up with her from 2 a.m. to 3:30 as she writhes in my arms! Until she takes more ounces during a feed, I don't expect it'll change all that much. But as long as she's growing and developping on track, I can't find fault with her eating habits at all!

By the way, so far she's enjoyed rice cereal, oatmeal cereal, butternut squash and a little pear juice (diluted). But she definitely prefers a bottle!

And this week, we celebrated Valentine's Day! Hubby and I traditionally don't plan anything special; for as sure as we do, it blows up in our faces and we've had some hella blow-up fights on Valentine's Day in the past! So we don't mark it with much. A card, a token gift, something little. Nothing major. I got a cute card, and some chocolates. I gave Hubby a card, some chocolates and some winter Olympic gear, including the famous red mittens that are so hard to find!

I happened to be in Zellers last week when they were getting some out on the racks and I snapped up a pair. In hindsight, I would have liked to have a pair for myself. Oh well. Nevermind. One thing that pisses me off about those mittens is that for all the Canadian Olympic pride that they're supposed to represent, the damn things are made in freakin' China! Don't get me wrong, I have lots of things in my house that are made in China but it'd be nice to support Canadians by buying Canadian... yanno? Oh well. They're still cool mittens. And Hubby's been stopped by stranges who ask about them and where he got them, etc. They're hard to come by now! So if you see them (in adult sizes; kids sizes are still easy to find), grab em! If nothing else, you can sell them on E-bay for about double the price!

Ah yes, a token pic of Petite in her Valentine's Day outfit from Nana. We had Hubby's kids for the weekend and her big brother was making her laugh!

And this week, one of my hopes has finally come to fruition. Pancake Day. With OUR baby girl. Here she is being a true Canadian, sucking on the syrup bottle (don't worry; the cover's on!).

Pancake Day traditions where I come from are very particular indeed. Yes, you have pancakes and all that good stuff. But you must follow the tradition of putting trinkets in the batter. I've written about this before, and I remember lamenting that I probably wouldn't ever have the opportunity to share our family's (or our provincial) tradition of putting trinkets in the batter with any child of mine. I vividly remember Mel (our resident Stirrup Queen) telling me in a comment how I may not be able to pass the tradition vertically, but that I had just passed the tradition horizontally by sharing it with you, my readers. A few of you wrote to let me know that you would commence that tradition in your own families as you thought it was lovely. I like to think that somewhere out there, someone is putting a ring, a thimble, a button, money, etc. in their pancake batter to partake in the tradition. And this year, I am blessed. Because I do have a baby girl who got to enjoy her very first Pancake Day with our family and our tradition. Fine, she didn't eat any pancakes herself... that'll come next year. But she saw Mommy and Daddy enjoy the tradition and with luck, one day, she'll carry it on, passing it vertically to her own family.

Am I Getting Greedy?

Welcome to February. And Petite is now five months old. I can hardly believe it. Where did that go? Nevertheless, time marches on and a few things have arisen to shake me up a bit.

Actually, the first thing that shook me up was the reappearance of dear ol' Aunt Flo. Oh yeah. She didn't waste a moment showing up on my doorstep in early January in fact. I stopped pumping milk for Petite near the end of November and let my milk dry up around about the time we travelled home for Christmas. Exactly one month later, on January 3, the carpet-bag-carrying, haggard, wrinkly old wench knocked on my door. Okay, she busted down the door and marched on in, making herself right at home after a long absence. Such fun.
NOT.
And just like clockwork, 29 days later, she reappeared again. Bless her bitchy soul. At least I'm regular; there's no denying that anyway!

When I returned home from our trip, I found a letter from the Reproductive Centre at McGill in my pile of letters to tend to. Lo and behold, I opened it to find a bill for the storage of our last vial of donor sperm. There arises the conundrum... to pay, or not to pay? Do we want to keep this vial of donor sperm for any possible future use? I mean, if perchance we decide to go for another IVF + ICSI attempt, and we cannot find any of hubby's viable sperm a second time around, we'll need that vial of donor sperm, right? Or would we opt not to go through with it? Or what if someone else needs that vial to make a full biological sibling for an existing child somewhere in the world? All the scenarios started running through my head.

And the one that comes to mind first is: do we want another child? Do I want to hedge my bets and attempt to give Petite a full sibling? At my age (I'll be 40 this year)? And if we want to do that, when do we do it? Soon I guess, given my age!!

Hubby and I took a drive yesterday to upstate NY to do some shopping and get a little something for my brother-in-law for his upcoming birthday. Along the way, we discussed our plans and where are thoughts are at the moment. Hubby is in school, and will (hopefully!) be finished at the end of April, 2012 and thus starting a new job/career in May, 2012. If we want another child, our timeline would look something like this:
July/August 2010 - try another IVF in the hopes of success
September 2010 - Gil goes back to work; Hubby in school; Petite in daycare
May/June 2011 - sibling for Petite? Gil takes another year off to care for both children
May/June 2012 - Gil goes back to work; Hubby starts career; Petite in junior kindergarten; sibling in daycare

And that, my dear friends, means that I'd need to call McGill now, like right now NOW to start trying to book appointments. But like the title of this post says, am I getting greedy? After 6+ years of TTC, we got lucky. VERY lucky. We know and recognize this and we are immensely grateful to everyone who has helped us, cheered for us, held our hands, and cried with us along the way. Are we getting greedy to want another child? Are we asking the powers that be for too much? Are we doing the wrong thing for our family or is it the right thing? How do we know? Can we know at all? These are some of the questions I'm grappling with at the moment. I'm open to hearing your opinions though. So by all means, hit the comment button and weigh in. I'm listening!

Rally
I got another e-mail from Conceivable Dreams the other day. On February 15 (Family Day... appropriately) there will be a Rally at Queen's Park in Toronto, Ontario to show the government just how many people are out there that are waiting and hoping for the government to help them build their families based on the recommendations of the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. (If you recall, I was interviewed by the Panel for my input.) If you can attend, please do. Information can be found at www.conceivabledreams.org.

On a personal note...
Thank you all for the good wishes following the death of Snowpoke. We still miss him. But it does get easier, I know.

And before this month is done, we will have Shrove Tuesday (aka Pancake Day). I'm looking forward to sharing our tradition with Petite for the very first time.

Shrove Tuesday, aka Pancake Day (13w6d)

Once again, the sun will rise tomorrow on another Pancake Day (or Shrove Tuesday if you will) for many parts of the world. And tomorrow, my husband and I will partake in our customary Pancake Day tradition.

For those of you who have been longtime readers, you may recall the details about Pancake Day and the traditions we have in my home province of Newfoundland to celebrate the special day. Historically, Shrove Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday and thus the beginning of the 40 days of Lent. During Lent, it was customary to give up life’s ‘sinful’ pleasures (such as eating meat or whatnot). In today’s world, this has been extrapolated to giving up things like pop, candy, chocolate, television, credit cards, things like that for the 40-day duration. However, in the days of yore, before Lent began, you were supposed use up the things in the pantry like meat, butter, flour, etc., lest they spoil during the Lenten period.

Pancake Day to the rescue! By making Pancakes and cooking up any meat, you’d indulge in one last lovely meal before being good and pure for Lent. In Newfoundland, there are Pancake Day races, church breakfasts, socials, etc., and when I was a child, we always had pancakes for dinner on Pancake Day. However, in Newfoundland, you’re supposed to add something more to your pancake batter: trinkets. Each trinket symbolizes your future and as I child, I recall with great glee stuffing my face FULL of pancakes to find the money, or the ring, or whatever we were searching for. My sister and I used to be fiercely competitive and we’d devour as many as we could in an attempt to get more money than the other.

Anyway, the trinkets that we use in Newfoundland are as follows:

• a penny, to symbolize poverty in your future
• a nickel, to symbolize wealth
• a string to symbolize a fisherman (if a boy got it, he would be a fisherman, if a girl did, she would marry one)
• a wedding ring, to symbolize that you would marry soon
• a button, symbolizing that you would never marry
• a nail, symbolizing that you would soon pass away (we never used this one in our family; far too morbid!)
• a thimble, symbolizing that you would be a seamstress/tailor

And let the race begin! My sis and I would immediately grab the biggest pancakes we could see in the pile, in the hopes of getting ‘two items for the price of one’!

Two years ago I wrote about Pancake Day here on my blog and again, one year ago. Two years ago, I had my mom and my aunt with me to celebrate Pancake Day and we had a lovely time together. This year, it’ll be just hubby and me and we’ll carry on the tradition of course. It brings a smile to my heart to do these things and feel close to home and family when I do them.

But more to the point, two years ago I wrote about how I feared I would never get the opportunity to share these types of special traditions with our own family. Yes, I have shared the tradition with my stepchildren, and some friends, and many of you, my fellow bloggers (bless you all), indicated that you loved the idea of the Pancake Day tradition and you would take it up yourselves! I remember distinctly how Mel from Stirrup Queens reminded me that while I might not yet have the chance to pass on the tradition vertically to my own children, however, I had just passed it horizontally. And she’s absolutely right.

This year, Pancake Day sees me with a glimmer of hope as we mark 14 weeks exactly on Pancake Day. That glimmer is getting brighter by the day. But I have this hope, with all my heart that by this time next year, hubby and I will be having pancakes with a 6-month old baby nearby. And as that baby grows up in our house, I will teach the traditions, and share them happily, knowing that maybe one day, my own son or daughter will have pancakes with his or her family and tell the stories of how they used to do this ‘back in the old days in Mom’s home in Newfoundland.’

I can only hope.

Happy Pancake Day everyone. May none of you get a nail!