In less than 24 hours, I'll be on vacation.
Oh my. That sounds absolutely wonderful, doesn't it? Okay, okay. Sorry to gloat. Skip this if you don't wanna know...
We start with a few days down south in Florida. We'll be staying in an area that we've visited so frequently since I was 8 years old, it feels almost like 'coming home' when we go there. We're looking forward to it.
We'll fly down with my parents tomorrow, the 30th (please God Petite won't get sick all over me and all our seatmates like she did last August when we flew back to Ottawa from the east coast!) and my sister and her husband will meet up with us on the 31st. That same afternoon, the ladies are getting pedicures while the men tend to Petite. We'll celebrate the new year with a meal at one of our favorite restaurants (fairly early to avoid the rush and accommodate Petite of course). Drinks at our hotel for midnight will definitely be in order! Or on the beach... a stone's throw from our hotel room. Good heavens, it's sounding better and better all the time!
January 1 sees us spending the day looking for bargains at the outlet stores in Ellenton, Florida. I'm looking forward to that too; I want to find a dress for Petite to wear to my cousin's wedding coming up in June 2011 out west. Oh, and a bathing suit for her too. And a pair of sandals for me. That oughta do it. *nod nod*
On January 2nd, we all embark on a 7-day Western Caribbean cruise (Carnival) with stops in Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands; Isla Roatan, Honduras; Belize, Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico. My mother will celebrate her 69th birthday while we're aboard! YAY!
We're cruising with another family who are great friends of ours, and their children and grandchildren too. All in all, we're numbering 15 on board in both parties. This should be fun!
Although, I'll be honest. Some parts of it, I'm sort of dreading. Like the policy that because Petite isn't toilet trained (she wears swim diapers), she cannot go in any of the pools on board, even the kiddy pool. Ugh. She won't like that at all; she loves the water. Or the fact that while we have a harness for her so she won't run and slide off the end of the deck or something, she absolutely refuses to wear the thing without a total meltdown. Or the fact that we've reserved cribs for her in the hotel and at sea, but what on earth will we do if she climbs out of them? Dear Lord, please let this go well. I want us all to enjoy this vacation; we all want and need that.
Money is tight for us with Hubby in school; this trip is a gift from my parents, as decided by them last year before Christmas, when Petite was... well, really tiny! I've been looking forward to it since, but our house is so crazy, it's only in the last week or so that I can really get my hopes up. I'm grateful beyond belief that they're doing this for all of us. What an amazing gift. A few of their friends commented on how generous they are to us, to do this for us. Mom's reply is usually along the lines of, "Well, maybe if you didn't buy your kids junk or electronics and toys for Christmas, you could do that too." She's right too. Skip the iPad... I'd rather a 7-day vacation! REALLY!
Christmas with Petite was a lot of fun. She loved opening the gifts (with help from her Daddy). Nana and Poppy (my parents) loved watching her too. She got all sorts of beautiful clothing -- dresses, sleepers, socks, fleece outfits -- and lots of toys, like the Fisher Price Animal Farm, an easel to draw and colour, Weebles in her stocking, a 'remote' for the car/house (I think I'll attach that to the stroller for the trip), a French version of Leapfrog's Cook and Play Potsy, and the French version of the Laugh and Learn Musical Chair. And BOOKS! Oh so many books! And nothing that she already had! Bonus! Oh I'm so happy she loves reading!
She's learning by leaps and bounds. Ŧhe other day, all Nana had to do was say, "Do you want some breakfast?" and Petite pushed her high chair out through the kitchen doorway and over by the dining room! No joke! This morning, she uncovered the candy dish and Nana taught her that candy is "Yucky"... which she obediently repeated and put the candy down in the dish again, shaking the sugar from her fingers. (Hubby caught this on video; it's so cute!) It's been a lot of fun having her around the house, and for me, having a few days at home to enjoy her. What a fantastic opportunity. I miss that so much. God I wish I could be a stay-at-home-mom. *sigh*
I don't know how often I'll have the opportunity to post while away. I hope to, but no guarantees; after all, this is supposed to be a vacation, right? I'm playing my days entirely by ear; we don't even have any excursions booked yet! Probably for the best, given Petite's age and need for naps. At least we have a few other adults to help us out in that department.
So, in case I don't get another opportunity, I'd like to take the time to wish you and yours a wonderful New Year. May it be filled with joy and love, peace and prosperity. And oh God, may all our dreams come true in 2011. Wouldn't that be something special?
Much love as we all close out 2010. Onward and upward for the new year!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
A Tad Scattered
Petite's had her first haircut. And it went relatively well. She didn't get upset or cry. She was quite good in fact. Except of course that she's rather squirmy and wanted to get down to play with the various toys in the shop. I tried to keep her entertained and snapped a bunch of photos as the stylist was working with her. It turned out pretty well. I must try to upload a photo when I remember it.
Good news yesterday; at 18 wks 6 days, my sister had an ultrasound. They're going to have a boy! As one of my friends said, "One of each for your parents to love!" We're thrilled for my sis and her husband. I get to be an aunt to a sweet little baby boy! YAY!
The countdown to Christmas has begun. I've still got a litlte shopping to handle, though not much now. I have wrapping to do too. And groceries. And Petite needs to get her picture taken with Santa. And then after all the Christmas insanity is done, I have to get out the suitcases and try to pack for vacation. Somewhere in there, I have to get bloodwork done. And take the van for servicing. And remember to keep up with the choir practices, and appearances at church services. Oh my.
I need about 30 hours in a day in order to get all this stuff done.
And oh please, if I could sleep soundly for about 7 hours of those 30? Now THAT would be novel. *falls over, from lack of sleep and really low iron stores*
I'm hoping your holiday stresses are few and your joy is plentiful. Peace and goodwill to all.
Good news yesterday; at 18 wks 6 days, my sister had an ultrasound. They're going to have a boy! As one of my friends said, "One of each for your parents to love!" We're thrilled for my sis and her husband. I get to be an aunt to a sweet little baby boy! YAY!
The countdown to Christmas has begun. I've still got a litlte shopping to handle, though not much now. I have wrapping to do too. And groceries. And Petite needs to get her picture taken with Santa. And then after all the Christmas insanity is done, I have to get out the suitcases and try to pack for vacation. Somewhere in there, I have to get bloodwork done. And take the van for servicing. And remember to keep up with the choir practices, and appearances at church services. Oh my.
I need about 30 hours in a day in order to get all this stuff done.
And oh please, if I could sleep soundly for about 7 hours of those 30? Now THAT would be novel. *falls over, from lack of sleep and really low iron stores*
I'm hoping your holiday stresses are few and your joy is plentiful. Peace and goodwill to all.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Post-Appointment Details
Sorry I haven't posted; it's been a little crazy at our house this week, what with the lack of sleep on Petite's behalf, trying to get my Christmas cards out the door (God I'm slackin; I usually have those done by the first weekend in December!), cleaning in preparation for my parents' arrival tomorrow afternoon for the holidays, shopping, other appointments, etc. Anyway, here's the scoop on how things went in Montreal.
We first saw Dr. Tan's fellow -- a lovely woman -- who took down many of our details and went over our latest round of bloodwork and testing. She expressed concern about the thickness of my endometrium on CD4 (just over 10... far too high really), and concern about the cyst, and concern about the heavy bleeding I've been experiencing.
She indicated that a functional cyst, even if removed, will return in most cases. Thus if birth control pills won't get rid of it, and if it doesn't disappear between now and our IVF cycle, they'll aspirate like they did before.
She was worried about the endometrium. As she told us, women who have PCOS are usually prone to developing hyperplasia (the growth rate of endometrial cells is quite rapid) and if left unchecked or treated, it CAN develop into something serious (aka cancer). However, if checked and treated, all it may need is medication to control it. And if it isn't hyperplasia, it wouldn't need anything at all of course. To be certain, she recommended an endometrial biopsy, so she booked that for the same day, right after our appointment with Dr. Tan.
Next up, we saw Dr. Tan. First we went over our results from our first (and only to date) IVF. He was pleased, of course. Then we talked about my LH and FSH (both quite good). We talked about the cyst. We talked about the heavy bleeding and endometrial lining. He recommended that I continue with the Provera that my Ottawa-based RE prescribed as that can help thin out a thick lining and may help the cyst issue. Next, he wondered about my HbA1c. That's a test that measures glucose levels over a period of weeks/months. While my fasting glucose is fine, he wants to check the long-term stuff to ensure I'm not diabetic or borderline. I doubt that I am and I'm not worried. So I'll get that bloodwork done in the next week or two. After that, Dr. Tan looked at my last results with the menopur. Back in the fall of 2008, I was taking 225 IUs. He said that given my age and the previous results, he'd recommend bumping it to 300 IUs for the next IVF. He said that they would follow the same protocol, doing ICSI and assisted hatching and graciously, he's going to allow me a general anaesthetic as well, which is something they usually don't do and of course, isn't normal for their Quebec patients who receive federal funding for IVF. Like I said to the fellow, I'm paying for this out of pocket. If I want general for the retrieval, I'll get it or I guess I'll go somewhere else. Dr. Tan was happy to let me have a general if needed. I think it'd be better for everyone if we do it that way! Though, I might try to push through and just have the twilight stuff. We'll see as time goes on. We aren't doing this tomorrow, after all. Through the appointment, I was comfortable referring to various blood tests, and other medical terminology of course. He stopped and looked at me, "Are you a nurse?" I laughed. "No, but I've been dealing with infertility for a very long time. I know what I'm talking about, and now I'm an advocate for infertiles and for obtaining funding for Canadians." He was pleased by this as he still can't understand why one province or two might give preferential treatment based on residency. It's discriminatory and as he said, it's time to change that.
So after the details were decided, we moved out of the consultation room and after a short wait, we popped over to an exam room to do the endometrial biopsy. (NOTE: Gentlemen, you might like to skip this paragraph.) For those who haven't had the pleasure (I jest of course!) of an endometrial biopsy, the procedure is fairly simple. Assume the, now familiar, position. And lady, dear mother of all that is holy, when I tell you that you'll need a long speculum, get a long speculum, willya? Don't make me suffer through a few attempts with a less-than adequate device that just friggin' WON'T reach my cervix, m'kay? When you get the right length, then we can proceed. *waits patiently* Got it? Good. Let's get on with this, shall we? Then with the speculum inserted, she took a long (more than a foot and half I'd estimate) straw-like, flexible, thin catheter-type thing, inserted it past the cervix, into the uterus and with a few pokes and pinches, withdrew endometrial lining (deep red in colour) and pushed the material out of the straw into a specimen jar with fluid inside. She did this entire procedure twice, pulling bits of lining from a few areas inside the uterus, deposited it into the jar, closed the cover, and shook the jar to mix thoroughly. And off to the lab it went: results will be expected in 2 weeks to 2 months. And she prescribed an antibiotic (doxycycline) to ward off infection that might occur post-procedure.
Next up, we got an appointment for hubby with the urologist who did his PESA a few years ago. Dr. Chan went over hubby's results from last time, examined him quickly and proclaimed that he'd use the same procedure, extracting sperm samples from two sites on Hubby's left testicle), and he expects the same results. Just in case, we still have a vial of donor sperm on ice at the hospital. We could use it if needed, but Dr. Chan and Dr. Tan expect we won't need it. And right on the spot, hubby and the doctor signed the consent forms. All done! Whew!
That was it for the bulk of the appointment. We now wait for the biopsy results. When they come back, we are to call Dr. Tan directly and he'll set up the next steps for us. He was quite happy to be able to do that for us and he expects good things from our next IVF as well. I'm glad he's optimistic. Truth be told, I'm optimistic too, but God, I'm so afraid to be! This whole 'trying again' thing has me sorta tied up in knots. I'm terrified of failure after such a good result the first time. And we don't have the money to fund more than one try this time either. So I have to temper my hopeful thoughts a little and realize that we may not get this lucky second time around. One step at a time, right?
On Tuesday, after we'd arrived back in Ottawa, I called my RE here to get the requisition for the bloodwork (HbA1c) and to check on the prescription for Provera and when I need to take it (CD 12-25). They were happy to know about the biopsy as well. I'll make sure they get results too.
There you go. Now we wait, I get my bloodwork done and fill my Provera prescription. And with luck, we can get the ball rolling in a few months.
In the meantime, oh God, if anyone has ideas about how to get a toddler to stay asleep in her bed overnight, let me know?! We're EXHAUSTED! Hubby is doing final exams this week so he'll get a bit of a break after this. But right now, we're stumbling through our days. The other morning, I fell asleep at a stoplight on my way to work! The car behind me honked and I came to my senses. I need more than the few hours of sleep I'm getting. Gotta fix this.
The other day, Hubby was doing Petite's bedtime routine with her, and he said, "Go give Mama a kiss," and she did. She walked right over to me, threw her arms around my neck, snuggled in close and then backed off my shoulder a bit, tilted her head up and brought her lips in to give me a sweet, little open-mouthed kiss. I almost cried. Seriously.
A milestone: I've booked Petite's "first haircut" for this coming Saturday, December 18. Two years to the day that we got our BFP. And my angel is about to have her hair trimmed. I can't really put it off any longer; I won't have my daughter going on vacation with a mullet! LOL
Love to all in Blogland. Still reading your blogs, but I find it harder to comment lately. Again, the "need more time" thing is coming into play. But I am reading! Promise.
We first saw Dr. Tan's fellow -- a lovely woman -- who took down many of our details and went over our latest round of bloodwork and testing. She expressed concern about the thickness of my endometrium on CD4 (just over 10... far too high really), and concern about the cyst, and concern about the heavy bleeding I've been experiencing.
She indicated that a functional cyst, even if removed, will return in most cases. Thus if birth control pills won't get rid of it, and if it doesn't disappear between now and our IVF cycle, they'll aspirate like they did before.
She was worried about the endometrium. As she told us, women who have PCOS are usually prone to developing hyperplasia (the growth rate of endometrial cells is quite rapid) and if left unchecked or treated, it CAN develop into something serious (aka cancer). However, if checked and treated, all it may need is medication to control it. And if it isn't hyperplasia, it wouldn't need anything at all of course. To be certain, she recommended an endometrial biopsy, so she booked that for the same day, right after our appointment with Dr. Tan.
Next up, we saw Dr. Tan. First we went over our results from our first (and only to date) IVF. He was pleased, of course. Then we talked about my LH and FSH (both quite good). We talked about the cyst. We talked about the heavy bleeding and endometrial lining. He recommended that I continue with the Provera that my Ottawa-based RE prescribed as that can help thin out a thick lining and may help the cyst issue. Next, he wondered about my HbA1c. That's a test that measures glucose levels over a period of weeks/months. While my fasting glucose is fine, he wants to check the long-term stuff to ensure I'm not diabetic or borderline. I doubt that I am and I'm not worried. So I'll get that bloodwork done in the next week or two. After that, Dr. Tan looked at my last results with the menopur. Back in the fall of 2008, I was taking 225 IUs. He said that given my age and the previous results, he'd recommend bumping it to 300 IUs for the next IVF. He said that they would follow the same protocol, doing ICSI and assisted hatching and graciously, he's going to allow me a general anaesthetic as well, which is something they usually don't do and of course, isn't normal for their Quebec patients who receive federal funding for IVF. Like I said to the fellow, I'm paying for this out of pocket. If I want general for the retrieval, I'll get it or I guess I'll go somewhere else. Dr. Tan was happy to let me have a general if needed. I think it'd be better for everyone if we do it that way! Though, I might try to push through and just have the twilight stuff. We'll see as time goes on. We aren't doing this tomorrow, after all. Through the appointment, I was comfortable referring to various blood tests, and other medical terminology of course. He stopped and looked at me, "Are you a nurse?" I laughed. "No, but I've been dealing with infertility for a very long time. I know what I'm talking about, and now I'm an advocate for infertiles and for obtaining funding for Canadians." He was pleased by this as he still can't understand why one province or two might give preferential treatment based on residency. It's discriminatory and as he said, it's time to change that.
So after the details were decided, we moved out of the consultation room and after a short wait, we popped over to an exam room to do the endometrial biopsy. (NOTE: Gentlemen, you might like to skip this paragraph.) For those who haven't had the pleasure (I jest of course!) of an endometrial biopsy, the procedure is fairly simple. Assume the, now familiar, position. And lady, dear mother of all that is holy, when I tell you that you'll need a long speculum, get a long speculum, willya? Don't make me suffer through a few attempts with a less-than adequate device that just friggin' WON'T reach my cervix, m'kay? When you get the right length, then we can proceed. *waits patiently* Got it? Good. Let's get on with this, shall we? Then with the speculum inserted, she took a long (more than a foot and half I'd estimate) straw-like, flexible, thin catheter-type thing, inserted it past the cervix, into the uterus and with a few pokes and pinches, withdrew endometrial lining (deep red in colour) and pushed the material out of the straw into a specimen jar with fluid inside. She did this entire procedure twice, pulling bits of lining from a few areas inside the uterus, deposited it into the jar, closed the cover, and shook the jar to mix thoroughly. And off to the lab it went: results will be expected in 2 weeks to 2 months. And she prescribed an antibiotic (doxycycline) to ward off infection that might occur post-procedure.
Next up, we got an appointment for hubby with the urologist who did his PESA a few years ago. Dr. Chan went over hubby's results from last time, examined him quickly and proclaimed that he'd use the same procedure, extracting sperm samples from two sites on Hubby's left testicle), and he expects the same results. Just in case, we still have a vial of donor sperm on ice at the hospital. We could use it if needed, but Dr. Chan and Dr. Tan expect we won't need it. And right on the spot, hubby and the doctor signed the consent forms. All done! Whew!
That was it for the bulk of the appointment. We now wait for the biopsy results. When they come back, we are to call Dr. Tan directly and he'll set up the next steps for us. He was quite happy to be able to do that for us and he expects good things from our next IVF as well. I'm glad he's optimistic. Truth be told, I'm optimistic too, but God, I'm so afraid to be! This whole 'trying again' thing has me sorta tied up in knots. I'm terrified of failure after such a good result the first time. And we don't have the money to fund more than one try this time either. So I have to temper my hopeful thoughts a little and realize that we may not get this lucky second time around. One step at a time, right?
On Tuesday, after we'd arrived back in Ottawa, I called my RE here to get the requisition for the bloodwork (HbA1c) and to check on the prescription for Provera and when I need to take it (CD 12-25). They were happy to know about the biopsy as well. I'll make sure they get results too.
There you go. Now we wait, I get my bloodwork done and fill my Provera prescription. And with luck, we can get the ball rolling in a few months.
In the meantime, oh God, if anyone has ideas about how to get a toddler to stay asleep in her bed overnight, let me know?! We're EXHAUSTED! Hubby is doing final exams this week so he'll get a bit of a break after this. But right now, we're stumbling through our days. The other morning, I fell asleep at a stoplight on my way to work! The car behind me honked and I came to my senses. I need more than the few hours of sleep I'm getting. Gotta fix this.
The other day, Hubby was doing Petite's bedtime routine with her, and he said, "Go give Mama a kiss," and she did. She walked right over to me, threw her arms around my neck, snuggled in close and then backed off my shoulder a bit, tilted her head up and brought her lips in to give me a sweet, little open-mouthed kiss. I almost cried. Seriously.
A milestone: I've booked Petite's "first haircut" for this coming Saturday, December 18. Two years to the day that we got our BFP. And my angel is about to have her hair trimmed. I can't really put it off any longer; I won't have my daughter going on vacation with a mullet! LOL
Love to all in Blogland. Still reading your blogs, but I find it harder to comment lately. Again, the "need more time" thing is coming into play. But I am reading! Promise.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
T minus 13 hours... *gulp*
Thirteen hours from now, I'll be sitting in our specialist's office in Montréal...
... scared sh*tless.
I have no idea how this appointment is going to play out, but I am nervous tonight as I contemplate the various scenarios.
I just hope I don't walk out of there like I did our first appointment with the staff at McGill. I remember sniffling in the parking lot, bawling my eyes out by the time I sat down in the car and totally breaking down on our way back home. I was terrified.
At that time, we had already done so much and gone through so many tests, tears, grief and pain over the previous six years, I didn't know if I could pull myself together to get the "rest" of the tests done for the folks in MTL.
But I managed. We did it.
And look where it got us.
Please God, let tomorrow go well. I would love to make our little girl a big sister at the end of all this.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Funding IVF in Ontario; The Time is Now
It was with pleasure that I read Loribeth's post the other day. She discussed Canada's Governor General, Mr. David Johnston, in her post "Hey, the GG has a clue!" and referenced an article that recently appeared in the Star. In his first official visit to Queen's Park, our GG urged Ontario to act on adoption and infertility, "imploring MPPs to make it easier for women to get pregnant and for families to adopt children."
In 2008, Dalton McGuinty's Liberals asked Mr. Johnston to head up the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. For those who may not know, I was one of the hundreds of people interviewed by the panel. I told my story, in detail. At the time, I was about 10 weeks pregnant after our only IVF cycle at McGill in Montreal. And yes, I told them that the reason I chose to go to Montreal and not the Ottawa Fertility Centre, was, at that time, mainly financial.
The panel's report is Raising Expectations, and among its recommendations are the following:
Adoption
I actually got a letter back from Ms. Matthews last week. In it, she thanked me kindly for contacting her. She congratulated me on the birth of Petite. But the majority of her letter focused on the fact that much study and review still needs to be done.
You know something? The studies have been done. Governments at various levels have already put a ton of money into ensuring that studies were done, and done correctly, and that due consideration was given to their recommendations. Those recommendations have now been put forth and let me be clear: they are unanimous.
FUND ASSISTED REPRODUCTION.
MAKE ADOPTION EASIER.
There's always going to be a desire to do 'more studies' and 'more reflection'. That's the nature of the beast with such a complex decision. However, while the recommendations of the Expert Panel languish on some bureaucrat's desk, people like me are desperately searching for ways to fund their family-building methods, or frantically trying to find their way around the adoption-go-round.
It's long past time that our government helped us. It's long past time to change the fact that residents of other provinces get preferential treatment and access to help not afforded to the province that I choose to live in. (Make no mistake, it is a choice that can be revoked.)
This year, Quebec saw the light and now funds up to three cycles of IVF treatments. I hear that the increase in clients at McGill is exponential. I expect to be met with a sea of faces when I go back next week to talk to our doctor about trying to have a second child. In addition to Quebec's decision, Manitoba took action as well. That province stepped up, offering maximum amount for those undergoing treatments.
So do I need to move to another province to get treatment? Do people in one or two provinces merit assistance and none of the rest of us do? Right across the river from where I live is Gatineau. It's in Quebec. Do I need to move less than five kilometres in order to have my next IVF funded? Believe me, Gatineau is very close to my home. I can, literally, see the province of Quebec from my doorstep. I've seriously considered making that move.
In 2009 (on the day Petite was born in fact, August 27, 2009), Premier Dalton McGuinty said that he believes the Ontario government should be in the baby-making business. Understandably, he indicated that there must be consideration for assistance, and that maybe the government would first have to move on low-cost recommendations or phase in changes over time. At that time, NDP Leader, Andrea Horwatch urged the government to implement the Expert Panel's recommendations, reminding us that "Infertility is often an embarrassing and painful issue for thousands of women, while adoption is costly and takes years to go through the process. We need bold action from the McGuinty government to help these women and families across Ontario become parents."
And then, a couple of days ago, the whole issue was brought to the forefront again. A federal Liberal candidate, Mr. David Bertschi, knocked on my door. When he did, Hubby answered. Hubby said, "I have no questions, but I'm sure my wife has something to ask you." I picked up Petite, carried her to the front door, and said to him, "Do you see this little girl?" He nodded and smiled at her (seriously, she's so cute, how could he not?). I stated, "She is the direct result of six years of infertility treatments, more than $30,000 and one IVF cycle that gave us a miracle. While I was pregnant, I was part of the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. The recommendations have been presented to the government. It's time to act. And I really don't think I should have to take out a second mortgage to do it." We chatted for a few moments, and I gave him the address to this blog.
Let's hope Mr. Bertschi sees this blog. Let's hope he sees and maybe gets to meet some of you, my sisters and brothers in infertility, who fight alongside me day after day, year after year, hoping that things will change. We want change for us, yes. That's true. But also for the many that come behind us.
All I can say is I'm glad I'm not waiting around for any government to help me. If I wait for someone in Queen's Park to make a move on this, I'll be well over the age limit by the time they get around to me. And if that's the way that governments assist their constituents, we certainly have a long way to go.
In 2008, Dalton McGuinty's Liberals asked Mr. Johnston to head up the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. For those who may not know, I was one of the hundreds of people interviewed by the panel. I told my story, in detail. At the time, I was about 10 weeks pregnant after our only IVF cycle at McGill in Montreal. And yes, I told them that the reason I chose to go to Montreal and not the Ottawa Fertility Centre, was, at that time, mainly financial.
The panel's report is Raising Expectations, and among its recommendations are the following:
Adoption
- Create a provincial adoption agency.
- Develop tools to manage the adoption system.
- Provide adequate funding that supports the realities of adoption.
Assisted Reproduction
- All Ontarians should know how to protect their fertility. (discusses education, counselling, fertility testing and monitoring)
- Assisted reproduction services should be safe and meet the highest, evidence-based standards. (discusses accreditation, multiple births, safety, timeliness)
- Ontario cannot afford not to fund assisted reproduction (discusses what should be funded, including fertility medication and counselling)
- Ontarians who could benefit should have access to assisted reproduction services. (discusses work life, geographic access, legal and social barriers, fertility preservation, and HIV discordant couples)
And it recommends that there is a need to raise awareness about family building options in Ontario.
(Read the executive summary. // Read the full report [index]).
As the head of that Expert Panel, it is David Johnston's signature on the documentation submitted to the Ontario Health Minister, Deb Matthews, for further review... and hopefully, action. However, as of yet, we've seen none.
In the 15 months since that report was submitted, there's been very little in the media, in the way of discussion, and certainly, there's been even less action. As Loribeth said, David Johnston's discussion at Queen's Park "is a welcome reminder and endorsement from a high-profile Canadian."
A few months ago, in the Ottawa Citizen, there was an article entitled "High Cost of IVF stalls funding in Ontario." It cited Ontario's Health Minister, Deb Matthews, in that article as the person making that statement. In response, I wrote to Minister Matthews. Yet again, I told my story. I reminded her that without the finances behind us, I would be in the position of never having a child and never being able to carry on my family's name. Never giving my parents a grandchild to love and hold and dote upon. And I urged her to move forward with the recommendations.I actually got a letter back from Ms. Matthews last week. In it, she thanked me kindly for contacting her. She congratulated me on the birth of Petite. But the majority of her letter focused on the fact that much study and review still needs to be done.
You know something? The studies have been done. Governments at various levels have already put a ton of money into ensuring that studies were done, and done correctly, and that due consideration was given to their recommendations. Those recommendations have now been put forth and let me be clear: they are unanimous.
FUND ASSISTED REPRODUCTION.
MAKE ADOPTION EASIER.
There's always going to be a desire to do 'more studies' and 'more reflection'. That's the nature of the beast with such a complex decision. However, while the recommendations of the Expert Panel languish on some bureaucrat's desk, people like me are desperately searching for ways to fund their family-building methods, or frantically trying to find their way around the adoption-go-round.
It's long past time that our government helped us. It's long past time to change the fact that residents of other provinces get preferential treatment and access to help not afforded to the province that I choose to live in. (Make no mistake, it is a choice that can be revoked.)
This year, Quebec saw the light and now funds up to three cycles of IVF treatments. I hear that the increase in clients at McGill is exponential. I expect to be met with a sea of faces when I go back next week to talk to our doctor about trying to have a second child. In addition to Quebec's decision, Manitoba took action as well. That province stepped up, offering maximum amount for those undergoing treatments.
So do I need to move to another province to get treatment? Do people in one or two provinces merit assistance and none of the rest of us do? Right across the river from where I live is Gatineau. It's in Quebec. Do I need to move less than five kilometres in order to have my next IVF funded? Believe me, Gatineau is very close to my home. I can, literally, see the province of Quebec from my doorstep. I've seriously considered making that move.
In 2009 (on the day Petite was born in fact, August 27, 2009), Premier Dalton McGuinty said that he believes the Ontario government should be in the baby-making business. Understandably, he indicated that there must be consideration for assistance, and that maybe the government would first have to move on low-cost recommendations or phase in changes over time. At that time, NDP Leader, Andrea Horwatch urged the government to implement the Expert Panel's recommendations, reminding us that "Infertility is often an embarrassing and painful issue for thousands of women, while adoption is costly and takes years to go through the process. We need bold action from the McGuinty government to help these women and families across Ontario become parents."
And then, a couple of days ago, the whole issue was brought to the forefront again. A federal Liberal candidate, Mr. David Bertschi, knocked on my door. When he did, Hubby answered. Hubby said, "I have no questions, but I'm sure my wife has something to ask you." I picked up Petite, carried her to the front door, and said to him, "Do you see this little girl?" He nodded and smiled at her (seriously, she's so cute, how could he not?). I stated, "She is the direct result of six years of infertility treatments, more than $30,000 and one IVF cycle that gave us a miracle. While I was pregnant, I was part of the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. The recommendations have been presented to the government. It's time to act. And I really don't think I should have to take out a second mortgage to do it." We chatted for a few moments, and I gave him the address to this blog.
Let's hope Mr. Bertschi sees this blog. Let's hope he sees and maybe gets to meet some of you, my sisters and brothers in infertility, who fight alongside me day after day, year after year, hoping that things will change. We want change for us, yes. That's true. But also for the many that come behind us.
All I can say is I'm glad I'm not waiting around for any government to help me. If I wait for someone in Queen's Park to make a move on this, I'll be well over the age limit by the time they get around to me. And if that's the way that governments assist their constituents, we certainly have a long way to go.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Two Years Ago Today
On December 2, 2008, I wrote a post fairly late in the evening to update everyone.
That was the day of my retrieval for our one and only IVF cycle that produced Petite.
I have no idea where two whole years have gone; it seems quite a blur to me. On that day, six mature eggs were retrieved, all fertilized by ICSI and a few days later, three were transferred back.
One of those three is our little miracle. And I smile today in memory of where we were two years ago and how very lucky we are to have come this far.
Blessings to each and every one of us during this Christmas season. And much love to my fellow bloggers.
That was the day of my retrieval for our one and only IVF cycle that produced Petite.
I have no idea where two whole years have gone; it seems quite a blur to me. On that day, six mature eggs were retrieved, all fertilized by ICSI and a few days later, three were transferred back.
One of those three is our little miracle. And I smile today in memory of where we were two years ago and how very lucky we are to have come this far.
Blessings to each and every one of us during this Christmas season. And much love to my fellow bloggers.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Did you know...
Well colour me shocked!
I was surprised yesterday when we went to the doctor's office for Petite's 15-month innoculations. She got two shots. One was the standard MMR stuff. But the other?
Chicken pox.
Did you even know that there is a vaccine for that now? I guarantee you, I had NO idea. I looked at the doc like she had ten heads, I'm sure! I said, "Chicken pox? You're kidding." She said, "No. Not at all. We've had a vaccine for chicken pox since about 2004."
YAY! With a little luck, Petite will never have to deal with chicken pox! How wonderful is that?! I'm pleased.
One more childhood illness that I can cross off the list. Whew.
As for her stats, she's not quite 25 lbs, she's 33 inches and in perfect health, developing normally. Her morning naps are pretty much done with, and thus so is that mid-morning bottle. She isn't eating as much when she gets up in the morning either, so we're able to cut down on the milk consumption and bump up her water intake a little. She still isn't all that keen on juices. Now and then she'll have a taste, but it doesn't thrill her. She's eating everything that we are and really enjoying trying new foods. I'm sure there'll be more of that during the holidays.
This past weekend, we took her to the Santa Claus Parade and I decorated the exterior of the house with the Christmas lights and garlands and things. One or two finishing touches to put on all that before we flip the switch. And this coming weekend, we are putting up the tree and decorating the interior of the house, making room for my parents to come visit in about two weeks and rearranging furniture to accommodate. Wish us luck; I expect I'm going to have to tie on the Christmas tree so Petite doesn't pull it over on herself!
I was surprised yesterday when we went to the doctor's office for Petite's 15-month innoculations. She got two shots. One was the standard MMR stuff. But the other?
Chicken pox.
Did you even know that there is a vaccine for that now? I guarantee you, I had NO idea. I looked at the doc like she had ten heads, I'm sure! I said, "Chicken pox? You're kidding." She said, "No. Not at all. We've had a vaccine for chicken pox since about 2004."
YAY! With a little luck, Petite will never have to deal with chicken pox! How wonderful is that?! I'm pleased.
One more childhood illness that I can cross off the list. Whew.
As for her stats, she's not quite 25 lbs, she's 33 inches and in perfect health, developing normally. Her morning naps are pretty much done with, and thus so is that mid-morning bottle. She isn't eating as much when she gets up in the morning either, so we're able to cut down on the milk consumption and bump up her water intake a little. She still isn't all that keen on juices. Now and then she'll have a taste, but it doesn't thrill her. She's eating everything that we are and really enjoying trying new foods. I'm sure there'll be more of that during the holidays.
This past weekend, we took her to the Santa Claus Parade and I decorated the exterior of the house with the Christmas lights and garlands and things. One or two finishing touches to put on all that before we flip the switch. And this coming weekend, we are putting up the tree and decorating the interior of the house, making room for my parents to come visit in about two weeks and rearranging furniture to accommodate. Wish us luck; I expect I'm going to have to tie on the Christmas tree so Petite doesn't pull it over on herself!
Friday, November 26, 2010
A Monkey on our Hands
I'm at work today; as mentioned in my earlier post today (wow, two posts in one day!), Petite is still ill but it's Hubby's turn at home with her today.
He just called me. With a new development.
Petite climbed out of her crib.
Now, it's not quite like last time. Back in October, in this post, I mentioned that she wasn't yet 14 months old and had figured out how to climb out of her crib. At that time, we lowered the mattress as far as it could go, thinking that it would buy us a few months' worth of time.
Yeeeaaaah. Ummmmm, not so much. She's going to be 15 months tomorrow, and by God, she ain't stunned (as we say at home).
Because she's been ill, we had used a pillow to raise up one end of her crib, hoping that it would help her breathe easier and thus sleep better at night. This afternoon, it was time for her nap, so Hubby gave her a bottle, set her down for a nap, covered her, turned on the monitor and went to the kitchen to tidy up.
A few moments later, he heard a "thump" and went to investigate. There she was, happy as ever, playing with her toys on the floor. He was shocked. He called me and told me and I suggested that he remove the pillow and see what happened.
Then I got an e-mail. "That didn't work." Apparently, he removed the pillow, thus returning the mattress to its lowest level. He put her back in her crib, covered her again, and left the room, pulling the door almost closed behind him. Quietly, he watched her.
She promptly got up, went to the corner of her crib, threw one leg up and pulled herself up to the top of the rail. Rolling over the edge, she hung on for a moment before letting go and dropping herself down to the floor.
It's inevitable. We're going to have to change her bed to a pure 'toddler bed' now with a half railing on one side. I can't believe it. Fifteen months and she's done with her crib. It's gone so fast. I yearned for more than six years to have a baby in my arms. I am blessed that I got her of course. But much like I wished my pregnancy would last, I wish her infancy and childhood would last too. It is flying by. And my little baby is becoming a real little girl.
I'm saddened by that. In so many ways, I wish I could stop time and hold her close and tight. Keep her 'my baby' per se. But then again, I have to smile and like every other parent before me, I must be grateful and thankful that Petite is a happy, healthy (relatively! Even with croup!), normal little sweetheart.
Counting each and every blessing I have. Trust me. Every single day.
Happy 15 months baby girl. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our heart.
He just called me. With a new development.
Petite climbed out of her crib.
Now, it's not quite like last time. Back in October, in this post, I mentioned that she wasn't yet 14 months old and had figured out how to climb out of her crib. At that time, we lowered the mattress as far as it could go, thinking that it would buy us a few months' worth of time.
Yeeeaaaah. Ummmmm, not so much. She's going to be 15 months tomorrow, and by God, she ain't stunned (as we say at home).
Because she's been ill, we had used a pillow to raise up one end of her crib, hoping that it would help her breathe easier and thus sleep better at night. This afternoon, it was time for her nap, so Hubby gave her a bottle, set her down for a nap, covered her, turned on the monitor and went to the kitchen to tidy up.
A few moments later, he heard a "thump" and went to investigate. There she was, happy as ever, playing with her toys on the floor. He was shocked. He called me and told me and I suggested that he remove the pillow and see what happened.
Then I got an e-mail. "That didn't work." Apparently, he removed the pillow, thus returning the mattress to its lowest level. He put her back in her crib, covered her again, and left the room, pulling the door almost closed behind him. Quietly, he watched her.
She promptly got up, went to the corner of her crib, threw one leg up and pulled herself up to the top of the rail. Rolling over the edge, she hung on for a moment before letting go and dropping herself down to the floor.
It's inevitable. We're going to have to change her bed to a pure 'toddler bed' now with a half railing on one side. I can't believe it. Fifteen months and she's done with her crib. It's gone so fast. I yearned for more than six years to have a baby in my arms. I am blessed that I got her of course. But much like I wished my pregnancy would last, I wish her infancy and childhood would last too. It is flying by. And my little baby is becoming a real little girl.
I'm saddened by that. In so many ways, I wish I could stop time and hold her close and tight. Keep her 'my baby' per se. But then again, I have to smile and like every other parent before me, I must be grateful and thankful that Petite is a happy, healthy (relatively! Even with croup!), normal little sweetheart.
Counting each and every blessing I have. Trust me. Every single day.
Happy 15 months baby girl. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our heart.
Sickness Hits Us Again
Petite is still not well. It's been a week filled with keeping her occupied. Playing games (peekabo, chase), playing with her toys (she laughed so hard when I showed her that the Fish.er Pri.ce Daddy could actually go through the front door of the play house!) and reading lots and lots of books. All of the preceeding interspersed with pauses here and there to wipe her runny nose. You know... before she can lick it. (*shudder*)
Anyway, for the past two nights, Petite has stirred around 11 p.m. and starts coughing. And coughing. And coughing. Both nights, she coughed so hard, she made herself throw up. On me. Oh joy. I adore the scent of baby barf at midnight.
Not.
What worried us though wasn't so much the whole 'cough-til-you-vomit' thing. Lots of children do that.
Nope. What worried us was the sound of the cough.
I'd never heard it before, but you can be certain that it was unmistakable. And as parents of young children and adults have told me, it was spot on. It sounded EXACTLY like a baby seal.
Croup.
Petite was diagnosed this morning with a very mild case of croup. The doctor prescribed only one dose of medication, expecting that is all that she'll need. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he's right.
He advised us not to take her to her swimming class on Saturday morning, indicating that the warmth and steam may provoke a cough. However, he said that we could take her to the Santa Claus Parade on Saturday evening, as long as the cold didn't aggravate her cough. If it does, I'll head home with her immediately.
All this assuming she's doing fairly well tomorrow when we get up. I hate it when she's ill. But I am fully aware that croup is common among young children. And besides, I know I'll have to get through chicken pox, measles and heavens knows what other childhood illnesses with Petite yet.
One day at a time.
Poor baby girl. :(
Anyway, for the past two nights, Petite has stirred around 11 p.m. and starts coughing. And coughing. And coughing. Both nights, she coughed so hard, she made herself throw up. On me. Oh joy. I adore the scent of baby barf at midnight.
Not.
What worried us though wasn't so much the whole 'cough-til-you-vomit' thing. Lots of children do that.
Nope. What worried us was the sound of the cough.
I'd never heard it before, but you can be certain that it was unmistakable. And as parents of young children and adults have told me, it was spot on. It sounded EXACTLY like a baby seal.
Croup.
Petite was diagnosed this morning with a very mild case of croup. The doctor prescribed only one dose of medication, expecting that is all that she'll need. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he's right.
He advised us not to take her to her swimming class on Saturday morning, indicating that the warmth and steam may provoke a cough. However, he said that we could take her to the Santa Claus Parade on Saturday evening, as long as the cold didn't aggravate her cough. If it does, I'll head home with her immediately.
All this assuming she's doing fairly well tomorrow when we get up. I hate it when she's ill. But I am fully aware that croup is common among young children. And besides, I know I'll have to get through chicken pox, measles and heavens knows what other childhood illnesses with Petite yet.
One day at a time.
Poor baby girl. :(
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Plan has Changed
Last night, as we were eating dinner, our phone rang. Usually, we ignore it because telemarketers are prone to interrupting our evening meal, and frankly, at that hour, I refuse to speak to them. But something told me to grab the call. When I picked up the handset, I saw on the screen that it was my local RE's office calling.
Lo and behold, it was the RE himself. He had just recently received a fax from my OB's office. The OB doesn't think he can work with a cyst as small as mine (about 4 x 5 cms). To be fair, the OB isn't usually required to do that sort of thing. I mean, aspiration of a cyst is pretty much the same technique as egg retrieval during an IVF cycle and it certainly isn't the OB that does that. The last time I had a cyst like this, I had it aspirated in Montreal at our clinic there. The time before that, it was the OB who did a laparoscopy to remove it. He's comfortable with doing the lap, but not with aspiration. Not really his area of specialty. I can understand that.
But the question remains: who can do the aspiration? There's the local fertility centre who, technically, COULD do it for me. But wouldn't they be pissed at doing that when I'm not even cycling there? I certainly wouldn't be a priority for them. The folks in Montreal can do it. Sure. But it means travel time, etc. And Lord knows when they can work me in. I asked my local RE if he could possibly contact Montreal and ask if perhaps that procedure can be squeezed into our appointment day in mid-December.
The local RE said that they'd ponder possible options and they'd contact me soon with something. I hope they come up with an idea soon though. The pain was so bad last night, it woke me from my sleep. That's not fun. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you can be damn sure that if it was a man suffering from a 4 x 5 cm growth in his abdomen that could easily be rectified, it would be fixed in the blink of an eye. Why do women have to suffer so? It's terrible. It's just not acceptable in my view.
On another note, I was home unexpectedly yesterday. Petite is ill and while she could have probably gone to daycare, I got a phone call just after 7 a.m. yesterday from our caregiver to let us know that her own son was violently ill so she was going to have to cancel care for the day. C'est la vie. I stayed home and cuddled Petite, trying to relieve her symptoms as much as possible. Poor girl. She is having a tough time breathing. That continued into last night. Every time she stirred, her breathing difficulties woke her and she'd cry. Sitting in her crib, just feeling miserable; she looked terribly forlorn. My poor baby girl. It's hard to know I can't do much for her. I must look into some natural remedies that come highly recommended, at least to relieve her symptoms a little. We've tried a few things already: saline in her nose, suctioning out the junk, raising her mattress on one end, keeping a running humidifier with liquid Vicks going, having a steaming hot bathroom when she takes her bath, etc. I hope this cold runs its course soon. I hate to see her ill. She was so uncomfortable last night, I was up until almost 2 a.m. trying to rock her to sleep on my chest, semi-upright so she could breathe. She was miserable though.
Something that's amazing to me though, is Petite's absolute LOVE of books. At not quite 15 months, she spent all day yesterday running back and forth to me with book after book after book. At last count last night, I'd read "Guess Who?" (one of her Halloween, lift-the-flap books) a total of 18 times. EIGHTEEN, folks. And that's just one of her books! She has about a dozen or so piled in the living room and she loves to have us read them to her. I am very, very happy about that. She is beginning to recognize her books too. I've read "Goodnight Moon" so many times, I've memorized it. The other evening, I started to recite it from memory when it was bedtime and we wanted her to settle down a little and have quiet time. As I was reciting it, she stopped her frenetic spinning, and immediately went to her stack of books, plucked out "Goodnight Moon" and brought it to me, climbing into my lap. We read it cover to cover three times before she was satisfied.
I am so glad she loves books. It's important to me that I read to her every day and instill a love of the written word and show her that books are wonderful. It will serve her in good stead as she gets older. That's for certain. But oh dear heavens, how many times do I have to read them over and over and over? It makes me laugh, but I cannot despair. It's a wonderful thing and I am deliriously thrilled that she enjoys books as much as she does.
Sending out lots of love to my fellow bloggers. And wishing all Americans (and my sister who lives in the States, along with her husband and his family) a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Enjoy.
Lo and behold, it was the RE himself. He had just recently received a fax from my OB's office. The OB doesn't think he can work with a cyst as small as mine (about 4 x 5 cms). To be fair, the OB isn't usually required to do that sort of thing. I mean, aspiration of a cyst is pretty much the same technique as egg retrieval during an IVF cycle and it certainly isn't the OB that does that. The last time I had a cyst like this, I had it aspirated in Montreal at our clinic there. The time before that, it was the OB who did a laparoscopy to remove it. He's comfortable with doing the lap, but not with aspiration. Not really his area of specialty. I can understand that.
But the question remains: who can do the aspiration? There's the local fertility centre who, technically, COULD do it for me. But wouldn't they be pissed at doing that when I'm not even cycling there? I certainly wouldn't be a priority for them. The folks in Montreal can do it. Sure. But it means travel time, etc. And Lord knows when they can work me in. I asked my local RE if he could possibly contact Montreal and ask if perhaps that procedure can be squeezed into our appointment day in mid-December.
The local RE said that they'd ponder possible options and they'd contact me soon with something. I hope they come up with an idea soon though. The pain was so bad last night, it woke me from my sleep. That's not fun. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you can be damn sure that if it was a man suffering from a 4 x 5 cm growth in his abdomen that could easily be rectified, it would be fixed in the blink of an eye. Why do women have to suffer so? It's terrible. It's just not acceptable in my view.
On another note, I was home unexpectedly yesterday. Petite is ill and while she could have probably gone to daycare, I got a phone call just after 7 a.m. yesterday from our caregiver to let us know that her own son was violently ill so she was going to have to cancel care for the day. C'est la vie. I stayed home and cuddled Petite, trying to relieve her symptoms as much as possible. Poor girl. She is having a tough time breathing. That continued into last night. Every time she stirred, her breathing difficulties woke her and she'd cry. Sitting in her crib, just feeling miserable; she looked terribly forlorn. My poor baby girl. It's hard to know I can't do much for her. I must look into some natural remedies that come highly recommended, at least to relieve her symptoms a little. We've tried a few things already: saline in her nose, suctioning out the junk, raising her mattress on one end, keeping a running humidifier with liquid Vicks going, having a steaming hot bathroom when she takes her bath, etc. I hope this cold runs its course soon. I hate to see her ill. She was so uncomfortable last night, I was up until almost 2 a.m. trying to rock her to sleep on my chest, semi-upright so she could breathe. She was miserable though.
Something that's amazing to me though, is Petite's absolute LOVE of books. At not quite 15 months, she spent all day yesterday running back and forth to me with book after book after book. At last count last night, I'd read "Guess Who?" (one of her Halloween, lift-the-flap books) a total of 18 times. EIGHTEEN, folks. And that's just one of her books! She has about a dozen or so piled in the living room and she loves to have us read them to her. I am very, very happy about that. She is beginning to recognize her books too. I've read "Goodnight Moon" so many times, I've memorized it. The other evening, I started to recite it from memory when it was bedtime and we wanted her to settle down a little and have quiet time. As I was reciting it, she stopped her frenetic spinning, and immediately went to her stack of books, plucked out "Goodnight Moon" and brought it to me, climbing into my lap. We read it cover to cover three times before she was satisfied.
I am so glad she loves books. It's important to me that I read to her every day and instill a love of the written word and show her that books are wonderful. It will serve her in good stead as she gets older. That's for certain. But oh dear heavens, how many times do I have to read them over and over and over? It makes me laugh, but I cannot despair. It's a wonderful thing and I am deliriously thrilled that she enjoys books as much as she does.
Sending out lots of love to my fellow bloggers. And wishing all Americans (and my sister who lives in the States, along with her husband and his family) a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Enjoy.
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