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Monday, November 17, 2014

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Microblog Mondays

Our dear Mel over at Stirrup Queens (and why does some part of me still want to call her blog by its previous moniker, "Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters"?) has begun a blog phenomenon as she frequently does.

Microblog Mondays. Writing in your own space. Something short and sweet. But it's meant to take back our bloggy space and call it our own. I am going to try to do this periodically. Life's hectic. So we'll see how long this lasts.

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Cold. Brr. I am freezing post-op. I cannot get warm enough. Most evenings find me cozied up with Petite in her bed, snuggling for warmth as she still enjoys it when Mommy or Daddy lies down with her to cap off her day. She falls asleep pretty easily that way.

I usually manage to get up and get to my own bed in due course. But I was so chilled last night, I simply did NOT want to get out from under her blankets.

I go to bed and this is what I use to try to keep warm:
  • fleece jammies (Mom just had a gorgeous new set from LL Bean sent to me! Thanks Mom!)
  • a heating pad at my feet
  • a Magic Bag (or two) heated in the microwave. One goes across my torso, the other near my upper arms as they get cold very fast.
  • a heavy feather duvet
  • I did have two extra blankets on my side of the bed, but now that the duvet and the duvet cover is on, those make it super heavy!
  • and last night, I added a pair of fuzzy socks. That helped.
I am looking into investing in a soft, twin heated blanket for the winter. Apparently the first winter or two post-op is brutal until your body gets used to things again. If you have other suggestions, I'm open to hearing about them! Brrrr!!! And we've barely got snow! This is just gonna be no fun at all come January and February when we experience -30 and -40 degrees!!!! I'm gonna be an icicle!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Moving Right Along; the Latest and Greatest in our World. Or at least, what's keeping us busy.

So let's get up to speed, shall we? Where were we when we last left off? Oh yeah...

Ontario Election

The Ontario election has come and gone. The Liberals won a majority and that means that IVF coverage was pushed through in the budget. Now we do not know yet what that 'coverage' will look like. What will it cover? One fresh cycle only? Or frozen too? How many cycles exactly? Will it come in the form of a tax break or actual coverage up front? And for what ages? Married couples only? Singles? LGBT? What about using donor eggs? What about using donor sperm? There are a lot of parameters to decide.

Milestones

We are still feeling the loss of my baby boy, Shadow as the previous post detailed. His brother, Smudge, has certainly stepped up and tried to fill the void. He's like Velcro to me at the moment, and hates it when I leave the house. He's very attached to people and prefers to be in a room where we are, rather than by himself. But sometimes age gets the better of him and he'd just prefer to go lie down and sleep on our bed, warm and cosy in the blankets. He turned 19 on August 25. He's an old boy now, but we love him and we are keeping him as happy and comfortable as possible until his own time comes.

Petite's 5th birthday was in August as well. Because she started kindergarten (Jardin) this year, ON her birthday no less (!), she opted to wait to celebrate her birthday in September so she could invite a few of her classmates and close friends from school. So we did that and had 14 children come to celebrate at a local indoor play park. She had an absolute blast!

We also passed the anniversary of my Aunt's passing, and just last week, we released balloons to celebrate what would have been her 80th birthday. We still miss her so very much. She has left a definite void in our hearts.

Vacation

Over the summer, I took Petite back to The Rock to spend time with my family. We took a side detour over to NS and NB to see family there. In particular, to meet my cousin's new boy-girl twins! They were about 5 months old when we saw them and they were gorgeous! Oh my heavens! What beautiful children. My cousin and his wife did IVF as well and they hit the jackpot. She was able to carry the twins to 39 weeks before they induced her and delivered them by C-section. How very, very luck are they. And in a nod to my grandfather and my aunt, the boy's middle name is my grandfather's first name, and the girl's middle name is my aunt's first name… or the diminutive of it and the name my aunt actually preferred us to call her. I had a few dresses that my aunt had given to Petite, and I passed them on to this baby girl; she can actually wear a dress that her namesake purchased… long before she was even conceived. We are so blessed.

While at home, I managed to see my sister and my nephew too. We had such fun with them and made some wonderful memories, for kids, parents, and grandparents alike. It was a lovely holiday.

Family Grief

Right now, we are dealing with a family issue. Over the summer, my MIL complained of pain in her right side. She delayed a visit to the doctor, and when she finally got to see them, they couldn't do both tests they had hoped at the same visit, so postponed both of them for 6-8 weeks. Eventually, they found it. A growth. She needed surgery, fast, and that done, she was sent home. Apparently they knew it was cancer and told her and offered her chemo which she declined (we question now if she realized the ramifications of her choice, given her dementia at the time). She was sent home. Five weeks later, she was back in hospital with the same symptoms and still too weak, recovering from the first surgery, to undergo a second. The growth had returned, growing quickly and aggressively. She has a sarcoma and it is now systemic. It is terminal. She was in the ICU and has now been transferred to a hospice. There are good days and bad (on Sunday past, she did not awaken at all), but the doctors gave her anywhere from days to weeks left. We are visiting as much as we possibly can and trying to help the family get her affairs in order for the inevitable. It will happen; we just need to be prepared. Or as prepared as we can possibly be. The whole family is in shock and not dealing well with this terribly sad news. (By the way, if you know me personally, this is not yet public information so please do not post anything on FB or other social media about this. I would appreciate your consideration for this sensitive issue. Thank you in advance.)

VSG and Weight Loss

Now, as to my surgery and recovery… and my own accountability.

I had my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy performed at the Civic on February 3, 2014. Today is November 13. To date, I have lost 114 lbs. I go through long stalls -- weeks where I do not lose a pound – but I usually check my measurements or do a photo comparison (or clothing comparison) and I realize that in the stalls, I am usually losing or redistributing my body weight in other ways. It's pretty fascinating.

My operation took a mere 50 minutes and was without complication. I walked into the operating room and by the time they brought me to a semi-private room in the trauma ward to recover, I was able to get off the gurney and walk to my bed with assistance. It's a laparoscopic procedure, so I do not have a long incision, but rather I had five small incisions through which the surgeon removed approximately 85-90% of my stomach. I have a tiny sleeve of a stomach now that is about the size of a thick pen or narrow highlighter. It can hold 2-3 ounces comfortably, but much more than that makes me get the 'foamies.' That is when I start salivating quickly, as if I were going to vomit, I get lightheaded, my heart races a bit and I start to tear up at the eyes, swallowing hard to try to keep myself from being sick. I usually get up and walk it off, and after a burp/heave or two, it passes. It's happened a few times. Quite the learning curve! My new sleeve cannot handle milk very well, though cheese and yogourt are good. I am following my diet and eating protein forward, followed by veggies (only IF I have room).

In the last month or two, I've had a taste of popcorn and chocolate. I try to stay far away from the carbs to maximize my 'honeymoon' phase which can last for 12-18 months. But now and then, a taste is really nice. Much of my diet now consists of protein shakes for breakfast, some peanut butter for a snack, lunch is usually some meat or fish, a second snack of cheese or a pepperoni stick, supper would be protein with some sauce/dip to help it go down easy (e.g., hamburger patty with 1/3 cup of my homemade spaghetti sauce), and nighttime… is my downfall. I have to be very careful in the evenings. After Petite goes to bed, I tend to look for something to nibble on, more out of habit than anything else. I have found some good protein snacks but I need to be more diligent in choosing them rather than opting for a bite of sugar or carbs. Those are a dangerous, slippery slope! I do NOT want to go there!

I have had some incredible NSVs (non-scale victories) along the way. For example,

  • I've gone from size 22/24 down to 10/12. I cannot recall EVER being in size 10/12 before. When I was 14, I was in size 14 as a child.
  • I can cross my legs… something I've never been able to do. I can even do it on a plane!
  • I can lower the table tray on a plane and still have room to move and bend; it doesn't rest on my stomach. I even had room on either side of my hips while on the plane. That's a FIRST for me in all my years of travel!
  • I have oodles of room in movie theatre seats now; something that is novel. I used to lean over away from my seatmate so I didn't infringe on his/her personal space. That's hard on the back for a three-hour stretch!
  • I can wear heels comfortably all day now. WOW! I was even able to buy boots with heels, off the rack at a REGULAR shoe store!!! OMG!
  • I have had to readjust my seat, mirrors, armrests, etc., in my car to accommodate my new, smaller size.
  • I can shop for hours and not get winded; not that I've done any shopping for myself really. My sister took me out and dressed me up but I'm sorta terrified to do it myself. I've no idea where to begin. After 30+ years of shopping at two or three stores exclusively, I do not even know what's popular anymore.
  • I had to take off my wedding rings; they were falling off my fingers and I was afraid I would lose them. L
  • My shoes are far too large on me. I need new ones for the most part. I never would have thought I would lose weight in my feet. But I truly have.
  • My gold necklace hangs much lower on me than it should. I am loathe to shorten the chain (my parents gave me the chain, while Hubby gave me the pendant) but it looks kinda comical now.
  • It hurts to sit on a hard chair. This is something I've never really experienced before but as someone who had lots of rear padding, I am really feeling my bones when I sit down on a hard surface. Ouch!
  • I've lost somewhere around 65" off my body. I've not calculated it lately, but at last calculation it was 60+ inches. Pretty incredible.
  • I am cold… ALL. THE. TIME. Seriously. I spent all summer freezing. I had a folded blanket on my side of the bed on top of the sheet, one blanket, and top cover. Hubby was so warm he'd kick off the bedding while I shivered. He broke down and bought me a heating pad. I think I'm in the market for a heated twin blanket actually. I cannot get warm at all and I sit in my office with a blanket over my lap and a wool sweater over my shirt. Brrr. I am officially going to FREEZE this winter. Guaranteed.
  • I'm not quite as self-conscious in public anymore. As a morbidly obese person, you spend your life painfully aware that you take up too much space. And you try as much as possible to avoid shoving your mass in the face of others. It's overwhelming much of the time. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I sense that anxiety is diminishing, but it's being replaced by something else. Instead of thinking, "Oh God, I know everyone is judging me for my huge size," now I think, "Oh my, I hope no one can see the extra skin hanging (in whatever spot is visible at the time)." We definitely ARE our own worst critics. It's terrible. Body dysmorphia is a real thing, and I'm at the stage when I'm just starting to deal with it. Very hard.

There are more. Many, many more. But that's enough for now.

Lots of people have commented on my weight loss and I tell them the truth: I had surgery back in February and I've been working hard ever since. It's not easy. And I'm not done yet. I still have between 30 and 50 lbs that I would like to lose. I'm still technically obese. I want, for once in my life, to see a normal BMI, which for me means being 150 lbs or less.
I've come a long way, but this is just the beginning.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Heartbreaking Loss in January 2014

So while we wait for the outcome of the Ontario election to be determined.
You see, the NDP did not support the Liberal budget throwing things in disarray and forcing an election in mid-June. To date, only the Liberal platform specifies the inclusion of IVF. The NDP have waffled on the matter, and the PCs will not support it. Guess where my vote is going? D'uh. No brainer, huh?
Anyway, back to my blog.
At one point a few posts back, I briefly mentioned the huge loss we had suffered.
For those of you who are not animal lovers, fair enough. But I ask that you respect my particular feelings on the topic.

My fur babies.
Smudge and Shadow, Newfoundland, Christmas 1997

Smudge and Shadow. Brothers, from the same litter. Born in Japan in 1995, on August 25, they came into my life 7 weeks later as tiny, miniature, black balls of curious fuzz. And I doted on them.
Page-A-Day Calendar, 1997
My boys were inseparable. I almost named them Hook and Sook. Hook would have been Smudge; he has the physical trait of the kink at the tip of his tail that is frequently seen in purebred Himalayans (as his mother was. Gosh she was gorgeous. Long, white-haired, docile thing. A beautiful animal.). Shadow would have been Sook; so named because he FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE! To the kitchen. To the bathroom. If I sat down, he'd be in my lap. If I lay down, he'd be sleeping on me. When I gamed on the computer for hours into the late night, he found a way to adapt to the formation of my forearms and lay there as I moused and typed.
while pregnant with Petite, Shadow sleeping with me, February 2009
Hook and Sook became Smudge and Shadow. Smudge because of the white smudge on his lower belly; gosh he loves to have that rubbed and nuzzled! He's so affectionate. Shadow because he was my shadow. After all, he truly did follow me everywhere.
They loved the occasional bit of ham or tuna. They were inseparable. They slept together, groomed together, played together, traipsed around the house together, followed me together, and spent about 95% of their waking hours in each other's company. They were joined at the hip, as it were.
Smudge and Shadow, 2008
Shadow was my delicate kitty. Sweet. A little hesitant and fearful. But oh so affectionate! In his younger years he would jump into my arms from the floor. He did that to Hubby the first time Hubby came to our house and it shocked the heck out of both of them! Hubby to see a cat fly up to his mid-chest. and Shadow to realize that Hubby wouldn't catch him in time and he dropped back to the ground! I knew then and there that Hubby was a good guy and would fit into our life. If the cats like you, you're good by me.
Shadow 2009
Both boys, being of advanced age, and having no real other physical issues, began to show signs of kidney failure about two years ago at age 16. We've been managing their symptoms ever since. They continued to eat and drink well, but we gave them medicine to combat the kidney failure, and in the last year or so, a once-a-month B12 injection. But in the last five or six months, they began to vomit.
Well, Shadow began to vomit. And so it progressed. Just around Christmas 2013, I began to see slight traces of blood in his vomit. He must have been hurting so. Poor baby. He was still active though, so I didn't do anything about it.
Shadow and Smudge
In January, the day we left on our vacation, Hubby was in the car with Petite, bags packed, and I was locking the door. I had said goodbye to the boys (our dear neighbour Marc watches them when we are away; he's such a godsend) and turned to head out. At that moment, Shadow began to vomit again. And this time, as it had been once or twice earlier that week, it was a fair bit of dark reddish vomit. Blood. My heart was so heavy. But for a cat at 18 years of age, there are no heroics that will give him the quality of life he used to have. I couldn't put him through that. I stopped, wiped up the vomit, kissed him again and left to join the others in the car. We went on with our holiday.
During our vacation, Marc kept us updated. Three days before we were due to come home, Hubby got a text from Marc. Shadow was not coming to eat. Marc looked around for him, and found him in our bedroom closet, lying in a laundry basket on some of our clothing. He coaxed him out, and got him to eat a little, but he told us it didn't look good. Hubby and I were out at dinner with our friends when that text arrived, and we told Marc that there was nothing he could do, but to please keep us updated.
That was Thursday evening.
Shadow playing with a catnip toy, 2013
Saturday, two days later, we arrived back at home around 2 p.m. When Shadow did not meet us at the door, I knew it couldn't be good. Smudge was there, to-ing and fro-ing on our legs and suitcases, but Shadow didn't make a sound. I called him. Twice. Three times. And then I heard him coming slowly out of the bedroom to greet us. He looked frail. Eyes a bit glassy. Tired. I picked him up and he was already a bit cool to the touch, as compared to his brother. I cuddled him close. I brought him to the kitchen, hoping to give him some tuna and water, which he usually loves to drink, and coax him to have a little. No way. He wouldn't have anything to do with it. I put him down. and watched in horror as I realized he couldn't control his back legs any longer. He managed to walk. swaying a little on his legs, back and forth, and he returned to the bedroom and curl in the laundry basket again. I checked on him. And at that moment, I cried.
I called our vet, but they were closed of course (it was a Saturday after all) and as I had told them, there was no point in heroics. I would not put Shadow through that. I had loved him for all 18 years of his life and I could not put him in pain or subject him to invasive poking and prodding. He didn't belong in a vet's office, on a cold, steel table. He belonged with me. He knew I was home and I needed to be with him.
Shadow, summer 2013
I resolved to leave the luggage until time permitted me to handle the unpacking. Hubby took care of our daughter. I focussed exclusively on spending as much time curled with my fur baby, the cats ensconced in the bed with me or alternatively, me next to him in the closet, for the rest of the afternoon. He couldn't jump onto the bed although he came to the side of it and managed to put his forepaws on the covers, so I brought him up there and he curled in my lap a little, letting me snuggle with him. There, I tried to say my goodbyes. Or. to start to. Shadow snuggled with his brother, for what would be the last time. When he was done, he got up and tried to jump off the bed, but he couldn't do it himself, so I helped him. He got to the laundry basket in our closet again, and lay there, partially on the floor, head and upper body in the tipped up basket, surrounded by our clothing. He loved the softness of my pyjama pants; I'm glad they were there for him.
After about 15 or 20 minutes, he got up and came out. He meowed loudly a few times. I petted him, trying to soothe him. He was visibly agitated. He got in and out of the closet twice, and then I called Hubby to come to us. Petite was in bed by this time, so it was just me, Hubby and the two cats; Smudge on the bed, Shadow in the closet. Hubby moved things aside and sat with him in the closet a few moments, until about five or ten minutes later, when Shadow's breathing changed. It got raspy, ragged. Deep breaths followed by long pauses. I knew it was time. I said, "Do I need to be there?" and Hubby replied, "Yes. Yes you do."
Shadow and me, taking a nap, 2010
I got down with him, sitting beside him. The tears came. I stroked his silky, soft, shiny fur. I whispered to him, "It's okay Baby Shad. It's okay sweetheart. It's okay. You can go if you need to. I love you. I've always loved you. I know you have to go, and it's okay. It's okay." I think I repeated those phrases a hundred times; I think I was trying to convince myself that it was okay to let him go at that point.
His breathing got increasingly shallow, and he lifted his head one last time. I stroked his cheek. Stroked his nose and back down his head, smoothing his fur. My hands were on him at all times. I asked Hubby to get a towel for me and I draped it over my shoulder to pick him up and hold him in a position that he used to love. He was almost gone. and I needed to cuddle him.
I did just that. I held him in my arms as he took his last few breaths and slipped away. He had to go, and I had to let him.
And as he went, my heart broke. My Baby Shad was gone.
Shadow relaxing in the sun on his kitty perch, a favourite spot
After about half an hour, I lowered my baby Shadow and the towel into my lap to curl him there. I sat with him for about two hours. I couldn't bear to tear myself away. We righted the laundry basket and placed him, towel and all, in there for the night. I couldn't bear to have him far from me just yet. It would take time.
Shadow died on January 25, 2014, just after 11 p.m. surrounded by all the love I had to give. He had given me so much over the years. My boys were my constant companions. Through thick and thin, they had given me unconditional love and I returned it to them as good as they gave.
Something tells me he waited for us. He knew he was going to have to leave us, but he waited for us to get home. When we arrived home earlier that afternoon, when he heard our voices, sniffed our scents, curled in my arms, he knew. He just knew he could finally let go. And I will be eternally glad that he waited for me.
Smudge and Shadow 2005
I found a wonderful, caring, compassionate pet bereavement centre who helped me make arrangements. I have Shadow's ashes in an urn, and when the time comes, his brother's ashes shall join his. The two shall be together again someday; it's only right. My boys have always been together. I take comfort in knowing that part of me went with him. As a family, we all made contributions to a keepsake envelope that was cremated with Shadow, and I tucked in one of the grey, felt, catnip mice that Aunt B (who passed away a year and a half ago now) made for the cats. Shadow loved his catnip! Aunt B loved my boys too and I know she will take care of Shadow until I get to see him and cuddle him again.
Last photo of Smudge and Shadow together, January 25, 2014
Rest now dear Shadow. You gave me so much. I am grateful you waited for me to be there. But I know it was time. I love you my sweet Boo. I will see you again and so will your brother.  I promise. Go play in the sun my boy. You deserve the rest. I love you.
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When the time is right, I will get a tattoo to commemorate my boys. I have wanted it for years and after Shadow was gone, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Now that I have a design in mind, when all is said and done, I will get that tattoo. It will be exactly what I need. I look forward to it, and I'll certainly show it off when it's done. 
Thank you for reading. If you have pets, hug them tightly on my behalf, and tell them how much they are loved. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

From Futility to Fertility

As featured a couple of weeks ago in the pre-budget announcement, this is the article in the local newspaper that was widely shared by our social media consultants. I am pleased with the article and of course, with the prospective hope that so many couples might have the opportunity to have help to create their families.

It's too late for us... but it's not too late for others. And this is why I fight.

They should be able to have families too, and not have to take out a second mortgage, borrow until they have no more room to do so, or sell body parts to fund IVF.




The three pics are of me and Petite taken the same day as the announcement occurred. She knows a lot about her story already; I will give her all the details as she grows older and can understand. I will not hide it, for I am proud of her and so thrilled that I get to be her mom.

Yes, that still stuns me. *wipes a tear*

I'm lucky and grateful. And I remember that every. single. day. Without fail.

Good on you, Ontario, for doing the right thing. Now to have it come to fruition when the budget is officially delivered later this month or next. Keeping fingers crossed that the promises come true.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

FUNDING FOR IVF in Ontario!

I was going to discuss the great loss that we suffered, and then my surgery, but those posts will have to wait.
Today, we have fantastic news in the province of Ontario.

The provincial government has just, as of this morning, announced funding in the budget to the tune of millions (some reports say $85 million, others quote $50 million) for IVF. Funding will commence in 2015, and favour single embryo transfers. The funding will not include medications, but the procedure itself (frequently a cost of about $10,000 here in Canada) will be covered by the provincial health care plan, OHIP.

There are still a number of details unknown at this time (e.g., criteria to be accepted) but the end result is this: Funding IS forthcoming. And that's so much better than this province has seen for a number of years.

Hubby and I are too old now to benefit from this program, but we want others in Ontario to be able to look towards family building without the type of financial stresses that we felt when we were going through our treatments. We happen to live on the bank of the river that separates Ontario from Quebec; a province that has covered IVF since 2010. I will be honest and tell you that we debated long and hard about whether it was financially sound for us to move for a year or two in order to take advantage of the benefits that Quebec offers. So I am really glad to see Ontario is taking a step in the right direction.

For more information, peek at the links below.

Ontario proposes to pay for in vitro fertilization CBC
Ontario to fund in vitro fertilization The Star
Ontario to fund in vitro fertilization with a caveat—-one embryo at a time to cut risky multiple births National Post
Improving Access to Safe Fertility Treatments Ontario Government website

The organization I'm involved with, Conceivable Dreams, has been pressing this issue for years and we are so pleased to see this happen. I know many people who will be able to benefit from this initiative. It's their time to pursue their dream. May their road be a little less fraught with twists and turns than ours was, and this move will certainly help with that.

Saturday, March 08, 2014

Two Weeks in Florida!

Our holiday was lovely. We spent a wonderful (if insane!) week with my family south of St. Pete's Beach. We have a spot we love to go there and this time, with everyone going to be there together, we rented a larger three-bedroom condo. Mom and Dad took one room, and Petite slept on a cot in the corner of their room. Hubby and I had a room and my sis, her hubby and my nephew took the third room with the king size bed. Two full bathrooms and a deck and parking out front and we had lots of space.

Well, lots of space, yes. But the noise! Oh dear heavens. I think it was enough to addle baby Jesus himself! Eeesh! As my mom said, next time, we get two places so there's somewhere for her and my dad to go to get away from the insanity that happens to be life with young children! I figured it might be a tad too much for them to handle. I was absolutely right.

Regardless, we had a fun time visiting the beach and just enjoying time together. We took the kids up the strip to the ice cream shop. That was a special treat. The two kids got along so well it was really nice. They played pretty well together, except for the fact that Petite is older and can, naturally, do things that my nephew is not yet able to do. I think he was a bit frustrated by that. He threw a fit now and then... typical for the "Terrible Two's." We all survived though. He's a sweet little guy. I think he too found it a bit much; with Nana and Poppy's attention divided between two grandchildren, I don't know how much he enjoyed that aspect of things.


For the second week, we drove up to Orlando and rented a house with our friends who flew in from California. We picked up the groceries and found the house, got ourselves settled and waited for them. We were a bit turned off because the promised "heated pool" and "spa" certainly wasn't working as it was supposed to. Not cool. We called a bunch of times and never did get satisfactory resolution for the entire week. We also had to call to remind them about the BBQ that we'd rented for the week. However, other than those two issues, the property was lovely. Hubby and I had a room. Petite had a room. Our friends had a room and their kids (twins) shared a room. All the kids had their own queen sized beds. It was lovely. Three bathrooms. Pool. Spa. Deck. And beautifully decorated. We loved it.


While in Orlando, we hit a few of the parks. Of course we took Petite to the Magic Kingdom! Her very first visit! She loved it. We did a breakfast with the Princesses in Cinderella's Castle too! Such fun! Petite was in awe. We rode on so many of the rides, starting with It's a Small World and finishing the evening at the raceway. Petite rode on that four times I think. One minor glitch; my girlfriend lost her husband's cell phone but retracing our steps, we found it! Whew! He was nervous about that. Understandably so! We were in the park from 9 a.m. to 11:15 p.m. and Petite had the stroller to relax in for much of the day. She was a real trooper. She only crashed and fell asleep on our way out of the park around 11:00 p.m. Not bad for four years old!


Two days later we hit Animal Kingdom. While I've been to Magic Kingdom at least 15 times, this was my first visit to Animal Kingdom. It was... okay. Not as splashy or as fun-filled as Magic Kingdom, but still a good way to spend the day. We did a few rides, saw lots of birds and animals, and had a spectacular brunch at Tusker House where we got to meet four characters! Excellent food. Great atmosphere. And time with Mickey to boot! YAY! Admittedly, Florida was in the midst of a cold snap and we had blankets and sweatshirts during our day in Animal Kingdom. They were definitely needed.








We took a night to go to Medieval Times as well. Flying hawks. Horses and swordplay. A great meal that the kids got to eat with their hands! And Petite got herself a princess tiara at the end of the show. It was loads of fun. My buddy and his wife were in their element. It was loads of fun.

Their family took a day to go to LegoLand too. We went out to do some shopping; I had some vitamins and things to pick up for post surgery and we wanted to check out the stuff in the shops and stores, and see a few sights.


During the trip, I started my Optifast. It was the prescription liquid diet that I needed to take for three weeks prior to surgery. It consists of four shakes a day, supplemented by broth, sugar free jello and sugar free popsicles, decaf tea, flavoured water and absolutely NOTHING else. I confess, I had four meals while on Optifast. Two meals were nothing but grilled steak. Two meals were grilled salmon with steamed broccoli. Those four meals were absolutely delicious! It was lovely. And the night before I started the Opti, we went to Cody's... the most incredible steakhouse we have ever had the pleasure to find. They had a T-bone steak on sale and I polished that off with pinache! Yummy!!!

Other than that, the Opti wasn't that hard. I managed. The goal of the three week liquid diet is to shrink the liver. Because the liver sits so close to the stomach, when doing the surgery there is a risk of nicking the liver with the surgical tools. So by shrinking the liver there is less of a risk.

We enjoyed the vacation, but it was marred upon our return by a huge loss.

That's for the next post...

Thanks for reading everyone. Next up, the incredible loss we suffered, preparations for Nana and Poppy, and my surgery.

Thursday, January 09, 2014

Vacation, Have to Get Away

... with apologies to the Go-Go's for changing the verb tense!

We are very much looking forward to escaping winter temps that have seen our city colder than The North Pole for many days in the last month. Brrr. Yes, we hit the -40C mark (which is also -40F by the way for my American readers) on a number of occasions. And yes, that's damn cold. Enough. We had more than half of the snow that we usually get in the season before Winter officially started! Good God! Nuts or what?!

So it is with great happiness we are eyeing Saturday with glee and delight. We are leaving for two weeks on holidays to the sunny south. The first week we are hooking up with my mom and dad, my sis, BIL and nephew, and my aunt. I cannot wait to see the kids playing together. I can't wait to see Mom and Dad and my aunt. I'm looking forward to seeing my sis and BIL; Hubby hasn't seen my BIL in YEARS and the boys like to get together now and then.

The second week, we drive to Orlando and hook up with friends of ours from California whom we haven't seen since I was pregnant with Petite! That will be so much fun. We are hitting Disney's Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, and Medieval Times. With some time in there for swimming, carousing and general fun of course.

My stepson has moved in; this became official at the end of December. I think he's doing pretty well here. I hope so anyway. And Petite is soooo happy to have her big brother in the house! They get along really well and he's fantastic with her. Bless his heart. He's a good kid.

My surgery is quickly approaching. The date has been set for VSG on February 3. I'll be off for the entire month of February to recover. Mom and Dad will fly in on February 1 (my stepson's birthday as it so happens) and they will stay with us for two weeks to help out. I'll be pretty weak for a bit. To be expected. My goal is to lose about 140-160 pounds. I am going to do my best to use the chance and the tool that I will be given to the absolute fullest. Keep your fingers crossed! This will get fun!

I start the pre-op liquid diet (Optifast) while we are in Florida. Ugh. That's a bit of a downer, but you know something? I'm not stressing over it one little bit. It will all be well worth it. And I look forward to what that means for me in the long run. It doesn't matter, not one little bit. I think I'm going to miss having a glass of wine by the pool or something, but other than that, I'll do just fine. Definitely.

The Opti lasts for three weeks; upon our return from FLA, I have one week at work before surgery. And I have to do my pre-admission appointment as well. That will take a few hours but I'm sure it's nothing I haven't experienced before. I just dread the possibility that they will do bloodwork! *shudder* Oh you know how much I hate THAT crap!!

Petite has just started her second level of swimming classes (Salamander) and the instructor was surprised; he truly thought she had done the class before! He says she is really very good. I'm glad to hear that. I will work with her while in Florida in the pool to practise her various floats, kicks and push-offs. Never know... she may end up in competitive swimming like me and my sister were!

Gotta run; I've spent the evening taking over 1300 photos off my iPhone so I can finally install the latest IOS and do over 60 updates to the apps. I really need to clear a few gigs of space on that thing! Sheesh!

Love and hugs to all in blogland! I hope to post before surgery and let you know how things are going!

Monday, December 09, 2013

All the Goings-On in Our House!

We're getting through the insanity of the Christmas season one day at a time.

Petite was sick a few weeks ago. She picked up a bug from her cousin and just couldn't shake it. What started as a low-grade fever progressed to lethargy, a cough, a headache, a snotty nose, and finally an ear infection, over the duration of about 11 days. After the third visit to the GP, she looked at us and said, "Wow, I never see you guys THIS often." Finally on that third visit, she found the ear infection and prescribed antibiotics. Within 24 hours, Petite was a new child; it was remarkable. Honestly, I was figuring that if our doc still hadn't found anything by that third visit, I was going to enlist a second opinion. Petite missed 8.5 days of school and really, watching her temp range between 99 and 101 for those 11 days was NOT fun. Poor girl.

She's recovered nicely since then. However then Hubby got it. Between the time he needed to take off to watch her while she was sick, and the time he needed for himself to tend to a rattling chest cough, he took a bit of a financial hit. He's making that up this week with some overtime at work. They're busy, so he may as well get something out of it.

And he has since recovered too. However, it's my turn. For the past 8 days or so, I've got a chesty cough and sinus trouble. I really need to see a doc now, as I'm prone to pneumonia and sinus infection but I'm struggling to find the time. I cannot get there tomorrow. Nor Wednesday. Possibly Thursday. We'll see.

Like I said, one day at a time.

Christmas is fast approaching and because of our conflicting schedules, Hubby and I have very little done. I'm either at work myself or caring for Petite. It's crazy.

The last few weeks though, my 17-year old stepson has come to stay with us pretty much every weekend. He's frustrated with living at his mother's right now and he's finally decided to take the plunge and move in with us. That will happen just after Christmas. I am looking forward to having him in the house. And I know Petite is too!

She will have to give up her playroom (essentially the spare bedroom) and we'll move her toys downstairs to the basement. She is old enough to come and go down there now so she's fine playing there. It's been hard because with only her and me in the house, she wants to play near me while I'm cooking dinner or clearing up, or whatever, in the evenings. With her big brother in the house, she is fine to play near him instead and they'll set themselves up downstairs I expect. We'll see how it goes.

So Christmas happens, then my stepson moves in, and then we head south for a two-week holiday. The first week will be with my parents and my sister, BIL and nephew, all together in a big condo near the beach. CANNOT wait. I last saw my nephew in May of last year for a quick visit. I truly do not recall the last time I saw my BIL though. And Hubby hasn't seen my BIL in... oh wow... AGES. The boys will have fun together. As will the kids! We are all looking forward to it.

The second week we are driving up to Orlando and renting a house there with our friends from California, whom we haven't seen since the spring of 2009 when I was pregnant with Petite. These are good friends of ours and we FaceTime frequently and for a very long time, we gamed together. We will hit the theme parks (Petite's first visit to the Magic Kingdom!) and do a few things up there, relaxing in the house pool when we are looking for downtime. That will be a fun-filled week.

Upon return, I will have one week at work. Followed by my parents' arrival in early February. Followed by VSG surgery on February 3. I will be off work from February 3 to March 3 inclusive, recovering from major surgery and learning to eat again. And learning to get enough water, protein, vitamins and minerals into my body with the new limitations of a tiny stomach.

There you have it. Our plans for the next few months. As always, busy, busy, busy!

In the meantime, I thought you might wish to see this. Petite's first school photo. When I sent her off to school that morning, I had no idea how on earth her pic would come out! I envisaged messy hair, dirt on her face, stains on her clothing, etc. I was pleasantly surprised to have a lovely pic that I will cherish for many years to come!


Lots of love to you all in blogland! 

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Birthday Balloons and Surgery Upcoming

November 6 would have been my Aunt B's 79th birthday. We lost her last summer when she was 77 after a very short 6-week illness. It was a shock. It still is, quite frankly. There are still days here and there when the phone rings and for a split second, the thought runs through my brain, "Oh, it must be Aunt B; haven't heard from her in awhile." And then a moment after that, "Damn. That won't happen. There are no phones in heaven." About once a month, Petite says something like, "I wish Aunt B could come down and visit us." Or "Can we Facetime with Aunt B too, like with Nana?" Not easy.

Anyway, to commemorate her birthday, just like we do for the day she died, we let some helium balloons soar into the skies to carry our birthday wishes up to her.


Me and Petite with birthday balloons for Aunt B

Love you Aunt B. You shall always be remembered because we will never forget. *blows a kiss*


VSG Surgery Update
Yesterday I went to the pre-surgery information class at the hospital. It was a duration of a couple of hours to discuss what our pre-surgery liquid diet was like, restrictions post-surgery, diet post-surgery, types of food phases we need to work through over a period of months, etc. Honestly, there wasn't a whole lot there that I didn't already know from being a member on the forums on www.obesityhelp.com. I did learn the lifting restrictions are 10 lbs and less only for 4-6 weeks. I learned more about the types of vitamins and supplements that are required post-surgery. I know that I can purchase half vanilla and half chocolate of the pre-surgery liquid diet. 

And I learned that I cannot travel for 4 weeks post surgery. That means that likely, my surgery will not happen until I return from the trip down south in January. I know right now they are scheduling surgeries for early December. The 4-week no travel restriction would already interfere with my trip so we will sit tight on stuff and I'll have it done when I get back. Not to worry. 

Next up is my appointment with the surgeon. That is next week. When you get this far in the process, usually surgery is about 4-6 weeks after that appointment so I know I'm progressing through the entire screening program they've established. I'm so ready to get this show on the road! Anxious and excited. Kind of like how I felt when I was doing the IVF. Not quite as nervous I suppose... seems to me that the IVF determined more of what my future would look like. 

I mean, while this surgery is (hopefully!) going to do the same, all I've ever known is my current weight, so even the concept of imagining myself at a lower weight is unknown. Definitely the road not travelled. I've never seen myself like that because I've never been like that. Yesterday in the class, people spoke about surgery and weight loss permitting them to do some activities again, like they used to when they were thin/average. I couldn't contribute anything like that. I have nothing like that to look back on. 

They tell us to browse through magazines, determining our own style post-surgery; what sorts of clothes to buy, how to re-image yourself. I cannot fathom that sort of thing because I've never in my life been a normal weight. I stopped looking at fashion and style when I was about 13 or 14, because by then, I was already in plus sizes. So after surgery, I expect I'll be the one wearing my same baggy clothing until it falls off me... literally! We shall see.

Hope all are well out there in Blogland. Boy, I have to catch up with my reading... so much happening with you all!