Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday, November 20, 2009
Firsts for our Baby Girl + Infertility News in Ontario
Petite has had a few firsts of late.
She went to see her first movie... Michael Jackson's This Is It. They have "Stars and Strollers" here for parents; movies with the lights a bit brighter and the sound lowered a tad, stroller parking, and an area set up to change diapers and bottle warmers and everything. Hubby was off on Wednesday last week and the three of us went together. It was good. She was fussy at first, but after we got some food into her belly, she was happy and content for the remainder of the time.
Petite took a bath in the big jacuzzi tub too! (Okay, okay, with me, but she was in there!) She loves her bath and really enjoys kicking and splashing in the water so to have that much more water to do it in was loads more fun! The second bath she had with me ended on a bad note though; her head bobbled and she got some water on her face and in her mouth and she really didn't like that at all!
She also went to church for the first time. I've been looking for a church here for a very long time and hubby and I think we have found one that we like. The congregation and priests were very welcoming (maybe it's the baby effect? I'm not entirely certain.) and we're definitely going back there again. Regularly in fact.
Church is something that played a very important role in my life growing up. My family heritage is inherently tied to the Anglican church at home. I myself started going to church with my parents at a very young age. I attended Sunday School, I was one of the founding members of the youth group in my teens, I sang in the children's choir, I was a server assisting the priests at the altar, I counted the offetory after the service, somewhere along the way, I'd memorized the Nicene Creed from the BCP, etc. And although I personally don't hold all the ideals of the Church to be true, I still have a lot of faith in my life. I recognize that I want to belong to a church and attend services regularly. Although, no church here in this province will ever match the fondness I hold for the church my family attends at home, I'll do my best. And what's more, it's important to me that my daughter be baptized at the church at home. As the great, great, great, great, great granddaughter of that church's first rector, I think it would be beautiful and very fitting to have her baptized there. I'm currently communicating with the office there to organize things over the Christmas holiday. Hopefully we can get it together. Wish us luck.
On the infertility front...
I was contacted by one of the organizer's of this past spring's Babysteps Walk for Infertility. Apparently, there's a virtual rally happening on Wednesday December 2 at noon for those who live in Ontario, Canada. Go to www.conceivabledreams.org and take a peek. By putting in your postal code and your e-mail address, you'll receive an e-mail with an electronic form letter that you can forward to your MPP (they give you the name and e-mail addy of your MPP too!) regarding the Expert Panel's recent recommendation that the Ontario government fund three cycles of IVF for infertiles. Oh, I -so- wish the funding had been there for us. Go register on the site and on December 2 at noon, join us to make a difference in the Ontario policies.
Additionally, I was told that they're seeking someone who has undergone (or is undergoing) fertility treatments, who resides in the riding of Ottawa-South, who would consent to being interviewed for a community newspaper. Alas... I don't live in Ottawa-South so I can't qualify. But maybe you or someone you know does. If so, jot me a note (jiliana2 AT gmail DOT com) so I can put you in touch with the organizers/interviewers.
T minus 12 days and counting... til I leave with Petite to fly home to visit my family. For those interested, I'm definitely not taking the stroller or the car seat; those will be waiting for me at home and they're fine to use. Nor will I be taking a pack-and-play; I'll have one of those and a bassinet at home too. And I'll also have a swing to use at home. I'll be carrying Petite in the Moby Wrap (or my arms if she doesn't tolerate the Moby well for that length of time) and I'll be using the Baby Sherpa diaper bag I have (a knapsack). I'll ask for a window seat near the rear of the plane. I'm a big girl... the window seat will be easier for me to work with and Petite won't get her head or feet thwapped by people on the way to the washroom if she's sleeping. Alternatively, if I need to get up frequently and walk with her, I'll ask my seatmate to change with me. Much easier to ask to change that way around rather than to ask to take the window if someone else is sitting there! Wish me luck.
Now if I can just remember to put soothers in one pocket and tissues in the other for the flight...
She went to see her first movie... Michael Jackson's This Is It. They have "Stars and Strollers" here for parents; movies with the lights a bit brighter and the sound lowered a tad, stroller parking, and an area set up to change diapers and bottle warmers and everything. Hubby was off on Wednesday last week and the three of us went together. It was good. She was fussy at first, but after we got some food into her belly, she was happy and content for the remainder of the time.
Petite took a bath in the big jacuzzi tub too! (Okay, okay, with me, but she was in there!) She loves her bath and really enjoys kicking and splashing in the water so to have that much more water to do it in was loads more fun! The second bath she had with me ended on a bad note though; her head bobbled and she got some water on her face and in her mouth and she really didn't like that at all!
She also went to church for the first time. I've been looking for a church here for a very long time and hubby and I think we have found one that we like. The congregation and priests were very welcoming (maybe it's the baby effect? I'm not entirely certain.) and we're definitely going back there again. Regularly in fact.
Church is something that played a very important role in my life growing up. My family heritage is inherently tied to the Anglican church at home. I myself started going to church with my parents at a very young age. I attended Sunday School, I was one of the founding members of the youth group in my teens, I sang in the children's choir, I was a server assisting the priests at the altar, I counted the offetory after the service, somewhere along the way, I'd memorized the Nicene Creed from the BCP, etc. And although I personally don't hold all the ideals of the Church to be true, I still have a lot of faith in my life. I recognize that I want to belong to a church and attend services regularly. Although, no church here in this province will ever match the fondness I hold for the church my family attends at home, I'll do my best. And what's more, it's important to me that my daughter be baptized at the church at home. As the great, great, great, great, great granddaughter of that church's first rector, I think it would be beautiful and very fitting to have her baptized there. I'm currently communicating with the office there to organize things over the Christmas holiday. Hopefully we can get it together. Wish us luck.
On the infertility front...
I was contacted by one of the organizer's of this past spring's Babysteps Walk for Infertility. Apparently, there's a virtual rally happening on Wednesday December 2 at noon for those who live in Ontario, Canada. Go to www.conceivabledreams.org and take a peek. By putting in your postal code and your e-mail address, you'll receive an e-mail with an electronic form letter that you can forward to your MPP (they give you the name and e-mail addy of your MPP too!) regarding the Expert Panel's recent recommendation that the Ontario government fund three cycles of IVF for infertiles. Oh, I -so- wish the funding had been there for us. Go register on the site and on December 2 at noon, join us to make a difference in the Ontario policies.
Additionally, I was told that they're seeking someone who has undergone (or is undergoing) fertility treatments, who resides in the riding of Ottawa-South, who would consent to being interviewed for a community newspaper. Alas... I don't live in Ottawa-South so I can't qualify. But maybe you or someone you know does. If so, jot me a note (jiliana2 AT gmail DOT com) so I can put you in touch with the organizers/interviewers.
T minus 12 days and counting... til I leave with Petite to fly home to visit my family. For those interested, I'm definitely not taking the stroller or the car seat; those will be waiting for me at home and they're fine to use. Nor will I be taking a pack-and-play; I'll have one of those and a bassinet at home too. And I'll also have a swing to use at home. I'll be carrying Petite in the Moby Wrap (or my arms if she doesn't tolerate the Moby well for that length of time) and I'll be using the Baby Sherpa diaper bag I have (a knapsack). I'll ask for a window seat near the rear of the plane. I'm a big girl... the window seat will be easier for me to work with and Petite won't get her head or feet thwapped by people on the way to the washroom if she's sleeping. Alternatively, if I need to get up frequently and walk with her, I'll ask my seatmate to change with me. Much easier to ask to change that way around rather than to ask to take the window if someone else is sitting there! Wish me luck.
Now if I can just remember to put soothers in one pocket and tissues in the other for the flight...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
A Busy Fall
Two months.
Oh. My. God. Where did that time go? I've already finished one-sixth of my maternity leave! It can't be! But my little girl is still a BABY for heaven's sake!
But then again, she isn't the newborn that she was a number of weeks ago. I take her to the well-baby clinic every Monday to have her weighed, checked, and to ask any questions I might have to the public health nurses. Last week when I took her, I realized she was almost 8 weeks old and there, next to me, was a woman holding a little ball of a baby who was a mere 3 weeks old. Looking at the size of her baby and the size of Petite, I almost wept to realize that she's not that little, tiny thing anymore. Yes, she's still only 10 or 11 lbs, but she's not the tiny ball that she used to be when she was newborn. And how did we get from there to here anyway? It boggles the mind.
As time passes, I cherish every moment. But I do have to look forward as well. I've already organized our flights for Christmas. We'll be heading home to visit my family. I'll get a good six weeks with them but hubby can only go for about one week because of his class schedules. That sorta sucks. He isn't looking forward to being separated from me and Petite for that length of time. I'm not looking forward to being separated from him either. But I'll have other hands to help me out and he'll get a few weeks of decent sleep while he goes to school.
I'm preparing for the flight with Petite by doing some research. I can tell you it's about a 3-hour flight, non-stop on the way down (one stop on the return flight, but no changing planes). I have opted to carry her on my lap and save the fare for the extra seat. I won't be bringing the stroller or her car seat or any other large pieces of child-care equipment as I've got a line on some things I can borrow from good friends while I'm at home. So knowing all that, what are your bits of advice for travelling with an infant? Aisle seat (to get up) or window seat (for a little extra elbow room)? How do you heat bottles on a flight? How do you carry your infant... moby? Sling? In your arms? I can tell you too that I'll have her passport before we go; we did the paperwork earlier this week and we ought to have her passport in two weeks. We already have three other pieces of ID for her so I am good in that department, and just to be sure, hubby is going to write a letter that I can take with me, stating that he is aware that I'm taking our baby girl home to my family for six weeks. What else do I need to think about? Bottles, soothers, blankets, where best to change a baby on an airplane? So much to consider! Your thoughts and ideas are most welcome!
While we're at home, we hope to have Petite christened. I've contacted my church at home with that request but we're not sure if they can squeeze us in during the Christmas and New Year week. I sure hope so. My family is a founding family of our particular church and although I can only attend when I'm home visiting, it's still my home church and I hope they can facilitate the christening that week. That would be wonderful. My mom brought up the christening gown that my sister and I both wore. It's lovely and simple yet very classy and I would love to use it for Petite.
I've got to call today to book a photo sitting for her for our Christmas Cards as well. Otherwise I'll never get them out the door before I get on that plane, will I? Yikes. Christmas. Can you believe it's almost upon us once again? This time last year, hubby and I were preparing for our trip to Florida with his kids, and we had our IVF meds all ready to go because I started injections on that trip, during our time in Disney. Amazing a year has passed already. Just amazing.
Later today, hubby and I have an appointment at the bank. We're opening a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) for our little girl to use when she is ready for university in 18 years. We'll contribute to it (and get tax breaks for doing so) through the years and it will grow, hopefully into enough money to help her get a leg up when it comes time to further her education. It's so important to think of trying to do these sorts of things now, to maximize our contributions and help her later on. Hmm... reminds me, I ought to look into making a will and getting some life insurance.
I'm also trying to figure out when to get my H1N1 vaccine. Canada has already rolled out the vaccines and they're available to those on the priority list in my province as of Monday past. That means that anyone who meets the specific criteria can get the vaccination before it is distributed to the general public. Because hubby and I care for a child who is less than six months old (thus she is unable to be vaccinated), we're "high-risk" and we both qualify for the priority list. Fair enough. But the wait times are insane! People are lining up at 10 a.m. for a 2:30 p.m. clinic! And by 3:30 they're having to close off the line saying that those people would have to wait til towards the end of the clinic's hours (8:30 p.m.) to get their injection! It's crazy! But I know we both need it. Now how to get it and avoid bringing Petite along with me. I don't want to have her waiting like that nor do I want to expose her to all those people in a public place. Not with this stupid flu circulating like wildfire. While I might battle it okay, she's just a babe and I am not willing to expose her to so many potential germs! Ick!
She is growing like a weed though. At last week's well-baby clinic she was 10 lbs 12 oz and all smiles for the nurse. Unfortunately, now that the H1N1 vaccines are being distributed, the well-baby clinics are cancelled for the next six to eight weeks while public nurses go to assist with the innoculations. Thus Petite won't be back at the well-baby clinic; they're only for infants from 0 to 3 months and she'll be past that by that time. Additionally, we'll be flying home in five weeks so we simply won't be here. I do have a doctor's appointment for her this Friday though for her 2-month innoculations. I'm not looking forward to that. Hubby's coming too, cause I'm probably going to break down in tears! I'm such a wuss.
In the meantime, we bought a cute little Halloween sleeper for our baby girl. This is as much of a costume as she'll have this year I expect. We took a jaunt out to Saunders Farm to take photos with her. Here's a couple for your viewing pleasure.
I love how hubby stops to kiss Petite first and then me when he comes home. It's just another little reminder of this special little one in our lives and how we're now part of something that is bigger than just the two of us.
Thinking of...
My thoughts are with Patti over at Just One More, as she celebrates her mother's life and mourns her recent passing.
And I'm celebrating with Decemberbaby (of course you'll get pregnant!) as she has a positive beta. Keeping fingers crossed!
Happy Halloween everyone!
Oh. My. God. Where did that time go? I've already finished one-sixth of my maternity leave! It can't be! But my little girl is still a BABY for heaven's sake!
But then again, she isn't the newborn that she was a number of weeks ago. I take her to the well-baby clinic every Monday to have her weighed, checked, and to ask any questions I might have to the public health nurses. Last week when I took her, I realized she was almost 8 weeks old and there, next to me, was a woman holding a little ball of a baby who was a mere 3 weeks old. Looking at the size of her baby and the size of Petite, I almost wept to realize that she's not that little, tiny thing anymore. Yes, she's still only 10 or 11 lbs, but she's not the tiny ball that she used to be when she was newborn. And how did we get from there to here anyway? It boggles the mind.
As time passes, I cherish every moment. But I do have to look forward as well. I've already organized our flights for Christmas. We'll be heading home to visit my family. I'll get a good six weeks with them but hubby can only go for about one week because of his class schedules. That sorta sucks. He isn't looking forward to being separated from me and Petite for that length of time. I'm not looking forward to being separated from him either. But I'll have other hands to help me out and he'll get a few weeks of decent sleep while he goes to school.
I'm preparing for the flight with Petite by doing some research. I can tell you it's about a 3-hour flight, non-stop on the way down (one stop on the return flight, but no changing planes). I have opted to carry her on my lap and save the fare for the extra seat. I won't be bringing the stroller or her car seat or any other large pieces of child-care equipment as I've got a line on some things I can borrow from good friends while I'm at home. So knowing all that, what are your bits of advice for travelling with an infant? Aisle seat (to get up) or window seat (for a little extra elbow room)? How do you heat bottles on a flight? How do you carry your infant... moby? Sling? In your arms? I can tell you too that I'll have her passport before we go; we did the paperwork earlier this week and we ought to have her passport in two weeks. We already have three other pieces of ID for her so I am good in that department, and just to be sure, hubby is going to write a letter that I can take with me, stating that he is aware that I'm taking our baby girl home to my family for six weeks. What else do I need to think about? Bottles, soothers, blankets, where best to change a baby on an airplane? So much to consider! Your thoughts and ideas are most welcome!
While we're at home, we hope to have Petite christened. I've contacted my church at home with that request but we're not sure if they can squeeze us in during the Christmas and New Year week. I sure hope so. My family is a founding family of our particular church and although I can only attend when I'm home visiting, it's still my home church and I hope they can facilitate the christening that week. That would be wonderful. My mom brought up the christening gown that my sister and I both wore. It's lovely and simple yet very classy and I would love to use it for Petite.
I've got to call today to book a photo sitting for her for our Christmas Cards as well. Otherwise I'll never get them out the door before I get on that plane, will I? Yikes. Christmas. Can you believe it's almost upon us once again? This time last year, hubby and I were preparing for our trip to Florida with his kids, and we had our IVF meds all ready to go because I started injections on that trip, during our time in Disney. Amazing a year has passed already. Just amazing.
Later today, hubby and I have an appointment at the bank. We're opening a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) for our little girl to use when she is ready for university in 18 years. We'll contribute to it (and get tax breaks for doing so) through the years and it will grow, hopefully into enough money to help her get a leg up when it comes time to further her education. It's so important to think of trying to do these sorts of things now, to maximize our contributions and help her later on. Hmm... reminds me, I ought to look into making a will and getting some life insurance.
I'm also trying to figure out when to get my H1N1 vaccine. Canada has already rolled out the vaccines and they're available to those on the priority list in my province as of Monday past. That means that anyone who meets the specific criteria can get the vaccination before it is distributed to the general public. Because hubby and I care for a child who is less than six months old (thus she is unable to be vaccinated), we're "high-risk" and we both qualify for the priority list. Fair enough. But the wait times are insane! People are lining up at 10 a.m. for a 2:30 p.m. clinic! And by 3:30 they're having to close off the line saying that those people would have to wait til towards the end of the clinic's hours (8:30 p.m.) to get their injection! It's crazy! But I know we both need it. Now how to get it and avoid bringing Petite along with me. I don't want to have her waiting like that nor do I want to expose her to all those people in a public place. Not with this stupid flu circulating like wildfire. While I might battle it okay, she's just a babe and I am not willing to expose her to so many potential germs! Ick!
She is growing like a weed though. At last week's well-baby clinic she was 10 lbs 12 oz and all smiles for the nurse. Unfortunately, now that the H1N1 vaccines are being distributed, the well-baby clinics are cancelled for the next six to eight weeks while public nurses go to assist with the innoculations. Thus Petite won't be back at the well-baby clinic; they're only for infants from 0 to 3 months and she'll be past that by that time. Additionally, we'll be flying home in five weeks so we simply won't be here. I do have a doctor's appointment for her this Friday though for her 2-month innoculations. I'm not looking forward to that. Hubby's coming too, cause I'm probably going to break down in tears! I'm such a wuss.
In the meantime, we bought a cute little Halloween sleeper for our baby girl. This is as much of a costume as she'll have this year I expect. We took a jaunt out to Saunders Farm to take photos with her. Here's a couple for your viewing pleasure.
I love how hubby stops to kiss Petite first and then me when he comes home. It's just another little reminder of this special little one in our lives and how we're now part of something that is bigger than just the two of us.
Thinking of...
My thoughts are with Patti over at Just One More, as she celebrates her mother's life and mourns her recent passing.
And I'm celebrating with Decemberbaby (of course you'll get pregnant!) as she has a positive beta. Keeping fingers crossed!
Happy Halloween everyone!
Friday, October 23, 2009
So Many People to Thank
Last weekend, we did something that I thought we'd never get to do. We placed a birth announcement in the local newspaper, and the newspaper at home. The content is as follows with some paraphrasing to conceal identities of family members, and the picture above is the one that accompanied it.
A Daughter!
Gil and hubby are thrilled to announce the long-awaited arrival of their daughter Petite born on August 27, 2009 at the Ottawa General Hospital at 7:43 p.m., weighing 6 lbs. 15 oz. Proud first-time grandparents are D and B of St. John's, Newfoundland. Seventh-time grandparents are N and G of Ottawa, Ontario and hubby's two older children are thrilled to have a baby sister! This has been a long journey and we would like to thank Dr. Barwin, Linda, and the staff of Broadview Medical Clinic; Dr. Tan, Dr. Chan, Lise and the staff at McGill Reproductive Centre; Dr. Black, Nicole and the staff at SoundCare Medical; Dr. Batra and Elaine at the Ottawa General and Anees at CML, for having faith and helping us reach our destination. There are no words to describe our joy, but so many of our friends and family have traveled this road at our side; we couldn't be more grateful for your love and support.
It took me weeks to craft something I was happy with, but I really hope we covered it. Today, I mailed a thank-you card to Dr. Barwin and his staff, along with a copy of the announcement, a personal note, and a photo of our baby girl. If I can get a pic of Dr. Barwin holding her in the coming weeks, it would complete this circle for me; for without him and his staff and their encouragement over the past five and a half years, I doubt we would have kept going. They are directly responsible for our success and I don't know how to thank them. I don't think I ever really can.
And for your viewing pleasure, the following photo is our first professional portrait as a family. I love it and I thought I'd show it to you. I hope you like it too.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Giving Thanks
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. (Yes, yes, it's Thanksgiving weekend north of the 49th parallel. So we get to celebrate now.)
Today, I'm busy cooking turkey dinner for us, hubby's two kids, and my friends K&K. I am really looking forward to dinner and that'll be in about an hour or so. Yum.
This year, I'm especially thankful of course. I am thankful for family and friends. For a good job. For my health and my financial situation. For the ability to go home for the holidays in a few months. For a roof over my head and a car in the driveway. For a loving caring husband who is the love of my life. For love beyond imagination. For the support of those around me.
And this year, I am especially grateful for this.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Today, I'm busy cooking turkey dinner for us, hubby's two kids, and my friends K&K. I am really looking forward to dinner and that'll be in about an hour or so. Yum.
This year, I'm especially thankful of course. I am thankful for family and friends. For a good job. For my health and my financial situation. For the ability to go home for the holidays in a few months. For a roof over my head and a car in the driveway. For a loving caring husband who is the love of my life. For love beyond imagination. For the support of those around me.
And this year, I am especially grateful for this.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Call from the Clinic
Yesterday, we got a call from our clinic in Montreal. I wasn't sure what to expect when I picked up the phone. A frisson of fear ran through me as the grief of six plus years still haunts my thoughts.
Turns out I had nothing to worry about though.
The woman I spoke with from the Lab wanted to know some details about the baby and her birth for our file. They asked questions like:
Did you deliver your baby? (Answer: Yes. Thank heavens.)
Was it a boy or a girl? (A beautiful baby girl.)
When was she born? (August 27, 2009)
How many weeks gestation was she born at? (40 weeks, 2 days)
Is she healthy? (Yes.)
Was it a natural delivery or a c-section? (Natural.)
Did you have any problems afterwards? How is your own health after delivery? (No, and fine.)
What did the baby weigh? (6 lbs 15 oz)
Is she gaining weight appropriately? What does she weigh now? (Yes, and I'm not sure, but at last check she was over 8 lbs. I hope to have her weighed next week again. I suspect she's close to 10 lbs by now.)
And when she'd asked all the questions she had to ask, I wondered what they needed that information for, you know... besides for their own statistics. She replied that the information I'd given would be added to our file for future reference should we decide to go back for further treatment to add to our family.
Our family. Our FAMILY.
It's nice to say that. We're not just a couple anymore... we are a family.
I don't yet know if we'll go this route again. It's a long, hard road. That's for sure. I expect that we've depleted much of our finances to do this a second time. However, it's not yet entirely out of the question. But first things first. I'm enjoying getting to know our daughter and to get the hang of us being a FAMILY.
That's incredible to me. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it. But I'm glad I get to practise saying it.
Turns out I had nothing to worry about though.
The woman I spoke with from the Lab wanted to know some details about the baby and her birth for our file. They asked questions like:
Did you deliver your baby? (Answer: Yes. Thank heavens.)
Was it a boy or a girl? (A beautiful baby girl.)
When was she born? (August 27, 2009)
How many weeks gestation was she born at? (40 weeks, 2 days)
Is she healthy? (Yes.)
Was it a natural delivery or a c-section? (Natural.)
Did you have any problems afterwards? How is your own health after delivery? (No, and fine.)
What did the baby weigh? (6 lbs 15 oz)
Is she gaining weight appropriately? What does she weigh now? (Yes, and I'm not sure, but at last check she was over 8 lbs. I hope to have her weighed next week again. I suspect she's close to 10 lbs by now.)
And when she'd asked all the questions she had to ask, I wondered what they needed that information for, you know... besides for their own statistics. She replied that the information I'd given would be added to our file for future reference should we decide to go back for further treatment to add to our family.
Our family. Our FAMILY.
It's nice to say that. We're not just a couple anymore... we are a family.
I don't yet know if we'll go this route again. It's a long, hard road. That's for sure. I expect that we've depleted much of our finances to do this a second time. However, it's not yet entirely out of the question. But first things first. I'm enjoying getting to know our daughter and to get the hang of us being a FAMILY.
That's incredible to me. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it. But I'm glad I get to practise saying it.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Cause you know, it ain't real til you talk about poop
After two weeks, we see so many changes in our little girl. She's already up to over 8 lbs for heaven's sake! The public health nurse and the doctor are very pleased with her development; apparently her hips, skin, eyes, tone, control and various other aspects of her growth are all in perfect order. The doctor said to come back for her 2-month innoculations or if perchance something comes up in the meantime. Basically, all is good.
All is pretty good for me too. My uterus has shrunk down to where it ought to be again, my blood pressure is superb, I've lost 25 lbs (based on my weight at my 39 week checkup) and the muscles in my lower abdomen are knitted back together exactly as they should be. However, I'm not yet ready to go back to the gym according to the doc; the muscles higher up aren't yet knitted back together so I still need to take it easy. One day at a time -- much like during the pregnancy -- and I'll get there. I'll be happy to get back to the gym too! My neighbours graciously added a child care component to my gym membership as a gift to us so I'll be able to take advantage of that when the time comes. That'll be marvelous! I'm so very grateful.
Other than that, things in our house are, well, moving along. It's been difficult at times, that's for sure. And true to form for many babies, most of our difficulties are revolving around feeding, digestion (or lack thereof!) and elimination (and lack thereof!). And thus, the poop talk. Cause you know, parents gotta talk about poop. And while it's my first time as a parent, hubby's seen much of this before!
Feeding -- Petite refuses to nurse directly from the source. She is absolutely ADAMANT about that. She purses her lips, screams blue murder and pushes my breast away at each opportunity. I still give her exposure but I'm not forcing her. Sometimes after she's fed, she's content to just hang out at the breast and lie there, skin to skin, dozing quietly in my arms. And that's okay. But she will not, absolutely not feed from the breast. It just isn't happening. Added to that, I am not producing enough for her to have breastmilk exclusively. (Thanks PCOS and hypothyroidism!) They say to judge your milk production about 10 days post partum. And frankly, it isn't near where it needs to be. So my doctor prescribed the domperidone that I requested and hopefully in a couple of days, I'll see a difference. For the moment, I'm pumping as much as I can and Petite is drinking down whatever I can give her, and she's just loving it. We're still supplementing because otherwise, she simply wouldn't get enough to eat.
Digestion -- Petite is obviously digesting the breastmilk much easier than the formula. And that's good. What is bad is that she still has to have formula at all... because it's tearing up her little tummy. We've noticed that when she has breastmilk, she is much more content, sleeps better and has a lot less gas to deal with than when she is having formula. With formula, her little legs draw up frequently, she cries and alternates flexing and stretching her legs and body, trying to work the gas out. She doesn't burp well at all (much like my sister used to do apparently) and you can hear the gurgling in her tummy as she wails in pain. It's absolutely heartbreaking. However, according to the nurses and doctor, it's too early to change formula for her to see if another one would make any sort of a difference. I'm tempted to give it another few days with the current formula to see if anything changes, but then to try another one that we have, just to see if there's a difference. Additionally, I do have gripe water and although the doctor said there's nothing to suggest that it can actually help and they don't recommend it, I'm awfully tempted to see if it'll relieve her pain.
Elimination -- And accordingly, with the breastmilk, Petite has a much easier time with peeing and pooping. Honestly, with the formula, she sometimes goes for 36 or 40 hours without a poop and boy, you can imagine the poo-splosion when it finally comes! And when it does come and she's clean and happy again, she sleeps amazingly well and is happy and content. But when she is gassy and uncomfortable, she wails like a banshee. High pitched screeching, enough to tear your heart out. It's so intense that if it were an adult crying that way, you'd be completely hoarse. It's painful to listen to and all we can do is try to help her get the gas out of her system.
So we're doing the best we can to keep her fed (rule number one of course) and give her as much breastmilk as I can, and then to help her process the formula that she is given. We're working on it. I'm not giving up yet. I am still hoping to get her latched but it's going to be a helluva job. We tried tube feeds at the breast and tube feeds at the finger. We tried getting her to latch after she's had a bit of breastmilk and satiated the immediate need of hunger. We tried a nipple shield (she wasn't having ANY of that!), we tried different positions, we tried all kinds of things. No avail.
And then I have these special moments. Those moments when I get to gaze on her happy face. When I stare into her blue eyes staring up at mine. I feel her tiny fingers curled around my own finger. I hold her close and soothe her (according to my mom, she is most content in my arms than anyone else's), rocking her back and forth. I kiss her darling little cheeks and breathe in her new baby scent. And it is in these special moments that I get to smile and shed a tear of absolute joy. For I recognize how very blessed I am to hold Petite in my arms and I give thanks for these precious moments. Each and every one.
All is pretty good for me too. My uterus has shrunk down to where it ought to be again, my blood pressure is superb, I've lost 25 lbs (based on my weight at my 39 week checkup) and the muscles in my lower abdomen are knitted back together exactly as they should be. However, I'm not yet ready to go back to the gym according to the doc; the muscles higher up aren't yet knitted back together so I still need to take it easy. One day at a time -- much like during the pregnancy -- and I'll get there. I'll be happy to get back to the gym too! My neighbours graciously added a child care component to my gym membership as a gift to us so I'll be able to take advantage of that when the time comes. That'll be marvelous! I'm so very grateful.
Other than that, things in our house are, well, moving along. It's been difficult at times, that's for sure. And true to form for many babies, most of our difficulties are revolving around feeding, digestion (or lack thereof!) and elimination (and lack thereof!). And thus, the poop talk. Cause you know, parents gotta talk about poop. And while it's my first time as a parent, hubby's seen much of this before!
Feeding -- Petite refuses to nurse directly from the source. She is absolutely ADAMANT about that. She purses her lips, screams blue murder and pushes my breast away at each opportunity. I still give her exposure but I'm not forcing her. Sometimes after she's fed, she's content to just hang out at the breast and lie there, skin to skin, dozing quietly in my arms. And that's okay. But she will not, absolutely not feed from the breast. It just isn't happening. Added to that, I am not producing enough for her to have breastmilk exclusively. (Thanks PCOS and hypothyroidism!) They say to judge your milk production about 10 days post partum. And frankly, it isn't near where it needs to be. So my doctor prescribed the domperidone that I requested and hopefully in a couple of days, I'll see a difference. For the moment, I'm pumping as much as I can and Petite is drinking down whatever I can give her, and she's just loving it. We're still supplementing because otherwise, she simply wouldn't get enough to eat.
Digestion -- Petite is obviously digesting the breastmilk much easier than the formula. And that's good. What is bad is that she still has to have formula at all... because it's tearing up her little tummy. We've noticed that when she has breastmilk, she is much more content, sleeps better and has a lot less gas to deal with than when she is having formula. With formula, her little legs draw up frequently, she cries and alternates flexing and stretching her legs and body, trying to work the gas out. She doesn't burp well at all (much like my sister used to do apparently) and you can hear the gurgling in her tummy as she wails in pain. It's absolutely heartbreaking. However, according to the nurses and doctor, it's too early to change formula for her to see if another one would make any sort of a difference. I'm tempted to give it another few days with the current formula to see if anything changes, but then to try another one that we have, just to see if there's a difference. Additionally, I do have gripe water and although the doctor said there's nothing to suggest that it can actually help and they don't recommend it, I'm awfully tempted to see if it'll relieve her pain.
Elimination -- And accordingly, with the breastmilk, Petite has a much easier time with peeing and pooping. Honestly, with the formula, she sometimes goes for 36 or 40 hours without a poop and boy, you can imagine the poo-splosion when it finally comes! And when it does come and she's clean and happy again, she sleeps amazingly well and is happy and content. But when she is gassy and uncomfortable, she wails like a banshee. High pitched screeching, enough to tear your heart out. It's so intense that if it were an adult crying that way, you'd be completely hoarse. It's painful to listen to and all we can do is try to help her get the gas out of her system.
So we're doing the best we can to keep her fed (rule number one of course) and give her as much breastmilk as I can, and then to help her process the formula that she is given. We're working on it. I'm not giving up yet. I am still hoping to get her latched but it's going to be a helluva job. We tried tube feeds at the breast and tube feeds at the finger. We tried getting her to latch after she's had a bit of breastmilk and satiated the immediate need of hunger. We tried a nipple shield (she wasn't having ANY of that!), we tried different positions, we tried all kinds of things. No avail.
And then I have these special moments. Those moments when I get to gaze on her happy face. When I stare into her blue eyes staring up at mine. I feel her tiny fingers curled around my own finger. I hold her close and soothe her (according to my mom, she is most content in my arms than anyone else's), rocking her back and forth. I kiss her darling little cheeks and breathe in her new baby scent. And it is in these special moments that I get to smile and shed a tear of absolute joy. For I recognize how very blessed I am to hold Petite in my arms and I give thanks for these precious moments. Each and every one.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
The First Ten Days
The first ten days have been... wow. Just wow. I am exhausted, sleep-deprived, elated and thrilled all at once. It's all been quite a blur in fact. Schedules, feedings, changings, walking the floor as we wait for little tummies to process food and digestive systems to get rid of pesky gas... all that sort of thing. And every moment is worth it.
We were in the hospital for two nights after the baby was born, and on Saturday evening, August 29, 2009, we were told we could go home. I couldn't believe that we would be permitted to leave the hospital with a baby. I've read that other infertiles feel much the same thing when they leave the hospital with their children, but you really don't know what that feels like until you experience it yourself. Much like you can read volumes about what it feels like to give birth to a baby, until you are there, you don't know how it will affect you personally and how YOU will feel or what you will do. Understand, I don't mean to belittle emotions or suggest that there is no capacity for empathy among us. However, experiences -- personal experiences -- are what make us who we are. And it is our own personal experiences that permit us to put ourselves in the place of people who've been there or to determine how we relate.
There have been frustrating moments this week. Petite* isn't latching all that well at the breast. With all the issues that I have (PCOS, hypothyroidism, etc.), I expected that milk production would be the biggest issue that we faced. However, my milk has come in (although not yet in spectacular amounts, but we're getting there) and for that I am extremely glad. Now if I could just get Petite to latch on, that would be superb. Once in awhile she'll latch on and feed for a few moments, but all in all, she's not that interested. I expect part of that is because my milk took four or five days to properly come in and of course, in the interest of needing to feed her, we ended up resorting to formula. She is happy with it, and of course, she doesn't have to work at the bottle like she does at the breast so there's that to deal with too. I did see a lactation consultant while in hospital, and since we've come home, the public health nurse has seen us and we've had an appointment with our family doctor too. All three tell us that we're doing all the right things and not to give up. I'm trying to stay hopeful.
Petite's first outing was to visit the doctor. And true to little girl form, her second outing was to the shopping mall with me, her grandmother and her great-aunt. It was successful; she came home with new outfits! Apparently "she has far too much yellow and green in her closet" and my mom and aunt decided to rectify that ASAP. We now have lots of pink items to add to the lot! And given Petite's small size (weighing 7 lbs 2 oz on Thursday when the public health nurse weighed her), much of her clothing is huge on her! My sister saw some photos and proclaimed, "She looks like she's wearing a sack of potatoes! She's so tiny!" Thus, she also received her first parcel from another great-aunt... new sleepers and onesies in 'Newborn' size that actually fit her. She looks terribly cute in them too. While at the mall, there were a number of people who stopped to admire her and at one point, my mother covered her up in an effort to keep gawkers at bay!
Although she had a bath in the hospital, she's had a first bath at home (and a few others now too!). She's not yet got the hang of the whole night and day thing though; she's frequently dozing through the daylight hours and up all night long! I expected that though, given that she was like that in utero. She kept me awake most nights and I rarely felt her move during the day. I expect she'll eventually get the hang of it though. Sometimes it takes awhile for newborns to regulate that; in the meantime, we're all sleeping in shifts. And none of us is sleeping well! That's for sure.
As I keep saying though, it's early days. And we WILL figure it all out. She's learning, as are we. We'll eventually get the hang of it all. Patience and time and we'll figure it all out.
In the meantime, here are some photos to tide you over. Enjoy. And love to you all in blogland.
*As a side note...
We referred to our little one as Petit in utero. Now that we know we have a daughter, she'll be referred to as 'Petite' hereafter.
We were in the hospital for two nights after the baby was born, and on Saturday evening, August 29, 2009, we were told we could go home. I couldn't believe that we would be permitted to leave the hospital with a baby. I've read that other infertiles feel much the same thing when they leave the hospital with their children, but you really don't know what that feels like until you experience it yourself. Much like you can read volumes about what it feels like to give birth to a baby, until you are there, you don't know how it will affect you personally and how YOU will feel or what you will do. Understand, I don't mean to belittle emotions or suggest that there is no capacity for empathy among us. However, experiences -- personal experiences -- are what make us who we are. And it is our own personal experiences that permit us to put ourselves in the place of people who've been there or to determine how we relate.
There have been frustrating moments this week. Petite* isn't latching all that well at the breast. With all the issues that I have (PCOS, hypothyroidism, etc.), I expected that milk production would be the biggest issue that we faced. However, my milk has come in (although not yet in spectacular amounts, but we're getting there) and for that I am extremely glad. Now if I could just get Petite to latch on, that would be superb. Once in awhile she'll latch on and feed for a few moments, but all in all, she's not that interested. I expect part of that is because my milk took four or five days to properly come in and of course, in the interest of needing to feed her, we ended up resorting to formula. She is happy with it, and of course, she doesn't have to work at the bottle like she does at the breast so there's that to deal with too. I did see a lactation consultant while in hospital, and since we've come home, the public health nurse has seen us and we've had an appointment with our family doctor too. All three tell us that we're doing all the right things and not to give up. I'm trying to stay hopeful.
Petite's first outing was to visit the doctor. And true to little girl form, her second outing was to the shopping mall with me, her grandmother and her great-aunt. It was successful; she came home with new outfits! Apparently "she has far too much yellow and green in her closet" and my mom and aunt decided to rectify that ASAP. We now have lots of pink items to add to the lot! And given Petite's small size (weighing 7 lbs 2 oz on Thursday when the public health nurse weighed her), much of her clothing is huge on her! My sister saw some photos and proclaimed, "She looks like she's wearing a sack of potatoes! She's so tiny!" Thus, she also received her first parcel from another great-aunt... new sleepers and onesies in 'Newborn' size that actually fit her. She looks terribly cute in them too. While at the mall, there were a number of people who stopped to admire her and at one point, my mother covered her up in an effort to keep gawkers at bay!
Although she had a bath in the hospital, she's had a first bath at home (and a few others now too!). She's not yet got the hang of the whole night and day thing though; she's frequently dozing through the daylight hours and up all night long! I expected that though, given that she was like that in utero. She kept me awake most nights and I rarely felt her move during the day. I expect she'll eventually get the hang of it though. Sometimes it takes awhile for newborns to regulate that; in the meantime, we're all sleeping in shifts. And none of us is sleeping well! That's for sure.
As I keep saying though, it's early days. And we WILL figure it all out. She's learning, as are we. We'll eventually get the hang of it all. Patience and time and we'll figure it all out.
In the meantime, here are some photos to tide you over. Enjoy. And love to you all in blogland.
*As a side note...
We referred to our little one as Petit in utero. Now that we know we have a daughter, she'll be referred to as 'Petite' hereafter.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Our Quest is Fulfilled
May I introduce to you the reward for our quest and the hardest endeavor we've ever undertaken...
Trinity Gina Levesque Wood
Born Thursday, August 27, 2009
at 7:43 p.m.
weighing 6 lbs 15 oz
She's just perfect. And hubby and I are elated.
Thank you all for your well wishes. More to come later.
Much love,
Gil
Trinity Gina Levesque Wood
Born Thursday, August 27, 2009
at 7:43 p.m.
weighing 6 lbs 15 oz
She's just perfect. And hubby and I are elated.
Thank you all for your well wishes. More to come later.
Much love,
Gil
Thursday, August 27, 2009
It's Finally Time
I type this from my hospital bed. Slowly... because one hand is dealing with the damned IV.
Yeah, I had to suck it up and deal with it after all that I've done to avoid it, but unfortunately it was completely unavoidable in this case. So here's the scoop for all of you who've been checking in, either here, facebook, e-mail, or what not. And may I say right off from the start, thank you for doing that, for thinking of us, for your prayers and well wishes. Please don't stop now; we're not quite done but we are, finally, well on our way.
When we got to the hospital Wednesday morning, we were admitted pretty much immediately after they finished filling out details on my chart. They didn't even bother to check me any further before taking me in because they already knew that my membranes had ruptured the previous night and so that means that I needed to be admitted to make sure everything was still good and there was no infection, etc. (All keeping in mind of course that I'm GBS positive so that's a primary motivator in my case.)
So I got admitted, and found a gown that wasn't going to cut off circulation (!) and got settled in for the long haul. While overnight I'd been contracting every 6 to 9 minutes, albeit very lightly, the contractions virtually stopped when I was in my room. Very disappointing. Petit was continuing to be active and all, but no contractions, no real progress meant that no one was happy with how it was going.
And thus the cascade began.
First up, an OB I didn't know and hadn't ever had the opportunity to speak to. He comes in my room, shakes my hand, introduces himself and says, "All right then. Let's get you hooked up to some oxytocin to get this going!" virtually rubbing his hands together gleefully. Um... how about no? Not yet? How about even bothering to check my monitor or determine if my cervix had dilated any further since last night? ANYTHING? Needless to say, neither hubby nor I was impressed and by the time he left our room, he was none too thrilled with us. But that isn't the first time I'd pissed off a doctor. C'est la vie. Next thing I know, I was asked to sign a "refusal of treatment" form for the IV to augment labour and to administer IV penicillin for the GBS. I promptly signed it. Ass...
Next up, a visit from a social worker. "Odd" I thought to myself, and then I learned that she was there at the doctor's request. She started asking about my needle phobia and why I would refuse treatment, things like that. And she too went the route of trying to convince me that I could possibly be doing some irreversable damage to the baby. Not cool. I informed her that I understood the ramifications of my choices and I knew the alternatives. I also explained to her that I had a great network of people (both real life and here online) that are wonderful!
Third in line was the anaesthesiologist. She came up to let me know the risks and issues of not following the doctor's recommendations and going right for the oxytocin and the epidural. Cause didn't you know, "There won't be a crash c-section, there'll be an awake intubation, which will be really difficult given that it takes about 45 minutes to get someone up here. And add to that the fact that you are overweight. It might not even be possible to intubate you. As well, in our line of work, moms are the priority. If baby dies, baby dies. But we have to make that call when no epidural line or spinal is in place. You need to know that and be aware of what your decision means." Nice way to scare a person on the verge of tears and who's gone through what I have to get to this point huh? Again, not cool in my books.
Fuck me. By that point I was on the verge of spitting nickels and I was angry with every single person who dared cross the threshhold of my room! Honest to Christ! I doubted not just myself, and my own knowledge and research, but also my decision to even come to this freakin hospital. What a nightmare! I was in tears. And of course, still no damn contractions to help get things moving on their own anyway.
Fourth in their arsenal over the course of the day was the NICU nurse from the other freakin' building. She comes in and starts talking about how she can't tell us what to do, but here's the situation if your baby gets GBS or another infection and what treatment is or isn't available and how ready. Cause you know, they've all seen some sick babies and this particular infection is serious, dontcha know?! Not only that, but this woman alludes to the fact that because I was putting them in such an impossible position, there was talk of their contacting The Children's Aid Society to have someone from there come in to talk with me about the issues. SERIOUSLY?? WTF?? Brazen as brass... I couldn't believe it.
When she left the room, I broke down. For the first time.
Anyway, the day progressed but my labour definitely did not. And that made me second guess myself all the more and then wonder yet again, what was wrong with my body. I guess it just doesn't get it huh?
Eventually, late on Wednesday evening (around 6 p.m.) I decided that enough was enough... I needed to know that something could and would happen. I was starting to fear for Petit and the loss of amniotic fluid although the heartrate was fine and he/she was still kicking and all that. But we were coming up on 20 hours with no progress at all. I cried as I told hubby I was going to give in to the IV and the oxytocin. He held me as I wept and when the doctor came in to check on me again, we told him.
They got me into a nice warm shower to bring out my veins, and I wrapped my hands in warm compresses as hubby and I watched Slumdog Millionaire to take my mind off things until the anaesthesiologist came up to do his job. I gotta say, between him, hubby and my ever-so-freakin-amazing nurse Elaine (a true Godsend this woman, from Jamaica and she had all the faith in the world in me), the IV went in pretty smoothly. Oxytocin was started around 6 p.m. on Wednesday night at the lowest dose.
And true to form, that did nothing either. *sigh*
All night the oxytocin did its thing and the nurses continued to check me and to bump up the levels every 30 mins or so. Only by about 3 a.m. did I start to actually FEEL anything. And I began to breathe through the contractions. Hubby didn't even hear me as I dealt with them and by 4 a.m. on Thursday, they were strong, strong, strong. But I was still only 1-2 cm dilated!! DAMMIT!
That frustrated me to no end. Combined with an overnight nurse who had the personality of a wet dishrag and made me upset and angry, I began to cry. I threw tissues. I sat up so abruptly that the monitors lost the baby's heartbeat and said nurse barged in wondering what the heck was going on with me. I told her I was pissed and upset and I was ready to just rip everything off and head the hell outta dodge. Only hubby calmed me down. Thank God for him. He truly is my rock you know.
I finally settled down again after a fashion and tried to rest. Or maybe I just tried to relax a little. I mean, that was going on 30 hours already and I'd just had enough, you know?
By 5 a.m., knowing the strength of the contractions and my level of discomfort, I agreed to nubain (an IM narcotic) which really took the edge off the pain for about 3-4 hours. But that came with a ton of drowsiness and some nausea (remedied by gravol in my IV) and I dozed a bit and breathed a bit. All was good til the nubain wore off and by 9:30 a.m. I was in pain again. A second injection of nubain and I hoped it would do what the first one did. No dice. The contractions had picked up so much that I couldn't even breathe through them anymore. I was doing every possible trick in the book but nothing could distract me. Talk about intense! Mother of baby Jesus... I couldn't even speak.
Hubby had stepped out to run home, as he had now and then to shower, change, touch base with my family, etc. and when he got back, I told him (God knows how in heaven he was able to comprehend me through the panting, tears, and shaking) I had pretty much agreed to the epidural to relieve the pain and maybe, just maybe, get my cervix to dilate and cooperate. Again, we pulled Elaine into the room to tell her. She agreed to talk to the doctor and get the anesthesiologist again... different guy this time. But just as competent.
All this time, I had managed to get out of bed and get back and forth to the washroom and this would be my last shot at that; once the epi went in, I'd be stuck. But enough was enough. So I agreed. That was noon today.
The epi went in on the third try; it was really tough between severe contractions, and my anaesthesiologist preferred to do them with the patient lying down. Anyway, that done, I started to feel the numbness pretty much immediately but the pressure was still there. That's the goal anyway, so I can actually feel pressure to help push Petit out when the time comes.
So okay, at noon today, I was still 3 cms and about 35% effaced. By 2 p.m., They checked me again. Blow me down folks... 9 cms (just a bit of anterior lip) and 95% effaced. Elaine could feel the baby's head and little bits of hair! Petit is now at a +1 station!! WOOT! All that in just two hours. I guess I needed to relax huh?
It is almost 3 p.m. here. I'm due for another check, and likely, very likely, I'll get to start pushing. With some luck, Petit will be here within a few short hours. You'll get the scoop right after family and immediate friends. I guarantee it. Either hubby or I will post. It might be short, but there you go.
I'm excited and so eager to meet this little one. Just like Vee and Max have welcomed little Leo Alexandre into their lives, so too might I get to introduce to you Petit, and his or her name.
Sending love to you all. And thank you for your wishes. I have been needing them. Every single one.
Yeah, I had to suck it up and deal with it after all that I've done to avoid it, but unfortunately it was completely unavoidable in this case. So here's the scoop for all of you who've been checking in, either here, facebook, e-mail, or what not. And may I say right off from the start, thank you for doing that, for thinking of us, for your prayers and well wishes. Please don't stop now; we're not quite done but we are, finally, well on our way.
When we got to the hospital Wednesday morning, we were admitted pretty much immediately after they finished filling out details on my chart. They didn't even bother to check me any further before taking me in because they already knew that my membranes had ruptured the previous night and so that means that I needed to be admitted to make sure everything was still good and there was no infection, etc. (All keeping in mind of course that I'm GBS positive so that's a primary motivator in my case.)
So I got admitted, and found a gown that wasn't going to cut off circulation (!) and got settled in for the long haul. While overnight I'd been contracting every 6 to 9 minutes, albeit very lightly, the contractions virtually stopped when I was in my room. Very disappointing. Petit was continuing to be active and all, but no contractions, no real progress meant that no one was happy with how it was going.
And thus the cascade began.
First up, an OB I didn't know and hadn't ever had the opportunity to speak to. He comes in my room, shakes my hand, introduces himself and says, "All right then. Let's get you hooked up to some oxytocin to get this going!" virtually rubbing his hands together gleefully. Um... how about no? Not yet? How about even bothering to check my monitor or determine if my cervix had dilated any further since last night? ANYTHING? Needless to say, neither hubby nor I was impressed and by the time he left our room, he was none too thrilled with us. But that isn't the first time I'd pissed off a doctor. C'est la vie. Next thing I know, I was asked to sign a "refusal of treatment" form for the IV to augment labour and to administer IV penicillin for the GBS. I promptly signed it. Ass...
Next up, a visit from a social worker. "Odd" I thought to myself, and then I learned that she was there at the doctor's request. She started asking about my needle phobia and why I would refuse treatment, things like that. And she too went the route of trying to convince me that I could possibly be doing some irreversable damage to the baby. Not cool. I informed her that I understood the ramifications of my choices and I knew the alternatives. I also explained to her that I had a great network of people (both real life and here online) that are wonderful!
Third in line was the anaesthesiologist. She came up to let me know the risks and issues of not following the doctor's recommendations and going right for the oxytocin and the epidural. Cause didn't you know, "There won't be a crash c-section, there'll be an awake intubation, which will be really difficult given that it takes about 45 minutes to get someone up here. And add to that the fact that you are overweight. It might not even be possible to intubate you. As well, in our line of work, moms are the priority. If baby dies, baby dies. But we have to make that call when no epidural line or spinal is in place. You need to know that and be aware of what your decision means." Nice way to scare a person on the verge of tears and who's gone through what I have to get to this point huh? Again, not cool in my books.
Fuck me. By that point I was on the verge of spitting nickels and I was angry with every single person who dared cross the threshhold of my room! Honest to Christ! I doubted not just myself, and my own knowledge and research, but also my decision to even come to this freakin hospital. What a nightmare! I was in tears. And of course, still no damn contractions to help get things moving on their own anyway.
Fourth in their arsenal over the course of the day was the NICU nurse from the other freakin' building. She comes in and starts talking about how she can't tell us what to do, but here's the situation if your baby gets GBS or another infection and what treatment is or isn't available and how ready. Cause you know, they've all seen some sick babies and this particular infection is serious, dontcha know?! Not only that, but this woman alludes to the fact that because I was putting them in such an impossible position, there was talk of their contacting The Children's Aid Society to have someone from there come in to talk with me about the issues. SERIOUSLY?? WTF?? Brazen as brass... I couldn't believe it.
When she left the room, I broke down. For the first time.
Anyway, the day progressed but my labour definitely did not. And that made me second guess myself all the more and then wonder yet again, what was wrong with my body. I guess it just doesn't get it huh?
Eventually, late on Wednesday evening (around 6 p.m.) I decided that enough was enough... I needed to know that something could and would happen. I was starting to fear for Petit and the loss of amniotic fluid although the heartrate was fine and he/she was still kicking and all that. But we were coming up on 20 hours with no progress at all. I cried as I told hubby I was going to give in to the IV and the oxytocin. He held me as I wept and when the doctor came in to check on me again, we told him.
They got me into a nice warm shower to bring out my veins, and I wrapped my hands in warm compresses as hubby and I watched Slumdog Millionaire to take my mind off things until the anaesthesiologist came up to do his job. I gotta say, between him, hubby and my ever-so-freakin-amazing nurse Elaine (a true Godsend this woman, from Jamaica and she had all the faith in the world in me), the IV went in pretty smoothly. Oxytocin was started around 6 p.m. on Wednesday night at the lowest dose.
And true to form, that did nothing either. *sigh*
All night the oxytocin did its thing and the nurses continued to check me and to bump up the levels every 30 mins or so. Only by about 3 a.m. did I start to actually FEEL anything. And I began to breathe through the contractions. Hubby didn't even hear me as I dealt with them and by 4 a.m. on Thursday, they were strong, strong, strong. But I was still only 1-2 cm dilated!! DAMMIT!
That frustrated me to no end. Combined with an overnight nurse who had the personality of a wet dishrag and made me upset and angry, I began to cry. I threw tissues. I sat up so abruptly that the monitors lost the baby's heartbeat and said nurse barged in wondering what the heck was going on with me. I told her I was pissed and upset and I was ready to just rip everything off and head the hell outta dodge. Only hubby calmed me down. Thank God for him. He truly is my rock you know.
I finally settled down again after a fashion and tried to rest. Or maybe I just tried to relax a little. I mean, that was going on 30 hours already and I'd just had enough, you know?
By 5 a.m., knowing the strength of the contractions and my level of discomfort, I agreed to nubain (an IM narcotic) which really took the edge off the pain for about 3-4 hours. But that came with a ton of drowsiness and some nausea (remedied by gravol in my IV) and I dozed a bit and breathed a bit. All was good til the nubain wore off and by 9:30 a.m. I was in pain again. A second injection of nubain and I hoped it would do what the first one did. No dice. The contractions had picked up so much that I couldn't even breathe through them anymore. I was doing every possible trick in the book but nothing could distract me. Talk about intense! Mother of baby Jesus... I couldn't even speak.
Hubby had stepped out to run home, as he had now and then to shower, change, touch base with my family, etc. and when he got back, I told him (God knows how in heaven he was able to comprehend me through the panting, tears, and shaking) I had pretty much agreed to the epidural to relieve the pain and maybe, just maybe, get my cervix to dilate and cooperate. Again, we pulled Elaine into the room to tell her. She agreed to talk to the doctor and get the anesthesiologist again... different guy this time. But just as competent.
All this time, I had managed to get out of bed and get back and forth to the washroom and this would be my last shot at that; once the epi went in, I'd be stuck. But enough was enough. So I agreed. That was noon today.
The epi went in on the third try; it was really tough between severe contractions, and my anaesthesiologist preferred to do them with the patient lying down. Anyway, that done, I started to feel the numbness pretty much immediately but the pressure was still there. That's the goal anyway, so I can actually feel pressure to help push Petit out when the time comes.
So okay, at noon today, I was still 3 cms and about 35% effaced. By 2 p.m., They checked me again. Blow me down folks... 9 cms (just a bit of anterior lip) and 95% effaced. Elaine could feel the baby's head and little bits of hair! Petit is now at a +1 station!! WOOT! All that in just two hours. I guess I needed to relax huh?
It is almost 3 p.m. here. I'm due for another check, and likely, very likely, I'll get to start pushing. With some luck, Petit will be here within a few short hours. You'll get the scoop right after family and immediate friends. I guarantee it. Either hubby or I will post. It might be short, but there you go.
I'm excited and so eager to meet this little one. Just like Vee and Max have welcomed little Leo Alexandre into their lives, so too might I get to introduce to you Petit, and his or her name.
Sending love to you all. And thank you for your wishes. I have been needing them. Every single one.
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