Sunday, February 24, 2013
The Latest and Greatest in our World
I know I rarely get time to post here, but I did want to follow up and tell you what's going on in our lives at the moment. We're back from our cruise and just dealing with the rest of the winter season as we hope to see spring soon. (Oh we so hope!)
Cruise
We had a really enjoyable holiday. The big surprise was that my parents showed up to surprise us! They were at the hotel when we arrived in Miami and they were booked to go on the cruise with us.
In Miami, we did some shopping (Dolphin Mall) and went to eat at a couple of spots. We were looking forward to The Outback but we didn't have a good meal there, unfortunately. However a meal at a mom-and-pop Italian spot across from the hotel was to die for! Yum!
On February 4, we boarded the Carnival Victory (thank goodness it wasn't the Triumph! Yikes!) and that evening, we set sail from Miami en route to Nassau.
February 5, Nassau -- We spent the day at the Atlantis Resort. WOW!
February 6, Half Moon Cay (Carnival's and Holland America's private island)
February 8, at sea
On Saturday, February 9, we disembarked at Miami and after seeing Mom and Dad off at the airport, we headed to our hotel for one day. We got settled in and we were all pretty tired so just took it easy for the day. We were up bright and early on Sunday, February 10 to fly home and we made it home by about 8 p.m. Back to the snow and cold... brr.
A HUGE shout-out and thank-you to our neighbours, M&M across the street, who graciously agreed to take care of our elderly cats while we were away. They're the most incredible people and we DO have a little something for you both for your kindness. Thank you both.
Work
There is movement afoot to attempt to retain me at my current location, which is spectacular. I love the more hands-on work that I do, in the technical side of the house. And the guys that I work with are wonderful. We have a new manager as of January and he's been quite fantastic as well. All in all, it's a good turn of events. We shall see how it all pans out. Oh I'm still looking for a job at home in NL; however, everything that suits me is restricted to those who are already in the area or employed by a specific organization AND living in the area. Ugh. Thus my options are extremely limited.
Milestones!
Petite is officially a 'big girl'! She put all her soothies and her soothie clips under her pillow the other day and was rewarded handsomely! The Soothie Fairy came to take her soothies and bring them to babies who need them, and she left Petite exactly what she had asked for... a teddy bear. My little girl is growing up before my eyes. It's wonderful.
Love to all in blogland!
Cruise
We had a really enjoyable holiday. The big surprise was that my parents showed up to surprise us! They were at the hotel when we arrived in Miami and they were booked to go on the cruise with us.
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| Mom and Dad with Petite |
In Miami, we did some shopping (Dolphin Mall) and went to eat at a couple of spots. We were looking forward to The Outback but we didn't have a good meal there, unfortunately. However a meal at a mom-and-pop Italian spot across from the hotel was to die for! Yum!
On February 4, we boarded the Carnival Victory (thank goodness it wasn't the Triumph! Yikes!) and that evening, we set sail from Miami en route to Nassau.
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| On deck for sailaway, you can see the slide, sunning areas, and the big screen that played shows and movies all through the trip. |
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| Miami as we set sail. |
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| Atlantis as seen from the ship while we are docking. |
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| Petite enjoying Atlantis. |
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| No fear! |
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| One of the many slides in Atlantis. |
I'd love to go back there when Petite is older so we can all enjoy more of the rides!
February 6, Half Moon Cay (Carnival's and Holland America's private island)
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| K&K at the entrance to Half Moon Cay |
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| Petite and her big brother; we had rented this cabana for the day and it was absolutely lovely! |
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| The Carnival Victory as seen from our cabana. |
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| The kids on the beach; a sand castle takes shape. |
February 7, Grand Turk, Turks and Caicos -- the adults had booked a snorkelling expedition through a private company
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| Hubby on board one of the skiffs from Blue Water Divers; en route to our snorkelling sites. |
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| Me and K snorkelling (thanks to Chris from Blue Water Divers for taking this photo!). If you are in Grand Turk, Blue Water Divers is THE place to go for private dives and snorkelling expeditions. |
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| The sea floor as seen from about 12 feet above. |
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| A very good shot of "The Wall" in Grand Turk; the sea floor drops from about 30 feet to over 7000 feet! This is an example of how quickly the dropoff can occur! |
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| Petite hugs one of the decorative octopi on board. |
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| Lady Liberty! By the end of the cruise, Petite was handing napkins to every server in sight and saying, "Make something please!" It was pretty funny. They all adored her though. |
On Saturday, February 9, we disembarked at Miami and after seeing Mom and Dad off at the airport, we headed to our hotel for one day. We got settled in and we were all pretty tired so just took it easy for the day. We were up bright and early on Sunday, February 10 to fly home and we made it home by about 8 p.m. Back to the snow and cold... brr.
A HUGE shout-out and thank-you to our neighbours, M&M across the street, who graciously agreed to take care of our elderly cats while we were away. They're the most incredible people and we DO have a little something for you both for your kindness. Thank you both.
Work
There is movement afoot to attempt to retain me at my current location, which is spectacular. I love the more hands-on work that I do, in the technical side of the house. And the guys that I work with are wonderful. We have a new manager as of January and he's been quite fantastic as well. All in all, it's a good turn of events. We shall see how it all pans out. Oh I'm still looking for a job at home in NL; however, everything that suits me is restricted to those who are already in the area or employed by a specific organization AND living in the area. Ugh. Thus my options are extremely limited.
Milestones!
Petite is officially a 'big girl'! She put all her soothies and her soothie clips under her pillow the other day and was rewarded handsomely! The Soothie Fairy came to take her soothies and bring them to babies who need them, and she left Petite exactly what she had asked for... a teddy bear. My little girl is growing up before my eyes. It's wonderful.
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| Petite with her "Woobie," the bear the Soothie Fairy left for her! |
Next Steps
And I've undertaken my next rather MASSIVE goal. More to come on this in future posts. Suffice it to say, it involves big changes and I've spoken to my GP who is definitely on board. With luck, I will clear all the hurdles on my way towards achieving this one. I'm stubborn, so I think I can hang in there!
Love to all in blogland!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Closing out 2012; Ringing in 2013
Hello...? Hello...? This thing on? *tap, tap, tap*
I would definitely forgive you if you'd thought I'd up and left for good. I am sure no one is left here, reading any of my posts anyway. But regardless, there are a few things going on and I thought I'd write about them now, while I have a moment or two, as the snow falls outside.
November and early December saw me extremely busy. I handled decorating and shopping/wrapping at the office. I organized a Christmas Cookie exchange; it went really well and I hope to do it again next year! I did a bunch of baking in the lead up to the holidays, from cookies for the exchange to cookies and things to give away, and bread/rolls for us for Christmas. We reorganized the living room with the arrival of the furniture from the east coast and we redecorated, painting the walls and fixing up the décor. It looks like the room has been brought from the early 80s into the current century! Quite a change. I did the shopping and shipping of gifts to my sister... mostly stuff for my nephew with a few items for my sister and my BIL. I did the cleaning and tidying, prepping to put up the decorations and the tree for the holidays, which was all done on the first weekend of December. The house was very Christmassy indeed. I love the holidays.
And now, Christmas has come and gone. It was... wow. I don't really have any words. It was a good Christmas I suppose, for the most part. Except for the fact that we were all quite ill. Petite got sick on Christmas Eve, during the afternoon. By evening, she was vomiting and feverish. We finally got her settled around 1 or 2 a.m. and eventually, we got ourselves to bed. Christmas Day, my girlfriend's daughter wasn't feeling well. By Boxing Day (December 26), Hubby and I were miserable, feeling like a truck had run us over. I went to work on December 27, dragging my butt through the day, but two coworkers told me I looked like "week-old codfish" and I took the hint. Friday, December 28, the doctor saw all three of us in her office. Petite was diagnosed with a bad cold, and Hubby and I were diagnosed with the flu. Home to bed for as long as possible. I took three days off work and went back to the office shortly after the new year.
Regardless, we finally came out the other side of it all. Just in time too.
We are going to head off on a holiday in early February. It's a cruise we had planned back in April last year and we've been looking forward to it ever since. My girlfriend, K, and her daughter, K, have asked us for YEARS to go on holiday with them somewhere. We always put it off, because honestly, I rarely go on 'holiday' per se. I just go to see my family, wherever they happen to be. This time though, we set aside some vacation time last year, in preparation for this vacation and we researched times/dates to travel, and where we wanted to go, cost, etc. We booked it last year and we've been counting down the days ever since. (Yes, there's an App for that too!) Petite has been told about our upcoming holiday and she is eager to build sandcastles on the beach with us. We'll be heading to Miami for a couple of days before embarking on the ship (Carnival Victory) and heading to three ports: Nassau, Bahamas; Half Moon Cay, Bahamas (a private island); and Grand Turk, Turks and Caicos. We spend five days on the ship before we disembark and spend one more night in Miami before flying home. We CANNOT wait. Seeing as Christmas sort of passed us by, we are looking forward to having a real holiday at the moment.
We are also hoping to get home to Newfoundland near the end of July. I'm keeping an eye out for seat sales already. My 25th high school reunion will be at that time, and I really loved my high school and friends from there. I hope to catch up with many of them.
In fact, one in particular. I had a good friend from home who I had lost touch with. She and I hung around with a few others, but no one knew what had become of "Jan." She was also on the list of lost alumni from our high school; people were invited to post details or send info to the organizing committee regarding how to locate these lost alums. I knew a little about what Jan had done after high school, but not much. I decided to have a go at finding her. Lo and behold, my sleuthing discovered a few things: she is well-known in her field of study, and she had just relocated... to the same city where I currently live!!! A website gave a professional e-mail address for her and I shot her a note, hoping it was indeed the same person I knew from 20+ years ago. She replied... yes indeed! It is her. We made plans to go out a few weeks later to catch up. I recall her family fondly, in particular, her mom. She always made us feel welcome in their home. She's a wonderful lady.
Imagine my shock when I learned, five days before Jan and I were to get together, her mom passed away, suddenly, at home in Newfoundland. Obviously she flew home. I hear she is devastated; I know she and her mom were very close. I sent her an e-mail or two, letting her know that I had heard the news, and I was terribly sorry for her loss. With luck, when she is ready and returns to Ottawa, I may have a chance to see her. I hope so. I actually had a dream about her mom a couple of weeks ago. She was smiling and happy in this dream. She was okay. She told me she was okay. She told me to tell Jan this. She told me she is happy that I found Jan. (I'm not sure how much of this I honestly believe, but there must be a reason for her coming to me that night.) I hope that I get to tell Jan these things... when she is ready. I hope Jan and I can be close again. She always was a great friend. I am sending love and healing vibes to her as she and her family deal with this tragic loss. I had hoped to meet up with Jan's mom next summer when I go home for the reunion. Alas. God had other plans.
On other vacation fronts, we had tentative plans with other friends to rent a house in Orlando, Florida this summer for one week. I don't know if that will go ahead. To be determined I guess. And my whole family hoped to get together next Christmas, but I doubt that will happen either. Well, it may for them, but likely not for us. While I can easily carve out the time, Hubby asked for that time off and there's already absolutely no availability at the moment. He will continue to check throughout the year, but right now, it won't happen. Ugh. I wonder if he can ask now for vacation during Christmas 2014?!
And I've got one or two other things ruminating in my head at the moment. Now that we have decided not to go forward with another IVF for #2, I can focus on me. There are one or two things in particular I am focussing on, but I need to consult with a few professionals before I can make any final decisions and move forward. More info to follow as things are solidified.
For now, I am thinking of my friend Jan as she navigates life without her mom. Thinking of Vee and Boo, as they embark on a new life, moving in with Vee's dad and travelling to Thailand again for a holiday. Thinking of my sis as she and my BIL enjoy their gorgeous little boy and hopefully plan a holiday at home in May with him before he turns 2 (and they will then need to pay for a flight ticket for him!).
I am praying that 2013 will be better than 2012. We lost one wonderful member of our family in 2012; July 29 will always bring us sadness. In time, it may bring a smile of happy memories, but for now, we all ache far too much. It hurts. A LOT. I know it will for a long time to come.
Hugs and love to all in blogland.
I would definitely forgive you if you'd thought I'd up and left for good. I am sure no one is left here, reading any of my posts anyway. But regardless, there are a few things going on and I thought I'd write about them now, while I have a moment or two, as the snow falls outside.
November and early December saw me extremely busy. I handled decorating and shopping/wrapping at the office. I organized a Christmas Cookie exchange; it went really well and I hope to do it again next year! I did a bunch of baking in the lead up to the holidays, from cookies for the exchange to cookies and things to give away, and bread/rolls for us for Christmas. We reorganized the living room with the arrival of the furniture from the east coast and we redecorated, painting the walls and fixing up the décor. It looks like the room has been brought from the early 80s into the current century! Quite a change. I did the shopping and shipping of gifts to my sister... mostly stuff for my nephew with a few items for my sister and my BIL. I did the cleaning and tidying, prepping to put up the decorations and the tree for the holidays, which was all done on the first weekend of December. The house was very Christmassy indeed. I love the holidays.
And now, Christmas has come and gone. It was... wow. I don't really have any words. It was a good Christmas I suppose, for the most part. Except for the fact that we were all quite ill. Petite got sick on Christmas Eve, during the afternoon. By evening, she was vomiting and feverish. We finally got her settled around 1 or 2 a.m. and eventually, we got ourselves to bed. Christmas Day, my girlfriend's daughter wasn't feeling well. By Boxing Day (December 26), Hubby and I were miserable, feeling like a truck had run us over. I went to work on December 27, dragging my butt through the day, but two coworkers told me I looked like "week-old codfish" and I took the hint. Friday, December 28, the doctor saw all three of us in her office. Petite was diagnosed with a bad cold, and Hubby and I were diagnosed with the flu. Home to bed for as long as possible. I took three days off work and went back to the office shortly after the new year.
Regardless, we finally came out the other side of it all. Just in time too.
We are going to head off on a holiday in early February. It's a cruise we had planned back in April last year and we've been looking forward to it ever since. My girlfriend, K, and her daughter, K, have asked us for YEARS to go on holiday with them somewhere. We always put it off, because honestly, I rarely go on 'holiday' per se. I just go to see my family, wherever they happen to be. This time though, we set aside some vacation time last year, in preparation for this vacation and we researched times/dates to travel, and where we wanted to go, cost, etc. We booked it last year and we've been counting down the days ever since. (Yes, there's an App for that too!) Petite has been told about our upcoming holiday and she is eager to build sandcastles on the beach with us. We'll be heading to Miami for a couple of days before embarking on the ship (Carnival Victory) and heading to three ports: Nassau, Bahamas; Half Moon Cay, Bahamas (a private island); and Grand Turk, Turks and Caicos. We spend five days on the ship before we disembark and spend one more night in Miami before flying home. We CANNOT wait. Seeing as Christmas sort of passed us by, we are looking forward to having a real holiday at the moment.
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| Prince of Wales Collegiate, St. John's, Newfoundland |
In fact, one in particular. I had a good friend from home who I had lost touch with. She and I hung around with a few others, but no one knew what had become of "Jan." She was also on the list of lost alumni from our high school; people were invited to post details or send info to the organizing committee regarding how to locate these lost alums. I knew a little about what Jan had done after high school, but not much. I decided to have a go at finding her. Lo and behold, my sleuthing discovered a few things: she is well-known in her field of study, and she had just relocated... to the same city where I currently live!!! A website gave a professional e-mail address for her and I shot her a note, hoping it was indeed the same person I knew from 20+ years ago. She replied... yes indeed! It is her. We made plans to go out a few weeks later to catch up. I recall her family fondly, in particular, her mom. She always made us feel welcome in their home. She's a wonderful lady.
Imagine my shock when I learned, five days before Jan and I were to get together, her mom passed away, suddenly, at home in Newfoundland. Obviously she flew home. I hear she is devastated; I know she and her mom were very close. I sent her an e-mail or two, letting her know that I had heard the news, and I was terribly sorry for her loss. With luck, when she is ready and returns to Ottawa, I may have a chance to see her. I hope so. I actually had a dream about her mom a couple of weeks ago. She was smiling and happy in this dream. She was okay. She told me she was okay. She told me to tell Jan this. She told me she is happy that I found Jan. (I'm not sure how much of this I honestly believe, but there must be a reason for her coming to me that night.) I hope that I get to tell Jan these things... when she is ready. I hope Jan and I can be close again. She always was a great friend. I am sending love and healing vibes to her as she and her family deal with this tragic loss. I had hoped to meet up with Jan's mom next summer when I go home for the reunion. Alas. God had other plans.
On other vacation fronts, we had tentative plans with other friends to rent a house in Orlando, Florida this summer for one week. I don't know if that will go ahead. To be determined I guess. And my whole family hoped to get together next Christmas, but I doubt that will happen either. Well, it may for them, but likely not for us. While I can easily carve out the time, Hubby asked for that time off and there's already absolutely no availability at the moment. He will continue to check throughout the year, but right now, it won't happen. Ugh. I wonder if he can ask now for vacation during Christmas 2014?!
And I've got one or two other things ruminating in my head at the moment. Now that we have decided not to go forward with another IVF for #2, I can focus on me. There are one or two things in particular I am focussing on, but I need to consult with a few professionals before I can make any final decisions and move forward. More info to follow as things are solidified.
For now, I am thinking of my friend Jan as she navigates life without her mom. Thinking of Vee and Boo, as they embark on a new life, moving in with Vee's dad and travelling to Thailand again for a holiday. Thinking of my sis as she and my BIL enjoy their gorgeous little boy and hopefully plan a holiday at home in May with him before he turns 2 (and they will then need to pay for a flight ticket for him!).
I am praying that 2013 will be better than 2012. We lost one wonderful member of our family in 2012; July 29 will always bring us sadness. In time, it may bring a smile of happy memories, but for now, we all ache far too much. It hurts. A LOT. I know it will for a long time to come.
Hugs and love to all in blogland.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Sending Love and Birthday Wishes via Balloon
Today would have been my aunt's 78th birthday.
Petite and I released three balloons up to the heavens to send her messages of love.
We all miss her so much.
Happy Birthday Aunt B. We love you.
Petite and I released three balloons up to the heavens to send her messages of love.
We all miss her so much.
Happy Birthday Aunt B. We love you.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Crazy Busy Life
I've been swamped this weekend. I was up at 8 a.m. doing my hair on Saturday morning before anyone awoke. I followed that with baking gingerbread pumpkin cookies for Halloween. Yes yes, I know I could have bought ginger cookies. But they're just not the same! Some of the cookies went with Petite to her Halloween party at daycare today. Some will go to a bake sale at the office on Wednesday. And some more, I'll keep for us at home.
I did even more baking: a couple of batches of Sugar cookies. Happy Birthday ones for one of the kids at the daycare (to coincide with the Monday Halloween party).
I made a macaroni and cheese casserole for dinner on Monday night. I contemplated baking bread, but I never got that far.
I shopped: picking up a snowsuit for Petite for this year as well as Halloween goodies for daycare kids. I have yet to get Petite's winter boots though. And I didn't buy enough Halloween candy/chocolate to hand out at my girlfriend's house yet. Crap. I knew I forgot something. I'll put it on the "to do" list for Tuesday.
I finished sewing some details of Petite's costume. She wore it today for the Halloween party. She loved it.
Hubby enlisted his son's help to close our pool (finally!) and then Hubby finished up the painting in the living room. Good thing. Our furniture from the east coast will arrive in the next couple of days.
I did some laundry, changed Petite's bed, all that sort of regular thing.
Hubby was recently in a car accident and the woman in the other car came to our house on Saturday with an estimate for her repairs. Ugh. Can I stick my head in the sand now? One good thing about seeing this woman: she bought all of the rest of Petite's old clothing that I was going to consign. I gave her a helluva deal because she is going to ship it all to Haiti (her native country). I know the need there is great, so I let it all go for a steal. I know some kids in Haiti will be very well dressed. I even threw in a huge bag of shoes/boots/sneakers for good measure.
Over the weekend, we hung up a bunch of Halloween decorations. We carved our pumpkins on Saturday night too. You can see the five here:
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| Hubby's bat, my witch (Petite wanted me to do that with her), my girlfriend's bat cavern, her daughter's grim reaper, and my stepson's "Beware," which he took home with him, and it promptly became a squirrel snack! |
A woman came today to buy our coffee and end tables that we had for sale on Kijiji. After the mother of all garage sales, we had a few big ticket items left that we were going to try to sell individually. I think we have only one or two left now.
Needless to say, we're busy. I cannot wait until some of the busy goes away. (And some part of me is very, very thankful that I am this busy at all.)
I continue to be excited and happy for Mo and Will who welcomed little Magpie one week ago. What an incredible journey. What a gorgeous girl. How very lucky they were this time around!
And to Keiko, who is venturing into the early stages of a hard-won pregnancy after premature ovarian failure and a donor egg cycle. She is a wonderful advocate for the ALI community. I am keeping fingers crossed that all continues to go well for her.
I know many of you are dealing with Hurricane Sandy in the next few days. Stay safe everyone. Love to all.
Oh, I've taken up my "photo a day" blog again. I posted about 40 photos starting from a few months ago up to pics that I took today. I will try to pick it up and finish out this year.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Grieving and Moving Forward (or... trying to)
I have been gone for so long, I don't know whether I can do justice to a post here anymore. I feel removed from so many aspects of my life; like I'm sitting on a park bench and watching life and all that it encompasses fly past me at record speed. Life feels foggy. Hazy. Thoughts feel jumbled and scattered.
Or maybe it's just my thyroid meds.
I probably ought to check my TSH levels again.
Or maybe it's just my way of trying to process the death of my aunt.
Truthfully, I don't know if I ever can. I'm still in shock and disbelief. Just last week, I was in my kitchen, preparing dinner when the phone rang. For a fleeting moment, I thought, "Oh I wonder if that's Aunt B? It's been so long since I..."
I seriously got that far into the thought before I remembered. And as the phone finished it's shrill ring, I broke down in tears, overwhelmed by grief that came at me out of the blue.
That sort of thing happens every couple of days. Today, I was in a fabric store, looking for something for Petite's Halloween costume and I thought, "I wish Aunt B were here. She would know what to look for," and a tear rolled down my cheek.
She's gone. I never expected that her sudden fall and subsequent departure from my parents' home (and her own home) to go to the hospital that day in June would herald the end of her life and she would not have a chance to return to her own house. She never got to finalize anything. She had unfinished projects here and there. She was not ready. Not really prepared for her days to end. And I never truly got a chance to say goodbye. She never got a chance to see Petite one last time. I will always regret that.
On August 8, I took Petite and flew home for a week. I shed so many tears knowing that she was already gone and I wouldn't see her while I was at home. It felt weird to be sitting in my aunt's house, around her kitchen table--with my parents, my other aunts and uncles, and Petite--and not to have Aunt B there.
While home, I had the opportunity to speak for a number of items in her house that I could not bear to see lost to a donation pile. She lived alone and had a house full of furniture, cherished things, photos, items, from my grandparents' days and from her own life. And everyone in the family already has so many things; I mean, how many place settings or sets of dishes does a person need? My parents have their fair share of those things. So do my aunts. But how can you let her favourite tea mug be tossed out? Or her scissors (as she was a seamstress)? Her sewing machine? The beautiful paintings on the walls? How do you let those things go when you haven't really even had time to say goodbye to the person they belonged to and you just want to cradle everything tightly in your lap and never let go of any of it? Because you so badly want to bring that person back to you and you somehow think that by holding her cherished possessions close to you, she is close to you? How do you let go? How do you let pieces of your loved one end up in a bin for strangers to paw through and barter over? It's all too much for me. So very overwhelming.
I walked into my aunt's bedroom, together with my mom, and my two remaining aunts. The four of us were going to go through Aunt B's jewellery and choose a few pieces for ourselves and to give to others. Aunt Li, the one who used to live with Aunt B for many years, and who is the executor of the estate, walked to the dresser and pulled out something. She turned to me. In her hands was a small red pouch. Aunt Li spoke, "Gil, this is for Petite. We want her to have it from Aunt B." (I'm sobbing as I type this. Bear with me.) I was puzzled. I had no idea what the three sisters had done. But it quickly became clear to me.
I took the red pouch, and carefully opened it, slowly tipping it to catch the contents in my left hand.
Aunt B's wedding ring slid out, onto my palm.
I started to cry, and I was promptly handed a tissue. Aunt Li held her own tissue and took a breath, and she reminded me of Aunt B's own words from her hospital bed a few weeks prior, "Now no snottin' and bawlin'. None of that." We laughed through our tears; that was just like Aunt B. Petite and Aunt B had a very special relationship and knowing that Petite has Aunt B's wedding ring is more than I could possibly ever imagine. I will guard it carefully, cherishing it until the day comes for me to turn it over to Petite. She will never remember Aunt B. But she has her as a wonderful, watchful guardian angel. Of this, I am certain.
I picked out a few more pieces of her jewellery for myself. The string of pearls she loaned me for my wedding day. The family ring belonging to my grandmother. Two sets of earrings (studs and hoops). A gold rope chain.
I chose a few paintings and pictures in the house. Aunt B had one of Petite's first drawings (done at 20 months) framed on her bedroom wall; I will bring it back to our home and keep it for Petite. I will take some of her dishes, her butter dish, a few special mugs, some bedding (it is the perfect colour and size for Petite's new double bed), some of her sewing items (yes, I took her scissors and her pinking shears) and other items. I went through her shoes and sneakers; Aunt B and I had the same size feet although my foot is a tad wider, but some of her shoes fit me. It was hard to go through her personal items. I will have her sofa and loveseat shipped to me as well; we need a new sofa badly and I cannot bear to see her gorgeous set go to just anyone. My aunts are having items shipped to them too, so the moving company will take it all together.
While at home, we held a visitation at the funeral home on Saturday, August 11. I spent some time creating a little paper, "Memories of Aunt B" that I compiled after talking with her nieces and nephews and their families. I also pulled together a lot of photos of Aunt B over the years and loaded them onto a digital photo frame; it played random photos throughout the afternoon. At the funeral home, we had a number of people come to visit who simply could not believe that Aunt B was gone. Her death was so sudden, and completely unexpected, that it shocked many people.
I took a few quiet moments to touch the beautiful, simple urn that held her ashes and say a little prayer, letting her know that Petite and I were there. Late... but we were there. And we love her and will miss her always.
On Sunday, August 12, we drove out to Cape Spear. The most easterly point in North America. Aunt B loved to go there to feel the wind in her face and watch for whales, or just revel in the roiling waters against the rocks below the steep cliffs. Cape Spear is where Hubby and I got married. It has a magical pull about it; every time I go home, I make an effort to go there for an hour or two. Aunt B loved it there too. On Sunday the 12th, we took Aunt B there for one last visit. Aunt Li took a vial of her ashes, as Aunt B wished, and we took some flowers to scatter into the wind, against the rocks, atop the waves.
Aunt B will always be there, every time I visit. And I hope to visit her often. Her urn was taken to King's Cove a couple of weeks ago for a private inurnment alongside her husband' final resting place. It is what she wanted. I hope she is at peace. I pray for her to visit me and tell me she is, to come to me in a dream and tell us she is all right. My aunts remained in Newfoundland to finish up clearing out Aunt B's house, sorting through her things, holding a garage sale, and selling my aunt's house and her car, dealing with her estate.
Petite and I left Newfoundland and returned to the Capital, and one week later (the last week in August), Hubby, Petite and I packed up and drove down to New Brunswick to be with my family for a week. The drive was relaxing (we enjoy driving holidays) and we loved seeing family members together. I spoke with my cousin and his wife, who had flown down to Newfoundland quickly and seen Aunt B the week before she died. It was my cousin who helped me Skype with Aunt B on her last 'good' day, bless him. It was the only closure I got.
We had glorious weather. My sister flew up with my little nephew from West Virginia and the two cousins had a wonderful time playing together. We stuck them in the bath together. They cuddled and had fun out on the back deck together. It was a quiet time, for the family to just BE together and lick our wounds, so to speak. I think we all needed that. And having the two kids there as a distraction was fun. My nephew is a gorgeous little boy. I hadn't seen him since he was two months old so it was a blast to rediscover him at almost 15 months.
My sister, my mom, my cousin's wife and I gathered together the first night we were there and Mom gave my sister some of my aunt's items. It was a difficult time. My sister didn't really want to face it; didn't want to handle dividing up my aunt's jewellery or decide who got her leather jacket. The fact that she didn't really get to say goodbye either is hard on her too.
While in New Brunswick, Petite had her 3rd birthday with our family. She was adamant that she wanted a Cinderella cake, and that is exactly what she got, along with some fun toys and beautiful clothing, books, toy instruments, etc. Poppy got her a car with a "'mote control" that my sis brought from the States. She LOVED that.
We did another birthday back at home with a few of our friends and their little kids. We decided to head to a bowling alley and everyone had a GREAT time with that too! It was the first time for most of the kids to bowl but they really enjoyed it to the fullest. I worked diligently to make a Cinderella doll cake for Petite and it turned out nicely if I do say so myself.
As for us... we have made some life-changing decisions.
We will not cycle again.
I am at peace saying that, at long last.
There are a number of factors that went into that decision, and I know that I would love Petite to be a big sister. However, so many things make it hard on us, as a couple and it isn't the right choice for us, right now. Alas, "right now" is really all we have, given my age. I will not get another opportunity to do an IVF cycle, as I will be 43 next year and that is the cutoff age at McGill if you wish to use your own eggs. We looked at our finances, which took a hard hit with the first IVF (and all the years that came before that), the two years of school that Hubby did, and then the issue of not finding work quickly enough. We looked at the fact that we are just now finding our independence again, beginning to go out now and then as a couple, now that Petite is a bit older (and has been toilet trained for more than a year now). We looked at the fact that we may not get as lucky next time; not just in that I may not get pregnant, but what if we had a child with special needs? That would take away time, energy and money from the little girl that we worked so hard to have. I don't want to do that to her. I want to focus on the gorgeous little girl we DID get lucky enough to have. I want to enjoy her to the absolute fullest. I want to give her whatever I possibly can. I want to enjoy our life as a family and move forward. We are in a good place now and if we do it right, things will get better.
So in making that decision, I did not call McGill to start BCP in September and then to do injectables/monitoring in October with a view to retrieval mid-month and an HCG blood test around Halloween.
And making that decision meant that we could finally go through Petite's clothing and baby items, my maternity stuff, etc., and hold the mother of all garage sales. This garage sale was about five years in the works. We have done just that, and the sale brought us about $700. I hope that someone can use the treasured things that we so carefully chose for our little girl. I still have some clothing to consign and/or donate. I'm working through it. And I kept a huge bin of special items for myself.
In having that garage sale, we cleared out our living room, sold our old sofa and chair, and we have repainted with a view to prepping the room to receive the furniture from Newfoundland. I want to order something online for the wall. I'll take a few pictures when it's all done. I'm still looking for curtains and curtain rods, but I suspect that will have to wait until next weekend. There are only so many hours in a day.
We also purchased a new vehicle. Our warranty expired this past summer in the middle of the grieving and travelling, and knowing that we had some repairs on it, it was time to handle that as well. We opted for a Chevy Orlando (not sold in the USA). It's on a par with the Mazda5, sort of a cross between a minivan and an SUV, with three rows of seats for 7 passengers (and very little cargo space) or 5 passengers and plenty of cargo space. Petite's seat takes up a good part of the second row so we can fit 6 comfortably, or 7 squished.
And last week, The Wiggles brought their farewell tour to our city. Aunt B bought our tickets to The Wiggles in the summer of 2010. We had a lot of fun. I had expected to give it a pass this time around, but it tugged at my heartstrings, and knowing that it is Jeff, Murray and Greg's last time with the group, and then I spotted tickets on Groupon for a quarter of the price, I jumped at it. We went to the matinee show and we had fun.
Keeping an eye on some bloggers these days:
After a number of miscarriages, Monday is the day that Mo and Will (Life and Love in the Petri Dish) ought to meet Magpie, their little girl. Mo will be induced and I am hoping and praying that things go well.
And Keiko (The Infertility Voice) got a BFP after a donor egg IVF cycle. I am thrilled for her. And I can relate all too well to her difficulty transitioning from "infertile" to "pregnant infertile." There isn't much out there for those of us who have travelled that particular path.
You're still reading? Thank-you. I'm finding my way back but it may take time. At least now, you're all caught up. And for that matter, so am I. Love to you all in blogland.
Or maybe it's just my thyroid meds.
I probably ought to check my TSH levels again.
Or maybe it's just my way of trying to process the death of my aunt.
Truthfully, I don't know if I ever can. I'm still in shock and disbelief. Just last week, I was in my kitchen, preparing dinner when the phone rang. For a fleeting moment, I thought, "Oh I wonder if that's Aunt B? It's been so long since I..."
I seriously got that far into the thought before I remembered. And as the phone finished it's shrill ring, I broke down in tears, overwhelmed by grief that came at me out of the blue.
That sort of thing happens every couple of days. Today, I was in a fabric store, looking for something for Petite's Halloween costume and I thought, "I wish Aunt B were here. She would know what to look for," and a tear rolled down my cheek.
She's gone. I never expected that her sudden fall and subsequent departure from my parents' home (and her own home) to go to the hospital that day in June would herald the end of her life and she would not have a chance to return to her own house. She never got to finalize anything. She had unfinished projects here and there. She was not ready. Not really prepared for her days to end. And I never truly got a chance to say goodbye. She never got a chance to see Petite one last time. I will always regret that.
On August 8, I took Petite and flew home for a week. I shed so many tears knowing that she was already gone and I wouldn't see her while I was at home. It felt weird to be sitting in my aunt's house, around her kitchen table--with my parents, my other aunts and uncles, and Petite--and not to have Aunt B there.
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| Watering the plants at Nana and Poppy's |
While home, I had the opportunity to speak for a number of items in her house that I could not bear to see lost to a donation pile. She lived alone and had a house full of furniture, cherished things, photos, items, from my grandparents' days and from her own life. And everyone in the family already has so many things; I mean, how many place settings or sets of dishes does a person need? My parents have their fair share of those things. So do my aunts. But how can you let her favourite tea mug be tossed out? Or her scissors (as she was a seamstress)? Her sewing machine? The beautiful paintings on the walls? How do you let those things go when you haven't really even had time to say goodbye to the person they belonged to and you just want to cradle everything tightly in your lap and never let go of any of it? Because you so badly want to bring that person back to you and you somehow think that by holding her cherished possessions close to you, she is close to you? How do you let go? How do you let pieces of your loved one end up in a bin for strangers to paw through and barter over? It's all too much for me. So very overwhelming.
I walked into my aunt's bedroom, together with my mom, and my two remaining aunts. The four of us were going to go through Aunt B's jewellery and choose a few pieces for ourselves and to give to others. Aunt Li, the one who used to live with Aunt B for many years, and who is the executor of the estate, walked to the dresser and pulled out something. She turned to me. In her hands was a small red pouch. Aunt Li spoke, "Gil, this is for Petite. We want her to have it from Aunt B." (I'm sobbing as I type this. Bear with me.) I was puzzled. I had no idea what the three sisters had done. But it quickly became clear to me.
I took the red pouch, and carefully opened it, slowly tipping it to catch the contents in my left hand.
Aunt B's wedding ring slid out, onto my palm.
I started to cry, and I was promptly handed a tissue. Aunt Li held her own tissue and took a breath, and she reminded me of Aunt B's own words from her hospital bed a few weeks prior, "Now no snottin' and bawlin'. None of that." We laughed through our tears; that was just like Aunt B. Petite and Aunt B had a very special relationship and knowing that Petite has Aunt B's wedding ring is more than I could possibly ever imagine. I will guard it carefully, cherishing it until the day comes for me to turn it over to Petite. She will never remember Aunt B. But she has her as a wonderful, watchful guardian angel. Of this, I am certain.
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| Playing in the playground where Mommy used to play when she was a girl |
I picked out a few more pieces of her jewellery for myself. The string of pearls she loaned me for my wedding day. The family ring belonging to my grandmother. Two sets of earrings (studs and hoops). A gold rope chain.
I chose a few paintings and pictures in the house. Aunt B had one of Petite's first drawings (done at 20 months) framed on her bedroom wall; I will bring it back to our home and keep it for Petite. I will take some of her dishes, her butter dish, a few special mugs, some bedding (it is the perfect colour and size for Petite's new double bed), some of her sewing items (yes, I took her scissors and her pinking shears) and other items. I went through her shoes and sneakers; Aunt B and I had the same size feet although my foot is a tad wider, but some of her shoes fit me. It was hard to go through her personal items. I will have her sofa and loveseat shipped to me as well; we need a new sofa badly and I cannot bear to see her gorgeous set go to just anyone. My aunts are having items shipped to them too, so the moving company will take it all together.
While at home, we held a visitation at the funeral home on Saturday, August 11. I spent some time creating a little paper, "Memories of Aunt B" that I compiled after talking with her nieces and nephews and their families. I also pulled together a lot of photos of Aunt B over the years and loaded them onto a digital photo frame; it played random photos throughout the afternoon. At the funeral home, we had a number of people come to visit who simply could not believe that Aunt B was gone. Her death was so sudden, and completely unexpected, that it shocked many people.
I took a few quiet moments to touch the beautiful, simple urn that held her ashes and say a little prayer, letting her know that Petite and I were there. Late... but we were there. And we love her and will miss her always.
On Sunday, August 12, we drove out to Cape Spear. The most easterly point in North America. Aunt B loved to go there to feel the wind in her face and watch for whales, or just revel in the roiling waters against the rocks below the steep cliffs. Cape Spear is where Hubby and I got married. It has a magical pull about it; every time I go home, I make an effort to go there for an hour or two. Aunt B loved it there too. On Sunday the 12th, we took Aunt B there for one last visit. Aunt Li took a vial of her ashes, as Aunt B wished, and we took some flowers to scatter into the wind, against the rocks, atop the waves.
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| Flowers for Aunt B, scattered at sea |
Aunt B will always be there, every time I visit. And I hope to visit her often. Her urn was taken to King's Cove a couple of weeks ago for a private inurnment alongside her husband' final resting place. It is what she wanted. I hope she is at peace. I pray for her to visit me and tell me she is, to come to me in a dream and tell us she is all right. My aunts remained in Newfoundland to finish up clearing out Aunt B's house, sorting through her things, holding a garage sale, and selling my aunt's house and her car, dealing with her estate.
Petite and I left Newfoundland and returned to the Capital, and one week later (the last week in August), Hubby, Petite and I packed up and drove down to New Brunswick to be with my family for a week. The drive was relaxing (we enjoy driving holidays) and we loved seeing family members together. I spoke with my cousin and his wife, who had flown down to Newfoundland quickly and seen Aunt B the week before she died. It was my cousin who helped me Skype with Aunt B on her last 'good' day, bless him. It was the only closure I got.
We had glorious weather. My sister flew up with my little nephew from West Virginia and the two cousins had a wonderful time playing together. We stuck them in the bath together. They cuddled and had fun out on the back deck together. It was a quiet time, for the family to just BE together and lick our wounds, so to speak. I think we all needed that. And having the two kids there as a distraction was fun. My nephew is a gorgeous little boy. I hadn't seen him since he was two months old so it was a blast to rediscover him at almost 15 months.
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| Cousins playing; Petite's 3rd birthday |
My sister, my mom, my cousin's wife and I gathered together the first night we were there and Mom gave my sister some of my aunt's items. It was a difficult time. My sister didn't really want to face it; didn't want to handle dividing up my aunt's jewellery or decide who got her leather jacket. The fact that she didn't really get to say goodbye either is hard on her too.
While in New Brunswick, Petite had her 3rd birthday with our family. She was adamant that she wanted a Cinderella cake, and that is exactly what she got, along with some fun toys and beautiful clothing, books, toy instruments, etc. Poppy got her a car with a "'mote control" that my sis brought from the States. She LOVED that.
We did another birthday back at home with a few of our friends and their little kids. We decided to head to a bowling alley and everyone had a GREAT time with that too! It was the first time for most of the kids to bowl but they really enjoyed it to the fullest. I worked diligently to make a Cinderella doll cake for Petite and it turned out nicely if I do say so myself.
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| Cinderella cake for Petite's birthday |
As for us... we have made some life-changing decisions.
We will not cycle again.
I am at peace saying that, at long last.
There are a number of factors that went into that decision, and I know that I would love Petite to be a big sister. However, so many things make it hard on us, as a couple and it isn't the right choice for us, right now. Alas, "right now" is really all we have, given my age. I will not get another opportunity to do an IVF cycle, as I will be 43 next year and that is the cutoff age at McGill if you wish to use your own eggs. We looked at our finances, which took a hard hit with the first IVF (and all the years that came before that), the two years of school that Hubby did, and then the issue of not finding work quickly enough. We looked at the fact that we are just now finding our independence again, beginning to go out now and then as a couple, now that Petite is a bit older (and has been toilet trained for more than a year now). We looked at the fact that we may not get as lucky next time; not just in that I may not get pregnant, but what if we had a child with special needs? That would take away time, energy and money from the little girl that we worked so hard to have. I don't want to do that to her. I want to focus on the gorgeous little girl we DID get lucky enough to have. I want to enjoy her to the absolute fullest. I want to give her whatever I possibly can. I want to enjoy our life as a family and move forward. We are in a good place now and if we do it right, things will get better.
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| Cheeky girl |
So in making that decision, I did not call McGill to start BCP in September and then to do injectables/monitoring in October with a view to retrieval mid-month and an HCG blood test around Halloween.
And making that decision meant that we could finally go through Petite's clothing and baby items, my maternity stuff, etc., and hold the mother of all garage sales. This garage sale was about five years in the works. We have done just that, and the sale brought us about $700. I hope that someone can use the treasured things that we so carefully chose for our little girl. I still have some clothing to consign and/or donate. I'm working through it. And I kept a huge bin of special items for myself.
In having that garage sale, we cleared out our living room, sold our old sofa and chair, and we have repainted with a view to prepping the room to receive the furniture from Newfoundland. I want to order something online for the wall. I'll take a few pictures when it's all done. I'm still looking for curtains and curtain rods, but I suspect that will have to wait until next weekend. There are only so many hours in a day.
We also purchased a new vehicle. Our warranty expired this past summer in the middle of the grieving and travelling, and knowing that we had some repairs on it, it was time to handle that as well. We opted for a Chevy Orlando (not sold in the USA). It's on a par with the Mazda5, sort of a cross between a minivan and an SUV, with three rows of seats for 7 passengers (and very little cargo space) or 5 passengers and plenty of cargo space. Petite's seat takes up a good part of the second row so we can fit 6 comfortably, or 7 squished.
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| Chevrolet Orlando 2012 |
And last week, The Wiggles brought their farewell tour to our city. Aunt B bought our tickets to The Wiggles in the summer of 2010. We had a lot of fun. I had expected to give it a pass this time around, but it tugged at my heartstrings, and knowing that it is Jeff, Murray and Greg's last time with the group, and then I spotted tickets on Groupon for a quarter of the price, I jumped at it. We went to the matinee show and we had fun.
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| The Wiggles, October 16, 2012 |
Keeping an eye on some bloggers these days:
After a number of miscarriages, Monday is the day that Mo and Will (Life and Love in the Petri Dish) ought to meet Magpie, their little girl. Mo will be induced and I am hoping and praying that things go well.
And Keiko (The Infertility Voice) got a BFP after a donor egg IVF cycle. I am thrilled for her. And I can relate all too well to her difficulty transitioning from "infertile" to "pregnant infertile." There isn't much out there for those of us who have travelled that particular path.
You're still reading? Thank-you. I'm finding my way back but it may take time. At least now, you're all caught up. And for that matter, so am I. Love to you all in blogland.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
November 6, 1934 — July 29, 2012
At precisely 3:15 a.m., I woke from a sound sleep with a jolt. Within moments, I knew. I just KNEW.
She was gone.
I started to cry silently, quietly to myself. I didn't know what to do, or whom to contact if anyone, at that hour. I just cried, my back to Hubby, as silently as possible, so as not to wake him or Petite.
I didn't sleep much after that. I just waited. And I went through oodles of tissues. I got the confirmation by e-mail from my cousin's wife first. It was a brief message of condolence at my aunt's passing during the night. I was relieved to have some confirmation of my suspicions, because by the time that e-mail arrived, I had been waiting for a number of hours.
That e-mail was quickly followed by a phone call. And then another. And then a third. I heard what I needed to hear. It was over. My cherished aunt had slipped this mortal coil. Quietly. With dignity. In the presence of her youngest sister and my father. At precisely 4:45 a.m. in Newfoundland (or 3:15 for me in Ontario), six weeks of tears and disbelief culminated in my sweet aunt's passing.
I like to think that she came to wake me, passing through to say goodbye one last time. There has been so much that occurred in the month since. I will write about it later when I can gather my thoughts. I've been scattered and I still burst into tears at the smallest things that trigger loving memories.
I refuse to say goodbye. So I will say until we meet again, Aunt B. Know how very much you are loved. And your words and actions have shown over the years how much you loved us.
She was gone.
I started to cry silently, quietly to myself. I didn't know what to do, or whom to contact if anyone, at that hour. I just cried, my back to Hubby, as silently as possible, so as not to wake him or Petite.
I didn't sleep much after that. I just waited. And I went through oodles of tissues. I got the confirmation by e-mail from my cousin's wife first. It was a brief message of condolence at my aunt's passing during the night. I was relieved to have some confirmation of my suspicions, because by the time that e-mail arrived, I had been waiting for a number of hours.
That e-mail was quickly followed by a phone call. And then another. And then a third. I heard what I needed to hear. It was over. My cherished aunt had slipped this mortal coil. Quietly. With dignity. In the presence of her youngest sister and my father. At precisely 4:45 a.m. in Newfoundland (or 3:15 for me in Ontario), six weeks of tears and disbelief culminated in my sweet aunt's passing.
I like to think that she came to wake me, passing through to say goodbye one last time. There has been so much that occurred in the month since. I will write about it later when I can gather my thoughts. I've been scattered and I still burst into tears at the smallest things that trigger loving memories.
I refuse to say goodbye. So I will say until we meet again, Aunt B. Know how very much you are loved. And your words and actions have shown over the years how much you loved us.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Wandering Through the Days
It's been about a month since I last posted. I don't know what to say about that month. It's been full of tears and sadness. I've not yet reached that point that I am grateful for the time that I have had with my Aunt B. Although to be sure, I am. But I am still dwelling on the fact that we are about to lose her.
Aunt B is the oldest of the four sisters in my mom's family, and the second oldest of five siblings. She is the one aunt who remained in Newfoundland. My other two aunts moved to the mainland.
She was married; however her husband passed away in the 1980s (I can't recall right now if it was 1982 or 1984... something tells me it was 1982). Her husband had diabetes and I believe died of diabetes-related complications. They had no children, and thereafter, Aunt B pretty much became my second mom. She has always been there.
Aunt B spent many years as a seamstress, toiling over intricate details in so many sewing projects for our family. She showed me the basics of sewing; thanks to her I tackled making my own pyjama pants! I made about five or six different pairs with her help; I wear them sooo often! When I couldn't find a particular nightgown (in a material I was looking for), she took measurements and made me three of them! She sewed a beautiful (Eskimo style) coat for me when I was a young girl. When I was graduating from high school, she made my date's cummerbund and tie from scratch when we couldn't find the colours we wanted in the rental cummerbunds and ties. When I got married, she took apart my wedding dress and took it in as needed, so that it fit me like a glove. In fact, she made my sister's wedding dress from a pattern; it turned out so beautifully! Everyone admired it.
Aunt B did a Pooh Bear baby quilt for Petite before Petite was even born, and after Petite arrived, she made sure to lavish her skills on my little girl. One of the last things she sewed for Petite was an old-fashioned apron, modelled after the one my grandmother used to wear years ago.
And then one month ago, she lost the use of her hands and legs. She has been pretty much bedridden since then, after falling and being unable to get up herself. She has been hospitalized. And we finally know the details.
Colon cancer. Aggressive colon cancer. Which has metastasized in her adrenal glands, lungs, and thyroid, disintegrating the third vertebrae and doing enough damage to the spinal cord that her arms and legs are not very responsive. Surgery isn't really an option; there's no blockage so chemo or radiation might take care of it. However, she is pretty determined not to have treatment at this point in her life. There is the possibility of just giving her enough treatment to make her comfortable and let this run its course... if that is what she wants.
She is still of sound mind, and if that is her decision, we must abide by it. I do not have to like it, but I will wholeheartedly support her choices.
She said to one of the nurses today, "I guess I won't be making Petite any more dresses, will I?" Hearing that cuts deep into my heart. I ache for her. For Petite. For the idea that Petite will not remember her.
The two photos above are the last two that I took of her and Petite together when she was visiting in March this year. I may not get the opportunity to take any more; my "Photo a Day for a Year" project has given me these at least. Last year for Aunt B's birthday in November, I compiled a photo book for her. In it were over 50 photos of her and Petite. My daughter's picture was never far from Aunt B; she would even pull it out at the hairdresser's to show off Petite to anyone who would stop to admire her!
We are trying to get organized to fly down to see her, and say our goodbyes as it seems that her time is growing short. I can only hope we make it in time. So every time I speak with her, I make sure that I tell her that I love her and yes, I will be sure to kiss Petite for her. Every single day.
Damn. I wish things were so different.
Aunt B is the oldest of the four sisters in my mom's family, and the second oldest of five siblings. She is the one aunt who remained in Newfoundland. My other two aunts moved to the mainland.
She was married; however her husband passed away in the 1980s (I can't recall right now if it was 1982 or 1984... something tells me it was 1982). Her husband had diabetes and I believe died of diabetes-related complications. They had no children, and thereafter, Aunt B pretty much became my second mom. She has always been there.
Aunt B spent many years as a seamstress, toiling over intricate details in so many sewing projects for our family. She showed me the basics of sewing; thanks to her I tackled making my own pyjama pants! I made about five or six different pairs with her help; I wear them sooo often! When I couldn't find a particular nightgown (in a material I was looking for), she took measurements and made me three of them! She sewed a beautiful (Eskimo style) coat for me when I was a young girl. When I was graduating from high school, she made my date's cummerbund and tie from scratch when we couldn't find the colours we wanted in the rental cummerbunds and ties. When I got married, she took apart my wedding dress and took it in as needed, so that it fit me like a glove. In fact, she made my sister's wedding dress from a pattern; it turned out so beautifully! Everyone admired it.
Aunt B did a Pooh Bear baby quilt for Petite before Petite was even born, and after Petite arrived, she made sure to lavish her skills on my little girl. One of the last things she sewed for Petite was an old-fashioned apron, modelled after the one my grandmother used to wear years ago.
Colon cancer. Aggressive colon cancer. Which has metastasized in her adrenal glands, lungs, and thyroid, disintegrating the third vertebrae and doing enough damage to the spinal cord that her arms and legs are not very responsive. Surgery isn't really an option; there's no blockage so chemo or radiation might take care of it. However, she is pretty determined not to have treatment at this point in her life. There is the possibility of just giving her enough treatment to make her comfortable and let this run its course... if that is what she wants.
She is still of sound mind, and if that is her decision, we must abide by it. I do not have to like it, but I will wholeheartedly support her choices.
She said to one of the nurses today, "I guess I won't be making Petite any more dresses, will I?" Hearing that cuts deep into my heart. I ache for her. For Petite. For the idea that Petite will not remember her.
The two photos above are the last two that I took of her and Petite together when she was visiting in March this year. I may not get the opportunity to take any more; my "Photo a Day for a Year" project has given me these at least. Last year for Aunt B's birthday in November, I compiled a photo book for her. In it were over 50 photos of her and Petite. My daughter's picture was never far from Aunt B; she would even pull it out at the hairdresser's to show off Petite to anyone who would stop to admire her!
We are trying to get organized to fly down to see her, and say our goodbyes as it seems that her time is growing short. I can only hope we make it in time. So every time I speak with her, I make sure that I tell her that I love her and yes, I will be sure to kiss Petite for her. Every single day.
Damn. I wish things were so different.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Hanging In There
This past week has not been a good one. In fact, I think I can safely say it's been one of the worst of my life.
I don't want to elaborate too much here yet. Suffice it to say that one of my aunts is in hospital back at home in Newfoundland and the news is anything but good. I expect I may have to take Petite and fly home for a couple of weeks to see my aunt, and spend some quality time with her.
I hate to think that we are going to lose her. But I suspect there is no way to avoid it. Please God I will get the opportunity to see her again before that time comes.
This week, I am sad not only for myself at the thought of losing someone who has been like a second mom to me, but also for my own mom as she is preparing to lose a sister; the first of the five siblings. I am even more sad for Petite, because Petite adores her great aunts and uncles. This one in particular. And she is too young to have any tangible memories of my aunt yet. At least the rest of the family has memories and wonderful things to recall. Petite cannot do that.
I am just heartbroken.
So I'm hiding and dealing, and just hanging in there. Prayers and good thoughts are most welcome right now. Bear with me.
I don't want to elaborate too much here yet. Suffice it to say that one of my aunts is in hospital back at home in Newfoundland and the news is anything but good. I expect I may have to take Petite and fly home for a couple of weeks to see my aunt, and spend some quality time with her.
I hate to think that we are going to lose her. But I suspect there is no way to avoid it. Please God I will get the opportunity to see her again before that time comes.
This week, I am sad not only for myself at the thought of losing someone who has been like a second mom to me, but also for my own mom as she is preparing to lose a sister; the first of the five siblings. I am even more sad for Petite, because Petite adores her great aunts and uncles. This one in particular. And she is too young to have any tangible memories of my aunt yet. At least the rest of the family has memories and wonderful things to recall. Petite cannot do that.
I am just heartbroken.
So I'm hiding and dealing, and just hanging in there. Prayers and good thoughts are most welcome right now. Bear with me.
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Comments from the Peanut Gallery
I realized I've been quiet of late. I don't know if it's because I have nothing to say, or because I have too much to say. Is it possible that it's both? You see, there's a LOT going on in our lives right now. Isn't that always the case chez nous?! But not much of it is related to infertility. And because of that, I'm not sure that this is the venue for discussing it. But then I realize that I mentioned some of these things in passing in previous posts so if you are a regular reader (I don't think I have many of those!), you may be wondering what the follow-up might be.
For posterity's sake, here's what's going on in our lives, and a quick run down of 'updates' about things I'd mentioned in older posts.
365 Blog
I am still focussing on the 365 blog, as there's not much going on in the IF world for us right now. And while I'm taking a photo a day, many days I think that I have very little reason to do so. I drop Petite off at daycare. I go to work. I pick Petite up from daycare. I go home. I do the evening/mommy routine (solo most days, because Hubby works evenings), and then I get to bed around midnight, to get up at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. and do it all over again. So while I see some wonderful bloggers with GORGEOUS 365 blogs, mine is rather dull by comparison. There are lots of photos of Petite, but not much that is actually truly beautiful. Just moments of my life I suppose... and I expect that rare is the person who would find that interesting for a whole year! So if you do peek at that blog, understand that some days it's hard for me to find something... anything... to take a photo of for uploading. Bear with me.
LaGrande
She is still a train wreck. She has bounced from place to place, (I don't know where she is right now... probably couch-surfing with friends), continues to smoke and do drugs, dropped out of one school and eventually enrolled in another school for troubled teens (so much for graduating this year), and generally continues to use and abuse the system. She has contacted Hubby a couple of times about seeing him. She asked once to see Petite and we nixed that idea really quickly. On my birthday, she tried to call me to wish me happy birthday. Mind you, she called at 9 p.m. and later, which is definitely NOT cool when you have a little one you're trying to get to bed, and she knows we do not accept calls at that hour. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer. When Hubby arrived home at 10, and the phone rang again yet again, he answered, and she asked to speak to me to wish me Happy Birthday. No thank you; a few weeks previous, on her mother's birthday, LaGrande refused to go to dinner with her mom because her mom had refused to give her money for something. Anyway, LaGrande then said something about giving me flowers and seeing me in person, and I shook my head at Hubby; I'm simply not interested. My message to her was to give the flowers to her own mother; I don't want them. A text message to Hubby a few days later from her essentially said, "That was six months ago; can't Gil just get over it already?"
In case it hasn't been crystal clear: I have nothing to 'get over.' If you're reading this LaGrande, it's YOU who has to do the work here. You have to get your life back together. You have to be a decent, moral, upstanding person. That means no drugs. No dropping out of school. It means making an effort. It means cleaning up your act. It means apologizing profusely for the hell you put us through. It means finding and keeping a job. It means caring about other people, not just yourself and what you want, continuing down the selfish path you seem to be on. It means not gallivanting out and about all hours of the day and night with supposed 'friends' who are also doing drugs, drinking and generally up to no good; these 'friends' who are just as unable as you are right now to figure out their own lives and who are not doing a great job at trying to do or be anything in life. In general, it means being a GOOD person. When you get that through your brain (I'm estimating in about 4-6 years time) and start to make good on some of those things, then, and only then, will you be permitted to contact me and possibly be reintroduced into our lives. As you know, I don't keep company with people who do what you are doing. Plain and simple. If you stop what you are doing, then I may consider it. There's no 'getting over' what you have done and are doing. What you did has changed our relationship fundamentally; that means it will never, ever, EVER be the same. That's life. That's your choice. That's what you have done. You said you realized the ramifications of your actions and choices. I don't think you really did. It's not something you can brush aside, like a minor thing, such as, "Oh, I f*cked up on a test. Forgive me?" No. Not at all. It's so much more than that. Sooooo much more than that.
Birthday
Yes, I had my birthday. 42. You read that right. 42 years old. I don't FEEL 42. (Then again, how is 42 supposed to feel anyway?) It was a quiet day and if I were being honest with myself, I was a bit down about it all. Hubby had to work. I had to do the regular routine. I was going to bake myself a cake but I didn't have the ingredients for icing. Then I thought about baking cupcakes with the cake mix, but we didn't have enough papers (I suppose I could have greased the pan though, huh?). In the end, I stopped at a grocery store and bought a cake. Petite helped me blow out the candles. Hubby actually forgot my birthday, remembering much later in the day (probably after seeing some of my friends' Facebook birthday wishes to me) and he texted me an apology and called as well. In the evening, I didn't have much time to talk to the family members who called, because it made Petite's routine really delayed; she never got in the bath until after 8 p.m.! Not good. But we survived. I had cake. I spent my birthday alone; however, Hubby and my girlfriend K got together and we did a BBQ and ice cream cake this past weekend instead. Good enough. After all, it isn't about me anymore, now is it? :D I suppose I'd do well to remember that now and then....
IVF?
In mid-May, Hubby and I went to Montreal. I truly do not like that city, all the worse with the student protests that are ongoing. (Don't even get me started on that topic! I'll go off half-cocked!) Anyway, after meeting with our old RE, and outlining the reasons we need to be seen at MUHC rather than in Ottawa or at Montréal Reproductive, we moved things forward. We met with a nurse and we discussed a few things. I need to have another u/s to check the cysts that are visible. The one on the right is a simple, functional cyst and will likely be aspirated prior to starting meds, like we did last time. There was a complex cyst on the left. The Ottawa RE expected it to reabsorb into the body; the Montreal RE asked if there was any indication that it might be cancer... either benign or malignant. No, there was no indication of that at all, but we'll check its presence again at the next u/s. No concern at the moment about it hough. About three weeks prior to that appointment in Montreal, my GP upped my hypothyroidism medication, so I need to wait a bit to get blood work done to check those levels again; I may be able to do that this month in fact. Hubby will need another appointment in Montreal to meet with the urologist for a quick exam and to sign the permission forms for TESA/PESA. We also have to sign our consent forms for the IVF + ICSI procedure. Then our nurse presented me with a list of prescriptions and (gulp!) a tentative calendar for September cycling with ER and transfer near mid October. Dear baby Jesus. We have a Calendar. Wow.
And yet I'm terrified to go through with this and have a different outcome than we did for our first (extremely lucky!) IVF. What if they get no decent eggs? What if it doesn't work? What if it does and then I miscarry early? What if it does and I learn the baby has a trisomy? What if the baby has a life-threatening condition? What if I lose the baby right before birth? What if the baby is stillborn? What if, what if, what if, what if... it all goes round in my head. I'm terrified. Completely terrified. But I also know that if I don't do this, I will regret it forever. It will eat at me. Nag at me. Bother me. In 10 years' time I'll think, "Gil, you should have tried. You really should have tried." I'd rather try than not. My motto remains, "Il vaut mieux vivre avec des remords qu'avec des regrets. Alors essaye."
To top it off, Petite is now at the age when she is asking for a sibling. She had to come to Montreal with us to our appointment, so she met the RE and all that. She takes the cake though: she keeps saying she wants a brother AND a sister. And then she looks up at me and smiles this happy, expectant grin. Hoo boy! Can you imagine if we did an IVF and got twins?!
Finances
We thought Hubby would owe something like $3500 in back taxes. But we finished doing them and when all is said and done, he only owes something like $1800. Gonna take a bit to work it off, but nothing too serious. We can manage that I think. It means being very careful. I'm planning far in advance for things so we can afford the cruise that we booked for February next year, and we'll factor in this bill too. Given the IVF fees, the vacation and the back taxes, it's enough money to try to find.
Vacation
As mentioned, we have that cruise coming up in February next year. But before that, we have a week-long driving trip to NB planned to visit family. Petite keeps asking, "We go on trip today?" I keep replying, "No honey, we'll go in a few months. Don't worry. We're going on a couple of trips." She's got the wanderlust bug, just like her mommy. I love that! One of these days when she's older, I hope to be able to pick up and fly away for a quick holiday with her to Disney World, or some beach somewhere, on a mother-daughter trip. THAT would be fun. I'd love to do that.
Anyway, we have the driving trip to NB up first. Then the cruise next February. Then next July, I have to budget to get home again. It will be my graduating class' 25th reunion and I'm definitely going! It'll be wonderful to see everyone! I am looking forward to it already! (Now if I could lose 60-80 lbs by then, I'd be happy too!!!)
I'm so excited about the cruise though. I want to lie on a beach and soak up some sun, with a rum punch or fruity drink in my hand. Dip my toes in clear water. Maybe even check out the Atlantis Resort in Nassau (oh to spend a day in that waterpark! Wouldn't that be a blast!?!) or something like that. My girlfriend K wants to do an introductory scuba dive with me. I've never done that but I'd be willing to do a 30 or 40 ft dive to see the reefs. Just thinking about it makes me smile. And the kids want to explore parasailing! Good on them! It'll be so much fun. We're all very much looking forward to it after the year that we have just had.
Health
My arthritis is acting up these days. I am feeling it in my elbows and forearms. I suppose that's a side effect of my job; I'm a writer and I spend days at a keyboard, writing, editing, researching, etc. My setup is as ergonomic as it possibly can be. But as the week gets longer, and my fingers and elbows are working nonstop to do the work that needs to be done, I certainly can feel it. I'm trying to take time out during my day to get to the gym in my building and that's helping. On the days when I'm too busy to get there, I can feel it in my bones. And I know that I'll have to stop taking the arthritis medication to do the IVF cycle. Man... do I have to go back to THAT pain? Ugh. I hope the IVF works so I can get my joints loosened up with the relaxin that my body produces... if nothing else! LOL (Hey, ya gotta laugh!)
School?!
We picked up an enrollment package to start Petite in school for September 2013; she'll be 4 years old then. Scary huh? Is it terrible that I just want to keep her a little girl in daycare? Or home with Mommy? Oh my. But we have to look ahead and so we're getting on the ball. Wow. Just. Wow.
Old Friends
An old friend, T, has gotten in touch with me again. It's good to hear from her. I'm glad she's doing well. We may try to hook up with her when we're in Montreal sometime. Her little boy is 6 months older than Petite and he's the spitting image of his dad. It would be nice to see them all again. I have missed her friendship over the last couple of years.
That's about it for now. That's enough, though. I'm PMSing these days; good ol' Aunt Flo is due any day now so I'm grumpy and feeling out of sorts. The grumpiness only lasts a day or two, but I had to catch myself the other night as Petite hounded me with the "why" questions and general refusal to cooperate. Oh she's definitely 2, that's for sure! Anyway, with Aunt Flo on the horizon, I'm wondering about going to get that blood work done or if I will wait one more month to be certain the thyroid meds are doing their job. To be determined. There's a lot going on in the ART blogs these days, but alas, I just don't have much time to comment! We've all noticed a decline in comments in recent months (Mel discussed it in a blog entry I believe) but I'm just as guilty as anyone else. Nevertheless, I'm still here and I'm still reading. I'm particularly over the moon for Mo and Will (Life and Love in the Petri Dish) as Mo hits the halfway mark in her pregnancy. It's been a long, hellish journey for them both and I continue to keep fingers crossed as they wait, hope and wish for everything to go smoothly. Prayers and love go out to them, as always!
Take care all. I hope your summer is shaping up to be absolutely spectacular! Love to all in blogland.
For posterity's sake, here's what's going on in our lives, and a quick run down of 'updates' about things I'd mentioned in older posts.
365 Blog
I am still focussing on the 365 blog, as there's not much going on in the IF world for us right now. And while I'm taking a photo a day, many days I think that I have very little reason to do so. I drop Petite off at daycare. I go to work. I pick Petite up from daycare. I go home. I do the evening/mommy routine (solo most days, because Hubby works evenings), and then I get to bed around midnight, to get up at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. and do it all over again. So while I see some wonderful bloggers with GORGEOUS 365 blogs, mine is rather dull by comparison. There are lots of photos of Petite, but not much that is actually truly beautiful. Just moments of my life I suppose... and I expect that rare is the person who would find that interesting for a whole year! So if you do peek at that blog, understand that some days it's hard for me to find something... anything... to take a photo of for uploading. Bear with me.
LaGrande
She is still a train wreck. She has bounced from place to place, (I don't know where she is right now... probably couch-surfing with friends), continues to smoke and do drugs, dropped out of one school and eventually enrolled in another school for troubled teens (so much for graduating this year), and generally continues to use and abuse the system. She has contacted Hubby a couple of times about seeing him. She asked once to see Petite and we nixed that idea really quickly. On my birthday, she tried to call me to wish me happy birthday. Mind you, she called at 9 p.m. and later, which is definitely NOT cool when you have a little one you're trying to get to bed, and she knows we do not accept calls at that hour. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer. When Hubby arrived home at 10, and the phone rang again yet again, he answered, and she asked to speak to me to wish me Happy Birthday. No thank you; a few weeks previous, on her mother's birthday, LaGrande refused to go to dinner with her mom because her mom had refused to give her money for something. Anyway, LaGrande then said something about giving me flowers and seeing me in person, and I shook my head at Hubby; I'm simply not interested. My message to her was to give the flowers to her own mother; I don't want them. A text message to Hubby a few days later from her essentially said, "That was six months ago; can't Gil just get over it already?"
In case it hasn't been crystal clear: I have nothing to 'get over.' If you're reading this LaGrande, it's YOU who has to do the work here. You have to get your life back together. You have to be a decent, moral, upstanding person. That means no drugs. No dropping out of school. It means making an effort. It means cleaning up your act. It means apologizing profusely for the hell you put us through. It means finding and keeping a job. It means caring about other people, not just yourself and what you want, continuing down the selfish path you seem to be on. It means not gallivanting out and about all hours of the day and night with supposed 'friends' who are also doing drugs, drinking and generally up to no good; these 'friends' who are just as unable as you are right now to figure out their own lives and who are not doing a great job at trying to do or be anything in life. In general, it means being a GOOD person. When you get that through your brain (I'm estimating in about 4-6 years time) and start to make good on some of those things, then, and only then, will you be permitted to contact me and possibly be reintroduced into our lives. As you know, I don't keep company with people who do what you are doing. Plain and simple. If you stop what you are doing, then I may consider it. There's no 'getting over' what you have done and are doing. What you did has changed our relationship fundamentally; that means it will never, ever, EVER be the same. That's life. That's your choice. That's what you have done. You said you realized the ramifications of your actions and choices. I don't think you really did. It's not something you can brush aside, like a minor thing, such as, "Oh, I f*cked up on a test. Forgive me?" No. Not at all. It's so much more than that. Sooooo much more than that.
Birthday
Yes, I had my birthday. 42. You read that right. 42 years old. I don't FEEL 42. (Then again, how is 42 supposed to feel anyway?) It was a quiet day and if I were being honest with myself, I was a bit down about it all. Hubby had to work. I had to do the regular routine. I was going to bake myself a cake but I didn't have the ingredients for icing. Then I thought about baking cupcakes with the cake mix, but we didn't have enough papers (I suppose I could have greased the pan though, huh?). In the end, I stopped at a grocery store and bought a cake. Petite helped me blow out the candles. Hubby actually forgot my birthday, remembering much later in the day (probably after seeing some of my friends' Facebook birthday wishes to me) and he texted me an apology and called as well. In the evening, I didn't have much time to talk to the family members who called, because it made Petite's routine really delayed; she never got in the bath until after 8 p.m.! Not good. But we survived. I had cake. I spent my birthday alone; however, Hubby and my girlfriend K got together and we did a BBQ and ice cream cake this past weekend instead. Good enough. After all, it isn't about me anymore, now is it? :D I suppose I'd do well to remember that now and then....
IVF?
In mid-May, Hubby and I went to Montreal. I truly do not like that city, all the worse with the student protests that are ongoing. (Don't even get me started on that topic! I'll go off half-cocked!) Anyway, after meeting with our old RE, and outlining the reasons we need to be seen at MUHC rather than in Ottawa or at Montréal Reproductive, we moved things forward. We met with a nurse and we discussed a few things. I need to have another u/s to check the cysts that are visible. The one on the right is a simple, functional cyst and will likely be aspirated prior to starting meds, like we did last time. There was a complex cyst on the left. The Ottawa RE expected it to reabsorb into the body; the Montreal RE asked if there was any indication that it might be cancer... either benign or malignant. No, there was no indication of that at all, but we'll check its presence again at the next u/s. No concern at the moment about it hough. About three weeks prior to that appointment in Montreal, my GP upped my hypothyroidism medication, so I need to wait a bit to get blood work done to check those levels again; I may be able to do that this month in fact. Hubby will need another appointment in Montreal to meet with the urologist for a quick exam and to sign the permission forms for TESA/PESA. We also have to sign our consent forms for the IVF + ICSI procedure. Then our nurse presented me with a list of prescriptions and (gulp!) a tentative calendar for September cycling with ER and transfer near mid October. Dear baby Jesus. We have a Calendar. Wow.
And yet I'm terrified to go through with this and have a different outcome than we did for our first (extremely lucky!) IVF. What if they get no decent eggs? What if it doesn't work? What if it does and then I miscarry early? What if it does and I learn the baby has a trisomy? What if the baby has a life-threatening condition? What if I lose the baby right before birth? What if the baby is stillborn? What if, what if, what if, what if... it all goes round in my head. I'm terrified. Completely terrified. But I also know that if I don't do this, I will regret it forever. It will eat at me. Nag at me. Bother me. In 10 years' time I'll think, "Gil, you should have tried. You really should have tried." I'd rather try than not. My motto remains, "Il vaut mieux vivre avec des remords qu'avec des regrets. Alors essaye."
To top it off, Petite is now at the age when she is asking for a sibling. She had to come to Montreal with us to our appointment, so she met the RE and all that. She takes the cake though: she keeps saying she wants a brother AND a sister. And then she looks up at me and smiles this happy, expectant grin. Hoo boy! Can you imagine if we did an IVF and got twins?!
Finances
We thought Hubby would owe something like $3500 in back taxes. But we finished doing them and when all is said and done, he only owes something like $1800. Gonna take a bit to work it off, but nothing too serious. We can manage that I think. It means being very careful. I'm planning far in advance for things so we can afford the cruise that we booked for February next year, and we'll factor in this bill too. Given the IVF fees, the vacation and the back taxes, it's enough money to try to find.
Vacation
As mentioned, we have that cruise coming up in February next year. But before that, we have a week-long driving trip to NB planned to visit family. Petite keeps asking, "We go on trip today?" I keep replying, "No honey, we'll go in a few months. Don't worry. We're going on a couple of trips." She's got the wanderlust bug, just like her mommy. I love that! One of these days when she's older, I hope to be able to pick up and fly away for a quick holiday with her to Disney World, or some beach somewhere, on a mother-daughter trip. THAT would be fun. I'd love to do that.
Anyway, we have the driving trip to NB up first. Then the cruise next February. Then next July, I have to budget to get home again. It will be my graduating class' 25th reunion and I'm definitely going! It'll be wonderful to see everyone! I am looking forward to it already! (Now if I could lose 60-80 lbs by then, I'd be happy too!!!)
I'm so excited about the cruise though. I want to lie on a beach and soak up some sun, with a rum punch or fruity drink in my hand. Dip my toes in clear water. Maybe even check out the Atlantis Resort in Nassau (oh to spend a day in that waterpark! Wouldn't that be a blast!?!) or something like that. My girlfriend K wants to do an introductory scuba dive with me. I've never done that but I'd be willing to do a 30 or 40 ft dive to see the reefs. Just thinking about it makes me smile. And the kids want to explore parasailing! Good on them! It'll be so much fun. We're all very much looking forward to it after the year that we have just had.
Health
My arthritis is acting up these days. I am feeling it in my elbows and forearms. I suppose that's a side effect of my job; I'm a writer and I spend days at a keyboard, writing, editing, researching, etc. My setup is as ergonomic as it possibly can be. But as the week gets longer, and my fingers and elbows are working nonstop to do the work that needs to be done, I certainly can feel it. I'm trying to take time out during my day to get to the gym in my building and that's helping. On the days when I'm too busy to get there, I can feel it in my bones. And I know that I'll have to stop taking the arthritis medication to do the IVF cycle. Man... do I have to go back to THAT pain? Ugh. I hope the IVF works so I can get my joints loosened up with the relaxin that my body produces... if nothing else! LOL (Hey, ya gotta laugh!)
School?!
We picked up an enrollment package to start Petite in school for September 2013; she'll be 4 years old then. Scary huh? Is it terrible that I just want to keep her a little girl in daycare? Or home with Mommy? Oh my. But we have to look ahead and so we're getting on the ball. Wow. Just. Wow.
Old Friends
An old friend, T, has gotten in touch with me again. It's good to hear from her. I'm glad she's doing well. We may try to hook up with her when we're in Montreal sometime. Her little boy is 6 months older than Petite and he's the spitting image of his dad. It would be nice to see them all again. I have missed her friendship over the last couple of years.
That's about it for now. That's enough, though. I'm PMSing these days; good ol' Aunt Flo is due any day now so I'm grumpy and feeling out of sorts. The grumpiness only lasts a day or two, but I had to catch myself the other night as Petite hounded me with the "why" questions and general refusal to cooperate. Oh she's definitely 2, that's for sure! Anyway, with Aunt Flo on the horizon, I'm wondering about going to get that blood work done or if I will wait one more month to be certain the thyroid meds are doing their job. To be determined. There's a lot going on in the ART blogs these days, but alas, I just don't have much time to comment! We've all noticed a decline in comments in recent months (Mel discussed it in a blog entry I believe) but I'm just as guilty as anyone else. Nevertheless, I'm still here and I'm still reading. I'm particularly over the moon for Mo and Will (Life and Love in the Petri Dish) as Mo hits the halfway mark in her pregnancy. It's been a long, hellish journey for them both and I continue to keep fingers crossed as they wait, hope and wish for everything to go smoothly. Prayers and love go out to them, as always!
Take care all. I hope your summer is shaping up to be absolutely spectacular! Love to all in blogland.
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