Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Bloodwork Results

So there's good news and bad news. I got the results of last week's CD3 bloodwork this morning and here are the numbers. Normal values for the follicular phase are in parentheses.

TSH - 3.39 (0.30-4.70)
LH - 1.3 (2.4-6.6)
FSH - 4.6 (3.0-22.0)
Estradiol - 131 (0-921; CDN Values) OR 35.7 (25-75; US Values)
Prolactin - 14.1 ( 3.3-26.7)
Blood group - A+
Rubella - 58 (>12 is Immune)
Hep A AB (IgG + IgM) - Negative
Hep B Antigen - Negative
Hep B Antibody - <10 (Non-immune)
Hep C AB - Negative

And hubby's sperm count? Zero.
*Curses the stupid vasectomy that worked and the reversal that failed... yet again*

So the good news is, my FSH is very good. The bad news is, my LH seems to be really, really low. From what I have learned, low LH levels have been associated with poor egg quality and poor implantation as well as higher rates of early miscarriage.

Great... something else we deal with.

Or not. I guess that remains to be seen.

Anyone care to weigh in?

Monday, September 17, 2007

IVF Testing

Thank you all for your kind words regarding the e-mail I had sent to my friend (see previous entry). I still haven't gotten in touch with her, although I know I need to. It's very hard to face as I am sure you all know. Funny, it never bothered me to be around p/g women before... or even as this whole process of pain has continued. But I find that the further I travel along this road, the more disheartening it becomes and the more frustrated I get at seeing women like that. I never used to avoid things like baby showers or weddings. I never cringed in the supermarket lineup when an obviously p/g woman stood in front of me. I never heaved a dejected sigh when my mother told me about yet someone else back at home who got p/g or had a baby. But now... I do. I avoid. I cringe. I sigh. And while I hate doing those things, it is very hard NOT to. The hurt and the pain is so raw. When I am not faced with these situations, I can SOMETIMES forget for a little while and I can be just Gil. But as soon as it enters my personal space, I am "IF Gil" and I hate who she is. I wonder if I'll ever really be rid of "IF Gil" and be just Gil again. I suppose the bigger question is, do I want to be rid of "IF Gil"?

Anyway, Hubby and I went last week to have bloodwork done (again). On Wednesday, attached at the hip to my MP3 player (which is full of a host of soothing music), we headed down to the clinic for my CD3 workup and this time, HIV testing to boot. That all needs to be done if we are going to pursue the IVF route in Montreal.

At the clinic, the phlebotomist (aka My Angel) did a superb job. When I told her why we were having the tests done, she asked if she ought to add a "Prenatal" workup to the list. Heck, sure! Why not? Yanno, if I can get it over in one stick versus two or more, it's all good by me! Even when one of the tubes was uncooperative, she handled it with aplomb. It still hurts like a bugger, but at least now, I don't need to take Lora.zepam to have blood drawn. Mind you, I felt awfully dizzy when she was done, so I remained on the bed, lying down. I stayed there like that til Hubby was done with his bloodwork too. Eeesh... and his was awfully quick. I heard her snap off the elastic from around his arm and said, "What? He's done ALREADY?" They both got a giggle out of me for that one. Yeah yeah, laugh it up. *eyeroll*

This morning I called my local clinic to ask that the results from last week's tests (and Hubby's last semen analysis) be faxed to me for my own knowledge and files. We'll see what comes back to us. Next up, we finish filling out forms for Montreal and forward them along.

Some little niggling part of my brain wonders though if we will really go through with it though. With IVF that is. You see, I have no hope. I have no faith. I have no expectations. Correction... I have the expectation of failure. And I have no expectation that we will even be accepted for IVF. I think I've pretty much written myself off. God that is really awful of me to say isn't it? But it is the truth. The circle of immediate people who would be here to support me in the event of a failure is so minimally small, I don't know if I want to bother going through with it. There's a lot of thinking to do yet. Good thing this clinic has a waiting list, huh? I'll need that time obviously.

And on the election note, thanks Aurelia for giving the low-down on at least one of the party platforms with regards to IF. Now to go ferretting out what the others have to say about it, if anything. Like you, I'm thrilled that IF was mentioned in the platform at all! We might get somewhere yet. Here's hoping!

Something fun to distract me this evening: local friends were just back home for a visit and through them, my family (Mom and my two aunts) has sent a bucket of freshly picked blueberries to me. I pick them up this evening after dinner. I can't wait!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

The hits just keep on comin'

Well first off, let me thank all of you for the kind words and compliments on the pic in my last entry. It's a pretty decent pic I suppose. I liked it well enough to show it to all you guys huh? And I have to agree with Katie, hubby is kinda hawt. I'm so very lucky that he's mine and I know that.

It has been a bit of a rough weekend though. Nearing the end of yet another cycle and all, with bloodwork on the horizon, and some difficult news to deal with.

A friend of mine got married in May. She and her husband decided that they wanted to start trying to have a family. You know where this is going don't you? Of course you do. Anyway, my friend called me late last week and left a message. She didn't tell me the news in the message but when she left her message, I suspected. So instead, I wrote her an e-mail.

I got your message last night. Thanks for calling. When you called, hubby and I were out and we never got home til a bit later.

While I have your message, I'll be honest and tell you that I'm really hesitant to call you back. Not that I don't want to talk to you of course! Because I do. I just don't think that I can handle hearing any "good news" that you might have to impart. Certainly I wouldn't be able to handle that on the phone. And I am sure it would be awfully rude of me to cry in your ear or to hang up on you! That wouldn't be cool at all.

But as you know, it's an awfully sensitive subject with me (and with hubby) and while I would be very happy for you, actually HEARING the news would be extremely difficult and I'd need time. I hope you can understand that.

When other people are trying to have children, and they then talk to couples like me and my hubby who are in a very tough place with regards to our own efforts, it's easy to forget that our feelings are EXTREMELY raw. That's all.

So... if you DO have good news (and I'm crossing my fingers that you do), it would be much easier for me to receive it by e-mail and give me time to process it first. I hope you can understand that hon.

Get in touch when you can and in the meantime, give my love to your hubby.

My friend got back to me via e-mail and told me the news; her first month of TTC after their wedding and it worked.

I wish I could crawl into a hole and forget this pain ever existed.