Blood Work Results and More Appointments

So after a consult with a local RE awhile ago, here's where things stand.

If we're looking at trying again (and I'll be honest, I'm seriously debating this at the moment), we're better off going to Montréal again, back to McGill. The local RE (at OFC) is quite happy to liaise with them and monitor here in Ottawa as required. I called McGill and made an appointment for May; we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, the RE here started some preliminary blood work. Here are the results that I discussed with my GP this morning.

Sample taken on March 23, 2012 (CD3) with the following meds:

1.0 mcg synthroid (for hypothyroidism) and 0.75 mg sandoz-diclofenac (for psoriatic arthritis, which is quite bad at the moment)

LH -- 1.0 (LOW for Follicular phase; 2-13 = normal)

FSH -- 6 (6-9 = good... while under 6 is excellent)

TSH -- 3.06 (personally too high for me)

Estradiol (E2)-- 185 (70-530 normal) * Note for my American readers: This converts to 50 in American levels.

Ferritin -- 42 (31-72 indicateds REDUCED iron stores, but it's better than where I was!)

Moving forward, my GP has prescribed Metformin again (to regulate the PCOS). She increased my dose of synthroid; my TSH is way too high for me to be comfortable. I knew weeks ago that something was off. My face is puffy; my eyelids are swollen in the morning and I'm biting the insides of my cheeks daily which is a huge sign for me that my TSH is too high. She discussed stopping the diclofenac just prior to doing the IVF (as we know it can be harmful in pregnancy). And she is not concerned with the iron levels, even though they're somewhat reduced.

From what I also see, my LH is low, but that can be regulated in an IVF cycle. And I believe that my FSH of 6 is not too shabby for a woman who will be *gulp* 42 next month. I will discuss these things with the RE when I have an ultrasound later this month to check antral follicle counts and discuss the blood work results.

More blood work to follow before our appointment in May: upcoming is Prolactin, CBC, HIV, HbsAg, HCV, and Rubella... along with the blood group (which I know is A+).

I don't know. I just don't know if this is the right path at the moment. But I need to follow this road a little and see where it brings us. The plan was always two. But can we? Should we? Does this make sense? I don't know. I truly do not know and I'm torn this time around. WE got so lucky. Who's to say all hell won't break loose this time around? That terrifes me, to the point of freezing in stasis and just letting time pass until it's too late.

I just don't know...

But on my way home, I'm picking up my prescriptions and I'll up my dose of synthroid and get back on the Metformin. We shall see...

Blood Draws; the Vampire Strikes Again! Ugh.

To check up on how my thyroid is doing, my doctor regularly orders blood work for me. This time, I had to get it done; my prescription for medication is about to run out! Eeek!

So I went on December 8 and had blood drawn. Most of the results were normal. However, a couple were a touch off. Here are the details:

TSH (thyroid) is at 2.45. Technically this is "normal" however, if I wanted to do another IVF, I need to get that down below 2.0, and ideally, around 1.5. I had a feeling that my meds weren't doing an optimal job anymore.

Ferritin (aka iron) is at 53. That means that I have "reduced iron stores" because normal is from 80 to 300. At least it's better than what I had last year. Still not great though. Obviously I need to eat more meat.

Both monocytes and eosinophils were a touch above normal, at 0.81 and 0.45 respectively. Normal ranges for monocytes are 0.0-0.8. Normal ranges for eosinophils are 0.0 to 0.4. I am not sure what this means... some websites suggest dimished lung capacity? Maybe this is a factor of the terrible cough/cold that I'm still fighting. I suspected I might have pneumonia. I wonder if I ought to get an x-ray to be sure. Ugh. Not fun.

Those are the latest details from the vampires. On a positive note, I found a great technician at a local laboratory and hopefully I will get lucky and have her again when I need to get blood drawn!

Happy New Year! And OMG, what have I missed?!

Well now, 2011 has been ushered in and we're off and running again, aren't we? I don't know what sort of break you had over the holidays, but my ten-day vacation away seems like it was a lifetime ago, and I've only been back for a little over 30 hours! Yikes. Anyway, I'll touch on the holiday stuff in the next post, I promise.

So at the moment, here are some of the topics that I'm mulling over or that have affected me in some way:

Going through my mail yesterday, I received a lovely Christmas card from Vee and her little Boo. Opening it, a sweet wooden-bead bracelet fell out and Vee had written a note about how she had been wanting to send me one (we had talked about it quite some time ago). It's from the Rainbows for Kate foundation, which promotes awareness of sarcoma cancers. I immediately put the bracelet on and as I did, I shed tears for Vee's husband and Boo's daddy, Max, who passed away in 2010. I smiled through the tears and touched each of the beads of the bracelet. Max will never be forgotten and I know Vee strives to keep Max in their lives... most recently by sharing Max's love of the beach with their little Boo. (How I love the photos Vee posts!) Anyway, the card was sweet and the bracelet, very touching. I think of them often. Thank you Vee for sending that! You're such a sweetheart!

I missed the annual blog delurking week. Aw poop. That sorta sucks, as there are some blogs I've been reading fairly frequently and hope to comment on, but I just rarely get the time. I never get online in the evening after Petite goes to bed (I haven't even logged into my online game in more than six weeks!) so some of you don't even know that I'm reading! I must try to do better. I have to. That said, if perchance you're reading my blog, feel free to delurk and say hello; it's nice to know that someone's still out there.

I got the test results back from my HbA1C test; the number was 0.056 which is perfectly normal, aka not diabetic... not a surprise to me really, but it always seems to be to my doctors. They look at me and see that I am overweight and immediately assume: "Ha, Type 2 diabetes!" Guess what folks? I've been this way all my life! My weight never suddenly crept up on me. It never just "appeared" after a time of stress in my life. It never manifested quickly for any reason. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE. This is me folks. This is the way I've always been. Yes, I'm overweight, and always have been. And my bloodwork is totally NORMAL. SO STOP ASKING. Ugh.

More good news: about the endometrial biopsy... totally normal. No sign of anything that might cause issues or cancer in the future. I'm still taking the provera from CD12 to 25 (as directed), but this month, AF is disturbingly absent. Very odd. Obviously I can't be p/g, so I'm thinking it's just a long cycle, and prolonged by the provera usage. I had some spotting last week on the cruise, but it was super light. I didn't even count it as a cycle... I'm still counting days. Today is CD 35. That ain't normal for me at all. I'll see how it goes.

Anyway, with those two tests back, and both results are normal, our next step is to call the doctor in Montreal again and we'll see where we go from here. With luck, we can get in on a calendar before mid-year. I'll give him a call when we finish unpacking from the trip and get our Christmas decorations down and packed away for another year.

Petite has learned to give kisses. Open-mouthed kisses, but it is so lovely! The other day, Hubby was going out and I was getting Petite down for her nap. Hubby kissed Petite, and then me. She was lying in my arms and watched Hubby and I kiss. She immediately parroted the gesture. She leaned up to my face, touched her lips to mine and lay back down in my arms. I smiled at her sweetness, and she did it again. Repeatedly. About 10 or 12 times in succession, she gave me kisses and each one was cherished and precious. Last night, she was playing and stopped, looked up at me, got up and came over to where I was sitting and leaned up for kisses. And we repeated that process a few more times before she was satisfied. She's so sweet.

It was marvelously wonderful to see my sister and her husband. As of today, my sis is 22 weeks along and showing rather nicely. I brought her my two bella bands so that she can comfortably wear some of her own clothing a little longer, though she has some lovely maternity pieces in her wardrobe now. And she bought a few spring/summer ones while we were away; I expect she'll need them in West Virginia in the months of April and May, before she delivers.

I came back from our vacation to a few messages on our machine, one from Petite's caregiver who wanted to let me know that Fifth Disease (aka Slapped-Cheek Syndrome) is in her house. I did a little research, as I'd never really heard much about it before moving to Ontario from the east coast. From what I've read, it's nothing really serious for a child, so after keeping Petite home yesterday (I waited until the caregiver had a diagnosis from her kids' physician) I brought Petite back to daycare today. She was happy to be back there and playing contentedly with her friends when I left. With a bit of luck, she won't be exposed to it; apparently after the rash appears, the contagious stage is past. Depending on if anyone else is in the incubation stage, she may come down with it, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
For those wondering, here are some resources for you:
Medic 8 (http://www.medic8.com/healthguide/articles/slappedcheekdis.html)
Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erythema_infectiosum)
CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvrd/revb/respiratory/parvo_b19.htm)
Web MD (http://children.webmd.com/tc/fifth-disease-topic-overview)

Mel has worked wonders yet again. My God, that woman is tireless isn't she?! God love her for that. The Crème de la crème is up and running for a 5th year in a row. There are some fantastic pieces in there that deserve a second (or perhaps a first?) read. I hope to read a couple of posts a day and eventually get through the entire list. This is the first year I've participated but I hope that it won't be the last. With luck, I'll find a few new blogs to enjoy and maybe someone finds a connection to my blog and joins along. We have such an amazing community and I'm honoured to be just one little tiny part of it.

And a shout out to my neighbor, Marc, for being so kind and good and taking care of our two cats and one guinea pig while we were away. I am always grateful and humbled that I have such wonderful neighbors. Thank you Marc, for doing this. Your help has been immense and we are thankful.

Welcome 2011! I hope the year holds joy, love, peace, prosperity, fun and friendship for one and all. Love to all my blogging buddies!

A Plan of Sorts

Again, a warning for those gentlemen and ladies who are sensitive to bodily fluids and functions. This post deals with how my doctors plan to treat extremely severe bleeding during my periods. Click away now if you'd prefer not to read or know this information.






So I thought I'd write a quick update for those who have been wondering what I've done to address the whole "bleeding like a stuck pig" issue.

Plan A.

Monday and Tuesday saw me trying to get appointments at my GP's office. My GP is out of town, but any of the others at the office could have seen me... if their 'emergency' appointment slots hadn't been taken. But they were, so I struck out there.

On to Plan B.

Tuesday night, enough was enough. I went to an urgent care clinic near our house. The nurse was amazed that I was still standing and able to function! She took the details down, and then took my BP which was pretty decent at 140/80. After that, I saw the doctor. He too was amazed. And somewhat perplexed. He ordered some bloodwork to be done to check hemoglobin levels and CBC details. He indicated that if the hemoglobin was low, he was going to send me to emergency to be assessed and treated.

About 45 minutes later, we learned that hemoglobin levels (and everything else they tested) was completely normal. So the doctor was at a loss as to what to do. He suggested that I contact my RE first thing Wednesday morning to get an appointment. That lead to...

Plan C

Wednesday morning, it looked like the bleeding was subsiding. It wasn't as copious as it had been and seemed to be tapering off. I figured I'd let it sit.

Overnight Wednesday into Thursday, almost nothing! WOW! First time in weeks! Alas, it was short-lived; as soon as I was done my morning shower, the bleeding returned. Not fast and furious, but it certainly did return.

So from my office this morning, I called my RE, who immediately booked me for a 10:30 appointment today. I left my office and headed there. They took my details and a copy of the blood work that was done on Tuesday night at the urgent care clinic. Next, my RE ordered a high level ultrasound elsewhere, which was booked for noon today (man, they were on the ball!). After that, I sat with my RE and chatted a bit about the whole situation. Here's his take on it:

The cyst is likely still there (I can feel it, I KNOW it's still there!) and is producing estrogen. That's throwing off my hormone levels. My progesterone is way down, and my estrogen is way up. So if he prescribed me some progesterone, in the hopes that hormones may level off a bit. And the progesterone may help alleviate the pain and aching that I'm getting from the cyst. He prescribed 20 mg per day, to reduce if I feel depressed. I'll get that prescription filled later today.

Secondly, assuming the cyst is still there, and it hasn't shrunk at all, that means the b/c pills for the past month aren't having any noticeable effect. I figured this much; we've done this before with no noticeable results on my cysts. And according to my RE, the cyst is likely causing a lot of this bleeding so it really needs to be removed.

He quickly put in a call to my OB. If you recall, my OB during my pregnancy is the same doctor who did a lap for me way back when to remove yet another cyst. However, this time, my RE asked the OB if I can be worked into the schedule in the coming few days to have the cyst aspirated. Aspiration is the same procedure I had done in Montreal right before our IVF cycle in the fall of 2008. Basically they use the same type of needle that's used in egg collection during IVF and using ultrasound, they locate the cyst, go in through the vaginal wall, and aspirate it. Poof, gone. Painful, sure. No doubt about that; there's no meds given for the procedure. But boy, it sure works like a charm!

So right now I'm waiting on a call from the RE or the OB's office to tell me when I'm scheduled. They figured by Monday or Tuesday, they can work me in for the aspiration.

At the moment, I'm just keeping fingers crossed that I don't start bleeding profusely between now and then. I'm getting tired of it all at this point. Time to just get it over and done with. Ugh. Wish me luck.

Blood Work Results

(TMI incoming folks. Get ready.)

So here's the scoop:

Yes, I know I have a cyst on the right side. A lovely big (painful) thing measuring about 3.7 x 3.7 x 4.2 cms. How fun.

Yes, I know I have menorrhagia; as mentioned before in this blog. Technically, my RE wrote "Menorrhagia ++" on my form. How fun x2.

Not.

So even taking the iron supplements, my iron is still "depleted." No wonder I'm bleeding like a stuck pig every month. And in between too. Seriously. This month, if I didn't know that Hubby was azoospermic because of a vasectomy, I would have truly thought I miscarried, the clot was THAT big. No joke. Like large egg sized.

My LH is low, and probably affected by the cyst.

My E2 is high, and definitely affected by the cyst.

And my progesterone is unchanging from CD3 to CD21, sitting at 1.1 and 1.0 respectively. With luck, the PIO injections that I'll do with an IVF cycle will correct that.

Other than that, all is good. TSH is perfect at 1.9. Fasting glucose is great at 5.5 (Canadian values of course). FSH is 4.0 (YAY!) and prolactin, DHEAS, and all the rest are perfect.

And we move onward to our December 14 appointment in Montreal. It's approaching fast.

For those curious, I updated my earlier post with the numbers and normal values are in brackets.

CD 4; OMG, I'm counting again?! REALLY?!

And just like that, we're back on the infertility-go-round. There's NOTHING 'merry' about it, that's for darn sure!

We have an appointment booked in Montreal in mid-December for an initial consultation with our RE there. He's ordered a plethora of tests prior to that consultation, as is usual for IVF protcol.

(A note for the men reading: TMI may be incoming. You've been duly warned. After all, this is a blog about infertility and making babies who are our little medical miracles.)

First up: CD3 bloodwork and an ultrasound. (Well, anytime between CD2 and CD5.)

Oh joy.

I had semi-forgotten the dildo cam and its invasive prodding. Nothing like an early morning poke to remind me, now is there? I confess, I can think of much better ways to start my day.

This morning, we began with the dildo cam. And just as I suspected, a huge cyst on the right side. I've been feeling it for months; sometimes it's harsh and I double over, but life goes on, yanno? My RE immediately prescribed b/c pills in the hopes that they'll get rid of the cyst. Forgive me but: Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Now that's funny! We've gone that route three times before, to no avail. I ended up with a laparoscopy on one occasion to remove it, another one burst (ouch!), and yet another was aspirated right in the middle of our successful IVF cycle. Regardless, I'll take the pills and see if anything happens. We have a number of months to play with so something ought to work between now and then. If needs be, we'll aspirate it again before the IVF proceeds.

We saw lots of little follicles on both sides. A very heavy period, which was evident on the monitor, too. My doc wondered if it might be the cyst doing that. I suspected it might be because of the low iron levels at the moment, but I'm taking iron supplements so that would probably have fixed the low levels. Dunno. What are your thoughts? It's been like that since since I had Petite, in fact. Very heavy. Crampy. Clotty. Icky. Like changing protection every two hours for five days straight. Terrible. Just terrible. Not fun at all.

The doc also prescribed metformin again for the PCOS. I've been off it since Petite arrived because I haven't 'needed' it per se (I'm not diabetic, my sugar levels are fine), but it will help with the cysts and other PCOS symptoms. I know the metformin will wreak havoc with my system, but I'm going to need it again for the IVF so I may as well begin now.

After all that was done, I went downstairs to the lab. Trembling.

For my longtime readers, you all know that for me, the blood draws are the WORST part of IVF. Even giving birth to Petite wasn't as bad as having needles shoved in my arms! SERIOUSLY!!! I bruise terribly. Usually bruising lasts 1-2 weeks. My veins are hard to find. They're deep and narrow. They frequently collapse. Techs have told me that my veins are worse than a 3-day old infant. Others have had training to get blood from drug addicts, and they tell me that my veins are worse than those people's as well. How freakin' lovely is that? Fun fun! Oh how I've missed thee, prodding and poking!

Anyway, I managed. I've lost track of where my old phlebotomist ended up, but this morning, a sweet woman by the name of Karen got a good vein on the first try! (YAY Karen! And thank you!) A bunch of vials were taken and with those, the following tests were ordered:

(Updated on November 8, 2010 to include results)
Fasting Glucose -- 5.5 (3.6-6.0)
TSH -- 1.19 (needs to be under 2.5)
Free T3 -- 4.4 (2.6-5.7)
Free T4 -- 16 (12-22)
Iron (Ferritin) -- 29 (LOW: 12-30 = depleted iron stores; currently taking iron supplements but anemia is still present)
FSH (may be affected by the cyst) --4.0 (4-13)
LH -- 1.0 (LOW for Follicular phase; 2-13 = normal)
Estradiol (aka E2) -- 489 (aka 113 in US measures) (46-607, somewhat high for follicular; could be the presence of the functional cyst that is causing the high E2 levels)
Prolactin -- 7.0 (less than 24)
Progesterone -- 1.1 (0.6 - 4.7)
Free Testosterone -- 2.1 ((ND - 7.0)
Testosterone -- 0.6 (less than 2.0)
Blood Group (I know I'm blood type A)
RH Factor (I know I'm positive)
DHEAS -- 4.1 (1.65-9.15)
HIV -- negative
Hemoglobin -- 137 (115-155)
Hematocrit -- 0.4 (0.3-0.45)
RBC -- 4.64 (3.6-5.01)
RBC indices MCV -- 87 (80-99)
RBC indices MCH -- 30 (27-32)
RBC indices MCHC -- 339 (320-360)
RDW -- 12.9 (11.5-15.5)
WBC -- 8.9 (4.0-11.0)
Platelets -- 223 (145-400)
MPV -- 8.3 (7.4-11.3)
Differential WBC's Neutrophils -- 5.79 (1.8-7.0)
Differential WBC's Lymphocytes -- 2.31 (1.0-3.2)
Differential WBC's Monocytes -- 0.53 (0.0-0.8)
Differential WBC's Basophils -- 0.09 (0.0-0.2)
Blood group and RH Factor -- A positive
Rheumatoid Factor -- less than 20 (less than 20)
HIV1/HIV2 screen -- Negative (non-reactive)
HIV Final Interpretation -- No HIV1/HIV2 antibodies detected
Hep B Surface Antigen -- Non-reactive
Hep B Surface Antibody -- Non-reactive
Hep B Core Total (IgG+IgM) Antibody -- Non-reactive
Hep B Virus interpretation -- No evidence of Hep B infection; No evidence of immunity to Hep B Infection
Hep C Antibody -- Non-reactive
Hep C Virus Interpretation -- No evidence of antibody
Rubella IgG -- Reactive
Rubella Interpretation -- Evidence of past infection/vaccination; evidence of immunity.
Rubella (immunity) -- Reactive; evidence of immunity

NOTE: Current meds are 1.0 mcg Synthroid and +/- 150 mg iron supplements.

I think it was five or six vials. I lost track. I was in my happy place and trying hard to keep focussing on other, nicer things.

Anyway, I got the bloodwork done, picked up the prescriptions, and then I made a beeline for the nearest Tim Horton's for some breakfast. I had been fasting since about 11 p.m. last night, so I was getting kinda hungry. I treated myself to an English Toffee flavoured cappucino (yum!) and a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. How sinful is that? Pretty sad when I consider that an indulgence, isn't it?

With luck, we'll have some results in a few days. I'll update as required. Next up: CD21 testing for progesterone and Hubby's bloodwork.

Excuse me. I'm going to go rip off a band-aid and finish my breakfast.

Shout out to:
Mo and Will at Life and Love in the Petri Dish. We're all pulling for you guys. Hang in there. Have faith.

And to you, my dear readers. I need to come comment on a few blogs and I need to get in touch with a few of you for your snail mail addresses. I have NOT forgotten. Bear with me.

Love to all in blogland!

Less Than 15 Weeks Left

Annnnnddddd... we're back!

After a very hectic few weeks and some much needed vacation time, hubby and I are back at home and back to our routine. Well, mostly. More about that in a moment.

My folks arrived near the end of April and spent a full week with us here in the Capital before all four of us piled in our van and headed south of the 49th parallel. We drove to West Virginia, with a stop overnight near Buffalo, NY. We headed that way because I wanted to get some shopping done in Watertown and then in Waterloo (at the outlet shops). Despite a little rain, we had no problem and made it to Ripley, WV in good time.

We found my sister's new house with no trouble and we hit the ground running. Over the course of our week in WV, we went to my BIL's graduation from Marshall University (ever see the movie We Are Marshall? Great film. Highly recommended.), we attended a party organized by my sister and my BIL's sister to celebrate. And we made sure to attend yet another local gathering of graduates in his hometown. Talk about busy! We went to dinner and brunch with my BIL's family, whom we all adore. We took one full day when all six of us went to my sis's old house to clean it up for the next tenant. We spent one full day shopping (mostly for Petit on my part). And Mom made sure to buy me some new maternity clothing to hold me over the summer; that was my birthday gift from her. All in all, a crazy, busy week. But it was so much fun to see everyone.

As a note, while we were there, my sister used a glucometer to check my blood sugar levels. I don't yet have my fasting results from the bloodwork I had done right before I left on this vacation, but to reassure my brain, and my sister, I didn't mind having the tests done. Keeping in mind that the numbers are American (Canadian numbers differ vastly as the method of measuring differs), I am pretty sure we're safe. My fasting sugars were at 80 and two hours post-prandial, I was at 96. My sister is the diabetes coordinator for the state of West Virginia and she said she wanted to see my numbers at less than 100. She seemed happy with the results. As am I.

On Thursday the 14th, hubby and I said our goodbyes to the entire gang and headed out to drive from Ripley, WV over to Woodbridge VA, just south of Washington, D.C. I have to say, the drive was harrowing! The Applachian Mountains are really something to behold, but holy heaven, the twists and turns, the hills and valleys, the plethora of dizzying drops and steep inclines had me sucking in my breath on more than one occasion. Yikes!

Over in VA, we were met by our friends and we stayed with them for three nights. It was good to see them again. We needed a little downtime and I was thrilled to have time to go for a pedicure with KH and her six-year old daughter. It was her daughter's first pedicure and she was tickled pink with the results! So cute! I got a ton of shopping done for Petit. I picked up the exact swing that I was looking for which was sheer luck. You see, what I wanted was the Ocean Wonders swing. However, it's now discontinued by Fisher Price in favour of the Precious Planet line of products, much to my dismay. However, we found one just by chance that had been returned (unopened) and was on the clearance rack at the local store in Woodbridge. I saved over $70 on that one item alone! We picked up a travel-sized play yard too, and I got some sheets and bedding, a cute mobile, and a few more odds and ends that we were looking for. I even managed to find the baby gate that we wanted with the small cutout door for my cats down in the States! We can't seem to find or get it up here, so I was happy that Petsmart had it when we went there. I really lucked out on some items, that's for sure. Mind you, we still have some things to get (lotions, cloth diapers, the monitor, etc.) but we're checking things off the list.

I'm down to under 100 days to go in this pregnancy and that alone still stuns me. Double digits! Jeez. I never thought I'd make it this far. It doesn't seem fair though. We took 6+ years to GET pregnant, and we only have a mere 9 months to enjoy it?! Talk about a cruel joke that Mother Nature plays on us infertiles. I say that we ought to revel in being pregnant for just as long as it took to get us pregnant! Not the discomfort or complications or things like that. But the glow. The round belly that everyone wants to touch. The prospect of unbridled joy. We all deserve to enjoy it to the absolute fullest, don't we?

During our time away, Petit has become much more active. Frequently Petit will be wide awake around 11 p.m., again around 3 or 4 a.m., and then again around 6 or 7 a.m. And kicking up a storm each time! There was one night that the baby kept me up for over three hours as I tossed and turned trying to settle him/her down enough to rest again. It just wasn't gonna happen. I probably got 4.5 hours of sleep that night; a harbinger of things to come I suspect. One night, I was lying in bed at my sister's house, about 3 in the morning as Petit had woken me, and I put my hands on my tummy. I felt the ripples, over and over. The weird, yet incredible, sensation of feeling the baby beneath my palms. I smiled. I get to enjoy these simple moments for such a short time; it's only a very small window of time that I have the opportunity to connect with Petit on my own, before he/she arrives in the world. It's so fleeting. Like I said, never long enough.

Hubby has been feeling Petit move as well. Just the night before last, he was lying in bed, arm around me (as he frequently does) and while I slept, Petit kicked him. And last night, Petit made a spectacular show of skills as Hubby's fingers felt every move. For more than an hour, the two of us lay in the dark and giggled and grinned, smiling as Petit reacted to Hubby's voice and the occasional poke. I am humbled by the experience; I wish nothing more than to remember exactly what this feels like. I wish nothing more than to let all of us experience these moments. We deserve it. We ALL deserve to experience this.

Now that we're home, I'm back at work and Hubby is, unfortunately, looking for work. His contract expired while we were away and financial cutbacks have seen to it that contractors are no longer requested by the organization he worked for. I expect it won't be long before he finds something, however, given his field (he's an IT support specialist), it may be harder at the moment than it has been in a long time. We're keeping our fingers crossed. Wish us luck.

Next Thursday is my 39th birthday and on that day, I believe my office has organized a shower for me. As well, I will have my last monthly OB appointment on that same day; after that I move to appointments every two weeks. I cannot believe I'm about to hit my third trimester. And I continue to hope and dream about bringing this baby home safely at the end of August.

Retrieval is Scheduled!

When we last left our story, our little group was growing nicely. I thought I might post the latest news and an update.

I can give you the following facts and details:

Last Thursday
CD 6, pre-stim ultrasound scan
Large cyst (right side), 5 follicles left side
E2 bloods (156)

Last Friday
CD7, pre-stim cyst aspiration
Ultrasound scan
7-8 follies on the right, 4 on the left
Lining 4.5

Tuesday
CD 11, Day 4 of meds
Ultrasound scan
7 follies on the right, 3 on the left (such an underachiever, that left ovary!)
largest measured 1.1 cms
Lining 7.5

Wednesday
CD 12, Day 5 of meds
E2 bloods (1036) (this had been forgotten on Tuesday and I had to wait for the requisition to come in for the bloodwork to be done)

Friday in Montreal
CD 14, Day 7 of meds
E2 bloods (need to get result)
Ultrasound scan
7 follies on the right, 3 on the left; largest measured 1.6 cm, smallest measured 0.7 cm
Lining 8.5

Saturday in Montreal
CD 15, Day 8 of meds
E2 bloods (need to get result, and OMG, what a mess of bruises on my inner forearms!)
Ultrasound scan
7 follies on the right, 3 on the left; largest measured 1.9 cm, smallest measured 1.1 cm
Lining 10.1

I asked about what sizes of eggs they would collect and I was told that they collect anything over 1.6 cm and right now I have 7 that already measure that large, and two sitting at 1.5 cm that they expect will catch up. So tentatively, I have 9 follies to possibly work with.

NINE. That ain't bad for a chick my age! At least, I don't think so. Sure, I would have loved to hit double digits but I'll take what I can get right now. I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

I got a phone call this afternoon to fill me in on the details for the retrieval. It's scheduled for Tuesday, December 2 at 9 a.m. I have to be there for 8 a.m. I've just taken my last injections of Gonal-F and Luveris (my Lord that stings like the bejeezus!). I have to take my last injection of buserelin tomorrow before 6 p.m. and I have to take my Ovidrel trigger shot at 10 p.m. on Sunday night. And I have spent so much of today totally nauseated. Some days I rarely feel any effect, other days, I am just sick to my stomach. I guess today just happens to be one of the latter. Ugh.

Question for you bloggers who are experienced with trigger shots in difficult circumstances:
I am supposed to go to the Neil Diamond concert on Sunday night. I need to take my trigger shot at 10 p.m. and of course, Ovidrel needs to be refrigerated. What do you think my options are for that injection? Do I...

• take the meds to the concert, leave them in the car (it's below freezing here these days) and go to the car to do the injection?
• take the meds to the concert, ask to leave them in a fridge at guest services (with prior approval) and collect the Ovidrel to do the injection at 10 p.m. in a washroom?
• ask hubby to drive us and bring the injection to me for 10 p.m. trigger outside the concert hall, in the car?
• leave the show early enough to get home for the 10 p.m. trigger?
• other?

What do you suggest oh wise and experienced IF bloggers? What have you had to do in these types of cases? How do I do this AND see the concert too? Thoughts?

I heard this week that my girlfriend T in Montreal is now on bedrest for the remainder of her p/g. I know it's been difficult for her; I must give her a call.

I also got word from Journey that after 2 positive HPTs, her Beta value was only 2 and she is miscarrying yet again. She and her husband E are frustrated and upset of course and now there will be further investigation into possible clotting disorders. I hope they get the answers they need.

So for right now, we are trying to get through one day at a time, follow instructions to the letter and make sure that we're ready for Montreal on Tuesday, December 2.

Nervous? Hell ya. Hopeful? Lord no. Eager? Definitely. Let's see what this yields when all is said and done. And now I think about what I'm going to do in my 2ww (assuming I get that far) to keep me occupied and not go entirely stir crazy.

This weekend I'm keeping busy with my friend MH and his wife KC and their 5-year old twins. Tonight, the kids saw their first Santa Claus parade in our city. And they are LOVING the snow! They're from California so they haven't seen snow before and it's giving us a lot of laughs to watch them enjoying it to the fullest! They'll be back for Christmas so I am hoping there is more snow for them to frolic in then. Enough to make snowmen, and forts, and snow angels and all that good stuff.

Love to you all and a 'coucou' to my Cyclesista friends and visitors. Keeping my fingers crossed for all of us cycling this month as we all hope for some good news, and possibly the best Christmas gift we could ever wish for.

Buttered Side Down

I don't know where to begin this entry. The thoughts in my head are so jumbled and mixed with intense emotion; none of it good.

I went for my pre-stim scan this morning and I was nervous and anxious as I slid up onto that table for my appointment with the dildo-cam. The RE asked me, "How are you doing?" and my honest reply was, "I really don't know."

So for the semi-decent news:
Lining measuring 5.3 mm on CD6.
On the left, five little follicles just hanging out.
On the right, at least three little follicles doing much the same thing.
But that's not all.

No. Not for me. Never! It wouldn't do just to have happy little follies kicking back and waiting for the Gonal-F and the Luveris, would it? No Gil. You get more! You get the full freakin' monty!

Right there, in all its huge glory was a cyst.
A honking big cyst measuring over 3.5 cm in diametre.

And we all know what that means right? *adopts game announcer voice* Tell the young lady what she's won Johnny!
Well now, to start off, I am pretty sure you've won a cancelled cycle Gil! Congratulations! And there's a bonus prize of having another laparoscopy to boot to aspirate that cyst! And then, when all that is done, you get to go back on the BCPs to start all over again! Woo hoo!

I couldn't believe it. A cyst. Another cyst. It didn't respond to the BCPs that I was taking (similar to my previous cyst on the right side three years ago). So that likely means that it'll take a lap to remove it. Nice. Just what I wanted.

Then, because there was a cyst found, the orders were to have my E2 measured so that meant bloodwork. I went down to the lab in the same building and I found a GREAT woman there (Karen!) who saw how distressed I was. She told me to have hope. She hugged me. She saw the tears in my eyes and the frazzled look on my face. She was sweet. And she got a vein on the first stick (admittedly I showed here where was best to stick based on My Angel's success with that area on my forearm).

When that stress was done, I had the pleasure of shelling out just over $2200 for my Gonal-F and Luveris, which luckily doesn't expire until sometime in 2010. I came right home to stick the sensitive meds in the fridge.

And now I wait.

I wait for the ultrasound results to be sent to Montreal.
I wait for the bloodwork results to be sent to Montreal.
I wait for Montreal to call and tell me that my cycle is cancelled. (It will be I'm sure. We all know how this goes... but I have to wait for the official word from them on this.)
I wait for Montreal to tell me when they can do a lap for the cyst and when they need me for pre-op stuff... assuming they will take me at all.
I wait for something GOOD to come of this. But I really don't see a silver lining. Not at all.

Right now, I am angry. I am stressed. I confess, (and if you are religious, I apologize in advance) I hate that God is throwing roadblocks in my way. I hate that He obviously deems me unfit to parent. On my way back from the doctor's I wondered why He didn't just take me now and get it all over with. Christ, wouldn't that be easier??

I hate that I have to go through this at all. None of this should be this way. None of it. Ever. And this morning, I hated the fact that I had to go through all this alone this morning.

Like I said in my last post, seems I am the bread that always lands buttered side down on the floor. And so it continues...

Counting Down Days

(NOTE: children and p/g mentioned)

As I sit in limbo 'til December and our scheduled IVF, it seems I am always waiting for something. Right now, I'm on the verge of expecting dear 'ol AF, whom, as I have described before, is more of a haggard old, smelly, disheveled hag of a wench rather than the fun loving girlish woman of days-gone-by. So as I wait for AF, I plot out on my calendar the other things I am waiting for.

There are 20 days until hubby and I go to Montreal to sign off the consent forms for his aspiration and any other procedures that the urologist expects. In the meantime, I need to get that last vial of donor sperm shipped up to Montreal in case hubby's aspiration doesn't yield any viable sperm for our IVF.

We are 24 days away from heading down to Virginia to help MH look for a home for him and his family. Hubby and I will go there for the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and have a bit of a change of scenery for the long weekend.

And then we have 48 days from today that we get to hop on a jet plane with my stepchildren and head for approximately two weeks of fun in the Florida sunshine. My stepkids haven't ever been to Florida so this will be an experience for them. At their ages (12, and one of them will turn 14 while we are in FLA) I expect it'll be lots of fun. We're already talking about the things we're going to do and how much time we'll spend at Disney and all that good stuff.

I could count down the days til the Canadian election... but oh dear God, do I have to? It's all bad enough that with a minority government we have to have these silly things more frequently than once every four years, but ugh. I have to say though, never in my wildest dreams would I ever vote for the sheister that is the current PM. *shudders* He's creepy. Make that "Creepy," with a capital "C". Yes, I do know who I am voting for, but I won't publicise that; that's for me to know. Suffice it to say, I respect everyone's choice to form their own opinions and as long as you VOTE, that is all I care about. We live in a great country, and we are honoured with the right to vote and the principle of democracy. People fought and died for you and me to have that right. So please vote on October 14. I urge you all to get out there and exercise that civic duty.

I had a follow up doctor's appointment this morning regarding the bloodwork that was drawn a few weeks ago. Good news! My TSH is 1.74!! I'm thrilled! As I told the doctor, the blue fingernails rarely happen now, I'm not as cold as I often was, I rarely get as run down as I used to be and I feel like my energy levels and mood are pretty much evened out. (As a note, the T4 Free is 13.4 and the Free T3 is 4.6... very stable.) So the thyroid stuff seems to be regulated and I am thrilled. This might help us have a real shot in December.

Hugs and kisses and best wishes to...
And last but not least, to my RL friends... M and M (about whom I have written in the past for their own struggles in IF), I am glad that I can finally SAY something, cause I've known for months now!! After a few good attempts with dIUI because of Klinefelter's syndrome, they finally got lucky. Last I heard, M's due date was set for February 15, 2009. It's true, I shed a few tears when I heard the news, but when I was done with the pity party, I tossed it out. Honestly, I have to say that I am nothing but thrilled for them both. And I thank M for the utmost sensitivity and caring nature with which she told me the joyous news. Love to them both as they travel this new path. Congratulations!

Have a great week guys. Updates later... when there's news to tell, I'll be telling it.

A Little Overwhelmed. Okay, a LOT Overwhelmed.

I have to say, save for our lovely Easter brunch out with Pam and her husband V, it's been a rough weekend. So far, it's a rough week too. I'm feeling that I'm already caught up in the whole 'keeping an eye on the calendar for dates, procedures, protocols' etc. Is that good? I don't know. I know that Monday and Tuesday were bad days. Horribly bad days.

Monday was CD4. I wanted to go to my favorite phlebotomist for the bloodwork. So hubby and I got up Monday and headed out by about 10 a.m. or so. At the clinic, the phlebotomist looks at me and says, "I can't take these papers." I had requisitions from Montréal; she needed the Ontario forms. It's Monday. Easter Monday. A holiday. Great. Most clinics were closed. Most doctors were unavailable. I hadn't seen any doctor at that clinic before but luckily, the office is part of a chain that is networked, so they had some of my data. I registered, and waited to see a doctor who could simply make out the Ontario form for me.

By the time the doctor saw us, got the low-down of our situation, and printed the right form, the phlebotomist was on lunch. So we waited another 30 minutes for her to come back. By this time, it was after 1 p.m.

I finally got in to see her, and she thought she found a vein, but alas... no luck. After searching for a vein for about 5 or 7 minutes, she thought she had one in the other arm. And she did; she managed to hit that one and get the vials she needed. Man, did it bruise badly though; within about 20 minutes, I already had a black mark on my inner right arm. Nice. *sighs* Today that bruise is purple and blue and bigger than I thought it ever could get.

That done, we had a few more errands to get through. A new passport picture for me (my passport expires in early April) and wouldn't you know it, the new picture sucks. Cripes. I hate myself in pictures. I'm not exactly photogenic and seriously debated going to get another pic done. Stupid right? Yeah. I know. But I thought about it. Let me let you in on a little secret folks: listen up. What some people believe to be vanity in others, is actually a lack of self-confidence, or poor self-esteem. Think about that.

So Monday night, as of 10 p.m. I had to make sure not to eat or drink anything (other than water) because bright and early Tuesday (CD5), hubby and I had to go to yet another lab. Tuesday morning, off we went for the whole workup, including Karotyping for recurrent miscarriage, at one of only two places in the whole city that can do it.

Let's see, first I had to pay $230 for some of the tests that were not covered by the provincial insurance. Then, out came all the list of tests. I kid you not, it frightened me to just look at the list. There were at least 10 or 12 tests that needed to be done. I was petrified. New lab. New phlebotomist. New everything. I was so nervous... God I hated it.

I lay down (after explaining that if I didn't, the lab risked having me fall on the floor) and she tried, oh how this nice lady tried to find a vein. Lo and behold, she couldn't go through the bruise... apparently it would alter the results. Sheesh. Now I know. So she looked up and down both arms. Back of my hands. Upper arm. Inner arm. Wrists? By this time I was starting to shake. She stuck me once on the right and got nothing. So she called a coworker who gave it another try... over on the left side. I just lay there, trying to breathe. Not easy when you are as nervous as I am when it comes to blood and needles. She got lucky on the second stick and when I asked if she had got it, she replied yes she had. So I lay there. And lay there. I lay there some more. When they were all done. I finally sat up (rather dizzy). Sure... I asked, tell me how many vials you took? TWELVE?! FUCK OFF. You're kidding. TWELVE VIALS OF BLOOD from me? Colour me shocked. Or maybe just colour me pale... that works too.

I sat down and then they got the orange, carbonated drink for the OGTT. It tasted like a sweeter version of orange Crush to me. Anyway, I drank it down and sat for two hours. Hubby had his bloodwork done quickly (bastard; I hate him for that) and off he went to find a Tim Horton's for coffee, while I read a few newspapers and hung out.

I talked to a friend of mine from another government agency where I used to work. A former co-worker of mine was going through a most difficult time; her 22-year old son just passed away after suffering serious injuries after being in a housefire. The funeral was at 2 that afternoon. My plan was to leave the phlebotomists and go to the funeral. A bad day all around.

But wait... it was CD5. And I needed an ultrasound. Do you have any idea how difficult that is? Seriously. CD1 was Good Friday. Everything was closed. CD2 and CD3... the weekend. Everything was closed. CD4 was Easter Monday; my other doc's office was closed. I did leave a message though. Please oh please could I squeeze in on CD5 for an ultrasound?

I called them back while I was sitting there, processing that sickly sweet orange drink, and I left another message (with my cell number), asking that they call me. While I was reading newspapers, I got the call; could I be there for 1:45? They'd fit me in. Whew. Some relief.

Now then, back to the bloodwork. Before the second draw, they gave me a blanket to keep warm as well as a warm compress to try to bring out the veins in my right arm. They saw lots of surface veins and figured they could find one to work there. So two hours later, I'm lying down again and going through the same hell. It's traumatizing for me really. For someone who has tiny veins, hard to find, for whom it is actually painful, yet who needs to give blood for testing purposes and yes, I DO understand that, it's hard to get that across to those who do not know what it's like.

Actually, the third phlebotomist told me some interesting things. She told me that the size of a person's veins is hereditary. (Thanks Mom... at least I got some of your smarts to counterbalance!) She also told me that when they go through training, that they are taught how to find a vein in a drug addict's arm; a person who has ruined their veins. She said, "I can't even find those on you!" Isn't that nice to know? My veins are worse than those of a drug addict. Lovely. So yeah, it's painful. Problematic and painful.

Well, she stuck me once, but mother of God, it hurt like a bugger! I slapped the wall with my other arm. I tried to breathe. I tried not to yell in pain. She must have used a butterfly needle; fuck me that hurt. (Sorry for the language, but it is my blog after all.) For a moment, I think I passed out for a few moments, the pain was THAT bad. They only needed two vials at that time, but still. I was in so much pain. That bruise was evident before I walked out of there. It's deep purple. It's looking like a thick mark across my inner arm. I look like someone who's been beaten. No joke.

We left there and got something to quiet my hunger pangs. Then I dropped hubby off at work and I went to the doc's office for 1:45, for that ultrasound.

The cyst is still there, but it's markedly smaller; measuring at under 2 cms now whereas it was at 5. My doctor said that there was a great deal of fluid there as well, so he thinks it is shrinking of its own accord. He also said that lupron and BCP protocol prior to stimulation protocols will likely get rid of the cyst too. It gave me a lot of pain on Saturday past. He measured the antral follicles; I have 18 total, 9 on each side. Not bad for someone my age. He was pleased with that. And that's with no stimulation drugs either. Man, I wonder if I'm going to have to watch for OHSS too? Of course I will; cause that is how my luck goes.

So back at home, I could recuperate a little. I had laundry to do... wouldn't you know it, but the washer died in mid-cycle? I have someone coming to look at it on Saturday. If it isn't one thing, it's another. The week feels long and yet it's barely begun. Hubby and I go this weekend to Montreal for our appointment on Monday with the urologist. He will be able to tell us more news. Hopefully good news about being able to use hubby's sperm for IVF.

Please God, let us fall on the right side of the stats for once. How much are we expected to handle? Seriously? When is enough, enough? I need to get through all this for my own peace of mind. But how to keep my sanity in doing it all, when at the end of the day, I fear that we'll still end up on the shitty side of the statistics?

Oh yeah. To top it all off, I got word from another friend that she is p/g. She needed Metformin, and that was it. *sighs* Lucky wench. And crappy news from another friend; he is getting laid off tomorrow from his job in California. He's looking to move east, probably Virginia or something. I hope he finds something suitable; he and his wife have five-year old twins. And I am thinking about Pam and V after news of a BFN for them. My heart aches for them.

Life sucks sometimes. Everyone deserves a break, don't they? Don't they?

Looking Ahead

It's Thursday. Usually nothing out of the ordinary, but today's a very good Thursday. Today is the day before a four-day Easter weekend. Thank heavens for small things. Hubby and I are feeling overly tired and dragged out these days. I think it's the time change catching up with us. Or maybe it's the fact that spring is officially here, and yet the city is covered in snow that is about four feet deep. Snow rage has appeared for some folks, for others, it's more like dejected resignation. I knew we should have taken a sun-holiday in February.

With the long weekend, we have some plans. Our godson will be three years old tomorrow. Imagine. Where did that time go? I was TTC long before that little boy appeared on the scene. And here I am still TTC. That's rather depressing. Oh yes, I'm thrilled to have a godson and to know that he is happy, healthy and is celebrating his birthday. I just wish I could give him a playmate. Our godson's older brother will be having his First Communion on Easter Sunday too. We're going to pass along greetings and gifts tomorrow though, rather than attend Sunday as well.

Besides, we're hoping that FINALLY we can hook up with Pam and V as they pass through the capital on Sunday on their way back home. If all goes well, we'll be able to meet them in person, after two previous attempts failed to hook up. Crossing my fingers that the third time is a charm!

On the IF front, I'm expecting AF any minute now. That's a bit problematic; I need to go for CD3 bloodwork this month and after today, my favorite phlebotomist's office isn't open until Monday. So I'm hoping that we can somehow coordinate for Monday. If CD3 is Tuesday, I'll see if I can do it all at the same time as the OGTT and the karotyping bloodwork at 'the other' vampire's office. *shudders* I am NOT looking forward to that.

Somewhat disconcerting though is the pain in my right side. In February, I learned I had another cyst. Until then I hadn't really felt much. But let me tell you, I'm definitely feeling it now. I know I need to have another ultrasound appointment; maybe I can call my other doc here and see if they can squeeze me in to check the progress. Or maybe I'll hold off til we're in Montreal on the 31st and they can do it then. I'll give them a call to check. Nevertheless, it's obviously still there. And likely we'll go the same route; BCP (with no success) and then laparoscopy to remove it. Ya gotta love the rollercoaster.

Health news of another nature; my mom's not doing all that well at the moment. The surgery that she had last year for her stenosis was relatively successful, but unfortunately, it did not help the neuropathy. In fact, after testing last week, they learned that her neuropathy is worse this year than last. So she's rather upset at that news. Now they want to test other family members (my uncle and my aunts) who exhibit similar early-stage symptoms. And they've asked to test me and my sister as well. I'll do the testing as long as it doesn't interfere in any potential IVF cycle. Needles are not my forté and I'll do whatever I can to avoid that extra stress. Right now though, I'm just concerned about Mom and wondering what can be done, if anything. There is no diagnosed cause in her case (often neuropathy is associated with diabetes or other health problems) so right now, there seems to be no treatment. I'm not so sure I accept that. My sister, who is a dietician with many connections in the health field, in both the States and Canada, has heard that B6 can help. And like she says, "If the cause of up to 30% of all peripheral neuropathy cases is unknown, then do all these people go without treatment?" THAT just ain't good enough. More to come on this topic, I'm sure.

In the meantime, Happy Easter to those of you celebrating this weekend!

The Doc Approves

Yesterday afternoon, I left work early to handle a few medical things. First up... another blood draw to confirm the high TSH reading that was found last time. "My Angel" (aka my dear phlebotomist) found a vein on the first try! Heavens, she is brilliant. I adore her! I managed to take a good photo of her yesterday too.


She told me that her 11-year old daughter reads this blog (*waves*) and she laughed with me about being invited to my baby shower when hubby and I get lucky. That's a promise! I can certainly do that and I'd be pleased to do that too! Given all that she has done for me already, it'd be entirely my pleasure to have her there.

I went from the lab over to my GP's office. Four items there to discuss:

1. The flu shot -- finally got my shot. I'd put it off before the holidays because we were going away and all, but I know I needed to get my shot, because if the flu hits me, it hits me hard.

2. TERRIBLY dry skin -- I suspected a patch of eczema actually, but she indicated that it's just a few spots of really dry skin, so much so that it's peeling. I'm awfully OCD when it comes to handwashing so I've likely overdone it with a spot or two. She recommended a type of cream that's thicker than my usual hand cream to help clear it up.

3. Torn calf muscle -- last Tuesday night, I felt it pop, like a rubber band that had broken. I buckled down on my knees, in sheer and utter pain and thought, "Oh God... how am I going to drive home!?" I made it. Eventually. I took two days off work, iced it, kept it up, etc. (it swelled and bruised horribly) but it's on the mend. She figured another 2-3 weeks will heal it up well enough to get back to the elliptical or treadmill. Until then, the recumbent bike it'll have to be. *sighs* Oh well.

4. High TSH -- Given my plethora of symptoms and of course, now the bloodwork results to back it up, she's prescribed a low dose of Levothyroxine to help with the Hypothyroidism. We'll check levels in a couple of months and see how it's going. I'm crossing my fingers we see something in that time.


Hubby and I are looking forward to our appointment in Montreal. We've made plans to get together with my friend T who lives there; we'll have dinner with her before we return to Ottawa that same evening. It'll be good to see her too! And Ms. C? I know you're up there too. If I need anything before then, can I holler at you? :)

And how's everyone else doing?

High TSH

The last bloodwork results are in. It's the TSH that's high...

My TSH = 5.02
Normal TSH = 0.30–4.70

And somewhere I've read that optimal TSH for pregnancy is under 3.0.

If my TSH is high, it could indicate hypothyroidism, which is something my family physicians all my life have wondered about and often tested for. Before this, my readings came back in the normal range, but usually high within the normal range.

Very interesting indeed. I have the requisition to redo the bloodwork so I'll go this week. I want to get to the bottom of this!

Repeat the bloodwork?

Interesting development:

I got a call from my RE here. They want me to repeat the TSH and T3 bloodwork.

I wonder if this could give us some answers.

You're gonna be SO proud of me!

I did it! You have no idea how thrilled I am to be able to log in here today and tell you that I did it!

This afternoon, I left work early and I went to the lab at the medical clinic. My Angel met me with a smile and a hug, and a hopeful grin, asking, "Any news for me yet?" (She's a cheering section all unto her own!) I laughed at her and I gave her a belated Christmas Card that I'd hoped to give her before I went away for the holidays. I also gave her a copy of the Globe and Mail article, and told her that I mention her now and then in my blog. Next time, I told her I'm going to take a photo of her for the blog. She deserves some serious kudos.

Nonetheless, today, I deserved kudos too. Why? Because I went there, to that lab alone. ALONE. BY MYSELF!! Do you know how huge that is?! It's a step that I am really proud of. With the phobia and past experiences that I have had with needles and blood and all the rest, it's immense. Given the utter hell that I've been through in the past with giving blood for tests, it's only My Angel that makes it easier for me.

And even today, when she was trying to find the vein (that conveniently hid from her after she'd found it!), tapping my arms, rubbing the skin, trying to make it bearable, I was able to withstand it. When she stuck me once, and didn't get the vein, for a split second, I trembled, wondering if I could go through with it. And I knew I could. She turned me round (cause I still have to lie down; I wasn't willing to tempt fate all THAT much today!) and tried the other arm, and voilà! She got it! Lord bless her for her patience, her understanding and her compassion. It is through her and these gifts that she has that I am able to do what I did today.

I went for bloodwork all by myself. And I couldn't be happier about it! This was the last test needed before our file gets referred to Montreal for IVF. And now we see where the road takes us.

Special Occasions
Today, January 8 is the anniversary of the date that my husband proposed. Back in January of 2003, we had already bought the ring (together) and I had given it to him saying, "You take it, and keep it, and when the time is right, if the time is right, you ask me." He had planned to propose at New Year's... alas, an allergic reaction I had that night put the kaibosh on that plan. So instead, on January 8, he did the deed.

It's a cute story: I had been wearing a simple, yellow gold ring that we picked up on vacation about a year prior to his formally popping the question. And that night, on January 8, we had decided to go out for dinner. At the table, he took my hands and played with my ring, saying, "I think it's time we replaced this ring, don't you?" I said, "If you're ready... sure." But he'd left the ring at home, and so he promised to ask when we got back to the house.

Returning home (yes, yes, we lived in sin for about three years before he asked the question), it was all but forgotten as we got tied up with the animals, tidying, preparations for the next day at work, and all the rest. Around 11 or so, we went to bed. And there, lying in bed, he sat straight up and said, "Damn! I knew I forgot something." He pulled out the ring, rolled over and said, "I'm sorry, it slipped my mind. So, would you marry me?"

My response? "Nuh uh. You gotta do it right," said with a smirk. He got out of bed, came round to my side of the bed, got down on one knee (stark naked mind you!) and I sat on the edge of the bed, with nothing but the light of the moon in the bedroom. He took my hand in his and asked again, "Gil, will you marry me?" And I nodded and said, "Yes." After he put the ring on my finger, I joked with him, "Bout time you asked!"

And happy belated birthday to my mom! Yesterday was her birthday. I called her, and spent an hour chatting to her and my dad. She's in great spirits; she told me that they just made plans to go to Florida in the spring and I know she is really looking forward to it. They deserve it. They deserve nothing but the best.

Bloodwork Results

So there's good news and bad news. I got the results of last week's CD3 bloodwork this morning and here are the numbers. Normal values for the follicular phase are in parentheses.

TSH - 3.39 (0.30-4.70)
LH - 1.3 (2.4-6.6)
FSH - 4.6 (3.0-22.0)
Estradiol - 131 (0-921; CDN Values) OR 35.7 (25-75; US Values)
Prolactin - 14.1 ( 3.3-26.7)
Blood group - A+
Rubella - 58 (>12 is Immune)
Hep A AB (IgG + IgM) - Negative
Hep B Antigen - Negative
Hep B Antibody - <10 (Non-immune)
Hep C AB - Negative

And hubby's sperm count? Zero.
*Curses the stupid vasectomy that worked and the reversal that failed... yet again*

So the good news is, my FSH is very good. The bad news is, my LH seems to be really, really low. From what I have learned, low LH levels have been associated with poor egg quality and poor implantation as well as higher rates of early miscarriage.

Great... something else we deal with.

Or not. I guess that remains to be seen.

Anyone care to weigh in?

IVF Testing

Thank you all for your kind words regarding the e-mail I had sent to my friend (see previous entry). I still haven't gotten in touch with her, although I know I need to. It's very hard to face as I am sure you all know. Funny, it never bothered me to be around p/g women before... or even as this whole process of pain has continued. But I find that the further I travel along this road, the more disheartening it becomes and the more frustrated I get at seeing women like that. I never used to avoid things like baby showers or weddings. I never cringed in the supermarket lineup when an obviously p/g woman stood in front of me. I never heaved a dejected sigh when my mother told me about yet someone else back at home who got p/g or had a baby. But now... I do. I avoid. I cringe. I sigh. And while I hate doing those things, it is very hard NOT to. The hurt and the pain is so raw. When I am not faced with these situations, I can SOMETIMES forget for a little while and I can be just Gil. But as soon as it enters my personal space, I am "IF Gil" and I hate who she is. I wonder if I'll ever really be rid of "IF Gil" and be just Gil again. I suppose the bigger question is, do I want to be rid of "IF Gil"?

Anyway, Hubby and I went last week to have bloodwork done (again). On Wednesday, attached at the hip to my MP3 player (which is full of a host of soothing music), we headed down to the clinic for my CD3 workup and this time, HIV testing to boot. That all needs to be done if we are going to pursue the IVF route in Montreal.

At the clinic, the phlebotomist (aka My Angel) did a superb job. When I told her why we were having the tests done, she asked if she ought to add a "Prenatal" workup to the list. Heck, sure! Why not? Yanno, if I can get it over in one stick versus two or more, it's all good by me! Even when one of the tubes was uncooperative, she handled it with aplomb. It still hurts like a bugger, but at least now, I don't need to take Lora.zepam to have blood drawn. Mind you, I felt awfully dizzy when she was done, so I remained on the bed, lying down. I stayed there like that til Hubby was done with his bloodwork too. Eeesh... and his was awfully quick. I heard her snap off the elastic from around his arm and said, "What? He's done ALREADY?" They both got a giggle out of me for that one. Yeah yeah, laugh it up. *eyeroll*

This morning I called my local clinic to ask that the results from last week's tests (and Hubby's last semen analysis) be faxed to me for my own knowledge and files. We'll see what comes back to us. Next up, we finish filling out forms for Montreal and forward them along.

Some little niggling part of my brain wonders though if we will really go through with it though. With IVF that is. You see, I have no hope. I have no faith. I have no expectations. Correction... I have the expectation of failure. And I have no expectation that we will even be accepted for IVF. I think I've pretty much written myself off. God that is really awful of me to say isn't it? But it is the truth. The circle of immediate people who would be here to support me in the event of a failure is so minimally small, I don't know if I want to bother going through with it. There's a lot of thinking to do yet. Good thing this clinic has a waiting list, huh? I'll need that time obviously.

And on the election note, thanks Aurelia for giving the low-down on at least one of the party platforms with regards to IF. Now to go ferretting out what the others have to say about it, if anything. Like you, I'm thrilled that IF was mentioned in the platform at all! We might get somewhere yet. Here's hoping!

Something fun to distract me this evening: local friends were just back home for a visit and through them, my family (Mom and my two aunts) has sent a bucket of freshly picked blueberries to me. I pick them up this evening after dinner. I can't wait!

CD23 Results, DIUI #2?

The results are in. This is what I know. (Normal values as provided by the lab are noted in parentheses.)

Ferritin = 28 (13-145)
Insulin = 117 (30-1980)
TSH = 3.82 (0.30-4.70)
T4 Free = 11.2 (9.1-23.8)
Free T3 = 4.0 (2.5-5.7)
Vitamin B12 = 235 (>131)
RBC Folate = 1516 (>372)
LH = 1.1 (luteal norm 0.9-9.3)
FSH = 2.0 (luteal norm 1.0-14)
Free Testosterone = 6.8 (<9.0)
Estradiol = 434 (luteal 0-1145)
Progesterone = 18 (luteal 4-51)
Prolactin = 22.4 (3.3-26.7)
DHEAS = 4.3 (for ages 30-39, normal is <7.3)

Hemoglobin = 140 (115-165)
Hematocrit = 0.417 (0.37-0.47)
WBC Count = 10.2 (4.0-11.0)
RBC Count = 4.65 (3.8-5.8)
MCV = 89.5 (80-97)
MCH = 30.1 (27-32)
MCHC = 337 (320-360)
RDW = 13.0 (11.0-14.5) NORMAL
Platelet Count = 226 (150-400) NORMAL
Absolute Neutros = 7.0 (2.0-7.5)
(A) Lymph = 2.5 (1.1-3.3)
(A) Mono = 0.4 (0.0-0.8)
(A) EOS = 0.2 (0.0-0.5)
(A) Baso = 0.1 (0.0-0.2)

Glucose = 4.2 (3.3-7.8)

What does this all mean? All values are normal. A couple are higher or lower than I'd personally like to see, but according to the lab, they're normal. So that means, DIUI #2 is likely on the horizon.

My RE wants me back on metformin (500 mg/day) because of a slight tendency towards cysts. He wants me on 25 mg of sero.phene (aka Clo.mid) from CD3-7; only 25 mg because of the tendency towards cysts. We won't do a superovulation with Pure.gon because of the long Easter weekend coming up but depending on what follies are there on CD12, we will decide whether we try another DIUI or whether we sit out this month in favor of trying next month. It's a tentative go for another try. My appointment is for April 12. Dear heavens. I haven't cycled since November/December. This has got me all nervous again.

CD3 Results

I got a call yesterday with the results of my bloodwork from CD3 (March 6).

LH = 1.4 (apparently less than 7 is very good)
FSH = 4.8 (apparently less than 6 is excellent)
Estradiol = 232 (or 63.2 for you Americans; within normal but above 75 is VERY high)

If your LH is greater than your FSH it could be an indicator of PCOS. So these numbers seem to indicate no PCOS, at least to me.

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Edited to add...
I found the following information on a website from a Chicago clinic:

"A blood estradiol level on day 3 (we do it on any day between days 2 and 4) of the menstrual cycle is a way to potentially discover some of those women with a normal day 3 FSH that may in fact have decreased egg quantity and quality. What we would like to see on day three is a low FSH level in conjunction with a low estradiol level. If the FSH is normal but the estradiol level is elevated, the elevated estradiol may be artificially suppressing the FSH level in to the normal range.

The idea of using day 3 estradiol levels as an adjunct in evaluating egg quantity and quality is relatively new. Clearly defined cutoff values for normal and abnormal are not well defined and are also lab-dependent. I like to see the day 3 estradiol less than about 80. In our experience, levels of 80-100 are borderline, and over 100 is abnormal. We like to repeat any borderline results in another cycle.

There is not much data that suggests that an elevated day 3 estradiol is a problem in itself. The problem is more so that it is potentially "masking" the detection of the poor ovarian reserve by suppressing an FSH level that would otherwise be elevated."


Knowing that in US terms, the E2 level is 63.2, that would seem "normal" to me. But am I wrong? Argh.

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Any informed people care to weigh in on this one?

CD23 results to follow sometime next week. The trick is to get my CD23 results and analysis before CD3 arrives. Otherwise I will have to wait another month to cycle because until I know what the bloodwork says, I'm not spending another cent on cycle meds and donor samples as there may be underlying factors that need to be dealt with first.