Taking a Different Approach

CD2. I knew I wouldn't make it to Wednesday to be able to test. I could tell; when I get a migraine a few days before AF is due, I know AF is on the way. The migraines have certainly subsided in length and intensity since I've been taking vitamin B6, but I still felt it coming. Ugh.

I'm glad we met with the doctor last Friday to outline our options. So, we move forward with the choices we've made. Some meds (got my prescriptions filled), some money (whoo boy, you aren't kidding!) and a lot of wondering on my part. But we have to try. We've narrowed down the list of donors, AND looked at our finances for IVF/ICSI. I'm not going to reveal our choice just yet but I'm sure many of you will have a very good idea.

I think we're still debating how "open" we want to be if we do go the donor route. You see, if the child is the product of donor genetic material, I don't want that to colour anyone's view of him or her. Or of the way we choose to go about having a family. We both need to be comfortable with revealing that information or we both have to respect the other's wishes to not reveal it. But it has to be a choice that hubby and I make together knowing that the other will not arbitrarily go against it.

As for the IVF/ICSI, hubby is ready for that surgery. It's a lot to ask of a man. And it means more surgery for me too. But our calendars can work it in even in between all the Christmas preparations that we have going on, and preparing for our vacation down south. So while I love you all as friends, please respect my marriage enough not to push at the moment. When and if the time is right, we'll reveal. I promise.

Either way, if this next try doesn't work, I have to take a break for one cycle because we'll be away. We head to Florida on or around the day I'll be able to test next month. So either I spend the beginning of my vacation dealing with morning sickness or with AF. (I'm SO hoping it'll be morning sickness.)

But how on earth do you hide morning sickness? My family (Mom, Dad and two of my aunts) will be vacationing with us and STAYING IN THE SAME CONDO. So in my mind, trying to hide that will be very, very difficult. I mean seriously, if you have morning sickness -- like I did when I had the two chemical pregnancies -- and you're absolutely sick to your stomach at the drop of a hat, how can you hide that from someone? Can you? Is it possible? I never expected to hide it from hubby of course. But I would like to conceal it from the folks and the aunties. At least until the time is right to tell them.

You know what though? That would be the ultimate Christmas gift. For all of us.

I can dream, right?