Sunday, June 15, 2008

Quiet Round Here... sorta

I've been conspicuously inconspicuent lately. Sorry. I don't mean to be. I've been working out some of my own anger around things and sorta trying to find things to distract me. I don't know that that is working either.

But I'm still here. And now that I'm writing, I think that there are a few things I need to post about.

There has been very good news, as well as very sad news in the blogging world. I have shed so many tears for No Swimmers this week. She lost her twins at 19 wks and has had to endure the pain and grief of going through what none of us hopes to ever have to.

On the brighter side, Flicka and Sarge at Vacant Uterus have been chosen to be adoptive parents. After quite awhile and a journey full of ups and downs, They expect to have luck in under a month with a newborn.

And I know that Dramalish is in the 2ww as she and her husband try for a sibling for her little girl. I have read her story and followed along and while I am happy that she gets to try for her second child, I ache for myself, having never had a first. While I watch as some of you get lucky and move forward, I am stuck in limbo. Waiting. Wanting. Hoping. For five years. No end in sight. No definite plans to try any time soon. No calendar yet established for IVF.

Yes, we have two appointments scheduled in Montréal (June 30 and again July 8) and somewhere in there, God I hope to get some sort of calendar and idea of WTF is on the docket. I am so past ready to try, it's tearing me apart. I move so many of your blogs around on my sidebar. From TTC to Success. From Success BACK to TTC even! I read along as new mothers post their birth stories and ask for advice (or assvice, depending) from the community. I wish I could be part of that select group. But I can't. I can't give any advice (or even assvice) to those of you who have gotten lucky and are blessed with a baby. All I can do is read along and enjoy your journey, while lamenting for myself that I am not there. I don't know if I ever will be.

I have begun delving into the blogs of those of you who have moved forward, or are trying to, after years of IF and TTC and have made the choice to live without children. I am not ready yet to say that I am at that point as I need to try IVF in order to have peace of mind later in life. I expect no successes though. I just need to do this to have peace later. This will be the end of our TTC journey; I'm fairly sure of that. So I move ahead little by little and get to that end point.

One way or another, it will end. Eventually.

I have some things that are keeping me busy for now though. First up... K has had her surgery for cancer and it looks like they got it all from the jaw area. Now to deal with the tiny spots on the liver. She is healing but it's hard. For awhile, I was going over to her home every day after work to tidy, cook and make sure her daughter got homework done and the like. That seems to have subsided. In fact, Lil K had her 11th birthday yesterday. We went bowling and then all the kids came to our house for a swim (we have an in-ground pool). Everyone seemed to really enjoy the fun.

I do have a baby shower to attend next week. My RL friend, T is now over 30 wks. She is going to be a single mom; she's my age and after one miscarriage with donor IUI, her second attempt seems successful. With luck, she will have a little girl in August. I am glad for her of course, yet again... sad for myself. I started this journey long before she had that first attempt, and here I am, still empty-handed. So my joy is tinged with pain. As so much of this journey is.

A good friend of mine, MH is now in Virginia after moving from California. His wife and twins are still in CA though and will stay there until later this year when they are able to move. For now, she stays there as she has the health insurance. And we all know about the cost of health care in the USA. MH is now working but until his insurance kicks in, and they get out of the apartment lease, his wife will stay in CA.

MH moved and promptly got bored in VA. So I told him to take a long weekend and come up here to visit if he was bored. Lo and behold, he did just that. He was here last weekend and we had a blast with him. He plans to come again for the July 4 weekend. Every two weeks, he has Friday off so he expects to be able to come once per month at least. It's always good to see him.

Other than that, hubby and I just installed new laminate floor in the kitchen. It looks lovely. It was a birthday gift from my mom. And now we're looking for a new front door to replace the old one. Time for an update.

Better than all of that, hubby and I have booked our trip for August. I'll head to Washington DC first to spend time with my sister there as she attends a conference. Then I'll head to Las Vegas where I'll meet up with hubby, MH and his wife, and we'll all attend Fan Faire again for the MMORPG that we play. I'm looking forward to it already, even though the trip will delay our IVF calendar yet again.

A bit of a meme to round this out. Pam tagged me in "One of These Things is Not Like the Other" game. So here we go; five bits of trivia about me. Guess which is false.
  1. I used to swim competitively.
  2. I can play the piano fairly well.
  3. I met Princess Diana and Prince Charles.
  4. I have lived in four different countries.
  5. I have been told that I could make very good money doing voiceovers.

Speaking of Pam and V, belated anniversary greetings to you guys. I hope it was a wonderful day to celebrate.


Pam said...

First, thank you for the good wishes.

Second, I'm going with #4. They all seem possible. :)

Third, I've been thinking of you and wondering how you'd been. I'm sorry things haven't been going as you wanted, but I know it will get better.

Come for a visit. It's your turn. :)

Mike said...

#2. Which is my deductive reasoning kickin in.

THANK YOU again so much for opening your house for me to stay over the weekend. I'm flattered and awe-struck by yours and Den's generosity and hospitality. Of course, we've been through all of that earlier. But, it still don't make it any less true.

As for the rest, I have one word:


Dramalish said...

Hey, Gil.
Thank you for following me still... I remember being exactly where you are and wondering, why not me, too? I totally get it.

It will be you, too, too.

Anonymous said...

First off...I know the pain of where you are too well my friend. All I can say is, there are good days and bad days...I try to really enjoy the good days. And sometimes you're lucky enough to get a few good days in a row.

As for the meme....hmmmmm....I'm stumped. Maybe 2???

Hang in there...glad you have a great holiday to look forward to!