Tuesday, January 10, 2012

One Mom's Life Changes; Another's is On Hold

I read a blog entry the other day about a woman in her late 30s who was preparing to give birth to her second child. She already had a precious little girl, just over two years old (as Petite is now) and she was cherishing the idea of her daughter having a sibling. She imagined two children bonding together. Playing house. Having tea parties. Arguing about which game to play. Etc. All the "normal" stuff that one would think about when on the verge of having a second child.

This mom savoured the last moments of their life as a threesome and as day turned into night, she went into labour. When the time was right, she went to the hospital and delivered her second baby. A girl. The baby arrived safely. But the mother knew. She KNEW something wasn't right with her daughter. She knew it long before anyone dared utter the words: The baby has Down Syndrome. Precious nevertheless. Loved nonetheless. Beautiful anyway. However, the fact that the newborn had Down Syndrome quickly changed the mother's imagined scenarios about what the future would now hold for their family of four. And how things would inevitably change for the older daughter.

As I read the blog piece, I shed a river of tears. I had that scare. I was there. I was labelled high risk to have a baby with Down Syndrome. I had the amniocentesis. Obviously Petite does not have Down Syndrome... but it leads me to wonder. What if? What if I were to go through another IVF? What if I were in that position? Do I want to risk it? Do I want to go through all of what that would mean? At my age, I really don't know if I could handle it. I applaud any and all parents who take on the challenges of raising any child who is differently-abled. Absolutely! I just don't know if -I- have it in me to tackle that at my age and at this point in my life.

So if we were to try again, would it be tempting fate? Playing with fire? Just asking for trouble? Would God look down at me and say, "Hey missy, you had your shot! You got what you wanted. Really? You really want more huh?" And then He would proceed to test me to my absolute limits? Would He do that?

Do I really want to find out? I don't know.

I don't know. Would I do that to my family? I don't know. Could I do that to Petite? I don't know. There are pros and cons to everything of course. But at my age, and using IVF, these are things that must be considered.

Either you make a plan to deal with it, try to foresee every twist and turn in the road and what you would do to handle it. Or...

You hope for the best and say, "We'll cross that bridge when/if we come to it."


You remain immobilized by fear. Wondering if you'll ever take the leap at all.


Yesterday I published a couple of photos that I took. These pics are photos of Petite's rash. The ongoing, never-ending, irritating, nagging problem that it has become is just NOT. GIVING. UP. Ugh.

We're not sure what it is. But I've got to find out. Poor girl. I'm changing her bath wash tonight and we'll see if that helps at all. I may try to get an emergency same-day appointment with the doc tomorrow.

1 comment:

Kakunaa said...

I read that post. OMG, so powerful. I have a friend who also did not know until birth about her son having DS. She wept reading it. Another is facing that possibility. So scary, but at the same time, so life-affirming. HUGS. Hope the rash gets sorted out!