So let's get up to speed, shall we? Where were we when we last left off? Oh yeah...
Ontario Election
The Ontario election has come and gone. The Liberals won a
majority and that means that IVF coverage was pushed through in the budget. Now
we do not know yet what that 'coverage' will look like. What will it cover? One
fresh cycle only? Or frozen too? How many cycles exactly? Will it come in the
form of a tax break or actual coverage up front? And for what ages? Married couples
only? Singles? LGBT? What about using donor eggs? What about using donor sperm?
There are a lot of parameters to decide.
Milestones
We are still feeling the loss of my baby boy, Shadow as the
previous post detailed. His brother, Smudge, has certainly stepped up and tried
to fill the void. He's like Velcro to me at the moment, and hates it when I
leave the house. He's very attached to people and prefers to be in a room where
we are, rather than by himself. But sometimes age gets the better of him and
he'd just prefer to go lie down and sleep on our bed, warm and cosy in the
blankets. He turned 19 on August 25. He's an old boy now, but we love him and
we are keeping him as happy and comfortable as possible until his own time
comes.
Petite's 5th birthday was in August as well.
Because she started kindergarten (Jardin) this year, ON her birthday no less
(!), she opted to wait to celebrate her birthday in September so she could
invite a few of her classmates and close friends from school. So we did that
and had 14 children come to celebrate at a local indoor play park. She had an
absolute blast!
We also passed the anniversary of my Aunt's passing, and
just last week, we released balloons to celebrate what would have been her 80th
birthday. We still miss her so very much. She has left a definite void in our
hearts.
Vacation
Over the summer, I took Petite back to The Rock to spend
time with my family. We took a side detour over to NS and NB to see family
there. In particular, to meet my cousin's new boy-girl twins! They were about 5
months old when we saw them and they were gorgeous! Oh my heavens! What
beautiful children. My cousin and his wife did IVF as well and they hit the
jackpot. She was able to carry the twins to 39 weeks before they induced her
and delivered them by C-section. How very, very luck are they. And in a nod to
my grandfather and my aunt, the boy's middle name is my grandfather's first
name, and the girl's middle name is my aunt's first name… or the diminutive of
it and the name my aunt actually preferred us to call her. I had a few dresses
that my aunt had given to Petite, and I passed them on to this baby girl; she
can actually wear a dress that her namesake purchased… long before she was even
conceived. We are so blessed.
While at home, I managed to see my sister and my nephew too.
We had such fun with them and made some wonderful memories, for kids, parents,
and grandparents alike. It was a lovely holiday.
Family Grief
Right now, we are dealing with a family issue. Over the
summer, my MIL complained of pain in her right side. She delayed a visit to the
doctor, and when she finally got to see them, they couldn't do both tests they
had hoped at the same visit, so postponed both of them for 6-8 weeks.
Eventually, they found it. A growth. She needed surgery, fast, and that done,
she was sent home. Apparently they knew it was cancer and told her and offered
her chemo which she declined (we question now if she realized the ramifications
of her choice, given her dementia at the time). She was sent home. Five weeks
later, she was back in hospital with the same symptoms and still too weak,
recovering from the first surgery, to undergo a second. The growth had
returned, growing quickly and aggressively. She has a sarcoma and it is now
systemic. It is terminal. She was in the ICU and has now been transferred to a
hospice. There are good days and bad (on Sunday past, she did not awaken at
all), but the doctors gave her anywhere from days to weeks left. We are
visiting as much as we possibly can and trying to help the family get her
affairs in order for the inevitable. It will happen; we just need to be
prepared. Or as prepared as we can possibly be. The whole family is in shock
and not dealing well with this terribly sad news. (By the way, if you know me
personally, this is not yet public information so please do not post anything
on FB or other social media about this. I would appreciate your consideration
for this sensitive issue. Thank you in advance.)
VSG and Weight Loss
Now, as to my surgery and recovery… and my own accountability.
I had my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy performed at the Civic
on February 3, 2014. Today is November 13. To date, I have lost 114 lbs. I go
through long stalls -- weeks where I do not lose a pound – but I usually check
my measurements or do a photo comparison (or clothing comparison) and I realize
that in the stalls, I am usually losing or redistributing my body weight in
other ways. It's pretty fascinating.
My operation took a mere 50 minutes and was without
complication. I walked into the operating room and by the time they brought me
to a semi-private room in the trauma ward to recover, I was able to get off the
gurney and walk to my bed with assistance. It's a laparoscopic procedure, so I
do not have a long incision, but rather I had five small incisions through
which the surgeon removed approximately 85-90% of my stomach. I have a tiny
sleeve of a stomach now that is about the size of a thick pen or narrow
highlighter. It can hold 2-3 ounces comfortably, but much more than that makes
me get the 'foamies.' That is when I start salivating quickly, as if I were
going to vomit, I get lightheaded, my heart races a bit and I start to tear up
at the eyes, swallowing hard to try to keep myself from being sick. I usually
get up and walk it off, and after a burp/heave or two, it passes. It's happened
a few times. Quite the learning curve! My new sleeve cannot handle milk very
well, though cheese and yogourt are good. I am following my diet and eating
protein forward, followed by veggies (only IF I have room).
In the last month or two, I've had a taste of popcorn and
chocolate. I try to stay far away from the carbs to maximize my 'honeymoon'
phase which can last for 12-18 months. But now and then, a taste is really
nice. Much of my diet now consists of protein shakes for breakfast, some peanut
butter for a snack, lunch is usually some meat or fish, a second snack of
cheese or a pepperoni stick, supper would be protein with some sauce/dip to
help it go down easy (e.g., hamburger patty with 1/3 cup of my homemade
spaghetti sauce), and nighttime… is my downfall. I have to be very careful in
the evenings. After Petite goes to bed, I tend to look for something to nibble
on, more out of habit than anything else. I have found some good protein snacks
but I need to be more diligent in choosing them rather than opting for a bite
of sugar or carbs. Those are a dangerous, slippery slope! I do NOT want to go
there!
I have had some incredible NSVs (non-scale victories) along
the way. For example,
- I've gone from size 22/24 down to 10/12. I cannot recall EVER being in size 10/12 before. When I was 14, I was in size 14 as a child.
- I can cross my legs… something I've never been able to do. I can even do it on a plane!
- I can lower the table tray on a plane and still have room to move and bend; it doesn't rest on my stomach. I even had room on either side of my hips while on the plane. That's a FIRST for me in all my years of travel!
- I have oodles of room in movie theatre seats now; something that is novel. I used to lean over away from my seatmate so I didn't infringe on his/her personal space. That's hard on the back for a three-hour stretch!
- I can wear heels comfortably all day now. WOW! I was even able to buy boots with heels, off the rack at a REGULAR shoe store!!! OMG!
- I have had to readjust my seat, mirrors, armrests, etc., in my car to accommodate my new, smaller size.
- I can shop for hours and not get winded; not that I've done any shopping for myself really. My sister took me out and dressed me up but I'm sorta terrified to do it myself. I've no idea where to begin. After 30+ years of shopping at two or three stores exclusively, I do not even know what's popular anymore.
- I had to take off my wedding rings; they were falling off my fingers and I was afraid I would lose them. L
- My shoes are far too large on me. I need new ones for the most part. I never would have thought I would lose weight in my feet. But I truly have.
- My gold necklace hangs much lower on me than it should. I am loathe to shorten the chain (my parents gave me the chain, while Hubby gave me the pendant) but it looks kinda comical now.
- It hurts to sit on a hard chair. This is something I've never really experienced before but as someone who had lots of rear padding, I am really feeling my bones when I sit down on a hard surface. Ouch!
- I've lost somewhere around 65" off my body. I've not calculated it lately, but at last calculation it was 60+ inches. Pretty incredible.
- I am cold… ALL. THE. TIME. Seriously. I spent all summer freezing. I had a folded blanket on my side of the bed on top of the sheet, one blanket, and top cover. Hubby was so warm he'd kick off the bedding while I shivered. He broke down and bought me a heating pad. I think I'm in the market for a heated twin blanket actually. I cannot get warm at all and I sit in my office with a blanket over my lap and a wool sweater over my shirt. Brrr. I am officially going to FREEZE this winter. Guaranteed.
- I'm not quite as self-conscious in public anymore. As a morbidly obese person, you spend your life painfully aware that you take up too much space. And you try as much as possible to avoid shoving your mass in the face of others. It's overwhelming much of the time. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I sense that anxiety is diminishing, but it's being replaced by something else. Instead of thinking, "Oh God, I know everyone is judging me for my huge size," now I think, "Oh my, I hope no one can see the extra skin hanging (in whatever spot is visible at the time)." We definitely ARE our own worst critics. It's terrible. Body dysmorphia is a real thing, and I'm at the stage when I'm just starting to deal with it. Very hard.
There are more. Many, many more. But that's enough for now.
Lots of people have commented on my weight loss and I tell
them the truth: I had surgery back in February and I've been working hard ever
since. It's not easy. And I'm not done yet. I still have between 30 and 50 lbs
that I would like to lose. I'm still technically obese. I want, for once in my
life, to see a normal BMI, which for me means being 150 lbs or less.
I've come a long way, but this is just the beginning.
