Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Ups and Downs

In the last 24 hours, I've had a few ups and downs. Rollercoaster? Good God yes.

Up: Hubby did a fantastic job with the Puregon injection this morning! I barely felt it. I confess, I was nervous, but he did it beautifully. Thanks sweetie! *blows him kisses*

Down: I told my mom about our decision to use donor sperm yesterday, and I told her about this blog too. Now the fact that I told her about these things is not the "down" but rather the way in which I told her. Mom, if you've found this blog and you're reading, know that I love you so very much and I didn't want to tell you that way at all. You see folks, I had to e-mail my mom and tell her those things via text.

It's hard being so far away from my family. Mom and I are very close and I know if I were home, I would be able to go out to lunch with her, or sit down over a cup of tea and chat. But I can't do that from up here in the capital of the country when she's on the extreme east coast. We have only the telephone or e-mail. Truly, I had hoped to be able to sit down over a cup of tea with her in Florida in a mere three weeks' time. But my hand was forced and I had to come out with it. My family really didn't know all of what my hubby and I are dealing with, and to protect myself and to surround myself with supportive people (which I need right now), I had to let Mom know. I am sure she'll still have questions or concerns, and hubby and I will deal with them when we see my family at Christmas.

Down: And this is an ANGRY down. Reading the paper during my lunch hour yesterday I come across an article in the Travel Section entitled (get this) "The procreation vacation." I almost puked. Be. Freakin. Serious. Travel companies advertising "fertility-enhancing getaways"? The article discusses mini vacation getaways for "fertility-challenged couples" and even says that doctors are encouraging the trend. What he h*ll?

You know something? (Rant on folks. Move it or lose it... you've been warned.) If these Gen Xers aren't able to get pregnant after two or three months of trying simply because they're "too busy" or they're "over-scheduled" and can't make time, they're not "fertility-challenged," people! What is this about a Birds and the Bees package from a spot in Chesapeake Bay? Or a ski vacation in Wyoming? Total bull. Complete and utter bullsh*t.

These are not the infertile couples of the world. And how DARE such an article purport to state that they are! The idea that these couples spend upwards of $2000 for three nights to supposedly relax enough to get pregnant is nothing short of insulting to those of us who are dealing with real infertility: the ups and downs of the 2ww, the injections, the surgeries, the invasive testing and procedures, the constant monitoring, the hormone manipulation, the exploration of adoption, the choice to use donor sperm or surrogate mothers... all of that and more. THAT is infertility. And d*mmit, how many times do we have to say it? RELAXING DOES NOT MAKE AN INFERTILE COUPLE SUDDENLY FERTILE! ARGH!!!!!! *takes a deep breath* Disgusting. There are no words to describe my feelings.

Up: Hubby and I took a few hours and got our minds off the fertility stuff last night and we went to the first session of two on Installing Hardwood and Laminate Flooring. Our hope is to redo the basement floor (one room about 40ft x 25 ft) as well as the living room on the main floor. And you know? I also thought of doing the little bedroom that would eventually be a nursery. We have an older home; a three-bedroom, two-bathroom bungalow with a finished basement and most of the home has parquet flooring that is in need of replacing. Little by little, we'll get it done.

It is my dream to refinish the little bedroom (I don't refer to it as a "nursery" because I don't want to get my hopes up or jinx myself) with laminate flooring, bright yellow and soft green colours (no pinks or blues... not my style), suns and stars and teddy bears. Those are the things I envisage, with a crib and a rocking chair and a chest of drawers... Ah, the stuff of dreams. One day. One day. Maybe soon. But one day I'll get that chance. Anyway, yes, laminate flooring; back to the topic. Hubby and I have homework before next week's class. Gotta find time to squeeze that in between doctor's appointments, seeing hubby's kids and taking them to a movie, going out with some good friends Thursday and other friends on Saturday... and somewhere in there I want to do some cleaning and decorating for the holidays.

Up: Hubby joined the DI_Dads yahoo group (thank you Eric!) and wouldn't you know it? Hubby is their 100th member! YAY! As I asked Eric, does that mean that we get extra special luck, wishes, hopes, babydust, lovin, etc.? No? Well phooey! Oh well. However, it does mean that we have another resource to call upon though. And that is a wonderful thing.

Ups and downs make the day tough. But somehow, we keep going. Sending so much love and best wishes to you all in blogland.

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