Jessica's Story

In my meanderings of various IF blogs, I came across one the other day that just broke my heart. Let me tell you a story...

This is the story of Jessica. She is a 24-year old mother of a young toddler, and experiencing secondary infertility. She has a full-time job and juggles many things as we all do. Her husband, Jason, works full-time as well and they are working on expanding their family, as young couples do.

Jessica called home the other day, and chatted with her husband. He was marinating meat for dinner, he was going to pick up their son from daycare and he would see her when she got home. He told her that he loved her. A little later, she called again because she was doing their taxes and had a question for him. No answer; she thought he was avoiding her. She called again and again. No answer. After work, she picked up their son from daycare and she went home... to a darkened foyer. No husband. No message. Nothing.

A friend of hers came over; Jason had been in an accident and it was bad. They drove her to the hospital, where she soon learned that at 3:38 that afternoon, her beloved husband Jason was taken from her. An accident had claimed his life and he was gone. She is now left to raise their son and somehow find her way in the world.

My thoughts turned towards Jessica and their young son. She is a widow at the tender age of 24. She has to make her way now, without her husband by her side. And then, what of their plans? What becomes of their hopes and dreams? Of their aspirations to add to their family? What sort of plan will she have now for her life? Can she create one or even envisage one without Jason next to her? What happened to the "growing old together" part of their story?

I cannot fathom the pain and grief that Jessica must be going through. And her story made me stop and think; what if? What if (God forbid) something happened to my husband? Where would I be? How would I go on? What path would my life take then? Specifically with regards to the IF treatment we are undergoing, would I continue?

I spoke of this to my husband, relating Jessica's story to him. His first thought was, "Well, you'd have the insurance money." Good Lord! To h*ll with the money! That would be the last thing I'd consider. Fine enough, but what would I do about our treatments? Would I continue? Would I forge ahead and try (at going on 37 years old) to have a child and raise him/her as a single mother? Would I let go of the idea of having children altogether? Would I hope that somewhere down the line I would have someone else in my life with whom I would try to start a family? What would I do?

Hubby gently reminded me that the IF treatment we are undergoing is because of his vasectomy and failed reversal. There is no indication that I cannot get pregnant, we just need good swimmers to do the job (thus our decision to move down our path using donor sperm). So hubby mentioned that he thought I would find someone else with whom I would start a family. I don't know that I could or would do that though. Who is to say? Maybe that would never happen. Maybe I wouldn't find anyone to share my life with. For the moment, I just give thanks that I am lucky enough to have a good man who loves me tremendously. I have him by my side as we travel this road and I am grateful for the love that we share.

I guess Jessica's story just brings to mind the harsh reality that life throws at us sometimes. It makes us think and consider "what ifs" because we are only human, and "what ifs" can and do happen. Have you considered your "what if"?

My heart aches for Jessica and all the infertiles that are faced with a sudden loss that turns their world upside down. My thoughts are with you at such a traumatic time, and I can only hope that one day, you find peace.