Insensitivity

Yesterday was a very difficult day. I thought it was going to be a good one, but it was difficult.

At work, we had a potluck luncheon. That's nothing out of the ordinary; we do that about once every month or six weeks. I did the chicken casserole dish that everyone seems to enjoy. And I was prepared. Not just with the dish, but emotionally, to deal with one of my co-worker's wife and 11-month old son. (Yes, they have gotten pregnant, had their son and are ready to celebrate his first birthday all within the span of my trying for number one, suffering miscarriages and having a laparoscopy. Ugh.)

I was totally prepared to deal with their presence, emotionally and psychologically. What I wasn't prepared to deal with was my former supervisor's pregnancy. Six months to be exact. Since she changed jobs (and thus office locations) when she stops by our section now, she chats with EVERYONE else but me. Everyone. I haven't laid eyes on her since sometime in November or December. And now I know why.

But dammit, had I only known, I could have been able to get through it and not break down. But no. That wasn't to be. She originally hadn't been invited, but she is the type to invite herself to various events. She "heard through the grapevine" (yeah, right) about our luncheon and of course, someone said, "Well why don't you come on over and eat with us too?" When she strolled in and I saw her bump, I was just overwhelmed by emotion. I barely made it through our luncheon. When it was done, I saw an opening in the conversation and made my exit, supposedly to wash utensils. I snuck back to my office, packed my things, called hubby to come and get me (God love him, he dropped everything at his office and ran to get me) and he drove me home as I shed buckets of tears. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't prepared.

But I did take the opportunity this morning to educate both my supervisor and the organizer of the event about infertility. And I asked that they please remember that in delicate circumstances, people ought to be forewarned; in my case, especially given that they know about my personal situation. Had my supervisor and/or the event organizer not known... I could understand. But they both knew. And no one said a thing. No one prepared me. No one bothered.

After 20 minutes of conversations about bottles, diapers, cradles, toys, big brothers and sisters, yadda yadda yadda ad nauseum, I was a mess. Good thing I got out of there when I did. Otherwise it would have been more than just dirty dishes to clean up. I would have been a puddle of blubbering emotion on the floor too.

*sigh* Please God, today will be a better day.