Saturday, August 02, 2008

Picking my nose... err... brain! Yeah!

In 24 hours from now, I'll be on a plane, heading to Washington DC. I'll admit, I cannot wait. I have been looking forward to this year's vacation since... well, since we returned from last year's vacation.

You see, I'll not only be in DC, but from the 10th to the 17th, I'll be living it up in Las Vegas. Sin City. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! Oh yeah... I'm really looking forward to this!

I have plans to spend the bulk of tomorrow with my best friend, MH. And on Monday, my sister arrives in DC and while she attends a conference, I'll get to relax and wander on my own. I've got plans to have dinner with my sis and MH Monday night (he'll get to meet my sister for the first time), on Tuesday, I'm hooking up with a guildmate from EQ2 who also happens to be attending a conference in DC this week, and later in the week, MH wants to take me and my sis out, and I hope to hook up with two other friends in Northern Virginia with whom I played EQ for quite some time. So it promises to be a lovely week. If we get a chance, MH wanted to take me down to Atlantic City next weekend. And he's offered to let me use his washer and dryer to do laundry before we both go to Vegas next weekend.

Vegas... ah how I adore you Vegas! The lights. The music. The atmosphere of the casinos. The fun of the gaming stuff. Meeting friends, old and new. Being a bit raunchy and kicking back, just enjoying life for one full week. If last year was any indication, it promises to be a lovely week full of fun, experiences galore and much laughter. I'll be taking LOTS of pics! Guaranteed.

On the IF front, yesterday hubby and I had an appointment with the reproductive psychologist. McGill no longer requires that you have a consultation with a psychologist for IVF, however, if you are dealing with donor gametes (either egg or sperm), then they still require it. Dutifully, we fulfilled that obligation. I was glad to hear that the psychologist herself (having read much of this blog) indicated that she wished that we didn't have to be there and doing that consultation in the first place. She said that obviously, the issue of biology has never BEEN an issue in our home as we have developed attachments to many children who are not our own already. I was a mother-figure to my husband's children when they were in our custody. I am an aunt to a beautiful little 11-year old. I am a godmother to a 3-year old. I'm hoping to be a godmother to two five-year olds... and hubby and I will certainly agree to being a godmother to his sister's unborn baby (due Dec. 26). So biology isn't crucial to us. And the psychosocial ramifications of raising a donor-conceived child in our home would not be an issue either. Yes. We will "tell"... it won't ever be written on our foreheads, but it'll not be a secret either. No lies. No secrets. Ever. That would not be fair to any child we may be lucky enough to raise.

And then there was the discussion surrounding using donor gametes in the first place, because we may not need that vial of donor sperm after all. Like the psychologist said, we're not able to round the corner and move forward yet because we're still hanging in the balance of the two options: having the opportunity to use hubby's sperm, or having to use donor sperm. And that choice will be effectively removed from us in the blink of an eye and we will have to move forward either way.

Like I said to her yesterday though, I can't even round the corner yet. I effectively had to take a step back. I had grieved and mourned the loss of a biological child already before our first attempt at donor sperm two years ago. I had gotten past that and put the idea out of my head entirely; the idea that I -might- be able to have my husband's child. That was gone. And now, I have to revisit that possibility. I have to step back to that place and wrap my brain around that. And I have to be ready to go with either possibility.

I'm ready for that. It's time to move forward again.

First things first... my vacation! *dances* Fan Faire, here we come!


Anonymous said...

Do you mean that you will have a baby by stranger instead of someone you love? In the instances of cystic fibrosis and blood disorders, the newborns need the two biological parents to be on hand, making this a dangerous ideal to promote anyway.

Please see

as it will tell you what the fertility industry doesn't want you to know.

Anonymous said...


needing with a g on the end.

Gil said...

Thank you for your views anonymous. Unfortunately you obviously haven't read this post or the rest of my blog and do not know my particular circumstances. Thank you for playing... *beep* NEXT!

BTW, if you tell people who you are, it -may- lend a little more credence to your thoughts. Anonymous posters are considered cowardly by many people... and I certainly hold that viewpoint.

Angie said...

Sorry about the anonymous commenter. Some people need to f*ck off! Anywho, I hope you have a marvelous vacation- you deserve it!