Hold on Tight; We're about to Embark on a H*lluva Journey!

I said I would update when there is news. And there is news, so I’m updating.

Yesterday hubby and I have a lovely little sleep-in before making the drive to Montréal for a 1:00p.m. appointment with the urologist. We started the day is less than fine spirits because having to drive for four hours to get papers signed seems more than a tad ludicrous in these times of technology. I mean honestly, do we have to be sitting right in front of him to sign papers? Come on! What are webcams for? Oh... right, there are other uses for webcams. Or so I’ve heard. Ahem...

So hubby took the day off (without pay, mind you) and I took the day off and we set out for the bustling metropolis up the road. We arrived with no trouble and made our way in for our appointment. We were first on the list and we were lucky that the urologist was on time.

He examined hubby again and reiterated that he expected no problems with aspirating good, useful sperm from him on the day of our procedure. He also indicated that the vial of donor sperm had arrived at the embryology lab, so it’s there for us if we need it. However, he reiterated that in cases like ours, where they have donor sperm as a backup with the expectation that they will find viable sperm in the husband to use, then they have NEVER ONCE had to resort to that backup. Good odds.

We all know that I fall on the wrong side of the odds though; I have no expectations anymore. Let’s be realistic, shall we?

That appointment taken care of, we waited a little bit down by the nurses’ station and we sat down with her to go over the details. Now the way I had figured things, my cycle falling as it does, I assumed I would be on the schedule for a retrieval in mid-December sometime, with a transfer falling the week before Christmas. Yeah, um, not.

Apparently, the way they filled out my IVF calendar, I start BCP with my next period.

Did you read that? MY NEXT PERIOD. That’s next week people (I am like freakin’ clockwork, I guarantee). I start my suppression cycle with BCP next week. Dear God.

I am sure my eyes went wide at that point; I confess, I didn’t expect that to happen while we were there. And when we looked at the details, I just sat in shock. It’s a little overwhelming to think that I am going to be injecting all these drugs into my body; me, the chick who is deathly afraid of needles.

Protocol
Anyway, this is our IVF #1 Protocol (with a few extra things tossed in for good measure!):

October 15 – BCP with CD1
November 3 – leave for Florida with hubby, stepkids, parents
November 7 – Buserelin (0.5 ml or 50 IU) daily (we have a letter saying we are allowed to travel with needles and drugs)
November 15 – return from FLA
November 20 – monitoring U/S in Ottawa @ 7:15 a.m.; start Gonal F (225 IU) and Luveris (75 IU) possibly reduce amount of Buserelin (to 0.2 ml or 20 IU), fax results to Montréal before noon; hubby starts antibiotics
November 27 – MH and his family arrive for US Thanksgiving weekend
November 28 – monitoring U/S in Montréal @ 9:30 a.m.
November 29 – tentative monitoring U/S in Montréal @ 9:30 a.m.
November 30 – Thanksgiving dinner (because we won’t have had ours in October, as we’ll be in Virginia), attend Neil Diamond concert with MH’s wife (YAY!)
December 1 or 2 – collection in MTL (we’ll likely stay overnight)
December 4 or 5 – 2-3 day transfer

And then the 2ww. Oh how I’ve missed that!


NOT.

That is our protocol and this is how the folks in Montréal expect we’ll get lucky. As I have indicated, I have serious doubts and I’m going through this because I need to in order to get past it and get on with the healing process. Because if I don’t do this, I’ll kick myself forevermore.

A few things to note:

I have a bobbleheaded-husband. You know those little character dolls that have huge heads, sitting on springs that bobble back and forth as the doll moves? Yeah. I have a husband with a bobblehead. All day yesterday in Montreal, he would sit down in any chair and he’d set his head back, resting it on the wall behind the chair. The first time, in the waiting room, there was some sort of a protector thing on the wall right behind his head, and it irritated him. I giggled when he kept leaning his head against it and repeatedly got annoyed. Then down by the nurses’ station, he leaned back on a bulletin board, his head resting on the frame before he realized yet again, something was behind his head. “What…” I said to him, “Are you unable to hold up your own head? It’s too heavy maybe?” I laughed. “Yeah, I’ve got such a big head,” he replied. “A bobblehead!” I told him I would put that in my blog. There you go honey. I truly do have a bobbleheaded husband.

Last week I was up and down, for the same reason in fact. One of my dearest girlfriends, T and her partner M who live in Montreal got in touch. You know how this goes right? Yes indeed. They wanted to let me know that T is p/g and as of last week, she was 19 wks along, due on February 22 (about one week after my local friends, M and her hubby M). T and M were the only two friends from Ottawa who made the long trek to Newfoundland when hubby and I got married four years ago. They’ve been together almost as long as hubby and me. And I know that T wanted to get married before they started a family but hey, there you go, sometimes it doesn’t work out that way, right? Well, T told me her great news. Oh heavens, what a sweetheart for telling me the way she did. So super sensitive; she GETS it. I love her dearly. Anyway, once again, I threw myself a two-day pity party and mourned the fact that my arms are still empty. I have yet to get back to her personally though and tell her how happy I am for her and M and their wonderful news! I couldn’t be more thrilled.

I am saddened though: one of my best girlfriends should be able to tell me about her great news before her 19th week and not wonder about my reaction. I should be able to squeal and jump for joy and experience the fun and happiness alongside her when she tells me. IF has robbed me of special moments with my girlfriends and relatives. And by the same token, it’s robbed those special people of those moments with me.

It shouldn’t be this way, but it is. Now, how do I change that? Or can I change it at all? I’m not sure.

Onward...
Hubby and I leave for Virginia on Thursday evening and we’re gone for the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May it be filled with bountiful things, much love and immense joy and may you and your families spend special moments together, as we are meant to in life.