Sunday, November 16, 2008

Back to life...

... back to reality.

I was never keen on that song really, but here it is, real life comes up and smacks me in the face. It's November 16 and I'm home from my holiday in Florida. And while it was an amazing holiday, the reality of work, cold weather, and the bruises of injections are worming their way into my world. Bleh.

Today is "officially" CD2. Though because I didn't ovulate (I was taking the BCPs) I expect this visit from AF will be short and sweet. She'll be kicked to the curb in no time at all I'm sure. She'd better be!

I go back to work tomorrow morning and I know I'm going to be right in the thick of a huge project for the next week or two. That'll keep me occupied, and that's a good thing. This coming Thursday, I have an appointment here in Ottawa to start the monitoring for this first IVF/ICSI cycle. That same day, I also start Gonal F and Luveris injections. I'm already dotted black and blue from the Buserelin on the left side of my abdomen (the right doesn't seem to bruise much at all) and I have to add two more injections this coming week? Ugh. Wish me luck.

I had a mini meltdown two or three days ago with the injections. It was a particularly rough one, it didn't go in easily and it burned during the injection and pulling out. I tried to keep still. I know I made it tough for hubby; I actually broke down in tears and then he wondered what he had done wrong, figuring he had hurt me badly. He didn't. I was just hurting emotionally and psychologically I think. You know what it's like: I wondered why me? Why does it have to be this hard for me? It shouldn't be this way. Making a baby shouldn't be like this.

Some days are easier than others I guess.

To distract me, on Thursday, my best friend MH and his wife and kids arrive to spend the American Thanksgiving weekend with us. They'll be coming to Montreal with us on November 27 for our monitoring appointment as well. We'll spend the day in the city there before coming home to have dinner in the Ottawa area. I think we're going to do a ham for Thanksgiving dinner, because they're coming back up here in December for Christmas too, and I know I'll be doing a turkey for Christmas dinner for sure!

And something hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday: I have less than two weeks to sew an IV-friendly hospital gown. The time is just flying by. Where did it go? What the heck happened? I know I made the other hospital gown relatively quickly once I got going, now I need to do that again. Wish me luck!

I almost wonder if I need to though. I have dropped between 4 and 6 sizes in the last six months. I attribute that to the proper meds now to treat the PCOS and the hypothyroidism. Mom, my aunts and my dad all made comments about how much better I look now and how much weight I've dropped. That's a good thing. Still lots to go through, so I know I would be more comfortable in my own hospital gown than one provided to me. I never know if those things will cover me adequately. Then again, I've had so many people look at my hoo-ha over the past five years, what's a few more? Still though, I think I'll make the hospital gown. It'll do me for years to come... as long as I don't sully it in surgeries, or other procedures. Huh. Maybe I should make a few!

Question for you: I just got an invitation to a friend's baby shower. It's going to be on December 13... around about the time I'll be having my Beta for this first IVF. I don't know if I ought to go. I'm of the mind to reply "yes" with a caveat (luckily the organizer knows about my IF issues). What would you do?

Shlomit: I'm sorry I missed you in the capital! Let me know next time you're heading this way. It would be great to hook up with you!
Ms. C: I would LOVE to meet you during our jaunts to your city! We'll have to organize something.

Sending hugs and best wishes to all of you in IF blogland.


Jason and Samantha said...

(hug) I'm really hoping and praying that this will be the only IVF cycle you will need.

As far as the baby shower, I would just buy her a gift, and ship it. If she's a good friend, she will understand. I skipped a lot of baby shower when we were trying, and honestly, I still don't like them much.

Pam said...

At my clinic everyone wears two gowns one tying in the back and the other in the front. Would that work for you?

As for the shower, I'd say play it by ear. If your beta doesn't happen until afterwards, then if you do want to attend, go. But if you don't want to, or your beta falls before or on, then I'd say send a gift. She'll understand. And if you want an excuse to say you can't attend then we're having our Christmas Open House that day. ;)

Good luck with the injections.

Echloe said...

For the shower, why not just send a nice gift? It is all about self preservation for me right now.

I hope the injections go easier from now on.

Anonymous said...

Having been on both sides - dealing with IF, losing and then having a baby, my advice is to support your friend (if she is a good one). She may be having concerns of her own and needs her friends to be there for her. You're only supposed to have one baby shower for the first baby and this one is it for her. If she's an acquaintance, that's a different story. Then, I'd say rsvp with the caveat that you may not be able to make it at the last minute. Good luck to you.