Here I sit, at 36 weeks and a bit and I'm wondering if I'll ever stop being nervous about this pregnancy. There's always something in my head worrying me and causing doubt. It's so easy for fertiles to say, "Oh, don't worry. Your body will do what is right. You need to have confidence in yourself and your body's ability to do (insert task here)."
I call bullsh*t. You and I both know that as infertiles, we're always second-guessing ourselves. I mean seriously, after 6+ years of TTC before IVF worked for us, my body didn't do anything right, now did it?! And to ask me to throw that away and just believe that "Oh yeah, everything will be great!" is downright stupid if you ask me.
Maybe I'm far too educated about infertility for my own damn good. Suffice it to say, I am not a 'patient' patient; the docs hate to see me coming, I'm sure.
So that brings me to tomorrow's OB appointment and the Group B strep test. I'm not nervous about having the test done per se, but rather about the possibility of the test coming back positive. I DON'T WANT THAT AT ALL.
Why?
Because as we all know, a positive Group B strep test means that I'll need *shudders* an IV and antibiotics (every 4 hours!!) during delivery (assuming I get that far in this journey). Honestly. THAT scares the bejeezus outta me.
How on earth am I going to be able to 'relax' and 'let my body do what it needs to' when I'm in constant pain from an IV shoved in my arm?! That isn't gonna fly well with me folks. Nosiree bub. You all know how terrified I am of needles and IVs and all that, so if I'm tethered or even if I have a hep lock in, there's no way I'm going to be relaxed. It just cannot happen. The pain that it entails is just excruciating; it's like a constant knife in my skin. It will want to make me throw in the towel. In my view, for me personally (not for everyone!), the necessity for an IV in my arm means I may as well give up entirely and go for full induction, pitocin, epidural, hell... go right to C-section why don't we?! It's all equivalent in my brain. And unfortunately, I'm not joking. The spiral of intervention for me will begin with an IV and I'm absolutely terrified, TERRIFIED of it. So if you are the praying, wishing, hoping kind, please hope that everything I've been doing (see the NOTE below) over the last few weeks will help ensure that my Group B strep test comes back negative. Anything to avoid that IV. PLEASE. I beg.
Last night, hubby and I attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital where we'll be going when the time comes. I didn't learn a whole lot, but I figured it would give me an opportunity to ask the questions I needed to about hypothyroidism and PCOS being linked to supply issues when breastfeeding. The instructor was a retired maternity ward nurse and while I'm sure she was very knowledgeable, she certainly isn't skilled as a facilitator! Were we ever glad to say goodnight and scoot outta there at 10 p.m.! Whew!
This weekend is an extra long weekend. Monday is a holiday in Ontario and I've elected to take Friday off as well, so I'm looking forward to a few days of down time. Next week on August 7, hubby and I celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. My sister's anniversary is August 14 and that's also my last day of work. Mom and my aunt arrive the week after that on August 22 and of course, Petit is due on August 25. Less than four weeks to go. We're getting excited at the prospect of meeting this little one whose toes are firmly ensconced in my ribcage!
Wishing Mo and Will lots of love as they have seen a heartbeat!
And to Mick and his wife who are on the verge of welcoming their little one, we're watching for your updates!
NOTE: When I say "everything I'm doing," I can tell you I've done a lot of research on how to possibily eliminate Group B strep bacteria so I've been eating probiotic yogourt daily, drinking a probiotic drink daily, taking odorless garlic daily and tossing in a little zinc and echineacea as well. Supposedly, these things will help me ensure a negative Group B strep test... but nothing is ever certain, I know. I can hope though, right?! Wish me luck!
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8 comments:
Hoping it is negative for you!
Gil - I followed a "no strep" supplement for two weeks before I had my test and it came out negative. Which was great considering I was step B positive with the twins.
Thinking "negative" thoughts for you!!
Gil, Fingers crossed that it comes back negative. But if it does come back positive, try to stay open-minded. I think there's a way to put a hep-lock in that won't be too too bad (trust me, I had to endure every other week IVs during cancer treatment and more recently IVF and surgery IVs with crapped out post-chemo veins). I know you're terrified and have a needle/IV phobia, but I really think you CAN and WILL find a way to relax even with a hep lock if you need to. I have SO much faith in you!!!
Mo
Gil, it will be OK. I swear, swear, swear, promise. Of course, I'm not trying to dismiss your worries/concerns- they are more than valid and natural.
You will be amazed at what you can do when -well- you *have* to. And at the end... your BABY! All yours, in your arms to stay.
You can do whatever you need to in order to get there. And it will be OK.
All that said, I know you don't want the IV, etc, and so I'll be praying that test comes back BOLDLY negative.
Hugs,
-D.
Fingers crossed all will go as desired tomorrow. Thinking negative thoughts here in the T-dot.
I am hope, hope, hoping for you that all will be ok and there will be no sign of B Strep.
Good luck! I know what you mean about the IV... really hope it comes back negative.
I'm hoping it will go well and be negative, but honestly, I'm terrified of needles, and guess what, the IV never hurt, just the first teeny tiny freezing needle they gave me first.
Yes, you read that right, they freeze you first, and if you bring emla cream with you and put it on the IV spot, ahead of time, you won't even feel that.
The IV needle, by the way, doesn't stay there. It is replaced by a very thin plastic tube. Same for the epidural. They don't leave needles in you. And they can even cover it up and put it somewhere else so you can't see it, like an IV in your elbow and then they put bandages over it and then they drape your gown over your arm.
And because of the freezing and then putting more emla cream on it, you never feel any pain at all.
The only thing I ever felt was slight coldness here and there when they started a new IV bag.
Soooo, I know it's not what you want, but hon, if you have to have it, it just might be okay. Really.
On another subject, have you ever thought about hypnosis for birth. It's not too late and some doulas and labour coaches do it, and train you before hand and many many women find it helpful with the pain of labour.
OOO and I met some bloggers from Ottawa at BlogHer, and maybe you'd like to chat with them? They seem kind of into natural birth, etc. Maybe they have some great ideas to help?
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