Thursday, February 04, 2010

Am I Getting Greedy?

Welcome to February. And Petite is now five months old. I can hardly believe it. Where did that go? Nevertheless, time marches on and a few things have arisen to shake me up a bit.

Actually, the first thing that shook me up was the reappearance of dear ol' Aunt Flo. Oh yeah. She didn't waste a moment showing up on my doorstep in early January in fact. I stopped pumping milk for Petite near the end of November and let my milk dry up around about the time we travelled home for Christmas. Exactly one month later, on January 3, the carpet-bag-carrying, haggard, wrinkly old wench knocked on my door. Okay, she busted down the door and marched on in, making herself right at home after a long absence. Such fun.
And just like clockwork, 29 days later, she reappeared again. Bless her bitchy soul. At least I'm regular; there's no denying that anyway!

When I returned home from our trip, I found a letter from the Reproductive Centre at McGill in my pile of letters to tend to. Lo and behold, I opened it to find a bill for the storage of our last vial of donor sperm. There arises the conundrum... to pay, or not to pay? Do we want to keep this vial of donor sperm for any possible future use? I mean, if perchance we decide to go for another IVF + ICSI attempt, and we cannot find any of hubby's viable sperm a second time around, we'll need that vial of donor sperm, right? Or would we opt not to go through with it? Or what if someone else needs that vial to make a full biological sibling for an existing child somewhere in the world? All the scenarios started running through my head.

And the one that comes to mind first is: do we want another child? Do I want to hedge my bets and attempt to give Petite a full sibling? At my age (I'll be 40 this year)? And if we want to do that, when do we do it? Soon I guess, given my age!!

Hubby and I took a drive yesterday to upstate NY to do some shopping and get a little something for my brother-in-law for his upcoming birthday. Along the way, we discussed our plans and where are thoughts are at the moment. Hubby is in school, and will (hopefully!) be finished at the end of April, 2012 and thus starting a new job/career in May, 2012. If we want another child, our timeline would look something like this:
July/August 2010 - try another IVF in the hopes of success
September 2010 - Gil goes back to work; Hubby in school; Petite in daycare
May/June 2011 - sibling for Petite? Gil takes another year off to care for both children
May/June 2012 - Gil goes back to work; Hubby starts career; Petite in junior kindergarten; sibling in daycare

And that, my dear friends, means that I'd need to call McGill now, like right now NOW to start trying to book appointments. But like the title of this post says, am I getting greedy? After 6+ years of TTC, we got lucky. VERY lucky. We know and recognize this and we are immensely grateful to everyone who has helped us, cheered for us, held our hands, and cried with us along the way. Are we getting greedy to want another child? Are we asking the powers that be for too much? Are we doing the wrong thing for our family or is it the right thing? How do we know? Can we know at all? These are some of the questions I'm grappling with at the moment. I'm open to hearing your opinions though. So by all means, hit the comment button and weigh in. I'm listening!

I got another e-mail from Conceivable Dreams the other day. On February 15 (Family Day... appropriately) there will be a Rally at Queen's Park in Toronto, Ontario to show the government just how many people are out there that are waiting and hoping for the government to help them build their families based on the recommendations of the Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption. (If you recall, I was interviewed by the Panel for my input.) If you can attend, please do. Information can be found at

On a personal note...
Thank you all for the good wishes following the death of Snowpoke. We still miss him. But it does get easier, I know.

And before this month is done, we will have Shrove Tuesday (aka Pancake Day). I'm looking forward to sharing our tradition with Petite for the very first time.


ultimatejourney said...

You know, I feel a little greedy when I think of #2 for _myself_. But when someone else talks about it, I realize, most of the rest of the world doesn't think twice about it. Why should we IFers? If it's what you two want, I wish you all the luck in the world. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

Aurelia said...

Ok, well, I'd actually look at your benefits before scheduling anything. Because sometimes they require you to be back at work a certain length of time before they will give you them again, at a certain level.

Also, start looking at daycare prices, and nanny costs, and tax breaks. 2 is a lot more than one. If you can find someone, great and cheap, good, but if not--trust me, it's a lot more than IVF to think about paying for.

And yes, age and health wise, it's a risk. For me? Never again. No question. I know you hated the needles, but you made it through, so maybe you could again.

Just promise me you'll never go to that particular hospital again unless I get to rip someone's throat out first and make sure they don't drive you crazy.

decemberbaby said...

It's not greedy to have an image of the family you want to raise, and to pursue it. You can appreciate how lucky you are and what a blessing Petite is without having to give up on the rest of the dream.

I can't comment on any of the other considerations, but that doesn't change the fact that your dream is valid and not greedy at all.