Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Trying to Hide a Little Sadness

Let me get this out of the way first:

YAY Mississippi for voting NO on Proposition 26! I am so glad that you trust women/couples to know what is right and wrong for them. Congratulations. You did the right thing and women all over North America are glad for your having done so.

Now, my own stuff...

I'm feeling an overwhelming sadness today.

Tomorrow evening, Hubby and Petite are getting on a plane and flying east to see my family. They'll be gone until Monday. I'm trying, desperately trying, to focus on the good things about this holiday for them.

  1. Hubby gets some quality bonding time with Petite.

  2. He gets to take his first vacation alone with her since her birth.

  3. He gets to see my family and enjoy all that The Rock has to offer. He'll probably have a really good meal of fish and chips while he's there too! (Lucky bugger.)

  4. Hubby gets some well-deserved time off work. It's been a rough year for him too and while I've had the opportunity to escape now and then, he has not.

  5. I get three full days, four nights, of ME time. I have absolutely no plans.


    I sorta have a few plans. One involves a movie and popcorn. Another involves a bottle of wine (or two!). Yet another involves sleeping soundly in my cozy bed til at least 9 a.m.! Still others are 'work', like cleaning and tackling Christmas Cards for the season. We'll see what gets done... to be determined.

  6. I get time to cuddle with my two fur-babies -- my 16-year old kitties -- completely uninterrupted by a toddler who is jealous and who needs Mommy's lap "now."

  7. I get time to GAME in EQ2 for the first time in about six weeks! WOOT! (God I love a good dungeon run!!)

  8. There is peace and quiet and no one to answer to but myself for a few days.

And yet, with all of these positives, I can only focus on the one negative:

I'll be without my baby girl for THREE WHOLE DAYS. How am I going to cope?!

"What ifs" are racing through my head. And I know I shouldn't let them overtake me, but it's so hard to stop them from being all-encompassing. The biggest one involves a major... oh boy, I can't even write it, for fear that I'll jinx something. *shakes head* Can't even let myself go there. Tears well up just at the thought.

So I'm trying, valiantly, to focus on the positives.

And yet, every time I speak to Petite about the great adventure she is going to have with Daddy, getting on an airplane to fly to see Nana and Poppy and Auntie B and Auntie L, she looks up at me with pale blue eyes and says, "Mommy too?" And I smile and shake my head and say, "No baby, just you and Daddy for the great adventure!" I talk it up too:

  • She's going to bake cookies with Nana.

  • She's going to feed the duckies with Auntie B and Auntie L.

  • She's going to play hockey with Poppy.

All these things are fun. She knows she will do all this and more. She is excited about seeing these people. I know she will have a wonderful time. Even if she mentions frequently that "Mommy too?" comment. I hope she doesn't have a meltdown between here and Montreal on the first leg of the flight.

And I really hope I make it through the weekend to Monday when I pick them up at the airport. Wish me luck. LOADS of luck.

And wine. Loads of that too...


BigP's Heather said...

You can do it!!

I always think the one staying behind has it harder. It is easier to go on the trip and be busy.

Christmas cards? I hate you a little for even bringing them up so early...

Anonymous said...

Here's from Mel's wishing thread. I absolutely HATE to travel with my kids. In fact, I am going out of town tomorrow for several days...and I really haven't even let myself think much about it because it messes with me so much. I will pray that you dh and little Petite travel to and from safely, and that you are overcome with a sense of peace during their travels. Much luck and love to you in trying for #2...we have primary IF and also secondary IF, and I was so universally shocked at how difficult secondary IF was. Hoping all your wishes come true! Eve

Pam said...

If only we were there, you know we'd come hang out! It sounds like you've got lots of stuff planned that you don't get an opportunity to do. Enjoy the three days because you know Petite and hubby will enjoy their time. And the homecoming will be that much sweeter.

And Christmas cards?!?! Already??? I guess you're right. Got me thinking about them, now, too.

loribeth said...

They must be back by now! How did it go?