A Mile a Minute!

Sort of like last week, these are just a few things I'm mulling over in my brain at the moment. Some nights it would be nice to just settle down to go to sleep and actually GO TO SLEEP rather than having all of this running at top speed through my brain! It's nights like that when I start babbling to Hubby about a hundred and one things and he turns to me, saying, "You're too wound up to sleep aren't you?" Bless his soul. Then he curls his arm around my hip and pulls me close. I get to snuggle beneath the covers and just let all the worries evaporate. Alas... in the morning, the racing thoughts return. Here's a sampling:

ARGH... finances. It's a juggling act isn't it? Seriously? I'm pretty good with finances and managing it all but yikes, it'd be nice to have some of the money that we're due, that's for sure. I'm trying to budget in all the special extras that we like to do, like support the local children's hospital by buying a ticket on the dream home for this year. Or the extras that we need to do, like make sure the snow tires get put on the vehicles before the end of October. Those sorts of things. It all costs money. Would you believe I haven't even done my taxes yet this year? I am sure we'd receive a chunk of change back but I need to actually purchase the software to help me do the taxes and thus, budget in that purchase! It'll all get done, eventually. I need to work it all in though before the end of the year!

Guess what?!!! Petite is going to have a cousin! I've known about this for a little while, but my sister asked that I keep it to myself until she was ready to tell everyone in the family. Anyway, she took that plunge last week, telling our aunts and uncles, and I am really happy for her and my BIL. Assuming all goes well (and I will definitely be keeping my fingers crossed on that count), they'll have their own little one at the end of May. Please God, may everything go smoothly. When we realized that her latest IUI had 'stuck,' I quickly calculated her EDD and the number of weeks she would be when we go on a cruise in the new year. She's cutting it close, but she'll be able to go on the cruise; the company policy is that if you are 24 weeks along or more, no cruise for you! However, she'll be 22 weeks so she just makes the cut-off! Whew! Unfortunately though, her EDD falls about two weeks before my cousin's wedding out west. So she won't be able to attend. That's a shame, but honestly, she's got one of the BEST REASONS EVER for not being able to go!

For almost a year now, Hubby and I have been fairly regular members of a church near our home. We went to a Meet and Greet the other afternoon and I was lucky enough to be able to chat with one of the choir members. When I was younger, I used to sing in both church and school choirs; I love to sing and I sing to Petite all the time. She grins and bounces along, or claps her hands. It's so cute! Since I moved to this province, I have missed out on that and I've frequently longed to find a choir to sing with or some sort of choral activity to participate in. After discussing the church choir with her the other day, I think I'm going to try to make it to their rehearsals. That would be so much fun for me. And it's a wonderful way to get to meet others in the church as well.

Our dear friend Pam over at Baby Wanted: Apply Within just celebrated a milestone birthday... 50 years old! Congratulations sweetie! Pam and her husband V have become good friends of ours and although we will miss next weekend's celebrations for the event, our thoughts will be right there with them. So instead, I'm sending wishes for lots of love and happiness for your birthday and always! Enjoy the festivities and yes, show us the cake when you can please. (Her cakes are just amazing!)

I am thrilled beyond belief for Sandra and Edward over at Alphabet Soup. I've blogged alongside Sandra for a few years now (she just migrated to her current blog awhile ago) and they don't live too far from me. Anyway, after a few years of attempting various procedures -- some here and some at the clinic where we got our own BFP -- she and Edward got very, very lucky. She got pregnant with triplets! A C-section date was set for mid-October, but her water broke last Friday night and the babies have arrived! Congratulations to them on their instant family! I'm so happy for them both. It looks like all three are doing well as they were delivered at 31 weeks gestation. Go say hi if you are so inclined and welcome their triplets to the world!

Yesterday, Petite turned 13 months old. I love to hear her laughter. She is babbling up a storm, and trying to talk on a daily basis. She is quick to reach for her sippy cup when she wants a drink. She definitely knows what she likes and doesn't in the way of food! She still only has three teeth (though the fourth has been bothering her for a bit; I expect it won't be long now). She and I went to her swimming class last Saturday morning and we had a lot of fun. She runs around the living room and down the hallway like she's been doing it forever! She squeals in delight at the cats. She ADORES music of all kinds and usually tries to hum when she hears music being played. She loves going to daycare; in fact, the past day or two have been tough for me to pull her away because she is having so much fun there! She can be gentle and cuddly, or destructive and rough 'n tumble. And she curls into me when she's sleepy and I rub her back, singing softly to her. I'm so in love with this sweet little girl. She just melts my heart.

Also yesterday, on the way home, I heard a song on the radio. It was the #1 hit on Petite's birthday in fact: I Gotta Feelin' by the Black Eyed Peas with will. i. am. I remember hearing that song frequently in the days leading up to her birth, and on her birthday as well. And every time I hear it, I get teary-eyed. I get swept right back to the night of her birth by the memory of our quiet time together on that first night alone in the hospital. The quiet time, after everyone had gone home, lights were dimmed and we could get some shuteye. She lay in her bassinet, sighing and gurgling now and then. I listened to her breathe. I watched her tiny fingers curl. I touched her round cheeks. I sat on my hospital bed and gazed in wonder at her darling little face, enthralled and amazed at the whole experience. I remember singing to myself, "I gotta feelin'... that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight's gonna be a good good night... I gotta feelin'." When I hear that song now, it takes me right back there. And I lose myself in the moment that was the night of her birth. It's wonderful. No one has that memory but me. And I cherish it deeply.

I'm getting together the paperwork and organizing dates for various tests/procedures leading up to our appointment in mid-December. One day at a time, and it too will all get done. At least... I have to hope so.

Keiko!!! Oh you done good girl! WOOT! Congratulations to Keiko over at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. Keiko has won RESOLVE's Hope Award this year for best viral video. Earlier this year, for RESOLVE's Project IF (our own Stirrup Queen wrote extensively on Project IF), Keiko and her husband Larry, produced a wonderful video about infertility and their own story. It made the rounds of the blogosphere and tonight, she receives the award in New York. Congratulations Keiko (and Larry too!) Well deserved. You are a wonderful advocate and I applaud your courage to stand up and put yourselves out there. Well done! If you would like to see Keiko's video, click over to her blog and check out the right sidebar. It's right there on top.

One other thing niggling at my brain this week: where on earth are we going to put the Christmas tree this year?! Our house isn't huge; the living room is Petite's playroom. And while I could put the tree in the dining room (at the front of the house), it's not really conducive for opening gifts on Christmas morning or letting Petite play with toys!! Argh! What to do?! Must figure this out before December 1st.

Happy Blogoversary to Me!

Today's my 4th blogoversary. Amazing how much changes in four years.

And as I mentioned, some things still stay the same. I am thankful every day for Petite. Yet I still hope that maybe, one day, I can give her a little brother or sister.

To that end, I just picked up the phone and made an appointment. We may or may not actually KEEP the appointment, but just knowing we have one makes me excited at the possibility. Then again, I can't let that b*tch "hope" in, now can I? It's obviously far too early for that. We shall see how things develop.

Sending out Happy Birthday wishes to Vee today! I hope she has a wonderful day and gets to spend it with Bubbaboo, her family and friends.

A Post in Points

My brain is scattered this week. So I guess this post will be pretty scattered too. No, I won't apologize for that; it is my blog after all and as such, I get to say what I want here. Deal.

• I'm frustrated with the program that Hubby is doing at school. Well, not with that program specifically, but with the lack of information from Service Canada about Hubby's Employment Insurance claims. Every time he calls for info (and that's been repeatedly during the summer!) he gets a different story. It's maddening. And right now, they've stopped all payments to his account, hus I'm budgeting extremely carefully. Right down to the dollar in fact. And remember, Petite's in daycare so we have to make sure that gets paid of course! That's a must!
  
  
• My right foot is in an aircast. On June 12, I injured my right heel; it was swollen and painful and there was a bump at the back of my heel. After a week, I went to see my GP. She diagnosed bursitis and told me that wearing open-backed shoes would help, physio would help, ice and rest would help and here... take these anti-inflammatory meds for 10 days. A month later, still in pain, I returned to her. She examined me again and said that now, there's an Achilles tendon problem as well. This time, she told me to wear shoes with heels. And here's a different anti-inflammatory but it probably won't do anything if the first one didn't. More rest, get that physio, etc. I sorta shook my head in disbelief. All along, I'm trying to walk and stretch it out, give it some rest (when I can; remember I drive 1 hour to work each way, and need that foot to drive) but the pain is still ever-present. Fast forward: Tuesday past. I went to a walk hobble-in clinic and talked to another doctor. I wanted X-rays to make sure the bone wasn't chipped or fractured. X-rays done the doc beckons me back to a room. "This is a chronic injury. You have a severely compromised and fragile Achilles tendon and now a bone spur." Ugh. He recommended physio, rest, ice, crutches and/or a walking air cast. Rest and ice I can do in spurts at home. Crutches... no. I have a one-year old. Physio... no. (See the above paragraph about my careful budgeting.) An air cast it is. He figures I'll need at least 3 weeks in it to properly rest the tendo and give it the healing time it needs. Not fun.
  
  
• Tomorrow, September 18, 2010 is one to be marked in my family. My sister turns 39 (whoop it up now sis, your time is coming too!) and my parents will celebrate 45 years together. They didn't want to do anything special to celebrate really. I figure my sis and I have five years to plan for the big celebration! Regardless, it's wonderful that they're able to celebrate so many years together. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! And Happy 39th Little Sis! I love you all so very much and I wish I could be closer to celebrate with you in person.
  
  
• This morning, on my way to work, a wolf ran across the road in front of me. I don't think it was a coyote; I'm not entirely sure though. I suppose it could have been. I saw it at a point along the backroads that I drive, where the leaves have begun to fall from the trees and the brush isn't quite as thick. The weather has certainly turned colder in the last week or two. We roasted all summer long and now with the change of seasons, my thoughts turn to other things. Cozy sweaters and warm, wool scarves. Thick stews and homemade soups. Thanksgiving on the horizon on October 11 (it's earlier in Canada, because obviously our harvest season is earlier, being further north). Our tradition of going to Saunders Farm with the kids and friends for Halloween. Preparing for my mom and aunt's arrival mid-October. Closing up the pool, which we definitely need to do ASAP. Covering our shrubs and taking in the patio furniture. Getting ready for when the snow flies all around. And then Christmas, and where, oh where are we going to put the Christmas tree this year!!?? Eeek! Petite will have it torn apart! I think I'm going to have to rearrange the living room for the holidays.
  
  
• My thoughts are also with Vee as the thinks about whether she ought to downsize and move to be closer to her family. Given my last post, obviously I understand where she's coming from. As Bea said in Vee's comments, there are lots of types of support, emotional and practical. And sometimes we just need to have physical closeness to the important people in our lives. Oh I hear that loud and clear! I can relate. I hope whatever decision Vee makes, she gets the support that she needs. Obviously she's far from me so I can't help her with that type of support either. But I am definitely thinking of her and I know she'll do whatever is right for her and Bubbaboo.
  
  
• Also thinking of Holly who contacted me by e-mail. She's about 15 weeks along and dealing with a subchorionic bleed and a high risk for Down Syndrome (1:155 I think. Don't quote me.) She was asking me about how I determined I wanted the amniocentesis (my ratio was 1:75 if you remember) and what ratio I, personally, would have been comfortable with. She and her husband are grappling with that question right now and she, like me, is terrified of having the amnio and losing her baby in the process. I can certainly relate. I hope she and her husband make the right decision for them, whatever it might be. And something that helped me is... will knowing the result determine your course of action? That's the one question that kept me going. And holding the pic of Petite in my hand as the procedure was done. Sure I cried all the way through it. But we made it. And I am sure Holly could get through it too. Sending hugs Holly; I'll reply to your last e-mail in a day or so. Promise.
  
  
• And my heart aches for Sprogblogger. Oh, how I cried this morning as I read her post. She is due to have her baby on September 18. And her due date is the same day that her brother will bury his son, her nephew. And she is heartbroken that she cannot be there for her family on the other side of the country right now as they mourn such a terrible loss. The sweet little boy, a mere four years old (and autistic) climbed over a supposedly childproof fence and fell into the backyard swimming pool. Sprogblogger's brother gave his son CPR until paramedics arrived, and the doctors thought he might pull through. Alas... as she writes, "in the end, his little body had just been through too much. They let him go yesterday, surrounded by family and friends, held tight in the arms of his father and mother." I cried and cried. And I am reminded of my own mother's intense fears surrounding the fact that we too have a pool in our backyard. While I do my utmost to protect Petite (obviously), accidents CAN happen. Honestly, I couldn't fathom something like that happening; I don't know if I would get through it. Please God, I'll never have to find out if I would. It does scare me. But I can only do my absolute best to ensure that Petite is safe. Sure it worries me. Maybe after Hubby finishes his education, we'll be living elsewhere anyway. Regardless, today Sprogblogger is mourning the senseless loss of her little nephew. Go show her some love and let her know you care.
  
  
• Irritation is at an all-time high at my office. I won't get into details. Suffice it to say, some people are incompetent. Others are downright rude. And I have to say, some others are engaging in what I would term as harrassment (but you might not). Not cool. Not cool at all. I continue to keep my eyes open for other opportunities, specifically at home. Wouldn't that be nice? Ah, pipe dreams my friends. However, I get my work done and do my day and try to stay away from the D.R.A.M.A. And when needed, I point to the trusty sign on my wall to remind people that "A lack of preparation on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on mine."
  
  
• Early in December, I'd like to go see Great Big Sea. They're coming as part of the tour to promote "Safe Upon The Shore" (thank you to my Aunt B who bought it for us while I was home this summer). Must try to find a babysitter for that if we can swing it to budget in the cost of the tickets.
  
  
• Petite is still loving daycare. We're lucky she enjoys it so much! I need to try to find some waterproof splash pants and such for her. Her jeans and pants are getting damp with the cooler weather because she frequently ends up on her bum! On October 8, our caregiver would like to extend her Thanksgiving weekend and go out of town to watch her older son play hockey. I'll probably take a day off and extend my Thanksgiving weekend too so I can spend it with Petite.
  
  
• And would you believe that my Blogoversary is coming up next week on the 23rd? Four years. For four years I've been blogging about infertility and our personal journey. How things have changed. And yet they stay the same; now I'm wondering if we ought to try for a sibling for Petite. Do we dare?! Eeek. Time will tell.
  

Scattered much? You bet. That's life at the moment I'm afraid. I hope you and yours have a wonderful weekend. Signing off for now.

Daycare & Moving?

And so it begins.

Daycare.

Aka, OMG, My Little Girl is Growing Up.

Today, as students across Canada return to school and embark on a new year of learning, we too joined the throngs of parents preparing their children for their busy day ahead.

Our sweet Petite is now in daycare.

We've prepared her as much as possible for the transition. We have spent a number of days with the caregiver at her home, and with the other children. We fed her there, let her play there, nap there and just enjoy her day in the company of the caregiver and the kids.

However, on this day, I had to walk out and close the door behind me, leaving our daughter in the (very capable!) caregiver's arms. All went well, and I dropped her off at the appointed time with no trouble, complete with a ton of stuff that she'll need in the days ahead.

Diapers, wipes, change pad
Stuffed toy, receiving blanket
Bottles, sippy cup
Baby cereals, veggies, homogenized milk
Sunscreen, teething medicines, an extra soothie and a hat (though she hates hats; I doubt she'll wear it at all!)
Extra sets of clothing; for cool and warm weather
Slippers/shoes for inside the house
List of foods she's tried or enjoys
An approximate schedule of her days at our home

I laid down the bags in the caregiver's house. As I placed Petite in the caregiver's arms, I had a few moments to say hello to some of the other parents and their kids who were right behind me when I dropped Petite off. Amid all the "I love you's" and "See you laters" from the kids and their parents, I kissed Petite, stroked her head, whispered "I love you. Je t'aime ma Petite," and told the caregiver I would call later to check on her. She said, "Have a good day, Mom." And with that and one last kiss, I said "Bye bye," waved to my baby girl, Petite waved bye bye to me, and I turned and left.

No tears.

Okay, not MANY tears.

She's in great hands, and that's what is important to me.

I called about an hour ago to get an update and she's doing great. The caregiver told me about her morning, her food, nap and her day in general. All is going perfectly. I could not ask for more.


Thinking about Making a Move
As Petite is growing up, I think about where I want her to go to school. I wonder about the environment in which we want to raise her. I would like her to develop a close relationship with my parents even though they are very far away. (Hubby's parents are here, but alas, they're not close with us at all. I sometimes wish they were.)

I see too that my parents are getting older; my father will be 70 next year and later on this month, Mom and Dad will celebrate 45 years of marriage. They aren't as young as they once were, and I realize that and recognize it every time I return to my home province to visit them. Dad no longer drives, and Mom cannot walk all that well. So even simple errands can be a chore. Nevertheless, having a house like theirs is not going to be possible much longer; there are too many stairs, too much upkeep and it's frankly much larger than they need. Mom told me a few weeks ago that "You do realize that this might be the last time you're in this house." I knew the day was coming, but I guess I envisaged it a little further in the future. It was sad to earmark items that I might want to have in my home when/if the house goes up for sale.

I expect that in the spring, Mom and Dad will put the house on the market and probably move into a retirement condo. One where Dad doesn't have to worry about seeing well enough to mow the lawn (and do a good job!) or Mom won't ache as she gets up and down stairs. I sort of hoped they might consider moving a little closer to me, but I certainly understand why they want to stay in their home province.

And I see too that many things have changed there, but much has stayed the same. I still have a great network of friends and family there of course; people who are amazing and on whom I can count at every turn. (Sometimes I wonder if I have that here in the capital.)

Hubby is in school at the moment, and will be for another two years. He finishes in April 2012. After that... where to? Do we stay here or do we contemplate moving back east? His skills will be easily transferable, though mine a little less so. But if I start looking now, who knows?

Two recent events have brought this to the forefront for me:

Firstly, my brother-in-law is burying his 62-year old father today. Mike's death was quite sudden and we were quite shocked on Saturday to learn of his passing. He's been ill in recent months (uncontrolled diabetes has essentially ravaged his body) so while it's been a decline, his death was unexpected at this point. It just underlines how much we need to cherish the loved ones that we do have with us and make the most of every moment.

Secondly, a recent post by Steph at Finding Chaos. Steph and Carey are raising their three children and just made the move from California to Florida to be closer to their families. Steph writes:
"We’ve now been “home” in Florida for 6 weeks. I can tell you that in the weeks and even days leading up to our big move, we questioned whether it was the correct decision. I think even the night before we embarked on our cross country journey, while we lay on an air mattress in our empty house, we wondered out loud if we were making the right decision for our family. I think it’s always easier to stay put. Change takes risk. It’s not that things were bad in California. Quite the contrary actually. They were great! I had an amazing job, Carey also had a great work situation… my children were in good hands with our nanny whom they loved dearly and we had a great group of friends who had become our California chosen family. Yet it was the distance from our actual family that was the impetus for the move. Having my daughter hug the computer when she wanted to hug her Gamma on sk.ype is no way to grow up."

Right there my friends, right THERE is why I want to move back home. Something to think about. Something to think long and hard about.

Love to all in blogland. Until next time.