How Things Change

August 27, 2009... we had this beautiful little one enter our lives.

August 27, 2010, we celebrated her first birthday, and we were amazed at the changes we saw in her. She was just walking, and cruising well with the furniture to help. Here she is in her Nana's lap.

This year, August 27, 2011, we celebrated her second birthday and we are grateful for the sweet-natured, kind, loving little girl we have in our lives. Happy Birthday Petite! Mommy and Daddy (and so many other people!) love you very much!

It was a successful day I think. We had approximately 30 people attend and we had a hot, sunny day for the party too, which was good because we had a pool party and a BBQ in our backyard. We started around 3 p.m. and by 7 or 8 p.m., we were done and dinner was mostly cleaned up. After a bath for Petite, and getting her to bed (she was exhausted!) I finished tidying, took a quick dip in the pool to cool off, and then Hubby, his kids, my girlfriend K and her daughter K... and the daughter's new boyfriend all played a board game and had munchies and drinks. It was fun. We saw them out the door by 11:30 and then collapsed in bed. Whew! Fun day. Long, warm, crazy FUN day to celebrate our little girl's second birthday.

Next up will be a post about my trip home to Newfoundland and hopefully (with my sister's approval) pics of the cousins together. It was a fun visit. Far too short at a mere 11 days, but fun nonetheless. I got a couple of great shots of Petite on the beach with me at home. We managed to get down to Middle Cove for a fire and s'mores one evening. How I miss that. I really do... So much so that while at home, I went down to the provincial office and talked to some folks in HR about possibilities. As usual, there's nothing at my level there. I have to be patient I suppose.

And I was so glad yesterday to squeeze in a couple of hours for us to go have brunch with Pam and V. We only get to see each other once a year (or so) but it always seems like we've gotten together with old, dear friends when we finally manage to get together. Bless them. I am keeping fingers crossed that their upcoming FET yields the success they have been longing for.

A Mile a Minute!

Sort of like last week, these are just a few things I'm mulling over in my brain at the moment. Some nights it would be nice to just settle down to go to sleep and actually GO TO SLEEP rather than having all of this running at top speed through my brain! It's nights like that when I start babbling to Hubby about a hundred and one things and he turns to me, saying, "You're too wound up to sleep aren't you?" Bless his soul. Then he curls his arm around my hip and pulls me close. I get to snuggle beneath the covers and just let all the worries evaporate. Alas... in the morning, the racing thoughts return. Here's a sampling:

ARGH... finances. It's a juggling act isn't it? Seriously? I'm pretty good with finances and managing it all but yikes, it'd be nice to have some of the money that we're due, that's for sure. I'm trying to budget in all the special extras that we like to do, like support the local children's hospital by buying a ticket on the dream home for this year. Or the extras that we need to do, like make sure the snow tires get put on the vehicles before the end of October. Those sorts of things. It all costs money. Would you believe I haven't even done my taxes yet this year? I am sure we'd receive a chunk of change back but I need to actually purchase the software to help me do the taxes and thus, budget in that purchase! It'll all get done, eventually. I need to work it all in though before the end of the year!

Guess what?!!! Petite is going to have a cousin! I've known about this for a little while, but my sister asked that I keep it to myself until she was ready to tell everyone in the family. Anyway, she took that plunge last week, telling our aunts and uncles, and I am really happy for her and my BIL. Assuming all goes well (and I will definitely be keeping my fingers crossed on that count), they'll have their own little one at the end of May. Please God, may everything go smoothly. When we realized that her latest IUI had 'stuck,' I quickly calculated her EDD and the number of weeks she would be when we go on a cruise in the new year. She's cutting it close, but she'll be able to go on the cruise; the company policy is that if you are 24 weeks along or more, no cruise for you! However, she'll be 22 weeks so she just makes the cut-off! Whew! Unfortunately though, her EDD falls about two weeks before my cousin's wedding out west. So she won't be able to attend. That's a shame, but honestly, she's got one of the BEST REASONS EVER for not being able to go!

For almost a year now, Hubby and I have been fairly regular members of a church near our home. We went to a Meet and Greet the other afternoon and I was lucky enough to be able to chat with one of the choir members. When I was younger, I used to sing in both church and school choirs; I love to sing and I sing to Petite all the time. She grins and bounces along, or claps her hands. It's so cute! Since I moved to this province, I have missed out on that and I've frequently longed to find a choir to sing with or some sort of choral activity to participate in. After discussing the church choir with her the other day, I think I'm going to try to make it to their rehearsals. That would be so much fun for me. And it's a wonderful way to get to meet others in the church as well.

Our dear friend Pam over at Baby Wanted: Apply Within just celebrated a milestone birthday... 50 years old! Congratulations sweetie! Pam and her husband V have become good friends of ours and although we will miss next weekend's celebrations for the event, our thoughts will be right there with them. So instead, I'm sending wishes for lots of love and happiness for your birthday and always! Enjoy the festivities and yes, show us the cake when you can please. (Her cakes are just amazing!)

I am thrilled beyond belief for Sandra and Edward over at Alphabet Soup. I've blogged alongside Sandra for a few years now (she just migrated to her current blog awhile ago) and they don't live too far from me. Anyway, after a few years of attempting various procedures -- some here and some at the clinic where we got our own BFP -- she and Edward got very, very lucky. She got pregnant with triplets! A C-section date was set for mid-October, but her water broke last Friday night and the babies have arrived! Congratulations to them on their instant family! I'm so happy for them both. It looks like all three are doing well as they were delivered at 31 weeks gestation. Go say hi if you are so inclined and welcome their triplets to the world!

Yesterday, Petite turned 13 months old. I love to hear her laughter. She is babbling up a storm, and trying to talk on a daily basis. She is quick to reach for her sippy cup when she wants a drink. She definitely knows what she likes and doesn't in the way of food! She still only has three teeth (though the fourth has been bothering her for a bit; I expect it won't be long now). She and I went to her swimming class last Saturday morning and we had a lot of fun. She runs around the living room and down the hallway like she's been doing it forever! She squeals in delight at the cats. She ADORES music of all kinds and usually tries to hum when she hears music being played. She loves going to daycare; in fact, the past day or two have been tough for me to pull her away because she is having so much fun there! She can be gentle and cuddly, or destructive and rough 'n tumble. And she curls into me when she's sleepy and I rub her back, singing softly to her. I'm so in love with this sweet little girl. She just melts my heart.

Also yesterday, on the way home, I heard a song on the radio. It was the #1 hit on Petite's birthday in fact: I Gotta Feelin' by the Black Eyed Peas with will. i. am. I remember hearing that song frequently in the days leading up to her birth, and on her birthday as well. And every time I hear it, I get teary-eyed. I get swept right back to the night of her birth by the memory of our quiet time together on that first night alone in the hospital. The quiet time, after everyone had gone home, lights were dimmed and we could get some shuteye. She lay in her bassinet, sighing and gurgling now and then. I listened to her breathe. I watched her tiny fingers curl. I touched her round cheeks. I sat on my hospital bed and gazed in wonder at her darling little face, enthralled and amazed at the whole experience. I remember singing to myself, "I gotta feelin'... that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight's gonna be a good good night... I gotta feelin'." When I hear that song now, it takes me right back there. And I lose myself in the moment that was the night of her birth. It's wonderful. No one has that memory but me. And I cherish it deeply.

I'm getting together the paperwork and organizing dates for various tests/procedures leading up to our appointment in mid-December. One day at a time, and it too will all get done. At least... I have to hope so.

Keiko!!! Oh you done good girl! WOOT! Congratulations to Keiko over at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. Keiko has won RESOLVE's Hope Award this year for best viral video. Earlier this year, for RESOLVE's Project IF (our own Stirrup Queen wrote extensively on Project IF), Keiko and her husband Larry, produced a wonderful video about infertility and their own story. It made the rounds of the blogosphere and tonight, she receives the award in New York. Congratulations Keiko (and Larry too!) Well deserved. You are a wonderful advocate and I applaud your courage to stand up and put yourselves out there. Well done! If you would like to see Keiko's video, click over to her blog and check out the right sidebar. It's right there on top.

One other thing niggling at my brain this week: where on earth are we going to put the Christmas tree this year?! Our house isn't huge; the living room is Petite's playroom. And while I could put the tree in the dining room (at the front of the house), it's not really conducive for opening gifts on Christmas morning or letting Petite play with toys!! Argh! What to do?! Must figure this out before December 1st.

Post By Topic

Follow the Headers to see what I'm blathering about this week...

What IF?

Many of you have heard of Resolve's current project, in conjunction with Mel's blog. "What IF" is something I'd like to touch on, but I'm going to do so during the upcoming Canadian Infertility Awareness Week (May 16-22). In the meantime, I did read the "What IF" list on Mel's blog. I took about an hour to get through it and by the time I was done, I was in tears. It's emotionally raw and so many of those What IFs touch on my own experiences with infertility. Go. Read. You will be glad that you did. My "What IF" post will be coming in the next week or so.

Baby By Stealth

Pam sent me the link to this article earlier this week. It discusses the surreptitious ways that Canadians are using to create families, because of the 2004 Assisted Human Reproduction Act. As a result, Fertility Law Leaves Us in Limbo, say doctors at infertility clinics. Until there is some sort of direction from government, you'll find a variety of procedures, protocols and responses from all of Canada's infertility clinics and each does things differently. Buyer beware, right?

Additionally, Red Flag Raised at Fertility Agency discusses the issues faced by the members of the Agency and the fact that their hands seem to be tied when it comes to legislation and seeming inability to move forward. Those who have left the Agency are under a gag order and cannot discuss particulars. There's something fishy about it all... More to come, I'm sure.

THE Day

This weekend it arrives. It's the first time I will mark the day in these shoes... as a mom of a little girl. To tell the absolute truth, I am apprehensive about it. I have spent so many years trying to push it out of my mind and wondering where I fit in, as a woman of child-bearing age, as a stepmom, as an "Aunt" to many of my friends' children, but yet, as an infertile. I love celebrating Mother's Day with my own mom (as I did last year) so I usually move the focus to her, and deservedly so. She's been a mom for almost 40 years now (more on that in a moment) and God knows, I'm thankful for her and for doing a helluva job raising me and my sister. But me? A MOM?? I still find it hard to believe most days. It's still sinking in. It may always be that way.

I find it hard to watch Mother's Day commercials, to see ads in the newspaper, to peruse the inevitable catalogues from jewelery stores that tout "Moms" and the baubles that they deserve. Are moms all that more deserving? I don't know about that. Yes, it's wonderful to be sitting on this side of the fence, and you, my longtime readers know just how grateful and blessed I am. But as a person, I'm no different than I was before I had Petite. Who is to say that because you have a child, you are thus admitted to "the club" and get the rights and privileges therein? I look at it through the eyes of an infertile, and I think I always will.

All women are deserving. Women who have had a child, women who have lost a child, women who have had a miscarriage, women who have been trying for a child, women who are sisters, daughters, aunts, friends, single... all of us. ALL OF US ARE DESERVING. So if you know a woman who isn't a mom per se (in the 'traditional' sense of the word), please make sure you consider her this Sunday. For she, like you and me, still deserves recognition, just for being the loving, caring soul that she is.

My Birthday / Mother's Day

My birthday falls about three weeks after Mother's Day. This year, I will be the dreaded 4-0. I'm really not looking forward to that. My head and my heart are stuck back in the 80s! I'm much younger than that, aren't I? Seriously?! At least, I feel like I'm in the 80s. When I look at the date on my calendar, it's a bit surreal! In any case, I have chosen to commemorate my first Mother's Day and my birthday by ordering a ring for myself. I chose a peridot ring with diamond accents. Peridot is Petite's birthstone and diamond is my husband's birthstone. I hope it's as nice as it looks online. If so, I'll take a pic and show you. It should be here in about two weeks.

Stupid 'Friends'

Okay, you've been warned. There's a rant incoming...

Sometimes I wonder about my so-called 'friends.' Honestly. The asinine statements (or lack of any statement altogether) is just astounding. A dim-witted friend blurted out her pregnancy to me the other day, after a few months of TTC for #2. She has done nothing but focus on her all-day sickness ever since. I could thwap her upside the head. Can I 'unfriend' her on Facebook? Might be a thought.

Actually, there are a few folks I probably ought to 'unfriend.' Like the friend who made sure I was invited to a shower, but not to any milestone events her child has had since. Or the friend who "promised(!)" that she'd come visit and meet Petite during her own year-long maternity leave... and I haven't heard from her since October. Or the friend who moved to a new home in the summer of last year, and hasn't called, e-mailed, or seen me since, despite protests that I "had to see her new place!" The friend who had a birthday in the fall, and whom I invited out for dinner... and who never responded to me first nor last. The friend who lived with us for ages, who was living in our home during the IF protocol, who moved to her own place and who hasn't yet made any effort whatsoever to meet our daughter. The friend who was very close to me for a few years, and who decided to stop communicating with me only to recommence communicating, yet didn't bother to even ask about my recent surgery or see if I was doing okay and with whom I've had minimal contact during the last month or so. Some friend huh? And many of these people don't even bother to send a freakin' Christmas card? Seriously, where the f*ck do I find them? Cripes. I dunno. Is it me? I've half a mind to tell them all where to get off! Can I do that and still call myself a decent person? Sometimes I wonder.

Upcoming Visits

My sister is coming to visit me later this month. She hasn't seen Petite since the baby was one month old! There's been a lot of changes since then! She'll see quite a difference, I'm sure. And my mom is coming back while my sis is here. It's cheaper for them to meet here than for either of them to visit the other. So I get the benefit of seeing them both. I look forward to it.

Baby... what now?!

Oh yes, before I forget... I'm so thrilled to report on the progress by a local IF friend. She went to McGill last year (on my recommendation re: cost) and while IVM didn't work for her, IVF has. She found out a couple of weeks ago that she was pregnant with twins! And moreso, last week at her 10w ultrasound, they saw a third heartbeat! Baby C was hiding behind Baby A, so they're hoping to welcome triplets. Having tried for seven years to have a child, they're hoping not to have to entertain the idea of reduction, but they're well aware of the problems carrying triplets can cause. So Journey, my thoughts and love are with you and E as you get through one day at a time. Hang in there honey! You CAN do this!

Petite's Development

She's found the cat toys. She can crawl to them in the blink of an eye. She's mastered sippy cups (when she wants to!) and she is a social butterfly, just like her great-grandmother. She's a wonderful eater and has discovered blueberry dessert! She hates to go to sleep and usually wakes up in full throttle scream, be it day or night, in my arms or in her crib, cool or warm weather, whatever. God knows why, but I wish that would change. And still not a tooth in her head!

And we have found a caregiver for her for the fall. A most wonderful woman who comes highly recommended and who even takes the time to fill out a daily report for the younger children re: what they do, what they eat, how long they sleep, etc. during the day. I will be taking Petite there during the summer now and then to let her get to know the caregiver, and vice versa. Hopefully that will minimize stress and separation anxiety in the fall. It's going to be a busy summer.

Love to you all in blogland! Until next time!

New Friends!

It was so wonderful to meet Pam and her husband, V, on Sunday for brunch. I guess being a Newf, yanno, we're pretty sociable folks. So it was with absolute delight that hubby and I headed off to Perkins on Easter Sunday to spend a few hours in the fine company of Pam and her husband.

As V said on their blog, "We started talking when they walked up to Perkins and we stopped talking when we said our goodbyes." It was wonderful to meet them in person and I honestly hope we have the chance to hook up again soon.

Speaking of... there was some discussion of a get together for the folks in the Toronto area. I know I could make the drive down with little problem at all. Who'd be up for that I wonder? Maybe in April sometime? Post here and let us know. Maybe we can organize a little sumthin' sumthin'! Methinks Aurelia might be feeling housebound about now!