Minneapolis Meme!

Yes folks, I'm still in Minneapolis. And now that my conference is over, I can finally BREATHE! On Tuesday, I took 17 pages of notes; I've yet to type them and make sense of my chicken scratches. But I'm still alive. I'm staying with my sister in her hotel room at the moment and seeing as her WiFi is free, I'm finally catching up with everyone out there in blogland.

And in all that catching up, I see that Shlomit at You're Still Young!! has tagged me. Tagged!? Me?! Heck, I didn't even see it coming. I didn't even get a second to duck! Sheesh.

Anyway, according to the rules of the (stealth) tagging, I am to share eight true things about myself and then turn it over to you. If you want to know more about the info herein, post a comment and just ask. Okay you ready? Here we go...

1. Okay, I confess. My writing doesn't look like chicken scratches. I'm actually very proud of my handwriting and I love the feel of a pen in my hand. I've been stopped by strangers who comment on my handwriting. When I lived in Europe, I adored going to the papeteries (shops that sell notepads, paper, pens, etc.). I'm the sort of person who would gleefully spend $4500 on a Mont Blanc fountain pen if I were flush with money. Of course, if I were that flush with money, I'd run straight to IVF/ICSI wouldn't I?

2. I thrive on stress. Something about pressure and stress of deadlines, responsibilities and the need to fulfill committments or live up to expectations drives me like nothing else. I love to make other people happy and do the best job I can doing everything I do. In keeping with that, I just accepted a temporary assignment as the Acting Manager of my section. Long story. I'll fill you in later. *chews nails* Did I do the right thing??

3. When asked in interviews, "What is your greatest strength?" and "What is your greatest weakness?" my response is the same: I am a perfectionist. Being a perfectionist is a bit of h*ll though; some part of me can never relax and just say that everything is done.

4. I wish I had another degree. I have two, a B.A. in French with an English minor, and a B.A. Honours in Translation. However, I desperately wanted to attend a university over in Europe (apparently the only one in the world) that offers a degree in Translation with a Terminology specialization in one of the three fields of Science, Medecine or Technology. I love all three fields and it would be hard to make a decision. Oh well. I'll never have to. I'll never get it I'm sure, but I can dream.

5. Hi, my name is Gil and I am a gamer. *Chorus* "Hi Gil." In 2001, my hubby introduced me to online gaming. I started playing EverQuest and I migrated to Everquest II in November 2004 when it launched. I love playing in the virtual world and I have met people and made friends all over the world because of my gaming link. I have played the same character now for 6, going on 7 years, and that builds a reputation on the server (a roleplaying server, Antonia Bayle) and in the game. I'm an officer in my guild (Raven Guard) and I hope I do a good job of promoting roleplaying, public relations, organizing events and providing information to people. Back to the perfectionist thing... no point in doing anything half-a$$ed right? By the way, I also keep a roleplaying journal for my character online. I update that about once or twice a week for my friends' reading pleasure.

6. I hate being so far from my family. I wish I could do what I do now, but do it at home nearer to everyone that I love. I would move in a heartbeat if I could find good work. I hate that I can't even take my mom out for lunch now and then. And God, I miss the ocean.

7. My family likes to tell me that I can succeed at anything. H*ll, even my RE said that to me once; that he knows that I can do anything I put my mind to and that failure is not an option. Except for two things... I have never been able to do the one thing that I would love to do. Lose weight. Not successfully. And now, I can add IF to that. That beats on my psyche. It's very difficult to accept and deal with, as so many of us know.

8. I wear a few pieces of jewellry that are very important to me. My engagement ring and wedding ring of course. Then I have a ring with a large emerald (my birthstone) surrounded by little diamonds on my right hand. That was a gift from my parents on my 22nd birthday; on that same day, back in 1992, I graduated with my first degree. My gold hoop earrings were a gift from my paternal grandmother. My diamond earrings (two holes in each ear) were a Christmas gift from my husband. And around my neck, a long gold box-chain (from my mom). On that chain, I used to wear a pendant that belonged to my maternal grandmother. When she passed away in 1988, each of the women in the family got a piece of her jewellry. That was mine and until earlier this year, I wouldn't ever be parted with it. Though for fear of losing it, I just recently received a new pendant from my husband and I tucked my grandmother's pendant away for safekeeping.

There you have it. My meme for today. Now, over to you. If you have questions, post them in the comments and I'll do my best to answer you.

AND I'm to tag five others. So, over to the following people:

Pam @ Baby Wanted: Apply Within
Marie @ Can PCOS and CBAVD make 3?
Eric @ Life as a Dad to Donor Insemination (DI) Kids
Vee @ The Sweet Life
Samantha @ Jason and Samantha's Journey to Parenthood


For those of you looking for an update on the IF front, I've NEVER had to pee this much in my life! This is nuts. Either I have a UTI or this month worked. Lord, I hope it's the latter. Love to you all in blogland!

Get in there guys! Go go go!

Well, for all that bloating and discomfort, you would have thought I had a dozen follicles in there! Nooooo! Not so. There were only a few viable ones. But they are on the right side and my RE made the comment that it is my right side that is the dominant one. He said with measurements like he saw this morning on my follies, he didn't want to waste a good opportunity.

He advised that yes, I have a dIUI this morning. I wasn't expecting that because I got a negative on an OPK yesterday, but like he said, the measurements and details on the ultrasound are much more precise than an OPK. And if the eggs are mature, then the HCG triggers ovulation anyway.

So here are the stats for you junkies.
-Left: bunch of little follicles, nothing useful
-Right: 2.07 cm, 1.97 cm, 1.30 cm
-Endometrium: 7.5 mm, a little thin, but he expects that to catch up in a couple of days
-HCG trigger adminstered (damn, I HATE shots, and that always itches and hurts for 1-2 days afterwards)
-half of a donor vial used: the other half tomorrow morning at a 7:15 appointment
-200 mg prometrium: for 16 days; a little longer than usual seeing as this is CD12

My RE did comment, yet again, that my bladder was full. I DELIBERATELY didn't have anything to drink since about 8 p.m. last night. I told my RE that this morning, I'd poured myself a glass of milk but then remembered my appointment. So instead of drinking it (although I REALLY wanted it) I said to hubby, "Yeah, yeah, I know I poured it but I can't have it. You drink it instead." When hubby asked why, my response was, "I can't because the doc will say my bladder is full!" My RE laughed when I recounted that. And he said that regardless, my bladder was full. So he had me go to empty it before he did the IUI. Apparently it's easier to get that catheter in place while the bladder is empty.

I had some cramping after the dIUI. That doesn't usually happen but once in awhile, it's awfully uncomfortable. Today is one of those days I guess. Now if those follies can pop in the next 24 hours I will be blessed! Because of scheduling and transportation and the like, I came home to lie down a little and wait til I go pick up hubby at 11:30 a.m. so he can drop me at work for the afternoon.

A confession though. While I was lying on that table, waiting for him to prepare the sample, and after the dIUI was done, so many thoughts ran through my head. Thoughts of Max and Vee and their good results. Thoughts of Mel and the supportive work she does with, for example, Emblopedia. Thoughts of Bea and the Film Festival. Thoughts of Angie and Joe and their delight. Thoughts of Thalya and her natural BFP after so many years of ART. Thoughts of My Reality and the sadness and frustration she's dealing with. Thoughts of Eric and how he is letting his children tell their story. Thoughts of Dramalish and her cherub. Thoughts of Katd and her successful adoption after so much heartache. So many of you, your names, your faces, your stories, ran through my head in those moments.

And then thoughts of my husband, and how I wished fervently that he could have been at my side, holding my hand while the RE slid in that catheter. Thoughts of how I badly want to pass on my Newfoundland heritage and family traditions. Thoughts of a future. I dared to dream for a split second. I stabbed back the tears, knowing I had to be functional and drive myself home. Oh how I want this. God please. WE want this. Please. Please God please. I don't know how much more I have in me. I really don't.

******

To answer your questions, yes my RE could do my PAP test. He offered to do that when I mentioned to him about having the appointment with the ob/gyn next Monday. However, the thing is, if I don't see the ob/gyn within one year of my last appointment, I lose him as a doctor. And he's good. Really good. So I don't want to lose him. I'll just reschedule the appointment. I'd hate to have to search for another ob/gyn, with the doctor shortages we have in Ontario. Not my idea of fun. Do you know it took me eight years to find a GP? I kid you not. It's insane. So I'm not willing to risk losing my ob/gyn now that I have one!

Nine! I have nine!

Woo hoo! *dances* I have NINE, count 'em NINE follicles to work with!

I just got back from the doctor's office on this, my CD10 and first cycle with both Clomid and sub-cue injectables (Puregon, 50 IU), and the doc is really pleased with my response.

The numbers:
Endometrium lining -- 7.8 (very respectable considering this is only CD10)
Right ovary -- five follicles ranging from 1.3 cm to 9.14 mm
Left ovary -- four follicles ranging from 9.93 mm to 8.7 mm
Dosage -- to remain at 50 IU of Puregon until Saturday
Next appointment -- CD12, Saturday @ 8 a.m. (he'll likely be able to do an insemination)

And better yet, the donor samples have arrived at the doctor's office and are good to go. He's very optimistic about this cycle and really, so are hubby and I. We're doing everything we can to make this work.

So much so, that I am going to do some cleaning around the house today and tomorrow, so that I will be able to relax a little over the weekend when he does the inseminations, rather than be in a frantic tear to do both the housework AND put up Christmas decorations when Saturday and Sunday arrive. Tonight I get a bit of fun time too; hubby and I are going to see some friends as we're going to their home for dinner and a chat. It's been awhile since we've seen them, so we're looking forward to that very much.

Ah yes, one more thing. The doctor commented, yet again, that my bladder was full. Now that tells me something: I must have an AWFULLY large bladder! I used the washroom twice this morning before I got to the doc's office for my 7:15 a.m. appointment. On top of that, I hadn't had a thing to eat or drink since about 8 p.m. last night. WTF? Weird. Just very weird.

Urine our World Now...

Welcome to CD12, and another look at my girly bits today with the dildo cam revealed that both follicles had released. YAY! I knew with those twinges yesterday that I'd ovulated. I must remember to record that on my chart. According to the doc, there is a lot of free fluid behind the uterus... a good sign. So knowing that I ovulated, he did another IUI today.

It took a good bit of poking and prodding today with that cam. My cervix is so very deep, there is no way I can ever possibly reach it, and doctors have often commented that it is VERY far back. I ask if that would ever pose a problem to delivering a child, or getting pregnant, but they all deny that it would be. So I assume it's just because I'm built that way. C'est la vie.

Anyway, both yesterday and today I did manage to empty my bladder. And that's a helluva feat for me! Hubby often comments I have a bladder like a freakin' camel. I usually go for a full workday without using the washroom. It's rare that I need to go do that. I NEVER get up in the middle of the night for it either. I just have an abnormal bladder capacity I guess.

Pee good to me!
So usually when I go for these visits to the doc, he'll comment about my bladder not being empty. I try and I try, but it never seems to fully empty. And last year, when I had the ovarian cyst, I was getting a lot of urinary tract infections. So many ultrasounds. So many urine samples. Eeesh. "Empty your bladder for this test," "Keep your bladder full for this test," "We need a sample," "When was the last time you emptied your bladder?" etc.

I went one time for an ultrasound (external and internal) and I had the external one first. Thus I needed a full bladder. Well, I drank and I drank and I drank some more. I was so full! I needed to go to the bathroom SO badly. But I vowed to hold it until after the external was done. The tech takes one look and her eyes go wide. She says, "Wow, your bladder is super full. Very clear picture!" Then she needed to do the internal. She said, "Go empty your bladder. Twice." Huh? "Yes, twice. Empty it once, then stand up and walk a few minutes. Then empty it again." I did just that. I lay down again, and she inserts the dildo cam. "Yep, still not empty. Go try again." *sigh*

Anyway, yes... yesterday and today. I didn't eat or drink before my appointments. So I made sure to empty fully. And he was very pleased that he could get a clear picture internally with an empty bladder. A real feat, like I said.

*wink wink, nudge nudge*
And the title of this post? Much like the title of this entire blog, it's a nod and a wink to EverQuest and EverQuest 2; online games that I play. Of all the quests I've undertaken in game and in life, this babymaking one is the hardest quest of all. But the reward at the end? That just rocks. :)