12dp3dt

And still no sign of AF. The cramping that I was having has almost totally subsided (which kinda scares me in a way) and I am on the edge of my seat. Literally. I sort of have to be though; I'm moving offices by Friday to accomodate people in the new building at work. (God love my co-workers; they know my situation and three of them offered to help pack and move my stuff!)

Anyway, the thought that consumes me is: what I wouldn't give to have some sign, something, some indication, that there is hope. (Shlomit, I am so jealous in that respect!) Alas, I am afraid to let "Hope" in. Because I have learned that as soon as she gets a foot in the door, she brings the haggard wench, AF, along with her. So I am being hyper-cautious about tomorrow's beta. And honestly, I'm scared out of my wits!

I'm trying to keep busy and not stress. I'm trying to find little things to do to keep my brain occupied. That is proving to be almost impossible at this point with less than 24 hours to go.

I go in at 7:15 to pick up the requisition, take it downstairs to the lab, have the blood drawn and hopefully, by 4 or 5 p.m. I will know something. As I said in the virtual lushary today over at Mel's, I will take a milkshake for the moment, but keep a stiff drink behind the counter for me. I suspect I might be able to have the red wine and camembert that Shlomit was talking about!

I haven't opted to take any part of tomorrow off work. I expect that I will get the news later in the day, after the work day is over if the timing of phone calls from the clinic during the IVF were any sort of indication. So with luck, I won't have to leave the office in tears. By the same token, I won't be jumping for joy and screaming out in happiness, thus prompting colleagues to wonder if I've lost my mind. (Answer? Yes.)

Bah. Who am I kidding? It'll be the "tears" rather than the "jump for joy." Remember, this is me. Buttered side down. Always. Besides, I am sure it's the PIO that is keeping AF at bay for the moment. Maybe some of you who've gone down this road can enlighten me on that.

And I get through this one day at a time... I am so glad you are here with me though. I need some handholding right about now.