Two Weeks from Hell

Okay, so I've been quiet lately. Honestly? I'm just coming up for air right now. It's been a couple of weeks from hell. Seriously. We couldn't have scripted it any better. No joke.

My mom and my aunt came to visit. Fantastic, right? Oh definitely! I love seeing them and spending time with them. I am blessed in that they have the opportunity and are close enough in proximity to travel a couple of times per year to see Petite. They do enjoy doing that. We all lament though that my sister and her little boy are so far away in West Virginia. It's tough not being able to see him more frequently as he grows up. He'll be one year old at the end of May and I would LOVE to see him for his birthday. *sigh*

Anyway, so my mom and aunt arrived.

I think they brought the pox/plague with them.




They arrived on Wednesday. The day after they arrived, Mom said she wasn't feeling well. Just... "off" so to speak. By Friday night when we went out for supper, she was definitely having chills and not looking her finest. Saturday she spent in bed. She thought she had a bit of a fever. And she was having aches and pains. She desperately needed sleep.

Alas, my two cats are definitely nocturnal and they just LOVE to roam through the house, meowing, pawing at closed doors, tearing around, doing anything and everything possible to interrupt sleep. One of them sat on my pillow and bit my hair/head the other day, so badly did he want me to get up and feed him at 3 a.m.! I was NOT impressed.

Oh, and then one of them puked in the hallway and Hubby stepped in it. *sigh again*

My aunt, thankfully, survived with a tickle in her throat, but I am told it developed into something more drastic when she returned home. Ugh.

Added to that the fact that the day before they were to leave (Wednesday), I had taken the day off to spend with them. I was looking forward to my Tuesday off, spending it at home with them all, maybe taking them shopping while Hubby watched Petite in the afternoon.

That wasn't to be either.

On Monday, our fridge died. FAST. Great: the one week that we have nice, warm, sunny weather that is abnormally hot, our fridge gives up the ghost!? Freakin lovely. I spent Monday evening making space in our little bar fridge for essentials and moving freezer stuff down to the deep freeze in the basement. Then I started scouring around for a new fridge. We found a few possibilities.

And thus we spent the entire day on Tuesday fiddling with that. Getting a fridge, getting it delivered ASAP, moving it in, moving the other one out (removing doors as per law), and changing the handle on the new fridge, cleaning it, moving stuff into it, tossing old stuff out, etc. What a nightmare! We had taken out a roast for Mom to cook that day for a family dinner, but in the end, we were far too tired to deal with that. However, the roast was thawed so we had to cook it. We did. And then ordered pizza for supper after a long, tiring day. I really needed to put something stronger into my tea that night, that's for sure.

Okay, so they flew home one week after they arrived, and Mom apparently dropped her bag in the hallway at home and went to bed for three days straight. Poor woman. My goal isn't to exhaust my mom and aunt when they visit yanno. Jeez. Some hostess I am... We never got to the new Ikea. We never even hit Costco! We didn't get to go shopping like we planned. Mom hoped to be able to babysit one night for us so Hubby and I could go to a movie or something. But none of it happened. Seriously. The. Week. From. Hell.

Three days after they left, I came down with whatever Mom had. A flu I guess. I had no vomiting or stuffy nose, none of that sort of thing. But I had aches. Chills. Pains. Stiffness. Dizziness. Exhaustion. BADLY. I went to work on Friday, but on the weekend I spent many hours in bed.

And over that weekend, Petite got sick with a cold. Nice. Snot everywhere. We went through two boxes of tissues. She had to stay home with me on Monday. And she was stir crazy. She didn't want to nap (and I badly needed one). She didn't even want to eat (fine enough, as long as she drank something). Tuesday came, and I was so out of it. I HAD to stay home. And she wasn't quite well enough to go to daycare for the second day. So she stayed home with me, again. But it was worse.

When she wouldn't nap, I left her to play in her room with her gate closed so I knew she was safe. I drifted in and out of a dazed sleep for about 30 or 40 mins. However, upon hearing, "Mommy help! I'm upside down!" I quickly hauled my sick ass to her room. What I saw made me collapse in a heap. I texted that photo to Hubby and simply cried. He left work to come rescue me. I was a mess. Needless to say, she was better enough to go to daycare by Wednesday.

And I stayed home, yet again. I'm still not quite back up to snuff, dealing with a bit of tunnel vision and vertigo. But I'm managing.

It gets better right? Please Lord, let it get better.

Oooh, one bit of good news. One of the local winners of last year's contest (The New HOT 89.9's Win a Baby contest... which won awards by the way!) just announced on the station this morning that her first IVF cycle in January is a success! She would be about 6-7 weeks right now and is due in November! I'm SO happy for her and her husband! Amazing. May the road to her rainbow be a fantastic ride!

Oh yeah, and I had my CD3 bloodwork last Friday to test LH, FSH, TSH, E2 and Ferritin. I still have the bruise. We'll see what happens.

{This Moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by FindingChaos/Soulemama.

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment'

in the comments for all to find and see.

"Mommy, I touched dino poop!"

Fertile Future

In the IF community, here among ALI bloggers, we know of many who have been down the hellish road of dealing with cancer as well as infertility. Sometimes, cancer precedes infertility and treatment can lead to infertility.

But there are ways to look ahead, down the road, and change that outcome.

Fertile Future is a national organization, based in Ottawa, that is dedicated to preserving the fertility of young people who are diagnosed with cancer. The organization has an all-encompassing approach that helps young people across the country (in 40+ affiliated centres) with fertility preservation, as they face cancer treatments and tackle health issues head on. On their website, you can find a number of resources.

• success stories



• stellar REs (ours included) on the board



• patient support



• ambassador program



• cost reduction program



• registered, charitable organization info



• newsletter



• events



• and more!

This year, on May 10 in Toronto, Ontario, they are holding An Evening of Hope. It will be an evening of art, food, wine and well known Canadian broadcaster and handsome weatherman, Anwar Knight, will be the Master of Ceremonies. Tickets are now on sale, or if you would like to donate to Fertile Future, that too is an option. If I'm not mistaken, one of my old schoolmates, Rick Mercer, hosted a benefit for Fertile Future here in Ottawa last year sometime. (God knows, Rick is always hilarious to watch; that hasn't changed since high school!)


I think this is a wonderful cause. Kudos to the organizers and all of those involved. While I didn't have the added stress of cancer to accompany our infertility diagnosis, I know many in the ALI community who have and something like this is a beacon of light and hope in the dark night as they try to find their way. May An Evening of Hope this year be absolutely wonderful!


A shout out to FET Accompli who brought this to my attention. (If you're reading this, get in touch with a link to your blog so I can add you to my own reading list please??!!) It's so important for us to discuss the affects of cancer treatment on fertility and how best to preserve fertility for future opportunities.

Belated {This Moment}, etc.

It's late, I know, but this is a photo of Petite from last Thursday. She had her first dentist appointment (wow, I didn't know they would do a cleaning for a 2-year old!) and she did really well. Too bad it was quickly followed on Friday by a fever and discomfort. I suspect it's teething; at the dental appointment, we clearly saw her upper right eyetooth coming through her gums. Poor girl.

• Tomorrow morning I work early and take half the day off. Petite and I will head to the airport to pick up my mom and my oldest aunt. They're visiting for a week with the intent and purpose of spending as much time as possible with Petite.
  


• I picked up Hubby's birthday gift the other day. He will be 44 in April and I know he will LOVE this gift. I can't wait to tell him what it is. He'll be thrilled! I know it.
  


• A former elementary school classmate has an exhibition launch at the Museum of Science and Nature next week in Ottawa. Unrequited Death promises to be gorgeous. Helen was one of two or three fabulous artists (hmm, do you call a child at age 7 or 8 an artist? or just an excellent 'draw-er'?) in school and we always knew she would follow through and do something artistic with her life. As the show is in my hometown, and I would love to attend, Helen ensured that I got an invitation and so next Wednesday, Petite and I will be going to the Museum for a couple of hours. I'm so looking forward to it! I must remember to be home in time for Petite's bedtime though! Lest I have a cranky girl on my hands. But it will be wonderful to see Helen and her art!
  


• It looks like spring may have sprung in our corner of the world. I hope so. The snow pile on my lawn is down to a manageable level (read: I can see across the street now!) and warmer temps mean that we can leave Petite's snowsuit at home in favour of a splash suit and rainboots in the morning. My girls loves splashing in the puddles, that's for sure!
  


• In 2013, my high school will be holding a 25-year reunion. Dear God, it's been that long? Organizers are busy planning things and with luck, Hubby and I will be able to make it. That would be wonderful. The other vacation we're planning next year is somewhere warm on a beach in February. The -30 temperatures that we get here in February aren't much fun so we're going to plan to do an all-inclusive somewhere, with my girlfriend and her daughter, and my stepson too we hope. Suggestions? Anything other than Mexico or Cuba are possibilities. If you have recommendations, I'm listening!

Have a great week everyone! Enjoy your March Break!

Happy Birthday Poppy!

My dad's birthday was yesterday. He turned 71 years old. For his birthday, I didn't give him anything; there's nothing I can give him that he truly wants. Except...

Petite grabbed the phone, saying, "Wanna talk Poppy." I handed it over and listened. She chatted for a moment, answering Poppy's questions. Gently, I reminded her, "What do we need to say to Poppy today?" She looked up at me, "Happy Birthday Poppy," she said loudly into the mouthpiece.

What happened next, I couldn't even script.

She said, "Wanna sing Happy Birthday." So I said, "Let's sing it together," and I helped her get going:

"Happy Birthday... " and she was off and running singing to her Poppy, loud and strong.

I gave him a great gift after all; well, Petite did. It was such a good gift, it made him cry. That's saying something. My dad is old school; he never cries.

Except when Petite sings to him obviously.

Happy Birthday Dad. I'm so glad you had the chance to hear your granddaughter singing Happy Birthday to you and telling you how much she loves you before she kisses the phone and hands it back to me.


On a personal note, much to my surprise, this is post #401. I can't believe it's been more than five years since I've been writing here, and it's been nine years that I've focussed on infertility awareness. Time flies when you're having fun!

{This Moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by FindingChaos/Soulemama.
A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment'
in the comments for all to find and see.

This is late, but better late than never.

Sometimes Prayers Aren't Enough

This month has been heartbreaking for the IF blogosphere. And the hits just keep on coming. I am absolutely gutted by what I read this morning.

As I posted yesterday, Mo's water broke at 23 weeks. She was induced. Unfortunately, Mo lost their beautiful baby boy, Nadav, a long-awaited treasure and miracle.

This community has come together in an outpouring of grief and sadness, as we always do. For although we have never met in person, we are in this together. As Jjiraffe describes us:

The truth is, we are all friends. Real friends, not just “Internet friends.” Even though in most cases we have never met face-to-face, it’s like we are in the same sorority or dorm floor in college. Separated from friends and families, we share our histories (about ALI, instead of the douchey guys my friends and I used to obsess over at University), we listen to each other’s stories, we laugh. And when one of us is hurt, we cry.

So today, we come together to shed tears in the hopes of taking Mo's grief and lessening it by sharing it among all of us.

As I posted on Mo's blog, Nadav, please know how very much you are loved and you will be missed forever.

Prayers for a Fellow Blogger

I'm praying hard for Mommy Odyssey right now.

Her water broke yesterday at about the 23 week mark; viability comes into play as we all know too well. Go let her know you are thinking of her.

Please God let it work out for her, Shmaby and Shmerson.

Tomorrow is Pancake Day!

Pancake Day is tomorrow. I cannot wait!




It's the Tuesday before the beginning of Lent in the Christian calendar, and while people give up many things for Lent, many would have pancakes the day before Ash Wednesday in order to use up things like butter, eggs and sugar before those things were banned from their diet for Lent. For those who may be interested, Pancake Day is Shrove Tuesday in the calendar, and it is also known as Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday).

In the tradition of my home province (and nowhere else apparently!), I'll be doing pancakes and putting the variety of trinkets inside them for us to find. Hubby is working, but I invited my girlfriend K and her daughter K to join Petite and me for our Pancake Day Tradition.

So I'll do up a batter from scratch, and while the pancakes are on the stove, I'll put in the money, a ring, maybe a thimble, a button and maybe a bit of string. We'll see.

I usually leave out the more morbid and dangerous items, like the nail or a sewing needle. Traditionally, the pancakes in days of yore would have
-- a penny, to symbolize poverty
-- a nickel, to symbolize wealth
-- a string, to symbolize a fisherman (if a boy got the string, he would be a fisherman, if a girl did, she would marry one)
-- a wedding ring, to symbolize that you would marry soon
-- a button, to symbolize that you would never marry
-- a nail or a sewing needle to symbolize that you would soon pass away
-- a thimble, to symbolize that you would be a seamstress (a girl) or a tailor (a boy)

I'm really looking forward to my pancakes tomorrow night. YUM! If you're having pancakes, tell me. I'd love to know who else eats pancakes on Pancake Day.




What I'm not looking forward to is having my blood drawn.

Today is CD1 and after a consultation last week at the Ottawa Fertility Centre, I'm having baseline blood work done and a baseline ultrasound done to check antral follicle count. I'm not sure yet how I feel about this; time will tell and we'll figure out if we move forward or not. For the moment, we're just checking the data and info and we'll see where that leads us.

So why the hell am I so nervous?!

Ordinary Magic

On the subject of Love, I have to say, I truly do love Decemberbaby's description:

"Sometimes I wonder about other people’s criteria in choosing a partner for life. I may well be wrong, but I feel like popular culture puts an emphasis on romantic love – being swept off your feet by someone – and sexual attraction. It would be a shame if people bought into that ideal, because it’s just not sustainable 24/7. No matter how attracted and wildly in love you are, one morning you’ll wake up to a partner with morning breath who forgot to put the garbage out, and you won’t be feeling the love in that moment."

Her comments made me smile. Right now, as I type, I know so many people (some teens, some adults, some who are sort of in limbo between the two, and may never fall on one side or the other!) who hold their breath, waiting for the PERFECT person. The one who sweeps you off your feet. The one with money. The most handsome. The one who sets your heart on fire. The one who makes you feel like you're soaring above the clouds. Like you're invincible. Like the world is amazing and nothing can go wrong.

I worry for those people. Because those are the people who will be disappointed. And if I love them, I know I will witness their disappointment. Those are the unhappy people. Those are the ones who will wander through life, wondering where their vision of perfect might be. Where they can find their happy, magical world. Those people will never get what they hope for, because honestly...

... it doesn't exist.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but there it is. They're living in a dream world. A fantasy. A sweet notion of fairy tales, sparkling lights, romance and fluff. Dear heavens. *rolls eyes* How to explain to them that it doesn't exist? That what they have in their heads is not sustainable? Not possible in the long term? Not feasible at all?!

Here it is: If you look at life always expecting the best, the most incredible experiences, the perfect partner, your days to be thrilling and joyous and full of light and smiles, and you expect that feeling of euphoria to last, you are sadly, terribly mistaken.

Life simply isn't like that.

Yes, there are moments. Days. Maybe entire weeks if you are really lucky, of ultimate joy and feeling like the world is magical. I won't deny that. For example:
The moment he tells you "I love you" for the first time.
The moment he proposes. And the feeling of that ring on your finger for the first little while.
The day you get flowers from a special someone.
A quiet romantic interlude, complete with whatever is your personal fantasy. (RAWR!)
Taking a spontaneous trip with your partner, away from responsibilities, jobs, stress, etc.
Making time to snuggle by a warm fire, glass of wine in hand. (Okay, I've rarely done this but when I have, it's fun. For sure.)
The precise moment you say, "I do," and you feel like you're walking on air; happiness infuses everything around you.
For us IFers, we know that when when we hear those magic words, "You're pregnant," the world will spin on its axis and stars will align, angels will shout the highest of glories. (Yes, all these things DO happen. I can vouch for it.)

So many beautiful moments occur during a lifetime. But you have to remember that in between all these moments are... well... other not so beautiful moments. Other life moments that -- while aren't as magical or romantic, or amazing -- are still moments. And they are YOUR moments. No one else has what you have. Each moment is yours to cherish and experience. For these ordinary moments make you who you are! You see, if you keep going through these regular, ordinary moments, you keep living them, you eventually get to the next MAGICAL moment that you really love and will remember forever.

And to me, that is what's special. Sure, there's the crap. The hell. The days you wish never happened. We all have them. We all wish we could have a 'do-over' for some days or moments. Such is life, and it goes on.

But the trick is to keep moving forward and keep watching for those magical moments. They're all around. And if you are truly lucky, the ordinary moments become the magical ones.

Like yesterday, when my daughter wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and said, "I love you mostest ever Mommy."

That my friends... now THAT is magical.