Eighteen Months

I still have a very hard time believing that we've gotten this far.

How did we get from this...

(Petite dozing at a few days old)

... to this?

(Petite dozing on my shoulder last week, a few days shy of 18 months old)

My little girl is growing up. She's got a happy, enjoyable (but firey!) personality. She loves her Pooh Bear and The Wiggles. She adores cuddles and kisses with Mommy and roughhousing with Daddy. She is definitely a busy, growing girl.

And I am grateful. Every single day, I give thanks.

Tomorrow morning, March 1, Petite has her 18-month checkup. (Oh I hate it when she has to get shots.)

Tomorrow evening, we go to the Ottawa Fertility Centre to participate in the brainstorming session for raising awareness in the upcoming provincial election about IVF funding. I look forward to that. I have some ideas. Petite's big brother and sister will babysit; I hope it goes well!

Things are going well with Petite's big sister in our house half-time; the other half, she lives at her mom's house. She would like to live with us full-time though. I'm not sure if that'll be possible. We'd have to check on the regulations in Ontario and criteria for student loans. If we can make it work, we may give that a shot. It's a little early to know for sure, but we're looking into things.

My BIL celebrated his birthday last week! Happy Birthday Tony! He usually hits the slopes to celebrate his birthday; he did that this year too. Next year, he'll have a 9-month old in the house (crosses fingers that all goes well) so I dunno if my sis will let him out to celebrate all weekend with the boys! LOL

This coming weekend, on March 5, my father will celebrate his 70th birthday. He certainly doesn't seem like he's 70 to me though! More like... 55 but with more grey!! I wish I could be there to celebrate this milestone with him. But I won't be; I expect we'll have to Skype instead so he can see Petite. Let's face it, he doesn't need to see me! It's all about the baby!! And that's just fine in my book.

And my parents are moving. The house they have is far too large for them now that my sister and I have both moved elsewhere and set up house in other places. The house that they've had since I was 16 will be on the market soon. It's beautiful. If I lived back at home, I'd buy it! But I can't. So they must move on. I'm glad for them that they've found a new place they love. Hopefully they can make new memories there. I hope to see their new place later this summer.

Yesterday morning, Hubby, Petite and I skipped our regular church service to attend the baptism of Sandra and Edward's triplets: Colin, Keith and Evelyn. Oh but they're beautiful babies! Petite was curious about them of course. For a few minutes anyway, and then she wanted to go play! It was so lovely to meet Sandra and Edward in person. Years ago, I suggested that they try McGill rather than Ottawa for their infertility procedures, and voilà... triplets! Hubby joked with them yesterday that maybe we ought to apologize! Sandra laughed and said that they are so pleased with the way things turned out. She looked beautiful, Edward was calm and cool and all three babies were just doing their thing. It was a gorgeous service and a lovely morning. I'm so glad we could go.

Today is a snowy Monday in Canada's capital. School buses are cancelled (which means a 'snow day' for the kids) and I debated rolling over in bed, calling the office and staying home, to cuddle with my toddler. Time passes so quickly. I just want to make the most of every moment that we have.

Sitting in her rocker (my old rocker), ready for bed, taking time for
a cuddle with Pooh while she watches The Wiggles (one week shy of 18 months)

The Voices of Women; Time to Unite

My dear blogging friend, Keiko Zoll, has issued a call to action for all of the women out there, and all of the men who support them.

It doesn't matter if you are Pro Life, Pro Choice, Pro Cheesehead... whatever. This crosses all boundaries and it will affect people of every walk of life.

I confess, this mainly applies to the women who are in the United States. I would (obviously) have very little pull with lawmakers in the US. However, I do have family and good friends in the USA, who would certainly be affected by the asinine bills and papers that are currently being presented by some officials. I was appalled to read of these on Keiko's blog. But dear Lord, it made me sit up, take notice... and shake my head in utter disbelief.

Imagine, if you will, being subjected to Iowa's Personhood Law (HF 153). Like me, you're infertile. You go through years of grief, finally turning to IVF. And YAY! In that IVF cycle, you have managed to fertilize all eight of your eggs! Even better, three made great blasts and were transferred. But shucks, the others aren't of good enough quality to save for future use and wouldn't survive a freeze/thaw according to your doctor. Guess what? YOU cannot make the decision to dispose of them, nor can your doctor. It would be illegal to dispose of them. C'est la vie! Because according to this one, it would be labelled murder to get rid of them. Stupidly enough, this one was authored by a female. God knows where her head was when she concocted this one. Logically, it doesn't make sense. Good Lord, has she not got a brain in her head at all? And this one PASSED an Iowa House subcomittee! Colour me confused. How the heck does that happen?? As Keiko said, "Do you live in Iowa? Does this piss you off? Contact your representative and tell them why it matters to YOU, their constituents. You can search for your Iowa legislators here online for their full contact info."

It's important to speak up about these sorts of things. Why? Because it works. Let me reiterate some of Keiko's post:

South Dakota, in House Bill 1171 (introduced by Rep. Phil Jensen), sought to redefine justifiable homicide:

Homicide is justifiable if committed by any person while resisting any attempt to murder such person, or to harm the unborn child of such person in a manner and to a degree likely to result in the death of the unborn child, or to commit any felony upon him or her, or upon or in any dwelling house in which such person is. (Source.)

As Keiko says, "In a nutshell, it would create legal precedent for someone to kill abortion clinic workers. Let's broaden this a bit: remember those blasties I mentioned a few paragraphs up? Let's say those low-grade blasties are discarded. According to HB 1171, it would be justifiable homicide to take out the offending embryologist who discarded them. Thankfully, the public outcry, both from South Dakotans and the blogosphere, was large enough that the language was changed and ultimately, South Dakota realized that maybe this whole thing didn't need to be brought to the table at all."

*blink blink*

So had this gone through, and were I a resident of South Dakota when we did our IVF, some nutcase could have taken out the embryologist that created MY LITTLE GIRL and it would be "justifiable homicide"?? Hell no! This is insane! Again, logical reasoning seems to escape them.

And this time, you know what some yahoo is seeking to do? CUT FUNDING TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD. New Jersey Rep. Chris Smith, is behind this one. Last I looked, he didn't have a uterus, but damn, he's gonna try to tell women how and where to get their reproductive care? Um... no?! How about NO!!! *mutters* Doofus...

As we all know, Planned Parenthood is much more than just abortions. They provide access to birth control, pap smears, tests for sexually transmitted diseases and testing for many women who simply don't have access to health care, for whatever reason. By taking away the ability of Planned Parenthood to do these things, they are directly contributing to the increased risk of infertility for all of Planned Parenthood's clients. Those clients will NOT be able to access the reproductive care that they need. Again, per Keiko's words, "Don't know how your Representative voted? You can check here online to see whether or not they voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Then take the time to thank those that who supported PP or speak your mind to those who did vote to defund PP." And if you would like to sign the petition that Planned Parenthood has on their website to protest these cuts, check it out. I wish I could add my voice; alas, as a Canadian I cannot.

But more than either of these, this next one gets me riled. The inanity of this one is unparalleled. It just takes the cake. According to Georgia Rep, Bobby Franklin, (who is more knowledgeable than the Supreme Court in this case, apparently), "as we all know, life begins at conception" and as such, any termination -- for any reason/circumstance -- of that life would need to be reported. This dimwit is pushing for the following legislation:

"...any time a miscarriage occurs, whether in a hospital or without medical assistance, it must be reported and a fetal death certificate issued. If the cause of death is unknown, it must be investigated... Hospitals are required to keep records of anyone who has a spontaneous abortion and report it." (Source.)

A FETAL DEATH CERTIFICATE?? F*ck me people. That's impossible. Think about it. What about the typical three miscarriages/chemical pregnancies that even non-IF women have (and don't realize it) before they carry a pregnancy to term? Cause under this law, my two chemical pregnancies would be reported and hey, I'd be a baby killer, cause you know, I have 'fetal death certificates' to show for it. Or what about the woman who learns that she has cancer and must terminate the pregnancy to receive treatment? Or the woman who learns that she is carry a fetus with life-threatening characteristics (e.g., ancephaly) and the fetus cannot survive outside the womb? Must that woman carry the pregnancy to term? And to what end... only to watch her baby die just after birth? And then she'd be given a death certificate anyway, to boot? Dear Lord. This is crazy. It isn't logical. It makes no sense.

"Just a minute Mr. Franklin, I have a RL friend who just this morning learned about this month's chemical pregnancy at 15 dpo; shall I issue her a fetal death certificate now? And maybe have her prosecuted as well for your pleasure?"

Get a grip buddy. Or maybe you won't have to. Maybe the outcry from infertility bloggers will be enough.

Go read Keiko's entire post. Blog about it. Tweet about it. Write about it on Facebook. Get it out there. Because we all need to keep abreast of the laws that govern reproduction in America (and elsewhere), in order to protect our own rights. The nation of infertiles won't stand for this and honestly, it's time that people took notice.

Brainstorming Session; Conceivable Dreams

Many thanks to Neeroc (One day this blog will have a snazzy name); through her, I found out about Conceivable Dreams' plan to get some IF folks together to brainstorm.

Seems that Ontario is on the verge of a provincial election (coming up on October 6, 2011) and if elected, the Liberals have indicated their willingness to fund IVF commencing in December 2011. Interesting... very interesting indeed. This, of course, falls in line with the report produced by the Expert Panel on Adoption and Infertility a couple of years ago, and it follows last year's decision by the province of Quebec to fund IVF, and the province of Manitoba's financial contribution to helping people build families.

Knowing this information, the OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) Coalition for IVF Funding -- aka Conceivable Dreams -- held a brainstorming session in Toronto on February 1. Twenty "dynamic individuals from the infertility community" in the Toronto area came together to brainstorm about some possible ways to raise this issue in the upcoming election.

And Conceivable Dreams is doing it again.

On March 1, they're holding a similar brainstorming session here in Ottawa at the Ottawa Fertility Centre. I found out about it through Neeroc and then peeked at the Coalition's website for the information. I contacted Kerri immediately (she remembered me from the Baby Steps IF walk a few years ago! see pics here... Hi Kerri!) to register both me and Hubby for the event. And WOOT! We're in! Last I heard from Kerri on Tuesday, Feb. 15, there were maybe 4 or 5 spots left.

I'm looking forward to it. If you have ideas, thoughts or anything that we might be able to use, lay it on me! It should be a very interesting evening. With luck, something productive will come from it.

Happy Valentine's Day; chocolate anyone?

February 14. Valentine's Day.

Hubby and I declared years ago that we wouldn't 'celebrate' Valentine's Day in the traditional sense. We used to now and then, but for some reason, we had a particularly bad string of luck on February 14. One year he was miserably ill with the flu and in bed, sleeping off the chills. Another year, we sat down to a candlelight dinner and started to chat... and disagreed over something, which resulted in a bad (like, REALLY bad...) end to the evening. I won't use other examples, but you get the idea, I'm sure.

So just the thought of Valentine's Day sort of turns me off, you know? It brings back bad memories and feelings. Thus, we don't really celebrate it anymore. If I have anything to give to Hubby to mark the day, I NEVER give it to him on February 14; usually it's on the 12th or 13th instead.

Regardless, we also decided that we don't need a particular day to say how much we love our other half. Honestly, that is something we do more than once a year (obviously!) so it's another day to mark, but it does give us the opportunity to remember to say it. Cause, you know, the insanity of life means that we just go through the motions some days and fall in bed at the end of the day, eager for some shut-eye.

I did get Hubby a card though, and a little chocolate (he's a worse chocoholic than ANY female I know!). I got chocolate for Hubby's teenage kids too. I didn't get chocolate for Petite, but I did get her a sweet little, very soft, doggie stuffed toy with a heart-shaped dog tag. She cuddled it and was happy. Though she did ASK for chocolate. Make no mistake, she is her father's daughter. She knows how to say "chocolate?" and stretch her little hands up towards the chocolate stash above the microwave. You see, while I didn't get her any chocolate, other family members have sent some to her, so we're sparing it along. But boy, does she love her chocolate! I've taken to spelling out the word already so she doesn't get it in her head that she's getting some! Is that nuts or what?!

Side note: I think I spell too fast for Hubby and the rest of the family to understand what I'm saying! Must remember to slow down.

And a little tidbit for you: at my office, I don't have reception for a radio, but I do have Winamp running all day long, playing random music from a folder on my hard drive. One of the songs in there is "our" song, from our wedding day. And our song is Dr. Hook's "Years From Now." I heard it first thing when I got in the office this morning. It made me smile too and brought back lovely memories from our wedding day. Hubby and I have been together for 10 years, and married for 6. Our 7th anniversary is in August this year. It was lovely to hear that song this morning to start my day.

To my fellow bloggers:
Wishing Vee and Boo a wonderful holiday in Thailand, where they'll make new and wonderful memories! Take pics please!

Sandra and Edward will be christening their triplets at the end of February and Hubby and I are going to try to attend the service. I'd love to meet them all!

Bea is about ready to have her little one. She's over 40 wks already. I'm reading frequently for the update!

And wonderful news for both Michelle at I'm Not Pregnant, Just Fat and Kelly at Candid Confessions of a Southern Princess: betas are great and rising. I'm so happy for them both!

Keeping fingers and toes crossed for My Reality as she has one perfect little embryo transferred today in her efforts to have a sibling for her little girl. This cycle, things are going much the way things did when she got lucky the first time around, so I'm hoping everything works out for her and her family.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Whether you celebrate or not, there should be love in your heart for someone today, and every day!

Checking the List; Petite's Skills and Abilities

FYI: This post is mostly about Petite and her development at her current age. Skip it if it's a sensitive topic for you.



About two weeks ago, I got a letter from Ottawa Public Health. I had no idea what it was; I wasn't really expecting anything. Regardless, I opened it up and I was pleasantly surprised to find a letter and checklist inside for parents of 18-month old children.

Dear Lord. I am still shaking my head in disbelief.

Do you realize that Petite will be a year and a half at the end of February?! I have NO clue where that time went but I can tell you this: I have loved EVERY SINGLE MOMENT and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Anyway, I was reminded of some of the public resources in Ottawa for parents (e.g., the public library, early years centres, community health centres). There were also health reminders, for example, to take Petite for her check-up at 18 months, and to get her innoculations. Those are on the list, for sure.

And the checklist enclosed has examples of what most 18-month old children are able to do. I peeked at it with some interest, wondering if my little girl is 'on track'... although always with a grain of salt because I know that every child develops at his or her own rate. No two are alike. The list is called the Nipissing District Developmental Screen. It could be a useful tool to see how things are going, if you're so inclined.

Regardless, here's the checklist if you're interested and my notes on how Petite is doing:

By 18 months of age, does your child...

1. Identify pictures in a book? (e.g., "Show me the baby?") -- Petite does this, and has done it for about two months now. And sometimes, she knows the word in both French and English. We're doing our best to ensure she's bilingual!
2. Use familiar gestures? (e.g., waving, pushing away) -- Yep. Waving bye-bye, picking up the phone and saying Hello/Allo, reaching up and saying "up" when she wants to get in our arms, pushing on her high chair when she's hungry, and more.
3. Follow directions when given without gestures? (e.g., Throw me the ball. Bring me your shoes.) -- Petite does this without any problem. "Get the duckie," and she does. "Put your books away," and she does. Or at least, she tries to. So she's doing fine here.
4. Use common expressions? (e.g., all gone, uh-oh) -- Both of these are common vocabulary for her now, as are many more.
5. Point to at least three different body parts when asked? (e.g., Where is your nose?) -- She's got it this! And again, some in both languages. She knows head, chin, ears, eyes, mouth, hands, nose, toes, knees, belly (and bellybutton!) with no problem. And she knows them on us too! If I ask her, "Where's Mama's nose?" she'll immediately touch my nose and giggle. It's cute!
6. Say five or more words? (Words do not have to be clear.) -- Dear Lord, she's got this one down pat. She has for a number of months. She's a chatterbox!
7. Hold a cup to drink? -- She is starting to hold an open cup to drink, probably within the last two or three weeks. But obviously I give her very little liquid in it, and I refill as required. I started practising this with her in the bathtub actually. I have a cup in there that I use to rinse her hair after I wash it. She wanted to play with the cup, starting when she was around 9 or 10 months old, so I added a second cup to the tub routine; one for her, one for me. She's at the stage now where she's learning to transfer water from one cup to the other to fill it. And she drinks from both cups regularly.
8. Pick up and eat finger food? -- No problem. She's using a spoon and fork now too at dinner. She prefers to use the utensils, but will resort to her fingers if she can't make the utensils cooperate! It's cute!
9. Help with dressing by putting out arms and legs? -- Yes, and she's grabbing her socks from my hands on occasion to try to put them on her own feet!
10. Craw or walk up stairs/steps? -- The only stairs we have in our house are to the basement, and she doesn't go down there (fuse box, wiring, cat litter, etc., would be too tempting to play with) so she doesn't practice this much at our house. We do have one step from our kitchen down to our living room, and she mastered that while crawling. She's now able to fluidly walk up and down that step and just hold the side of the wall for a little support as she does so. At the caregiver's, there are steps and she goes up them lickety-split with no trouble! The caregiver tells me that she's learning to sit on her bottom and go down as well.
11. Walk alone? -- For a number of months now. She was able to walk alone in her 11th month. She's actually running, spinning, dancing and starting to learn to jump.
12. Squat to pick up a toy without falling? -- Yes. No trouble with this.
13. Push and pull toys or other objects while walking? -- She loves doing this! We have a hand-made wooden frog that has click-clack wheels on it. She adores running around the house with the froggie trailing behind her making a clatter!
14. Stack three or more blocks? -- Yes, but she's not interested in the blocks or stacking cups all that much.
15. Show affection towards people, pets or toys? -- She's doing this more and more these days. She tried to pick up one of the cats yesterday, much to his disgust! But she hugs them and cuddles them. She is very attached to her Pooh Bear stuffed toys, and a blue stuffed teddy that my cousin gave to her. She walks around the house hugging them, sometimes all at once! She comes up to us as well, wrapping her arms around our legs and giving us a hug too. She is willing to give hugs and kisses to familiar people on request (most of the time!).
16. Point to show you something? -- She points to the TV frequently, if she wants The Wiggles! She ADORES The Wiggles! Dear God, you'd think they were the best thing since sliced white?! It's so sweet. Side note: Two of her favourite songs are "Hot Potato" and "Rock-a-Bye Your Bear." She knows most of the actions for both those songs and literally dances in the living room when she hears the first notes of each. It's sweet to see. Must make sure I take her to see The Wiggles in concert next time they come to Canada. Anyway, yes. She knows how to point at things she wants, like her water cup, food, the computer... (eeesh!).
17. Look at you when you are talking or playing together? -- She makes great eye contact so yes, that's not an issue with her. Which is good. Cause Mommy loves to look at Petite's sweet blue eyes. :)

So all in all, I think she's on track.

FYI, the other side of the checklist has an Activities for your Child section. Activities suggested are as follows:

• Help me to notice familiar sounds, such as birds chirping, car or truck motors, airplanes, dogs barking, sirens, or splashing water. Imitate the noise you hear and see if I will imitate you. Encourage me by smiling and clapping.
• I am learning new words every day. Play games to help me learn the names of things. Put pictures of familiar things, such as toy animals, people, or objects, in a bag and say, "One, two, three, what do we see?" and pull a picture from the bag.
• Pretend to talk to me on the phone or encourage me to call someone.
• Don't be afraid to let me see what I can do with my body. I need to practise climbing, swinging, jumping, running, going up and down stairs, and going down slides. Stay close to me so I don't get hurt.
• Play some of my favourite music. Encourage me to move to the music by swaying my arms, moving slowly, marching to the music, hopping, clapping my hands, tapping my legs, etc. Let's have fun doing actions while listening to music.
• Let me play with balls of different sizes. Take some of the air out of a beach ball. Watch me kick, throw and try to catch it.
• I like toys that I can pull apart and put back together: large LEGO containers with lids, or plastic links. Talk to me about what I am doing using words like "push" and "pull."
• I'm not too little to play with large crayons. Let's scribble and talk about our art work.
• I like simple puzzles with two to four pieces and shape sorters with simple shapes. Encourage me to match the pieces by taking turns with me.
• I want to do things just like you. Let me have toys so I can pretend to dress up, have tea parties and play mommy or daddy.
• I feel safe and secure when I know what is expected of me. You can help me with this by following routines and setting limits. Praise my good behaviour.
• I like new toys so find the local toy lending library or play groups in our community.
• I enjoy exploring the world but I need to know that you are close by. I may cry when you leave me with others, so give me a hug and tell me you will be back.

In all that list, most of those things we're doing with Petite already. I need to be more diligent with naming things (the objects in a bag game) or sticking the names household items on the item itself (e.g., "table" will be stuck on the table) so Petite can see it. She's still a little young for the words I think. Not sure. She loves the music parts and actions, she has fun colouring and will point to her colouring book and markers on a daily basis, saying, "colour?" She has a fish puzzle that we got in Mexico that she walks around the house with; she enjoys the puzzles a lot. Shape sorters are fun for her too; we did that a few times just yesterday. I'm teaching her "carré vert" (green square) and she finds the green and shoves the square into the right spot. We try to change up her toys frequently. Must make a note to do that in the next week or so. We just did it a little while ago but it's almost time again now. I haven't given her the pretty, porcelain, Alice-in-Wonderland toy teacups that she was given for a tea party yet; that'll come when she's a bit older. For now, I can give her some of the plastic, non-breakable ones. She has a new table and chair set that she got for Christmas, so maybe we can put it to use... And she is definitely an electronics baby! She plays with the phone, the computer, the mouse, keyboard, etc. So talking on the phone will be a breeze for her. She and I pretended to do that yesterday actually. She held a block to her ear, and said, "Hello?" and I replied. We had a little conversation. Every time she said a word (or tried to), I responded to her. That entertained her for about 10 or 15 minutes yesterday evening. It was really sweet to see. Given that the phone is one of the main ways I keep in touch with my family, it'll be important that she is comfortable with it so she can talk to Nana and Poppy and all the aunties and the like.

Celebrations!
Oh I am thrilled beyond belief for Kellie and her husband D. After many, many years and a plethora of f*ck-ups in their home state as they attempted to adopt a child (or children), their dreams have come true. I actually squealed aloud when I read Kellie's recent post in which she told the blogging community that they have TWO children in their home now! Go read for yourself; she and D are just over the moon and honestly, I couldn't be happier for them!

And Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Hubby and I typically don't celebrate (for a few reasons) so I'll probably just pick up a card for him and a little chocolate cause I know he likes it. What do you and your other half do to celebrate, for those that do? I'm curious. Mind you, ahem... keep it clean folks!

Wishing you all a wonderful week!

Reconsidering

I'm having second thoughts.

Not about whether we'll cycle again. No no. Not at all.

But about whether NOW is the right moment. And the reasons I'm having these thoughts are plenty.

• When we got our calendar, the RE who prepared it didn't consult with the RE who'd do the transfer (Dr. Tan) or the urologist who will need to do Hubby's surgery (Dr. Chan).
• He also didn't factor in any bloodwork that needs to be done.
• And nowhere is anything about the cyst included; "we'll deal with it when we need to" was the answer.

Ugh.

Okay, so let me be clear: I have total faith in Dr. Tan and the process that worked for us last time. But any modification from the protocol that we had last time might be cause for concern.

Last time, I had been preparing for YEARS to do IVF. I was taking vitamins, folic acid, exercising regularly, etc. While I'm back at the gym, I'm certainly not a 'regular' there yet and the vitamins and folic acid? Um... no. *hangs head sheepishly*

Anyway, the third time I called the clinic to ask about the fact that we were prescribed three months worth of vitamins but our cycle was in less than one month, I got Dr. Tan himself on the phone. He looked at my file, and realized that he didn't even HAVE a copy of the calendar that was given to me! I had to put the phone down and go fax him a copy so he could see the dates himself! Sheesh!

First problem: Dr. Tan isn't going to be in the country during the week of our retrieval/transfer. So that won't work. Solution: He advised stepping up the cycle, having me take the BCPs and overlap that with the Buserelin (aka Suprefact) injections and move the entire cycle up so that we'd finish retrieval/transfer by the first week of March.

Honestly, that seems a little wonky to me. Again, if I deviate from the standard protocol, I might just be wasting my money. I'd rather take the time and in a couple of months, do it right. Assuming they can fit me into their calendar that is.

Second problem: Dr. Tan asked (via e-mail) that I start taking DHEA, but didn't prescribe a dose/frequency for me. While I can get it, I need to get more details from him so the pharmacy can make up the correct dosage.

Third problem: Dr. Tan recommended a relatively new procedure for us. It's called CGH array (similar to PGD). They would ship embryos to New Jersey to the testing facility so that they could ensure they only transfer chromosomally normal embryos back into me at transfer time. However, I'm guessing that means a FET rather than a fresh cycle and I'm not so keen on doing that. The first baby born using this procedure was born to a 41-year old UK woman who had 13 failed IVF procedures and then they used CGH for the last one. Her baby boy, Oliver, was born in September 2009. The cost is $4000 for the shipping, biopsy and testing for all embryos we produce. Using CGH can improve chances up to 50%, and can be useful for women of an advanced age. (When he told me about this process, I immediately thought of a few blogging friends who might be interested in giving this a try!)

So Hubby and I have talked about this. I really don't think we'll be doing this for a few reasons. Yes, my eggs are two years older than last time, so we do have to consider that. However, my FSH is still really good. My bloodwork is all normal. Last time, we only produced six embryos, three of which made good quality transfers, but fertilization rates were high, dividing rates were really good, and quality on visual examination was quite good for those three. If we had multiple IVF failures, then I would probably go for this. Yes. And as I said, it would likely mean a FET rather than a fresh cycle.

Fourth problem: I am on CD3 today, and I still don't have all the vitamins that I was supposed to take (for three months, remember) leading up to BCPs and suppression injections, followed by stim injections. I'm working on getting them all, but some aren't available easily in Ottawa; I expect I'll have to order them online. One in particular is from a Quebec company and is new on the market; pharmacies in Ottawa don't carry it and can't get it. Hmm, maybe I can drive across the river this weekend to Quebec and find a pharmacy there? There's a plan... So yeah, I'd like to get going with the vitamins, folic acid, all that good stuff leading me up to the proper cycle dates and medications as are laid out in the regular IVF calendar.

Fifth problem: This is one that CAN be overlooked, but when combined with the others, it makes sense to consider it...

Hubby's schedule.

If we do the IVF right now, this month, and assuming it works, we would have a newborn on or around Christmas this year. And that means that the first four months of the baby's life, Hubby is tied up in school, trying to study and get good marks. But of course, he'll be wanting to help out and bond with the baby. It just makes more sense to delay for a few months to let me get these vitamins going, and that way, Hubby will be closer to being finished his course of study for practical nursing and we won't have the time issues and considerations.

So, with all that said, I'm on CD3. I had picked up the BCPs and took the first one before looking at all the details. Sure, doing it this month would let us just get going and not have to think about it too much. But it is only because I stopped to think about all the little things that aren't adding up, that I figured out we couldn't stick to the calendar they'd given us. So in this case, thinking about it is a good thing. I'll be sending an e-mail to the docs to let them know that we'd like to hold off for the three months so we can do this the right way. That'll give us a better shot. And it would save me from the "what ifs" when and if this doesn't go well. Honestly, if there's one thing I've learned, that peace of mind is bloody crucial.

Still hanging in there, and starting prep work for our IVF cycle. So stay tuned. More fun and games will be forthcoming. I promise! For those counting, Tuesday, Feb. 1 was CD 1 (clockwork I tell ya, even with a mere 4.0 lining on CD 23!) and all seems normal. We've started looking for and taking the various vitamins required. Here we go again!

IVF #2 on deck! Ten Hut!

Montréal. *sighs* Oh Montréal, I do not enjoy you. Not at all.

Especially not when there's a mountain of construction on Sherbrooke and we're stuck taking a detour and stupid taxi drivers are cutting you off, and pedestrians believe they can cross the road willy-nilly, and the cars are double parked (often in a no-parking zone!) and you have to 'slalom-weave' around vehicles to get anywhere, and... and... and...

I could go on. But you get the point.

Neverthless, we had an appointment in Montréal yesterday. We took Petite with us, because as I mentioned, I didn't want to take advantage of her daycare provider and have us delayed for our arrival, if perchance our appointment finished late.

The construction mess meant that we showed up about 20 minutes late for our 1:45 appointment, but we were quickly registered at the desk to see Dr. Tan. We had to pay the consultation fee up front. What was $60 last month was $100 this month; nice huh? The explanation for that jump is because of the whole "Quebec now funds IVF so our prices have changed." Lovely. I made a mental note to ask Dr. Tan about the other costs associated with the IVF; what else has changed?!

Anyway, in the waiting room, Petite wasn't the only child there; a few other infants and young children were there as well and Petite obligingly walked up and down the hallways waving 'hello' to one and all. ** She's such a social butterfly.

Anyway, we were soon ushered in to see Dr. Tan and he went over our file, tests, etc. As he indicated, all is normal. And there's no reason why we can't get started. He did ask why I wanted a general anaesthetic (GA) though and I replied that for safety's sake, because sedation uses an IV, and IVs are a bit of a sticking point with me, that it's better for all concerned if we use GA in my case.

And apparently that poses a problem.

You see, now that Quebec funds IVF for residents, that funding doesn't provide for GA, only for sedation when you have the retrieval. If GA were to be used, the fees would only amount to $80 and no anaesthesiologist is willing to work for that, so there are no anaesthesiologists available at McGill anymore. However, there is a solution.

Montréal Reproductive Centre.

Yup. You read that right. Montréal Reproductive Centre.

Brand, spankin' new.

Back in November 2010, Dr. Tan started up a new fertility centre in Montréal. Given that he's started a few centres in Canada, and there is a current need in Montréal to fill the gap that Quebec's funding doesn't cover (e.g., out of town patients, like us), he procured space, hired staff and has started Montréal Reproductive Centre, located on Decarie Boulevard, near Autoroute Decarie. Much closer for us in fact, as we don't have to wind our way through downtown Montréal! WOOT! For those curious, the clinic's website is http://www.mtrlrc.com but many pages are still blank; information is forthcoming.

Dr. Tan immediately referred us over there. But not before I asked some pertinent questions:

• Is the cost the same? Answer: Yes. All costs are the same as the costs at McGill and he went over the costs with us again.
• Who will do the work? Answer: The same doctors who work at McGill also liaise with Montréal Reproductive. We will still have Dr. Chan for Hubby's PESA (sperm aspiration); we will still have the same embryologist as is at McGill; and Dr. Tan can oversee the whole procedure more personally than at McGill.
• What protocols are used? Answer: The same as at McGill because Dr. Tan is still my doctor and will still use the same process and protocol for our cycle. This was crucial to me; I didn't want to try my hand at the Ottawa Fertility Centre only to find that they're more conservative (as is rumoured on ivf.ca) and to learn that they don't use the same drugs or type of protocol, that obviously worked so well for us the first time around.
• What about our files? Answer: We have to sign a release form so that Montréal Reproductive staff can access our files. The electronic files are shared via the same filing system. Hard copy files, notes and tests will be copied and within three weeks, will be available to the staff at the new office.
• Bonus... parking! There's no cost for parking at the new clinic, while McGill has a nightmare of a parking lot and it costs $18 if you are there for anything more than 90 mins. As of course, we always are. There's lots of on-street parking at Montréal Reproductive and it's very close to the highway on which we come into the city.

So without further ado, Hubby, Petite and I bundled up again and went to Montréal Reproductive. Dr. Tan had already e-mailed the doctor who was there at the time (Dr. Alper Mumcu... quite nice... he himself has twin boys from IVF). I hopped on the table for a baseline scan.

Keep in mind that I was on CD 23 of my cycle.

Well, they had a helluva time finding the left ovary; it's always hiding and lots of folks have trouble with it.

The right was easier to locate, and so were the NINE follicles visible.

And so was the cyst... *sigh*

And *screams* bloody hell, my endometrium is only 4.0 on CD23? What gives?! Very weird. I attribute that to the whole "bleeding like a stuck pig, needing Provera to thin the lining" incident back in the fall of last year. Obviously, the Provera did its job and thinned the lining but wow, time for it to recover methinks! Yikes!

Anyway, the scan was done, reports printed for the file, and I got dressed again.

Dr. Mumcu believes, as does Dr. Tan, that they can once again aspirate the cyst prior to the retrieval. Which, by the way is tentatively scheduled for early in the week of March 13 and transfer on or before March 18.

Did you see that my dear readers?




RETRIEVAL and TRANSFER scheduled.

I am terrified.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an IVF calendar in my hand. As long as I start my next cycle before February 12, I am to start taking BCP in preparation for IVF #2.

And I am so scared that it's not going to work as well as IVF #1 did. It's paralysing. It really is.

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out getting all these medications. The list is as follows:

For me
BCPs (Marvelon; suppression)
Buserelin (Suprefact)
Follitropin-alpha (Gonal F)
Lutropin-alpha (Luveris)
Choriogonadotropin -alpha (Ovidrel; trigger)
Estradiol (Estrace)
Progesterone (Endometrin)
Doxycycline (antibiotic)
Methylprednisolone (Medrol)
Pregvit folic acid
Betacarotene
Lycopene
Garlic
Fertil Pro

For Hubby
Doxycycline (antibiotic)
Betacarotene
Lycopene
Garlic
Fertil Pro

Oh yeah, and to throw even more fun into the mix:
March 18, the tentative transfer date, is also the date that our church choir has been asked to sing the anthem at an Ottawa 67s game to be nationally televised. Nice huh? I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Hold on. I'm back on the rollercoaster. Dear Lord... am I insane?




**Note: I do realize how hard it is for us IFers when someone brings a child into a clinic. I wish I had another choice. However, I also recognize that most will understand she is the product of infertility and ART and hopefully, they can see past the fact that there is a child right in front of them. Until the clinics all offer separate waiting areas (for those IFers without children, and those who have children with them), there's not a lot I can do. I wish there was.

Western Caribbean Cruise Details

Better late than never right? Here are the details of our recent trip to Florida (for New Year's) and then our 7-day Western Caribbean cruise.


First stop: St. Pete's Beach where we spent three days and enjoyed the sights and sounds of our favourite haunts. We went to Cody's Steak House (always a staple for any trip to Florida!), the ladies enjoyed pedicures, courtesy of my sister, who as of today is 24 weeks pregnant, and we soaked up a little sun. If I had my time back, I would have chosen to stay in Florida for about a week rather than just three days. It's never enough time!


Petite's first time on a sandy beach; she LOVED it!





My dad with Petite as she gets the hang of her Elmo harness. It didn't take her long to figure out that by putting this thing on, she could have some freedom, and when she figured THAT out, my dad had quite a job to keep up with her! Here she is, running, along the walkways at the Ellenton outlet stores.

NOTE: I'm generally not a fan of harness or leashes, but not knowing what the ship was like (i.e., whether there was a space at the bottom of the railing), it was better to be safe than sorry. So we picked up this harness for Petite just in case and got her used to it.




On January 2, we headed over to the port of Tampa and boarded the Carnival Legend for our 7-day cruise. This photo was taken at Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands, as we were returning to the ship from wandering at the stores and shops along the quay.




Sunrise on board, for our first day at sea, January 3, 2011.

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands was our first port of call on Jan. 4, 2011. Hubby, Petite, my mom, dad and I all went ashore together --via tender boat; as you saw above, our ship was anchored offshore -- to roam about and poke into a few stores. It was very picturesque and as you can see, still decorated for the holidays.

Our second port of call was Isla Roatan, Honduras on Jan. 5, 2011. A BEAUTIFUL island! OMG, it's gorgeous. We elected to do a beach break excursion. We walked straight off the ship, along the walkway pictured below, through the shopping area and over to Mahogany Bay beach to spend a few hours.

Initially, Petite came with us. She was excited to get in the water and play on the sand!

But Petite had caught a little bit of a sniffly nose, so we brought her back to the ship after awhile. Hubby stayed with her for a few hours, and then my sister and mom relieved him of baby guard duty, and he returned to the beach to spend time with me. I think this is one of the two or three pics we had taken together while we were on the cruise!

Here are the beach chairs and the area that everyone gathered in for the day at the beach. Music was coming from the nearby bar on the beach, you could rent snorkel or scuba gear (I went snorkelling for the first time in my life! VERY cool!) and the clamshell cabanas were comfortable enough to relax in. A fairly good day; I just wish Petite had been able to enjoy more of it.

January 6 saw us dock outside of Belize City, Belize. There were a few cruise ships docked for the day but in Belize, apparently it's very shallow and they haven't excavated to allow the ships to dock alongside the quay as they did in Isla Roatan. Thus, we boarded a tender boat for a 20 minute ride between our ship and the dock. This is the quay in Belize and some of the shops. Plenty of passengers, aren't there? There are a lot of excursions to chose from, but with a toddler who is too young to do any of them or who doesn't have the attention span for them, we elected mostly to just roam around the quay. In Belize, I really wanted to do the cave tubing excursion, but it just wasn't possible. Hopefully in a few years, I'll get to return and do those sorts of things.

Leaving Belize, we spotted this gem of a view. We couldn't let it pass by without taking a photo. Hubby took this one; I think it's spectacular.

And lastly, on January 7, our port of call was Cozumel, Mexico. I knew that Hubby wanted to hit the beach again, but Petite wasn't up for the length of time it took for that excursion. So I told Hubby to go with my sis and her friend so they could enjoy the beach, while I stayed with Petite. Because we split up, Hubby took our camera and went off to see the Mayan Ruins/beach in Cozumel. Petite, my dad, and I went ashore early. And later in the day, my mom, my sis and I went again. We hit the shops along the quay and I picked up a couple of souvenirs for Hubby's kids and our friends K&K.

Anyway, all that to say: Hubby took our camera so I used my mom's camera to take photos of the quay. Mom's pics haven't been downloaded yet, so I'll have to show you Hubby's pics of the ruins and the beach.

And lastly, aboard the Carnival Legend again, here are a few pics of the local flavour. The photo here is one of the piano bars on board, very near the restaurant.

Our steward, Sri, made sure our towel animals gave us a grin! Here's the monkey that greeted us one evening!

And this is a pic of our stateroom as we first saw it on our embarkation day. It can accommodate a family of up to 4 people, with a pull-out and a pull-down bed. But in our case, they had it made up for two adults and an infant. And this was a crib Petite couldn't climb out of! (For reference, we had cabin 7176, an unobstructed view on the port side of the ship.)

While on board, we celebrated my mom's birthday in Cozumel, Mexico. We couldn't do a whole lot for her, but my sis did a great job decorating her stateroom (her room and my parents' were adjoining) and we gave her cards, and sang Happy Birthday at dinner and all that. She was adamant that we not tell the staff for fear they would embarrass her!

IVF Update

On Thursday, January 27, we go to Montreal again for a follow-up appointment with our doctor. I'm not entirely sure of the purpose of this one; the test results are normal as far as I know so in my view, the next step is figuring out the calendar. But we'll see what they want us for and what they have to say. I think we'll be taking Petite with us for this jaunt, although her caregiver says that we can leave her there until we return. I just have no idea when that will be, and that uncertainty isn't what I would like to impose on Petite's caregiver. She's so good to us, I need to reciprocate. But it means taking Petite to the hospital with us, trying to entertain her and then hope to heavens she sleeps during the return two-hour drive. Wish us luck. We may need it!

Another Kid in Our House?

I promise... the cruise and our vacation details will be in the NEXT post. I'm working on it. We still haven't downloaded the photos for heavens' sake!

However, yesterday brought a development that I need to share with you, my virtual family.

The long and the short of it is:


Hubby's 16-year old daughter has elected to live at our house for half of each month.

This has been brewing for a number of years actually. It's not a surprise to me, nor to Hubby really. However, the final vocalization of her desires comes as a devastating blow to Hubby's ex and her family, with whom my stepdaughter has been living.

Hubby's ex and his two kids live with the ex's parents. The ex's father is retired, while her mother runs a before-and-after-school daycare in the home. It's a three-bedroom townhouse. The daycare is in the basement. The main floor is living area, kitchen, dining, etc. Upstairs, there are three bedrooms and the bathroom. My stepson is in one bedroom (formerly an office, now converted so he can sleep there). Hubby's ex's parents have the master bedroom of course; after all, it is their home. And Hubby's ex has a room... that she shares with Hubby's daughter.

I believe a great deal of the current angst and frustration that my stepdaughter feels stems from the fact that she doesn't have a room, a space to call her own. She can't go anywhere and shut the door and have any private time at all. And any 16-year old NEEDS that in my opinion. She gets that here in our house and she likes it. She wants more. She likes being with us and spending time with us. She wants more of that too. She wants more of us. She likes what she has in our home, I think.

In fact, she wants to move in with us full-time. But legally and logistically, that might be difficult. I need to look into some of the other factors that may come into play in the future. Technically, Hubby's ex has full custody, but at 16, I know my stepdaughter can choose where she wants to live. Of course, she also knows it's easier to do things with everyone's approval rather than fight her way along and have it result in tears, anger and a lot of money spent in the courts to resolve things. She's not stupid... not by a long shot.

As well, I need to find out if she can be covered under my insurance. I believe she can be, but I need to check it out for sure. And if perchance she came to live with us on a more full-time or permanent basis, how would that affect her student loans and the like? Would our income be factored into the equation? I'm not sure; I need to look into these details before we can do anything more than offer her two weeks per month at our house.

However, I do believe that even two weeks per month will help alleviate the tension in their home at the moment. And right now, that is the first goal. And of course to keep her off the streets and in the home of family who loves her and wants to see her do her best. So right now, this is the solution and we'll see where we go from here.

Wish us all lots of luck! And if you have advice, by all means, let me know! I'm all ears. I'm being thrown into the "parenting a teenager pool" smack dab in the middle of the deep end! Yikes!

And how to refer to these players in this blog?
Hubby's daughter?
My stepdaughter?
Petite's big sis?
Oooh, maybe la grande for my stepdaughter and le grand for my stepson? After all, they're the big kids, right?
I've got to come up with something that works, for all of us!

On another note...

Go over to The Road Less Travelled and wish Happy Birthday to Loribeth! It's a milestone year for her and she deserves lots of love and good wishes for her special day! Wishing you a spectacular day and a wonderful year Loribeth!

And congratulations to Kakunaa and her DH (Spermination Station) who got a settlement they've been waiting for quite some time to receive! How wonderful to be able to do so many things with some extra money; good for you girl!

Happy New Year! And OMG, what have I missed?!

Well now, 2011 has been ushered in and we're off and running again, aren't we? I don't know what sort of break you had over the holidays, but my ten-day vacation away seems like it was a lifetime ago, and I've only been back for a little over 30 hours! Yikes. Anyway, I'll touch on the holiday stuff in the next post, I promise.

So at the moment, here are some of the topics that I'm mulling over or that have affected me in some way:

Going through my mail yesterday, I received a lovely Christmas card from Vee and her little Boo. Opening it, a sweet wooden-bead bracelet fell out and Vee had written a note about how she had been wanting to send me one (we had talked about it quite some time ago). It's from the Rainbows for Kate foundation, which promotes awareness of sarcoma cancers. I immediately put the bracelet on and as I did, I shed tears for Vee's husband and Boo's daddy, Max, who passed away in 2010. I smiled through the tears and touched each of the beads of the bracelet. Max will never be forgotten and I know Vee strives to keep Max in their lives... most recently by sharing Max's love of the beach with their little Boo. (How I love the photos Vee posts!) Anyway, the card was sweet and the bracelet, very touching. I think of them often. Thank you Vee for sending that! You're such a sweetheart!

I missed the annual blog delurking week. Aw poop. That sorta sucks, as there are some blogs I've been reading fairly frequently and hope to comment on, but I just rarely get the time. I never get online in the evening after Petite goes to bed (I haven't even logged into my online game in more than six weeks!) so some of you don't even know that I'm reading! I must try to do better. I have to. That said, if perchance you're reading my blog, feel free to delurk and say hello; it's nice to know that someone's still out there.

I got the test results back from my HbA1C test; the number was 0.056 which is perfectly normal, aka not diabetic... not a surprise to me really, but it always seems to be to my doctors. They look at me and see that I am overweight and immediately assume: "Ha, Type 2 diabetes!" Guess what folks? I've been this way all my life! My weight never suddenly crept up on me. It never just "appeared" after a time of stress in my life. It never manifested quickly for any reason. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE. This is me folks. This is the way I've always been. Yes, I'm overweight, and always have been. And my bloodwork is totally NORMAL. SO STOP ASKING. Ugh.

More good news: about the endometrial biopsy... totally normal. No sign of anything that might cause issues or cancer in the future. I'm still taking the provera from CD12 to 25 (as directed), but this month, AF is disturbingly absent. Very odd. Obviously I can't be p/g, so I'm thinking it's just a long cycle, and prolonged by the provera usage. I had some spotting last week on the cruise, but it was super light. I didn't even count it as a cycle... I'm still counting days. Today is CD 35. That ain't normal for me at all. I'll see how it goes.

Anyway, with those two tests back, and both results are normal, our next step is to call the doctor in Montreal again and we'll see where we go from here. With luck, we can get in on a calendar before mid-year. I'll give him a call when we finish unpacking from the trip and get our Christmas decorations down and packed away for another year.

Petite has learned to give kisses. Open-mouthed kisses, but it is so lovely! The other day, Hubby was going out and I was getting Petite down for her nap. Hubby kissed Petite, and then me. She was lying in my arms and watched Hubby and I kiss. She immediately parroted the gesture. She leaned up to my face, touched her lips to mine and lay back down in my arms. I smiled at her sweetness, and she did it again. Repeatedly. About 10 or 12 times in succession, she gave me kisses and each one was cherished and precious. Last night, she was playing and stopped, looked up at me, got up and came over to where I was sitting and leaned up for kisses. And we repeated that process a few more times before she was satisfied. She's so sweet.

It was marvelously wonderful to see my sister and her husband. As of today, my sis is 22 weeks along and showing rather nicely. I brought her my two bella bands so that she can comfortably wear some of her own clothing a little longer, though she has some lovely maternity pieces in her wardrobe now. And she bought a few spring/summer ones while we were away; I expect she'll need them in West Virginia in the months of April and May, before she delivers.

I came back from our vacation to a few messages on our machine, one from Petite's caregiver who wanted to let me know that Fifth Disease (aka Slapped-Cheek Syndrome) is in her house. I did a little research, as I'd never really heard much about it before moving to Ontario from the east coast. From what I've read, it's nothing really serious for a child, so after keeping Petite home yesterday (I waited until the caregiver had a diagnosis from her kids' physician) I brought Petite back to daycare today. She was happy to be back there and playing contentedly with her friends when I left. With a bit of luck, she won't be exposed to it; apparently after the rash appears, the contagious stage is past. Depending on if anyone else is in the incubation stage, she may come down with it, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
For those wondering, here are some resources for you:
Medic 8 (http://www.medic8.com/healthguide/articles/slappedcheekdis.html)
Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erythema_infectiosum)
CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvrd/revb/respiratory/parvo_b19.htm)
Web MD (http://children.webmd.com/tc/fifth-disease-topic-overview)

Mel has worked wonders yet again. My God, that woman is tireless isn't she?! God love her for that. The Crème de la crème is up and running for a 5th year in a row. There are some fantastic pieces in there that deserve a second (or perhaps a first?) read. I hope to read a couple of posts a day and eventually get through the entire list. This is the first year I've participated but I hope that it won't be the last. With luck, I'll find a few new blogs to enjoy and maybe someone finds a connection to my blog and joins along. We have such an amazing community and I'm honoured to be just one little tiny part of it.

And a shout out to my neighbor, Marc, for being so kind and good and taking care of our two cats and one guinea pig while we were away. I am always grateful and humbled that I have such wonderful neighbors. Thank you Marc, for doing this. Your help has been immense and we are thankful.

Welcome 2011! I hope the year holds joy, love, peace, prosperity, fun and friendship for one and all. Love to all my blogging buddies!