Still here, still p/g. Apparently. No cramping, spotting or pain so all seems to be good. Though I know that until I have that viability ultrasound next Monday there is still some reason to worry. I know what can happen in these early weeks and I know that there are such things as empty fetal sacs and all that business. So of course I am cautious about this. Who wouldn't be after having travelled the road that I have over the last five years?! SERIOUSLY?!!
I have to hold out some optimism too though. The bouts of nausea (though no vomiting as of yet) and the tugs and pulls in my lower abdomen, some heartburn now and then (something I never experience!) combined with the extreme fatigue (I've been trying to nap in the afternoons when possible) and the irrational, emotional outbursts kind of indicate to me that things are humming along smoothly. I think.
Lord, I hope!
I have to say though, much like Kate over at Kicking You from the Inside, I think my digestive system is on strike. It's at a total standstill, guaranteed! Now from what I have read, I understand that it's my body taking more nutrients and things to create a placenta, to feed a growing MB (who shall be called Petit for blogging purposes) and the increase in progesterone levels that slows everything down is causing all of this to happen. I gotta say though, it's no picnic. I'm not embarassed to tell you that colace has become a staple in my pill regimen. Whatever works and is safe, I'll try!
Speaking of trying things, hubby and I indulged in a little fun last night for the first time since the transfer. I'm terrified of causing uterine contractions though and 'losing' Petit somehow. Logically, I know that can't happen. But I hear stories of some REs asking patients to abstain from intercourse/orgasms for the duration of the first trimester while others only ask that you abstain until the beta. (My RE in Montréal asked that I abstain til at least the beta but they didn't tell me anything after that. So I'm hesitant.) I'm of the mind that somewhere in between the two is probably the best. And as long as there is no cramping, spotting or pain, and we take it easy, then it's likely okay. What do you know about intercourse after IVF transfer? What directions did you receive from your RE after embryo transfer?
Today marks 5 wks 6 days into this pregnancy. And I'm starting to investigate baby books and things like that. One of my girlfriends has a few books from a couple of years ago (a pregnancy yoga book, a baby name book and a couple of others) and I might ask a woman at my office who had her second child last year if she has any reference materials for me. I hear that "Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" is an amazing book that sheds some perspective on pregnancy and does it with humour and lightheartedness. That sounds like something hubby and I could get into.
Though I confess, I doubt we'll need a baby name book. Five years ago when we naively started this journey, we had names picked already. One for a boy and one for a girl. We still love those names and we'll probably go with them in the end. But I can certainly browse a book to see if something else strikes me as a great name to use.
I hope everything is going well for all of us during this joyous month. And if you find yourself wishing that your month was much more joyous, believe me when I tell you, your time will come. Hard to have faith, I know. But it will happen. Love to all the bloggers and thank you for keeping up with me.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve
This year, I am looking forward to a special Christmas.
No, I didn't splurge and get hubby anything special. No, we didn't even get his kids anything extravagant. They got their gift in the form of the trip to Florida in November so all they get at our house will be stockings. No, we don't even have plans to see immediate family this Christmas. My sister is in WV with her husband his family, my folks are at home in Newfoundland along with my eldest aunt, and the youngest aunt just returned from her honeymoon (she got married last week) on Canada's east coast.
No, this year, it's special because it's going to be Christmas spent with good friends, just spending TIME together.
Today, my best friend and his wife and twin 6-year olds are driving 10 hours to our house from VA to spend the Christmas season in Canada for the first time in their lives. They'll get a white Christmas for them and their children and we'll get a chance to take them sledding and hopefully for a sleigh ride and out to see the Christmas lights on Taffy Lane. That walk on Taffy Lane will be tonight assuming the weather cooperates. I can't wait. For longtime readers, I've blogged about Taffy Lane before and how every resident decorates their home with lights for the season. It's quite spectacular. (See my post from December 10, 2006 to see some photos.) I cannot wait to see the excited eyes of children tomorrow morning when they open gifts and stockings.
And then later tomorrow, we'll pick up my girlfriend K and her daughter for the day as well. This time last year, K had just been diagnosed with cancer and it was touchy there for awhile as we wondered if she would be here to celebrate this Christmas at all. We're lucky she is and it'll be fun to have them at our place to join in the festivities.
But honestly, I already have the best gift I could possibly get, for this year or any year really. This year I finally got lucky. I think I can say (albeit still with an inkling of trepidation!) that I am pregnant. And that is the only gift I've ever really wanted. To be able to say that and to hope that in 2009, we reach the end of the rainbow and collect the pot of gold. There is no gift greater than this and I am truly blessed to have received it this year.
So while I sit tomorrow morning on the couch, wrapped in a blanket cozy and warm, between my husband and my best friend, watching little children open gaily wrapped packages with glee, I will be able to smile and rejoice at how very lucky I am this year.
And to Denis, my darling husband, I am so thrilled that we have gotten this far, together. There have been trials and tests of patience along the way, but we have proved that we can withstand just about anything that is thrown in our path. Love sees us through. Know that I love you dearly and I am so happy to be pregnant with your child. To be able to say that means so much to me and I know from the smile on your face of late, it means just as much to you. I love you sweetheart. Merry Christmas.
Blessings to all of us at this time of year and may 2009 bring us joy, love, laughter, peace and prosperity! Whatever you do and wherever you are this holiday season, may you have a joyous holiday.
No, I didn't splurge and get hubby anything special. No, we didn't even get his kids anything extravagant. They got their gift in the form of the trip to Florida in November so all they get at our house will be stockings. No, we don't even have plans to see immediate family this Christmas. My sister is in WV with her husband his family, my folks are at home in Newfoundland along with my eldest aunt, and the youngest aunt just returned from her honeymoon (she got married last week) on Canada's east coast.
No, this year, it's special because it's going to be Christmas spent with good friends, just spending TIME together.
Today, my best friend and his wife and twin 6-year olds are driving 10 hours to our house from VA to spend the Christmas season in Canada for the first time in their lives. They'll get a white Christmas for them and their children and we'll get a chance to take them sledding and hopefully for a sleigh ride and out to see the Christmas lights on Taffy Lane. That walk on Taffy Lane will be tonight assuming the weather cooperates. I can't wait. For longtime readers, I've blogged about Taffy Lane before and how every resident decorates their home with lights for the season. It's quite spectacular. (See my post from December 10, 2006 to see some photos.) I cannot wait to see the excited eyes of children tomorrow morning when they open gifts and stockings.
And then later tomorrow, we'll pick up my girlfriend K and her daughter for the day as well. This time last year, K had just been diagnosed with cancer and it was touchy there for awhile as we wondered if she would be here to celebrate this Christmas at all. We're lucky she is and it'll be fun to have them at our place to join in the festivities.
But honestly, I already have the best gift I could possibly get, for this year or any year really. This year I finally got lucky. I think I can say (albeit still with an inkling of trepidation!) that I am pregnant. And that is the only gift I've ever really wanted. To be able to say that and to hope that in 2009, we reach the end of the rainbow and collect the pot of gold. There is no gift greater than this and I am truly blessed to have received it this year.
So while I sit tomorrow morning on the couch, wrapped in a blanket cozy and warm, between my husband and my best friend, watching little children open gaily wrapped packages with glee, I will be able to smile and rejoice at how very lucky I am this year.
And to Denis, my darling husband, I am so thrilled that we have gotten this far, together. There have been trials and tests of patience along the way, but we have proved that we can withstand just about anything that is thrown in our path. Love sees us through. Know that I love you dearly and I am so happy to be pregnant with your child. To be able to say that means so much to me and I know from the smile on your face of late, it means just as much to you. I love you sweetheart. Merry Christmas.
Blessings to all of us at this time of year and may 2009 bring us joy, love, laughter, peace and prosperity! Whatever you do and wherever you are this holiday season, may you have a joyous holiday.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Second Beta
As an addendum to the previous post
We just got the results...
The second beta came in at 355 (at 17dp3dt). That gives us a doubling time of about 55 hours at the moment. All is still good. So I can breathe a little easier.
We just got the results...
The second beta came in at 355 (at 17dp3dt). That gives us a doubling time of about 55 hours at the moment. All is still good. So I can breathe a little easier.
So what's next on this journey?
I haven't posted any updates. Sorry! I'm a slacker huh? I do apologize. I think the reason I haven't posted is I'm afraid that the moment I say, "Everything is going fine," that something will go wrong! Ever the pessimist huh? I got scolded about that on Saturday by my stepdaughter in fact.
On Saturday, hubby had his kids and I spent the day out shopping with my friend and her daughter. Everyone was at our house for supper that night. And as it so happened, everyone at the table knows that we had a positive beta though as we told them all, it's super early and a lot of things can go wrong so don't get your hopes up yet, etc. ad nauseaum!
Anyway, we're having dinner and somewhere along the way, hubby brings up the fact that if this p/g goes to term and we have a *whispers* baby in August, then all his children's birthdays will be three months apart, starting with our child in August. And then the three kids at the table started chiming in, "Yeah, I'll be almost 15 when the baby comes," and, "I'll be 13 and a half!" and my friend's daughter, "Maybe we can babysit!" and on and on it went. I just sat there and looked at them all, my mouth kind of agape in disbelief. It was all so very surreal for them to be talking about OUR child. OUR baby. This p/g. It bowled me over. I held up my hand. "Stop! Dear heavens stop that. You can't do that to me guys. One day at a time please. Lots can go wrong. It's still very early. I have a lot of tests and things that I have to get through to make sure everything is okay," etc.
My stepdaughter looked at me and in a flat tone retorted, "You're always so negative about everything." And everyone at the table looked at me and nodded.
And in a way, I guess they're right. I don't necessarily want to be negative. I just want to be prepared for the worst. I'm so afraid of getting my hopes up now that I've had a positive beta, that it just makes me super nervous!
I know the road of infertility all too well. But I've no clue what to do next now that I have made it past a positive beta! This part of the road I've never even seen before. It's like driving in a new country for heaven's sake and I think they're Brits or Aussies. I'm on the wrong side of the road! Eeek!
Anyway, while my clinic in Montréal didn't want a second beta, my local clinic did. So I went this morning for that bloodwork. We'll see what the numbers yield. I'm so nervous. I fear that they will have dropped (indicating m/c). Or maybe doubled but not fast enough (indicating ectopic p/g). Or maybe jumped so high that hubby will be scared we have triplets in there! I don't know. I'm just waiting to hear the news...
I still need that hand-holding. Don't let go yet. Please. I need all the hands I can find!
By the way, my sister commented to me that she thought that there are some very sweet blogging buddies out there because she was touched by all the comments you left me. And I am grateful to have you all beside me because the support you give is incredible and above and beyond what one would expect. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You mean the world to me.
On Saturday, hubby had his kids and I spent the day out shopping with my friend and her daughter. Everyone was at our house for supper that night. And as it so happened, everyone at the table knows that we had a positive beta though as we told them all, it's super early and a lot of things can go wrong so don't get your hopes up yet, etc. ad nauseaum!
Anyway, we're having dinner and somewhere along the way, hubby brings up the fact that if this p/g goes to term and we have a *whispers* baby in August, then all his children's birthdays will be three months apart, starting with our child in August. And then the three kids at the table started chiming in, "Yeah, I'll be almost 15 when the baby comes," and, "I'll be 13 and a half!" and my friend's daughter, "Maybe we can babysit!" and on and on it went. I just sat there and looked at them all, my mouth kind of agape in disbelief. It was all so very surreal for them to be talking about OUR child. OUR baby. This p/g. It bowled me over. I held up my hand. "Stop! Dear heavens stop that. You can't do that to me guys. One day at a time please. Lots can go wrong. It's still very early. I have a lot of tests and things that I have to get through to make sure everything is okay," etc.
My stepdaughter looked at me and in a flat tone retorted, "You're always so negative about everything." And everyone at the table looked at me and nodded.
And in a way, I guess they're right. I don't necessarily want to be negative. I just want to be prepared for the worst. I'm so afraid of getting my hopes up now that I've had a positive beta, that it just makes me super nervous!
I know the road of infertility all too well. But I've no clue what to do next now that I have made it past a positive beta! This part of the road I've never even seen before. It's like driving in a new country for heaven's sake and I think they're Brits or Aussies. I'm on the wrong side of the road! Eeek!
Anyway, while my clinic in Montréal didn't want a second beta, my local clinic did. So I went this morning for that bloodwork. We'll see what the numbers yield. I'm so nervous. I fear that they will have dropped (indicating m/c). Or maybe doubled but not fast enough (indicating ectopic p/g). Or maybe jumped so high that hubby will be scared we have triplets in there! I don't know. I'm just waiting to hear the news...
I still need that hand-holding. Don't let go yet. Please. I need all the hands I can find!
By the way, my sister commented to me that she thought that there are some very sweet blogging buddies out there because she was touched by all the comments you left me. And I am grateful to have you all beside me because the support you give is incredible and above and beyond what one would expect. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You mean the world to me.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Verdict is In
I've no idea what to say. I guess I better tell you about my day though, right?
As you can probably guess, I was on pins and needles all day, just waiting and watching the phone, afraid for it to ring and convey the bad news.
But the phone call didn't come. 1:00 p.m. came and went... no call. 2:00 p.m. passed by, and still no call. At 3:00 p.m. I e-mailed hubby; I usually leave the office at 3:15 to head downtown to pick him up before we wend our way out to the east end of town where we live. I told him that I had no news. And I wasn't sure if I ought to call the clinic. He replied to my e-mail and said, "Well, you can wait for the call at home later, or you can try to call them now before you leave." I decided to opt for the latter and nervously I picked up the phone.
Me: "Hi, my name is Gil and I am a patient of Dr. Tan's. I was..."
Nurse: "Oh yes, Gil. Hi this is (Nurse L), how are you?"
Me: "Well, um, I'm fine but I'm wondering if anyone there might have received my beta results yet. I was calling to find out if..."
Nurse: "I was just going to go check the fax machine again; we don't have your results yet but if you would like to wait on the line, I'll go look for you."
Me: "Sure, I can hold for a few minutes."
Off she went to check the fax. Cue the deep breathing on my end, closing my eyes, sitting back in my chair saying to myself, "Be prepared for a negative. Be prepared. She will come back and tell you it's negative."
*rustling of the phone*
Nurse: "Mrs. G?"
Me: "Yes?"
Nurse: "Well I have your results here in my hand, they just arrived."
Me: *heart beating in my throat* "Okaaay... "
Nurse: "It's positive."
Me: *a moment of silence* "You're kidding."
Nurse: "No, I'm not kidding. This is Mrs. G from Ottawa right?"
Me: *shock setting in* "Yes..."
Nurse: "It's definitely positive. Your number is 108."
Me: "Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm just shocked. Totally shocked!" *happy laughter*
We chatted a bit more and she told me that because my number was over 100, they don't ask for a second beta. The next part is the viability ultrasound so I have to call and ask my local RE for that appointment on or around January 2.
Colour me shocked folks. I am really stunned. I expected a negative but luckily a whole lot of people are praying for me right now.
Tonight, I went out and bought one of the expensive HPTs and I POAS to see what it looked like. Remember, I've never seen one before. And I'm thrilled... for the first time, I see a positive result.
Bless all you bloggers for having faith. You have no idea how much you all mean to me right now.
As you can probably guess, I was on pins and needles all day, just waiting and watching the phone, afraid for it to ring and convey the bad news.
But the phone call didn't come. 1:00 p.m. came and went... no call. 2:00 p.m. passed by, and still no call. At 3:00 p.m. I e-mailed hubby; I usually leave the office at 3:15 to head downtown to pick him up before we wend our way out to the east end of town where we live. I told him that I had no news. And I wasn't sure if I ought to call the clinic. He replied to my e-mail and said, "Well, you can wait for the call at home later, or you can try to call them now before you leave." I decided to opt for the latter and nervously I picked up the phone.
Me: "Hi, my name is Gil and I am a patient of Dr. Tan's. I was..."
Nurse: "Oh yes, Gil. Hi this is (Nurse L)
Me: "Well, um, I'm fine but I'm wondering if anyone there might have received my beta results yet. I was calling to find out if..."
Nurse: "I was just going to go check the fax machine again; we don't have your results yet but if you would like to wait on the line, I'll go look for you."
Me: "Sure, I can hold for a few minutes."
Off she went to check the fax. Cue the deep breathing on my end, closing my eyes, sitting back in my chair saying to myself, "Be prepared for a negative. Be prepared. She will come back and tell you it's negative."
*rustling of the phone*
Nurse: "Mrs. G?"
Me: "Yes?"
Nurse: "Well I have your results here in my hand, they just arrived."
Me: *heart beating in my throat* "Okaaay... "
Nurse: "It's positive."
Me: *a moment of silence* "You're kidding."
Nurse: "No, I'm not kidding. This is Mrs. G from Ottawa right?"
Me: *shock setting in* "Yes..."
Nurse: "It's definitely positive. Your number is 108."
Me: "Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm just shocked. Totally shocked!" *happy laughter*
We chatted a bit more and she told me that because my number was over 100, they don't ask for a second beta. The next part is the viability ultrasound so I have to call and ask my local RE for that appointment on or around January 2.
Colour me shocked folks. I am really stunned. I expected a negative but luckily a whole lot of people are praying for me right now.
Tonight, I went out and bought one of the expensive HPTs and I POAS to see what it looked like. Remember, I've never seen one before. And I'm thrilled... for the first time, I see a positive result.
Bless all you bloggers for having faith. You have no idea how much you all mean to me right now.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
12dp3dt
And still no sign of AF. The cramping that I was having has almost totally subsided (which kinda scares me in a way) and I am on the edge of my seat. Literally. I sort of have to be though; I'm moving offices by Friday to accomodate people in the new building at work. (God love my co-workers; they know my situation and three of them offered to help pack and move my stuff!)
Anyway, the thought that consumes me is: what I wouldn't give to have some sign, something, some indication, that there is hope. (Shlomit, I am so jealous in that respect!) Alas, I am afraid to let "Hope" in. Because I have learned that as soon as she gets a foot in the door, she brings the haggard wench, AF, along with her. So I am being hyper-cautious about tomorrow's beta. And honestly, I'm scared out of my wits!
I'm trying to keep busy and not stress. I'm trying to find little things to do to keep my brain occupied. That is proving to be almost impossible at this point with less than 24 hours to go.
I go in at 7:15 to pick up the requisition, take it downstairs to the lab, have the blood drawn and hopefully, by 4 or 5 p.m. I will know something. As I said in the virtual lushary today over at Mel's, I will take a milkshake for the moment, but keep a stiff drink behind the counter for me. I suspect I might be able to have the red wine and camembert that Shlomit was talking about!
I haven't opted to take any part of tomorrow off work. I expect that I will get the news later in the day, after the work day is over if the timing of phone calls from the clinic during the IVF were any sort of indication. So with luck, I won't have to leave the office in tears. By the same token, I won't be jumping for joy and screaming out in happiness, thus prompting colleagues to wonder if I've lost my mind. (Answer? Yes.)
Bah. Who am I kidding? It'll be the "tears" rather than the "jump for joy." Remember, this is me. Buttered side down. Always. Besides, I am sure it's the PIO that is keeping AF at bay for the moment. Maybe some of you who've gone down this road can enlighten me on that.
And I get through this one day at a time... I am so glad you are here with me though. I need some handholding right about now.
Anyway, the thought that consumes me is: what I wouldn't give to have some sign, something, some indication, that there is hope. (Shlomit, I am so jealous in that respect!) Alas, I am afraid to let "Hope" in. Because I have learned that as soon as she gets a foot in the door, she brings the haggard wench, AF, along with her. So I am being hyper-cautious about tomorrow's beta. And honestly, I'm scared out of my wits!
I'm trying to keep busy and not stress. I'm trying to find little things to do to keep my brain occupied. That is proving to be almost impossible at this point with less than 24 hours to go.
I go in at 7:15 to pick up the requisition, take it downstairs to the lab, have the blood drawn and hopefully, by 4 or 5 p.m. I will know something. As I said in the virtual lushary today over at Mel's, I will take a milkshake for the moment, but keep a stiff drink behind the counter for me. I suspect I might be able to have the red wine and camembert that Shlomit was talking about!
I haven't opted to take any part of tomorrow off work. I expect that I will get the news later in the day, after the work day is over if the timing of phone calls from the clinic during the IVF were any sort of indication. So with luck, I won't have to leave the office in tears. By the same token, I won't be jumping for joy and screaming out in happiness, thus prompting colleagues to wonder if I've lost my mind. (Answer? Yes.)
Bah. Who am I kidding? It'll be the "tears" rather than the "jump for joy." Remember, this is me. Buttered side down. Always. Besides, I am sure it's the PIO that is keeping AF at bay for the moment. Maybe some of you who've gone down this road can enlighten me on that.
And I get through this one day at a time... I am so glad you are here with me though. I need some handholding right about now.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
11dpt3dt
Emotional?
Hell yeah. In spades.
On my way in to work this morning, I was listening to a CD of music that hubby and I made for our wedding four and a half years ago. On that CD was Enya's Orinoco Flow (aka Sail Away).
I burst into tears somewhere along the River Parkway.
Why? You're going to think it's stupid and silly, I know. I never told you this, but during the transfer on December 5, the doc insisted that he play an Enya CD while he worked. In fact, he wouldn't start the transfer til they had found the CD (someone had hidden it on him as a joke). He was adamant that playing that CD during transfers brings all his patients good luck.
Good Lord, I can only hope he is right. Because right now, I am a total emotional wreck. Based on that alone, hubby thinks we'll get good news on Thursday. Personally, I'm still doubtful. I expect spotting to start any moment now...
Hell yeah. In spades.
On my way in to work this morning, I was listening to a CD of music that hubby and I made for our wedding four and a half years ago. On that CD was Enya's Orinoco Flow (aka Sail Away).
I burst into tears somewhere along the River Parkway.
Why? You're going to think it's stupid and silly, I know. I never told you this, but during the transfer on December 5, the doc insisted that he play an Enya CD while he worked. In fact, he wouldn't start the transfer til they had found the CD (someone had hidden it on him as a joke). He was adamant that playing that CD during transfers brings all his patients good luck.
Good Lord, I can only hope he is right. Because right now, I am a total emotional wreck. Based on that alone, hubby thinks we'll get good news on Thursday. Personally, I'm still doubtful. I expect spotting to start any moment now...
Sunday, December 14, 2008
9dp3dt
I am not going to make it til Thursday. Guaranteed.
I'm a total, emotional mess, alternating between tears, anger, disgust, hatred, extreme joy and happiness.
In short, I'm not myself and this 2ww is killing me. I want to POAS but I'm terrified to do that. I just want to curl up and hide away for the next month. Would that be okay? So I can just bypass the sheer grief that I know Thursday is holding for me?
Shoot me now. Save me the pain. Please.
I'm a total, emotional mess, alternating between tears, anger, disgust, hatred, extreme joy and happiness.
In short, I'm not myself and this 2ww is killing me. I want to POAS but I'm terrified to do that. I just want to curl up and hide away for the next month. Would that be okay? So I can just bypass the sheer grief that I know Thursday is holding for me?
Shoot me now. Save me the pain. Please.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
5dp3dt
It's been a week that is... well... I don't know really. Odd. Busy. Quiet. Fluctuating between insanity and peace. Let me explain.
I spent the first two or three days after the transfer resting. Sure, there were things to do around the house, and hubby was SO good taking care of most of the necessary chores. But resting all the time? Sheesh. It's for the birds! Please enlighten me: how do you 'bedrest' moms do it? My hat's off to you. By the end of day two, I had an aching back, I was bored to tears with TV, my shoulders hurt like the devil and I was going stir crazy! So yes, for those of you curious, I rested most of the weekend and through Monday.
However, as some of you know, I live in the capital of Canada and right now, it's a little nutso out there. Political ploys from all sides have meant that a new Liberal leader was chosen, the old one having yielded his seat to a newcomer, and Parliament is prorogued until January. Nice... so basically no one does anything. Like that's any different from what would usually happen.
Tuesday arrived and with it, a huge mess of snow. It took me two and a half hours to get to work on Tuesday morning (what is usually a lovely 40 minute drive, tops!). And the snow just kept on coming. By 2:45 our managers told us to leave and go home. It took me a solid two hours to get back home again too. Ugh. Overnight last night, more snow (we had almost 11 inches since yesterday morning) and so I had to battle with it all again this morning.
Mind you, this morning was full of more fun and joy because here in the capital, the public transportation system employees are out on strike. No buses. Now, while I have to drive to work (there is no bus that will take me there in any semblance of a timely fashion), my hubby takes the bus. And he works in the heart of downtown, a stone's throw from the Parliament buildings. So I had to battle traffic this morning to get him downtown to work first, and then find my way out to my office. We left the house at 6:35 and I arrived in my office at 9:15.
I think I'll just take up residence in my car. It'd be easier at this point.
I am also trying to wrap my head around holiday stuff. I haven't sent a card, bought a gift, wrapped a present, put up a decoration (except the outdoor lights last month) or prepared any special holiday treats. I have two weeks to get off my duff and handle some of that! Tonight, if the weather cooperates, we're going to pull the Christmas décor out of storage. Now, that's not just in my basement. Oh no. A few years ago I decided that I had far too much Christmas stuff to keep in the house and I rented a small storage locker for it all. So we keep it there and we go retrieve what we need, when we need it. It's safe, dry, warm and it keeps all that stuff from being underfoot. So we're hoping to get it all tonight, with a little luck.
As for symptoms? What can I tell you. I'm afraid to tell you anything really. But I am not sure there's much to tell anyway. The transfer was last Friday. All day Friday and all day Saturday, it felt like there was something going on, sort of like there was a construction crew in my uterus! I could almost picture the foreman in a hardhat blowing a whistle, ladders and steel beams being lifted into place!
As of Sunday though, nothing. Nada. Zip. I didn't feel a thing. Okay, I did, and still do, feel an ache across my lower back that isn't normal for me at all. But not feeling anything anymore? That got me worried. And so things have been like that for a day or two...
Until today. I'm a little off today. Somewhat dizzy (if that is possible?); my equilibrium seems off. I'm not sure. Queasy isn't quite the right word, just "off." If you know what I mean. It's hard to explain.
I am not going to let that wench, "Hope" too far in though. We all know what happens when she takes hold. I have to follow the old saying, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst." So I take it one day at a time. I'm trying to take my meds properly, stay away from the foods I'm not supposed to have, stay hydrated and all that good stuff. Good thing too, because I discovered a NASTY side-effect of the PIO! Let's just say that all the fibre in the world wasn't gonna help me! Eeesh. No one told me to prepare for THAT!
And the PIO shots are progressing okay. I feel some semblance of control with them as long as I prepare the injection. It makes it a little easier to handle. The one and a half inch needle is NEVER easy to handle though. That stings like a mother! Ouch! The other night we had gushing blood as the needle came out. Not good; we stained the bedsheet and there was blood everywhere. Let's hope that doesn't happen frequently.
So at 5dp3dt, I'm tentative. Somewhat melancholy. And I'm trying my darndest to stay super busy. I am however, absolutely thrilled for Shlomit! I can't go so far as to say we'll be on mat leave together hon, but I am still keeping my fingers crossed; for both of us!
On a personal note... this comes from an e-mail that I received today from my mom. I gave her the link to the blog and told her to "go look at your grandchildren; it may be the only picture you ever get!" Her response:
"It was exciting to see my grandchildren but I will not get too excited yet. I just pray that everything works for you and for us all-remember we have a stake in this too. I will say one thing, I do admire your tenacity; lesser people would have folded long ago. I think it may be a bit of the 'family' stubborness that keeps you going. Whatever it is, go girl. Just make sure you stay healthy for yourself and for everyone around you."
I love my mom. I really hope I can give my entire family some good news sometime soon.
I spent the first two or three days after the transfer resting. Sure, there were things to do around the house, and hubby was SO good taking care of most of the necessary chores. But resting all the time? Sheesh. It's for the birds! Please enlighten me: how do you 'bedrest' moms do it? My hat's off to you. By the end of day two, I had an aching back, I was bored to tears with TV, my shoulders hurt like the devil and I was going stir crazy! So yes, for those of you curious, I rested most of the weekend and through Monday.
However, as some of you know, I live in the capital of Canada and right now, it's a little nutso out there. Political ploys from all sides have meant that a new Liberal leader was chosen, the old one having yielded his seat to a newcomer, and Parliament is prorogued until January. Nice... so basically no one does anything. Like that's any different from what would usually happen.
Tuesday arrived and with it, a huge mess of snow. It took me two and a half hours to get to work on Tuesday morning (what is usually a lovely 40 minute drive, tops!). And the snow just kept on coming. By 2:45 our managers told us to leave and go home. It took me a solid two hours to get back home again too. Ugh. Overnight last night, more snow (we had almost 11 inches since yesterday morning) and so I had to battle with it all again this morning.
Mind you, this morning was full of more fun and joy because here in the capital, the public transportation system employees are out on strike. No buses. Now, while I have to drive to work (there is no bus that will take me there in any semblance of a timely fashion), my hubby takes the bus. And he works in the heart of downtown, a stone's throw from the Parliament buildings. So I had to battle traffic this morning to get him downtown to work first, and then find my way out to my office. We left the house at 6:35 and I arrived in my office at 9:15.
I think I'll just take up residence in my car. It'd be easier at this point.
I am also trying to wrap my head around holiday stuff. I haven't sent a card, bought a gift, wrapped a present, put up a decoration (except the outdoor lights last month) or prepared any special holiday treats. I have two weeks to get off my duff and handle some of that! Tonight, if the weather cooperates, we're going to pull the Christmas décor out of storage. Now, that's not just in my basement. Oh no. A few years ago I decided that I had far too much Christmas stuff to keep in the house and I rented a small storage locker for it all. So we keep it there and we go retrieve what we need, when we need it. It's safe, dry, warm and it keeps all that stuff from being underfoot. So we're hoping to get it all tonight, with a little luck.
As for symptoms? What can I tell you. I'm afraid to tell you anything really. But I am not sure there's much to tell anyway. The transfer was last Friday. All day Friday and all day Saturday, it felt like there was something going on, sort of like there was a construction crew in my uterus! I could almost picture the foreman in a hardhat blowing a whistle, ladders and steel beams being lifted into place!
As of Sunday though, nothing. Nada. Zip. I didn't feel a thing. Okay, I did, and still do, feel an ache across my lower back that isn't normal for me at all. But not feeling anything anymore? That got me worried. And so things have been like that for a day or two...
Until today. I'm a little off today. Somewhat dizzy (if that is possible?); my equilibrium seems off. I'm not sure. Queasy isn't quite the right word, just "off." If you know what I mean. It's hard to explain.
I am not going to let that wench, "Hope" too far in though. We all know what happens when she takes hold. I have to follow the old saying, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst." So I take it one day at a time. I'm trying to take my meds properly, stay away from the foods I'm not supposed to have, stay hydrated and all that good stuff. Good thing too, because I discovered a NASTY side-effect of the PIO! Let's just say that all the fibre in the world wasn't gonna help me! Eeesh. No one told me to prepare for THAT!
And the PIO shots are progressing okay. I feel some semblance of control with them as long as I prepare the injection. It makes it a little easier to handle. The one and a half inch needle is NEVER easy to handle though. That stings like a mother! Ouch! The other night we had gushing blood as the needle came out. Not good; we stained the bedsheet and there was blood everywhere. Let's hope that doesn't happen frequently.
So at 5dp3dt, I'm tentative. Somewhat melancholy. And I'm trying my darndest to stay super busy. I am however, absolutely thrilled for Shlomit! I can't go so far as to say we'll be on mat leave together hon, but I am still keeping my fingers crossed; for both of us!
On a personal note... this comes from an e-mail that I received today from my mom. I gave her the link to the blog and told her to "go look at your grandchildren; it may be the only picture you ever get!" Her response:
"It was exciting to see my grandchildren but I will not get too excited yet. I just pray that everything works for you and for us all-remember we have a stake in this too. I will say one thing, I do admire your tenacity; lesser people would have folded long ago. I think it may be a bit of the 'family' stubborness that keeps you going. Whatever it is, go girl. Just make sure you stay healthy for yourself and for everyone around you."
I love my mom. I really hope I can give my entire family some good news sometime soon.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Embryos on Board!
At about 11:45 this morning, three embryos were transferred amid laughter, jokes and smiles.
We did the PIO shot at about 8:10 this morning and hopped in the car to head to Montréal with me holding a warm magic bag to my derrière to ease the ache of the PIO injection. Although I despise those shots, the actual shot isn't so bad at all; it's really the ache afterward that bugs the heck outta me. And if I get lucky and I need to take that shot for the next 11 weeks or so, well, so be it. I'll do whatever I have to, whatever I can, to make this work!
We got to Montréal, checked in with the nurse's station and were soon ushered into a changing area. I slipped into my own hospital gown (the nurses keep telling me I ought to make them and sell them because my hospital gowns are so pretty!) and hubby slipped into one of their basic-blue gowns. I put on my pink fuzzy socks, and then we both put on the foot coverings for the OR and the hairnet things for sterility. To give a little levity to the situation, we took a few photos.
Footsies! My fuzzy pink socks
Waiting
A typical "Facebook" pic (we're TRYING not to laugh!)
And now for an "Emo Facebook" pic!
They called us into the OR and I got set up... even though I really couldn't relax until I got the embryo report. I was so nervous waiting for that. I guess it's like that for most of us, right? Just on edge as you worry and wait to find out whether the entire cycle is cancelled, or if the embryos are too poor to use, or whatever the case might be.
Anyway, I lay there on the table, and the embryologist came in to give us the report:
All six embryos continued to progress, however two of them showed too much fragmentation to freeze and their quality was 4 on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being the best (in a natural, non-IVF cycle) and 5 the worst. He advised not considering those two.
The best three embryos were, as they said, "perfect." Or as near to perfect as they could be. All three were 8-celled embryos, two of them had no fragmentation at all (he gave them a grade of 2), one had a minor touch fragmentation (a grade of 3) and according to the doctor, those three were all we needed. I had sort of hoped to transfer a fourth one, but because of its fragmentation and lower cell count, they advised against it.
As we all know, transferring higher numbers only gives you more of a chance to have multiples, not more of a chance to get a BFP. So in his professional opinion, backed by the embryologist, they advised to transfer the best three, and discard the other three (as they wouldn't survive a freeze/thaw cycle).
I held my husband's hand, I looked at the doc and embryologist and said, "This is my first IVF. I'm 38 years old. I want to give it the BEST shot we can. If you both, in your experience and knowledge, advise to transfer only three rather than four, we go with three."
Three it was. Three "perfect" embryos. Hubby took the above picture before they were loaded into the catheter. And the nurse said, "So the most important question is, do they look like you or your husband?" We giggled. I replied, "Two look like me, one looks like him!"
And so we proceeded.
Embryo Pickup
In the OR (the nurse is on the right, embryologist on the left, doc is barely visible!)
I don't know that I want to give the embryos a nickname for blogging purposes. I know lots of you call the embryos cute names like squirt, bean, peanut and the like. I debated giving them French names for the city in which they were created (Soleil, Noel) or music names (Peter, Paul and Mary), or latin names (Alpha, Beta, Gamma), or numbers (Un, Deux, Trois), or even names of my favourite writers (Shakespeare, Ronsard, Thoreau) ... but I'm not going to get attached. Just in case. So I might just call them MB (for embie) 1, MB 2 and MB 3.
So now we settle in for the wait. And the cryptic blog entry titles will begin in earnest! Here's hoping for a 2ww that is not stressful, full of fun and laughter, busy with Christmas preparations and joyous in the end.
Thank you all for the good vibes. I really appreciate the happy thoughts that you are sending me right now.
We did the PIO shot at about 8:10 this morning and hopped in the car to head to Montréal with me holding a warm magic bag to my derrière to ease the ache of the PIO injection. Although I despise those shots, the actual shot isn't so bad at all; it's really the ache afterward that bugs the heck outta me. And if I get lucky and I need to take that shot for the next 11 weeks or so, well, so be it. I'll do whatever I have to, whatever I can, to make this work!
We got to Montréal, checked in with the nurse's station and were soon ushered into a changing area. I slipped into my own hospital gown (the nurses keep telling me I ought to make them and sell them because my hospital gowns are so pretty!) and hubby slipped into one of their basic-blue gowns. I put on my pink fuzzy socks, and then we both put on the foot coverings for the OR and the hairnet things for sterility. To give a little levity to the situation, we took a few photos.
Footsies! My fuzzy pink socks
Waiting
A typical "Facebook" pic (we're TRYING not to laugh!)
And now for an "Emo Facebook" pic!
They called us into the OR and I got set up... even though I really couldn't relax until I got the embryo report. I was so nervous waiting for that. I guess it's like that for most of us, right? Just on edge as you worry and wait to find out whether the entire cycle is cancelled, or if the embryos are too poor to use, or whatever the case might be.
Anyway, I lay there on the table, and the embryologist came in to give us the report:
All six embryos continued to progress, however two of them showed too much fragmentation to freeze and their quality was 4 on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being the best (in a natural, non-IVF cycle) and 5 the worst. He advised not considering those two.
The best three embryos were, as they said, "perfect." Or as near to perfect as they could be. All three were 8-celled embryos, two of them had no fragmentation at all (he gave them a grade of 2), one had a minor touch fragmentation (a grade of 3) and according to the doctor, those three were all we needed. I had sort of hoped to transfer a fourth one, but because of its fragmentation and lower cell count, they advised against it.
As we all know, transferring higher numbers only gives you more of a chance to have multiples, not more of a chance to get a BFP. So in his professional opinion, backed by the embryologist, they advised to transfer the best three, and discard the other three (as they wouldn't survive a freeze/thaw cycle).
I held my husband's hand, I looked at the doc and embryologist and said, "This is my first IVF. I'm 38 years old. I want to give it the BEST shot we can. If you both, in your experience and knowledge, advise to transfer only three rather than four, we go with three."
Three it was. Three "perfect" embryos. Hubby took the above picture before they were loaded into the catheter. And the nurse said, "So the most important question is, do they look like you or your husband?" We giggled. I replied, "Two look like me, one looks like him!"
And so we proceeded.
Embryo Pickup
In the OR (the nurse is on the right, embryologist on the left, doc is barely visible!)
I don't know that I want to give the embryos a nickname for blogging purposes. I know lots of you call the embryos cute names like squirt, bean, peanut and the like. I debated giving them French names for the city in which they were created (Soleil, Noel) or music names (Peter, Paul and Mary), or latin names (Alpha, Beta, Gamma), or numbers (Un, Deux, Trois), or even names of my favourite writers (Shakespeare, Ronsard, Thoreau) ... but I'm not going to get attached. Just in case. So I might just call them MB (for embie) 1, MB 2 and MB 3.
So now we settle in for the wait. And the cryptic blog entry titles will begin in earnest! Here's hoping for a 2ww that is not stressful, full of fun and laughter, busy with Christmas preparations and joyous in the end.
Thank you all for the good vibes. I really appreciate the happy thoughts that you are sending me right now.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Transfer Scheduled!
I just got the call on my cell phone. Our transfer is set for Friday morning at 11 a.m. and they want us to be there at 10:30 for good measure. (Thus I have to take a PIO shot at about 8:30 before we head out the door.)
I spoke with the embryologist. Here's what we have:
1 x 5-celled embryo
4 x 4-celled embryos
1 x 3-celled embryo
2 look good
4 look average
I am relieved that all six have continued to progress; I was terrified that none would divide and that we would be left with nothing. I am going to keep my fingers crossed that today they continue to do well, and with luck, 3 or 4 will be transferred tomorrow morning. Please heaven, I need LOTS of luck... I'll take any good vibes that are out there!
I spoke with the embryologist. Here's what we have:
1 x 5-celled embryo
4 x 4-celled embryos
1 x 3-celled embryo
2 look good
4 look average
I am relieved that all six have continued to progress; I was terrified that none would divide and that we would be left with nothing. I am going to keep my fingers crossed that today they continue to do well, and with luck, 3 or 4 will be transferred tomorrow morning. Please heaven, I need LOTS of luck... I'll take any good vibes that are out there!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Fertilization Report
I just got a phone call from the embryology lab in Montréal.
All six mature eggs were successfully fertilized with ICSI.
They expect our transfer to happen on Friday; time to be determined.
And I'll hear a further report from the lab tomorrow on the progress of said six embies. *crosses fingers*
All six mature eggs were successfully fertilized with ICSI.
They expect our transfer to happen on Friday; time to be determined.
And I'll hear a further report from the lab tomorrow on the progress of said six embies. *crosses fingers*
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Retrieval... CHECK!
It's going on 7 p.m. and I'm finally up and around and able to give you guys a quick update about the retrieval today.
I was scheduled for 9 a.m., and asked to be there for 8 a.m., and hubby's procedure (PESA, aka sperm aspiration) was scheduled for about 10 a.m. So we were up at 4:30, and out the door by about 5:15, and we arrived in Montreal by 7:40 and parked the car before going up to the 6th floor at the Royal Victoria Hospital to the IVF nurses' station.
We sat there for a little bit before we were ushered into a prep area and I changed into my super cute hospital gown and "sexy" fuzzy pink socks. And we waited. And waited. And waited some more. I was so nervous and my lower back was just killing me... I assumed either I didn't sleep well or it hurt because of the fact that I had more than one or two follies that were finally letting go.
I tried to keep my arms warm (for the IV) and I gave it my best shot at relaxing by sitting quietly with my MP3 player; the music I have loaded onto it often helps.
Eventually a couple of nurses came to talk to me and we discussed the general anaesthetic possibility and my extreme phobia about having an IV. Like I explained to them, "If you are going to give me something akin to Lorazepam in the IV, then why not give me a Lorazepam straight up now, to help me relax enough for the IV to go in easier... for both YOU and ME?" They saw some logic in that and gave me a Lorazepam to dissolve under my tongue and that helped to relax me. IMMENSELY. They let me sit there a bit, as it took effect and they never took me in until closer to 10 a.m. instead.
Mind you, when it came time for the IV, I was still nervous and it hurt like bloody hell. They permitted hubby to be there with me during the entire procedure and I tried to focus on him and his voice instead. Luckily, the anaesthesiologist realized my fears right off the bat and they were RIGHT READY with the drugs to knock me out. Hubby says I cried for a few minutes, and I remember saying to him, "Jesus, it hurts, take it out, take it out!" and burying my face in his arm. After that... nada.
Hubby stayed to watch. Apparently they retrieved 8 eggs, and we got the report before we left the hospital that 6 of the 8 were mature. Certainly not the double digits that I was hoping for, now is it? And considering they are hoping to transfer 3 or 4 embryos (if we get to transfer that is), then I'll be crossing my fingers that all of them get somewhere on the scale, although I know that isn't realistic.
The good news from today: they found viable, GOOD sperm from my hubby's procedures! He tells me that they aspirated from four different locations, two on each testicle, and that they looked at each sample right away. The right side seemed to have the better sperm, with regards to both count and motility at first glance and they expect they won't have a problem using it, rather than the donor sperm for ICSI. And we were told that when it comes time to transfer, they'll be doing Assisted Hatching as well for us. Hey, whatever it takes... right?
So tonight, hubby and I are resting. I had a fair bit of bleeding post-procedure and hubby is rather sore and, well, let's say he's walking carefully! We did take a few pics; I'll post them later. But for now, that's your update. And we just wait for the embryology lab to keep us in the loop now, with a possible transfer set for Friday.
Ha ha... and they've set my Beta for December 18. Now THAT'S funny!
Thinking of you Shlomit and I'm still hoping that things go better for you this time sweetie! *hugs*
I was scheduled for 9 a.m., and asked to be there for 8 a.m., and hubby's procedure (PESA, aka sperm aspiration) was scheduled for about 10 a.m. So we were up at 4:30, and out the door by about 5:15, and we arrived in Montreal by 7:40 and parked the car before going up to the 6th floor at the Royal Victoria Hospital to the IVF nurses' station.
We sat there for a little bit before we were ushered into a prep area and I changed into my super cute hospital gown and "sexy" fuzzy pink socks. And we waited. And waited. And waited some more. I was so nervous and my lower back was just killing me... I assumed either I didn't sleep well or it hurt because of the fact that I had more than one or two follies that were finally letting go.
I tried to keep my arms warm (for the IV) and I gave it my best shot at relaxing by sitting quietly with my MP3 player; the music I have loaded onto it often helps.
Eventually a couple of nurses came to talk to me and we discussed the general anaesthetic possibility and my extreme phobia about having an IV. Like I explained to them, "If you are going to give me something akin to Lorazepam in the IV, then why not give me a Lorazepam straight up now, to help me relax enough for the IV to go in easier... for both YOU and ME?" They saw some logic in that and gave me a Lorazepam to dissolve under my tongue and that helped to relax me. IMMENSELY. They let me sit there a bit, as it took effect and they never took me in until closer to 10 a.m. instead.
Mind you, when it came time for the IV, I was still nervous and it hurt like bloody hell. They permitted hubby to be there with me during the entire procedure and I tried to focus on him and his voice instead. Luckily, the anaesthesiologist realized my fears right off the bat and they were RIGHT READY with the drugs to knock me out. Hubby says I cried for a few minutes, and I remember saying to him, "Jesus, it hurts, take it out, take it out!" and burying my face in his arm. After that... nada.
Hubby stayed to watch. Apparently they retrieved 8 eggs, and we got the report before we left the hospital that 6 of the 8 were mature. Certainly not the double digits that I was hoping for, now is it? And considering they are hoping to transfer 3 or 4 embryos (if we get to transfer that is), then I'll be crossing my fingers that all of them get somewhere on the scale, although I know that isn't realistic.
The good news from today: they found viable, GOOD sperm from my hubby's procedures! He tells me that they aspirated from four different locations, two on each testicle, and that they looked at each sample right away. The right side seemed to have the better sperm, with regards to both count and motility at first glance and they expect they won't have a problem using it, rather than the donor sperm for ICSI. And we were told that when it comes time to transfer, they'll be doing Assisted Hatching as well for us. Hey, whatever it takes... right?
So tonight, hubby and I are resting. I had a fair bit of bleeding post-procedure and hubby is rather sore and, well, let's say he's walking carefully! We did take a few pics; I'll post them later. But for now, that's your update. And we just wait for the embryology lab to keep us in the loop now, with a possible transfer set for Friday.
Ha ha... and they've set my Beta for December 18. Now THAT'S funny!
Thinking of you Shlomit and I'm still hoping that things go better for you this time sweetie! *hugs*
Monday, December 01, 2008
Trigger Shot DONE!
The trigger shot went well last night at 10 p.m.; it was indeed a sub-cue injection Pam, not an IM shot (thank God!). We decided not to take any chances by attempting to leave the Ovidrel with guest services. I would have had to crucify someone had they lost it or destroyed it or something. So hubby drove out to meet me in the parking lot instead.
The trigger shot was scheduled for 10 p.m. and by that time, the concert was almost done anyway, so I didn't miss much by popping out to have the injection. Although I did confirm with an usher prior to going out that I could indeed come back in if I wanted to, given that the show was just about done. Anyway, trigger shot went without a hitch. I'm hanging in there, hoping that I didn't ovulate on my own and that all will be well tomorrow for the retrieval.
I have to have some faith. Please heaven, I have to have some faith. Or hope that someone has some faith for me.
The trigger shot was scheduled for 10 p.m. and by that time, the concert was almost done anyway, so I didn't miss much by popping out to have the injection. Although I did confirm with an usher prior to going out that I could indeed come back in if I wanted to, given that the show was just about done. Anyway, trigger shot went without a hitch. I'm hanging in there, hoping that I didn't ovulate on my own and that all will be well tomorrow for the retrieval.
I have to have some faith. Please heaven, I have to have some faith. Or hope that someone has some faith for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
